Why Younger Women Date Older Men
Why younger women date older men, and how you can use this insight to attract beautiful younger women.
In this video coaching newsletter, I interview Ashley Ayurveda, and Dr. Dominick D’Anna, who share a twenty-five year age difference, but love each other without attachments. Ashley shares what she finds attractive about older men and what men her age don’t do that turns women off, so you can avoid their common mistakes.
Ashley works with Dominick, and they went from not liking each other when they first met, to dating exclusively, then to friends with benefits, and now they are supporting each other as they both look for love with other people. They dated for about two and a half years exclusively. They are two friends of mine who I highly respect and who just went through the type of healthy breakup and relationship transformation that I discuss in my book, “How To Be A 3% Man.” They give some great insights on attraction, dating, love and relationships.
*Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links. An affiliate link means I may earn referral fees if you make a purchase through my link, without any extra cost to you. Thank you for your support.
COREY: I’ve got a couple of friends here. Obviously, you recognize Dr. Dominick D’Anna of BeSimplyWell.com, and his lovely assistant Ashley. Ashley does Body Connection in Dominick’s office, so if you’ve ever been worked on and had Network Chiropractic Care… you want to explain what Body Connection is and how it facilitates what Dominick does before we get into the main topic?
ASHLEY: Sure. Body Connection is just becoming more aware of your body. And then we work you up through the twelve stages of healing to work through stuck stress and tension in your body. And it helps maintain what he does, so it’s good stuff.
COREY: And you do health coaching?
ASHLEY: Yes, holistic health coaching and body work.
COREY: So what does holistic health coaching entail?
ASHLEY: More specifically I’m Ayurveda focused, so I do the Ayurveda consultation where we figure out what your dosha is, what your mind-body constitution is, and then from there you can more consciously choose things that are healthier and more harmonious for you and your life.
DOMINICK: And it’s more diet based. When you choose things, you’re talking about diet.
ASHLEY: Well, it’s everything. It’s diet and lifestyle.
COREY: So, we’ll get to the topic. Why do younger women date older men? In other words, what’s appealing to you about dating an older guy as a woman? What do you find attractive in men versus dating guys your own age?
ASHLEY: When I started dating him, I didn’t really know what I wanted so I wasn’t really looking for anything specific. But he made me feel very safe and comfortable, which I don’t think a lot of younger guys can do. Because he’s a dad already.
DOMINICK: It’s the dad thing.
ASHLEY: It’s the dad thing.
DOMINICK: Provide safety.
ASHLEY: Yeah, I felt very safe, very supported. That was the big thing I noticed and the big thing that felt good.
COREY: So what does Dominick do that’s different than guys your age. I heard about a date that you had with another guy. He wanted you to pay fifty percent or something like that? Tell us what you experience when you go out on dates.
DOMINICK: Pay attention to this one.
COREY: Pay attention fellas.
ASHLEY: Us women will generally offer to pay because that’s polite, but if you do not say “No, I’ve got this, ” then it’s kind of like…?
COREY: So it’s a test.
ASHLEY: It is. Well, for me it’s a test.
DOMINICK: It’s all a test. She’s offering, but she don’t wanna pay. She wants a man to stand up and say, “No, I’ve got this.” He’s the head honcho. He’s the provider. He can take care of it. And there’s more. It’s not just that.
COREY: The car door thing?
DOMINICK: The car door thing or walking you to your car.
ASHLEY: Well, I think the thing is that I just want to feel like they were being masculine, they were being the man.
COREY: Being the leader? Leading the interaction?
ASHLEY: Yeah. Also, if they’re talking the entire time and you’re just sitting there listening, it’s not attractive.
COREY: So you’ve gone out on dates with guys that talked the whole time?
ASHLEY: That was the same date.
COREY: Oh, it’s the same dude?
ASHLEY: Yeah, he was just talking the whole time, I offered to pay. We didn’t even get food. We just got wine. I paid for my wine, and he paid for his drinks.
COREY: And he picked you up, or no?
ASHLEY: No, I met him there.
