Why You Should Never Pursue A Woman After No Contact Works

Coach Corey Wayne
18 min readMay 14, 2024
Photo by iStock/Boris Jovanovic

Why you should never pursue a woman after no contact works & what to do instead.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following me for awhile. He is having a problem courting a woman properly after no contact works. He made the mistake of starting to pursue again after getting dumped and going no contact. He noticed as the weeks went by and he started reaching out and pursuing her again, at her request, that she became more distant and less interested.

He asks about restarting the courtship when she comes back. He’s doing what she asks, but it’s obviously turning her off. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

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This particular email is from a viewer. He says he’s been following me for a while, but he’s having a problem courting a woman he was dating after no contact works. I could tell this is a big part of this guy’s issue. He has been sloppy, he hasn’t been a good student, he’s definitely ain’t read 3% Man 10 to 15 times and he’s not following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

So what happened was he got dumped by his girlfriend. Then he went into no contact. The reason why you go into no contact is because she’s basically said, “I’m only interested in friendship. I don’t want to be together anymore.” The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. So the correct response, as detailed in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the article and video on my website, is that you go no contact because you’re not going to stick around trying to change a girl’s mind when she says, “How about blue balls, friendship and no romance?” You’re going to walk away and say, “Hey, I’m not interested in that. That’s not what I signed up for, but if you ever change your mind, definitely get in touch. If I’m still single, we can go out on a date maybe,” and then you walk away and you never look back.

You’re not doing it as a technique. You’re not doing it to punish her. You’re just matter of factly looking at the situation going, she’s offering you blue balls, friendship and being her gay male girlfriend, and you want to beat up her pelvis. So you’re not interested in anything other than beating up her pelvis.

Men who love and value themselves, respect themselves, have choice and have options are not going to stick around and try to change a woman’s mind. They’re just going to go find a woman who’s like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you! Hell yeah, I’d love to see you! That would be great.” He’s going to go spend his time with women who have enthusiasm for him, because he has a high self-esteem, and he wants to be around people that are excited that he’s there. Not women that are like, “Ah, I just think he was a friend and we can be friends. I don’t want to date anymore. I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, but let me talk about Chad Thundercock, who I’m hooking up with now.” It’s like, “No, I don’t hear about that. I’m only interested in sex and romance. If you’re not, then hey, it’s been great. I wish you all the best,” and you’re literally never going to call or text her. That’s what no contact is. It’s no contact forever.

Unless she reaches out, you’re never, ever going to speak to her again as long as you live. If she’s unilaterally ended the relationship, which obviously it appears that’s what this case is and then she starts reaching back out, you have to look at it from the perspective of she fucked it up, she wrecked a relationship, she unilaterally ended your romance. Therefore, it’s her job to fix it. She fucked it up. You broke it, you break it, you buy it.

Photo by iStock/M_a_y_a

In this case, and a lot of guys make the mistake of, “Oh, I got to get her back. I got to get her to like me. I got to convince her to give me another chance.” No! She dumped you. She said, “I’m not willing to work things out. I’m not willing to communicate. I’m not willing to stick around and fix things. I’m out.” I’m like, “OK well, I’m out. If you’re not going to make the effort, then I’m out of here.” In this particular case, even if she does reach back out, your attitude actually should be, “Well, we’ll see how it goes. If she’s nice to me, if she treats me good, maybe I’ll give her another chance. I’m open to being convinced.”

If she reaches out, you assume she wants to see you. You make a date in the evening at your place to make dinner together, because that is a sex and romance kind of date. A woman that’s trying to keep you stuck in friend zone, or a woman that thinks you’re a bitch and that you’ll just easily back down and comply with being a gay male girlfriend and blue balls, then you’re not going to stick around for that and you’re not going to agree to do anything platonic. A woman who’s trying to keep you and friend zone you is going to try to say, “Let’s meet for coffee. Let’s meet on neutral ground. Let’s do a group date with our mutual friends. Let’s go to lunch.” When you’ve been dumped and you’re open to the possibility of giving her another chance to win you back over, well, guess what? It’s going to be on your terms. The woman is supposed to submit to you after all, and her trying to get you to go to lunch or coffee or meet on neutral ground or go on a group date with friends is her way of trying to get you to comply with her wishes, and to see if you’re man enough to stand up for what you want.

That’s why you’re not going to leave your house. You’re only going to be interested in dates in the evening to make dinner together at your house. It’s not her watching you make dinner, and it’s not her coming over and you order and takeout. The idea is to make dinner together so you can physically interact and bump into and touch each other in the kitchen to facilitate a seduction. You’re not there to be a performing, clapping and dancing seal to entertain her where she sits on her ass and watches you make food for. You’re supposed to do it together as a team because it facilitates the physical interaction.

Women that are trying to keep you stuck in friend zone will do everything they can to avoid coming over to your house to make dinner in the evening, because they don’t want to give you the impression that they’re interested in sex and romance. That’s why, as it lays out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, you will not go anywhere outside your house other than to go from wherever you are in your house to your front door to let her in when she comes over to make dinner together. These are