DOMINICK: Wouldn’t you say that’s a theme though with younger men, where they don’t necessarily step up to the plate? Or would you say it really doesn’t have that much to do with age, just some guys show up and some don’t?
ASHLEY: I would say that. I don’t think it necessarily has so much to do with age. Just, some men are being men and some aren’t.
DOMINICK: Okay, right on. That’s huge. So, at any age somebody can show up and be strong, be grounded and be present.
ASHLEY: Yeah, and there’s some older men who don’t do that, who would do the same thing as this younger guy did. Because he didn’t watch Corey’s stuff yet.
COREY: Obviously. So, as a woman when you go out on a date with a guy and he just talks and talks and talks and talks and never asks you anything, how does that make you feel?
ASHLEY: I still sometimes enjoy it if they’re interesting. I like to hear about them. But then afterwards I’m not really interested in taking it any further.
COREY: And why is that?
ASHLEY: I don’t know.
COREY: So it’s more attractive to you if a guy’s asking you questions and wanting to know what you’re all about versus giving you his pedigree, his credit history and his blood type and all that?
ASHLEY: Yeah. It’s more attractive if it’s more like a two-way street where we’re just both connecting and asking each other questions. But if it’s all me asking them questions, its’ like alright, bye.
COREY: So you get turned off. Does it make you feel like he’s not interested in who you are if he hasn’t even asked you one question about yourself?
ASHLEY: Yeah it does.
COREY: Does it feel like he’s being selfish?
ASHLEY: Not really selfish, but it doesn’t seem like he’s ready to move this into a relationship. If it’s just all about himself, I’m like, you’re not ready to connect with anyone.
DOMINICK: So that’s what you should expect. This is telling you what it’s going to be three or six months in, this guy talking about himself the whole time — not that interested in me.
ASHLEY: Yeah, they have to be interested in me.
COREY: Yeah, that’s right out of Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends and Influence People.” And I talk about this extensively in my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man.” Because making other people comfortable and acting like you’re sincerely interested in who they are, you’re going to ask questions. You’re going to be curious. You’re going to want to know.
If you run into a girl like Ashley in the street, you’re going to want to know what she’s all about. You’re going to be curious. If you like her, you’re going to be excited and want her to know that. But if a guy is more selfish, narcissistic or he feels like he’s got to prove himself to a woman, then he’s going to talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. Because he’s thinking, “I hope she likes me.”
Typically, most of the time when you’re on a date, obviously she likes you enough to go on a date. Most women go on a date because they already like you, so if they’re there with you, the chances are they like you. And the goal is not to talk her out of liking you, especially talking too much.
ASHLEY: I do notice that a lot with them trying to prove themselves. And that’s very unattractive.
COREY: He’ trying to make up for something he feels he lost inside.
ASHELY: It’s not attractive.
DOMIINICK: And it reeks of insecurity.
ASHLEY: It does.
COREY: And then you start thinking he’s a little bitch?
ASHLEY: Not that specifically.
DOMINICK: We’re thinking that! Now she’s being nice about it.
COREY: She’s being more diplomatic.
COREY: Tell us what else you see when you go out on dates with guys your age. What are the things you see that turn you off versus things you don’t see older men do?
ASHLEY: The major things are saying yes to me offering to pay the bill, not walking me to my car. I also went on a date and I felt that right as I got there, he wasn’t interested. I was like, you’re the one that asked me out. I’m confused. Do you not want to be here?
COREY: What did he do to make you feel he wasn’t interested?
ASHLEY: The way he greeted me. He was like, “Oh, hey.”
DOMINICK: So was he trying to be cool? Or was it like, “Oh, wow. She’s 300 pounds.”
ASHLEY: No, it just seemed like he didn’t want to be there. Then he would ask me questions, because that’s what you do on dates, ask the girl questions. And then I would be telling him and talking, and he didn’t really seem like he was listening to me. So the whole entire time, it felt like he wasn’t interested. I was like, okay.
COREY: So he wasn’t really listening. In other words, you didn’t feel like he was sincerely listening and caring. He was just going through the motions.
DOMINICK: So, now I’m interested here. Was this guy like Brad Pitt showed up, and he’s like “She’s okay, but I’m used to up here,” or was he normal, not over the top good looking? Was he like just an average Joe?
ASHLEY: On a scale between 1 and 10, I’d say he a 7–8.
DOMINICK: So, he’s alright, but he wasn’t like Brad Pitt?
ASHLEY: He wasn’t like Brad Pitt, yeah.
COREY: So, what’s the age difference between you guys?
ASHLEY: Twenty five years.
COREY: So you’re 25 and Dominick is almost 50.
DOMINICK: And Ashley and I were exclusive until recently. That’s where the dating came in. What’s interesting about our relationship is that we have an adult relationship. What that means is that I don’t own her, and she doesn’t own me. We don’t tell each other what to do. We just love each other and support each other.
And now we’re at a point in our relationship for two and a half years, where we just want to go in different directions. But I think the world of her and I love Ashley, and I feel the feeling is totally mutual. So we’re actually each other’s biggest supporters. So when I put my information on Hinge, Ashley’s going to help me out. Check me out. I might still be available.
COREY: People over the years gave me shit because when I split up with my ex-wife, I was setting her up with friends of mine. People thought I was out of my fucking mind. But if you love somebody and you care about them, you want them to be happy, even if it’s not with you.
DOMINICK: See, that’s not cool. What that says is that the person is fearful and insecure, that they’re not going to find anyone else. But if you really care about the person and you love the other person, you want them to be happy. And I think that’s why our relationship was great for as long as it was, because my interest was making sure Ashley was happy, and that was my motivation. And I feel the opposite in return. Now that the relationship is at an end, I’m her biggest advocate.
ASHLEY: And really, that’s what you need in a relationship. It doesn’t really matter what age they are.
COREY: Freedom? “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
ASHLEY: Yeah. Love is allowing.
COREY: So, now the relationship didn’t really end. It’s changed.
DOMINICK: It is changed.
ASHLEY: Right. It’s evolved.
COREY: Into more of a friends-with-benefits?
DOMINICK: Yeah, we did friends-with-benefits for awhile. Now, we feel that’s actually holding us back from having “motivation” I call it. I mean, let’s be real. If you’re getting certain needs taken care of, do I got out? Do I shower and shave, get all prettied up and go out and beat the trails? Or if you’re getting certain needs met, as a man, not so motivated. I’m just going to stay home and sit around in my underwear.
We just mutually decided that it’s better for us to not have the friends-with-benefits, but instead be friends and be there for each other just as friends. And that’s where we’re at right now.
ASHLEY: We allowed the relationship to evolve the way it was evolving. I think that sometimes the end of a relationship it’s supposed to evolve into something else, and the two people don’t allow it to evolve and don’t allow it to change. That’s when all the fighting and the…
DOMINICK: Except we never really had any of the fighting.
DOMINICK: We had a really smooth relationship, which is huge for me. And if you saw some of the other videos that Corey and I did, where I had horrific relationships in the past that were verbally abusive, aggressive…
COREY: The one we did on Toxic Relationships?
DOMINICK: Yeah, on toxic relationships. Holy cow. So, to go from that and me getting a lot of work done, doing Network Care and similar kinds of body work and the SSRI — Somatic Respiratory and Integration — which creates so much more peace in your body, that I became so much more peaceful that I was attracting more of that in my life.
And here, we have a perfect example. Ashley and I were together for two and a half years. It was an amazing relationship. There wasn’t any fighting. There was none of that. And our relationship just evolved into a place where it was great, and now it’s time to do something different. I don’t think breaking up means you have to beat the other person down. That’s not love. That’s some kind of fear and insecurity.
COREY: Yeah, love is about giving without any attachments.
DOMINICK: So to go from where I was years ago, and to have healthy relationships now, let me say man, you can have the car, you can have the house, you can have the jewelry, the watch. That stuff doesn’t mean shit. When you’re in a relationship where you feel so good inside, and the other person, you bring out the best in them and they bring out the best in you, that’s where the rubber meets the road. I mean, that’s what I have value for. So thank you for that.
ASHLEY: Thank you.
COREY: What else? Anything you can say you’ve noticed with younger guys and the mistakes they make? Especially for the younger guys watching this that want to know. Say they want to meet you, and they see you with somebody like Dominick, and they’re like, “What the hell? What’s he got that I don’t?”
ASHLEY: I don’t know if there’s anything else. The biggest things for me were feeling safe and supported and loved for just me. If you’ve got that in a relationship, the girl’s not going to go anywhere most likely.
DOMINICK: And understanding their love language.
ASHLEY: Yes, understanding their love language.
DOMINICK: Once we got that figured out, she wasn’t going anywhere.
ASHLEY: It was very easy for him.
COREY: That would be the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It’s only like a hundred pages. It’s a great, great book, especially for people that are in a relationship.
DOMINICK: Ashley is an attractive woman, but it’s amazing that when we first met she felt a little insecure and maybe didn’t feel like she was that pretty at times. But when we figured out the love languages, let me tell you her posture changed, her mood changed, her confidence changed. And I couldn’t get rid of her to be honest with you. She loved it. Is that accurate?
ASHLEY: I did, yeah.
DOMINICK: I mean, she really, really enjoyed being around me.
COREY: Did she like pursuing you?
DOMINICK: Let me tell you, the stuff that Corey teaches, man that stuff works. And actually, can I say that you’re a lot happier now than you were?
ASHLEY: I am. I am a different person now than before I started dating you. Like, I’ve changed. I feel safer within myself. I feel more myself now.
DOMINICK: Yeah, safety is like a basic need, but it’s just your happiness and your day to day how happier you are. You’re lighter. Yeah, it’s been fun. And it’s really a privilege as a man to understand what a woman needs, because it actually makes me feel like more of a man and want to show up even better for her when I see how, when I show up as a man the way I’m supposed to, how much more she lights up and how much more feminine she is. I mean that to me is like, what a great gift to be able to do.
ASHLEY: Yeah, thank you.
DOMINICK: Right on. So, we both grew from that immensely.
ASHLEY: Yeah, these last two years were like ten years of therapy for me.
COREY: Yeah, no extra charge for that. I think I remember you telling me when you first started dating, I remember you saying something like, “I didn’t think he would be interested in me.” You didn’t think an older guy would be interested in you?
DOMINICK: That is a true story.
ASHLEY: Oh, yeah.
COREY: Talk about that. That’s important.
ASHLEY: I had met him… he did a talk at the gym that I worked out at and taught yoga at, and he was doing the talk on Total Food Makeover I think. I remember seeing you and thinking, “I want a guy like that.” I think you told the story about your wife, (your ex-wife), so I was like, “Oh, he’s married, he has kids, and he’s like that. That’s what I want.”
DOMINICK: I said the nice things.
ASHLEY: But I remember seeing you and thinking, that’s what I want. And then a few months later, I started working for you. You still didn’t like me.
DOMINICK: Actually, I didn’t like Ashley. I thought she was a little cocky, a little arrogant. She was hanging out in the back talking to some guy while I’m doing my presentation. I was like, what the hell? Everybody’s paying attention but this one girl in the back. I guess she thinks she knows everything.
ASHLEY: Yeah, because during that talk I went to the back. I was hungry, so I went and got my food and I was sitting in the back. And my coach came and sat next to me and started talking to me. Yes, it was rude. We shouldn’t have talked back there. But I liked him.
I don’t remember saying that to you, but I can see myself saying it.
COREY: Yeah, it was in the lobby of his office. I just remember her like, “I didn’t think a guy like that would be interested in me.” So, for you guys out there that are thinking, “Oh, a cute younger girl is not going to be interested in me because I’m older,” girls are insecure too.
How insecure would you say women are that would surprise the average guy?
ASHLEY: I think it depends on the woman, but I was pretty insecure before we started dating.
COREY: So in some ways you didn’t feel you were good enough?
ASHLEY: Yeah, in many ways.
COREY: The minute he gets to see me and what I’m all about, he’s out?
ASHLEY: Yeah. But he didn’t. He stayed and he loved me exactly the way I was.
COREY: And he still does.
COREY: It’s cool, because I’ve had several relationships like this over the course of my life, and I’ve written about them in my book. People are like, “How can you have that kind of transition out of a relationship, go and have relationships with other people, and then years later be single at the same time, get together, make love every now and then, but celebrate each other? Be excited about their successes.
Like one of my girlfriends that I saw in the past year, she got married, had kids with another guy, and I’m like that’s fucking awesome. I’m really happy for her, that she got to go and do that experience because it was important to her. You know it’s like, when you care about somebody you celebrate their victories and celebrate their successes. You want them to be happy.
DOMINICK: Yeah, that’s exactly it. And you feel fulfilled, like you contributed in some way towards bringing another person up. And it actually brings you up. We both learned a lot from each other, and it’s raised my confidence quite a bit too, because now I realize that if I see someone who’s a little younger, really good looking, hey man, I’ve got it together.
I’m not saying I’ve got it all together. There’s a lot I have to learn still, and the more I learned, the more I realized how far I have to go. But you’ve got a lot more than a lot of men do if you’re watching this video, read Corey’s books and follow his stuff. You’ve got more game than a lot of people do and more to bring to the table than you probably think.
COREY: I think there was a Woody Allen quote. He said, “Eighty percent of success in life is just showing up.” If you’re just willing to roll the dice, take the risk and go for what you want.
DOMINICK: Eighty percent’s a good number — eight out of ten.
COREY: Because most people are talking themselves out of it. Ah, I gotta lose weight… I don’t have enough money… I don’t have the right education… I don’t look good. There’s always some little story that the average person’s telling themselves. If you can just take a little bit more action than the average person does, you’re going to be way ahead. Because most people are too timid and shy to go for what they want.
ASHLEY: You’ve just got to ask. The worst thing they can say is no.
DOMINICK: You said yes.
ASHLEY: Yes, I did.
COREY: It was written all over her face though. You could tell she liked you.
COREY: What gave it away that you could tell she was interested?
DOMINICK: I would say, when we were waiting for the yoga class and no one else showed up. We just started talking. She was being friendly, and I was being friendly back. You just kind of get a feel for it. If a person’s interested in you, they’re going to look at you, and they’re looking for you to make eye contact back. They’re giving you all these opportunities to say hey, are you solid? Are you there as a man? And I just did all that stuff.
I just looked at her. She talked to me, and I joked around and kept it light, kept it fun. And the more I opened up, the more she opened up, and it just rolled from there. And after that, it’s like “Shit! Is she interested in me? She sure is being friendly. She sure is cute.” And I didn’t like her initially, but let me tell you, she’s a sweetheart. And the more we talked, the more fun it got.
COREY: Maybe you were acting a little bit like how your son acts when she comes over.
DOMINICK: Oh, my son acts like a tough guy whenever she comes over. He wants to wrestle with me and punch me like he’s trying to be the alpha male.
COREY: So obviously, you’ve heard me talk about Dominick umpteen times. Dominick completely changed my life. If you’ve read “Mastering Yourself,” my second book, I go into extensive detail about my life change after Dominick. I mean, after a year and a half of getting worked on by him, my life was completely different. Nothing looked the same.
And Ashley is very good, very intuitive, sensing things in your body, knowing where the tension is. She’s really gifted with what she does. So if people are interested in the work that you do, how do they get in touch with you?
COREY: And Dominick, how can people get in touch with you?
DOMINICK: BeSimplyWell.com. And you can find out about the work that we do in our office, both the body awareness exercise, the Somatic Respiratory Integration, and the type of body work that we do that turns off the stress response, cleans up the issues in your tissues, and helps you show up the way you were designed to show up.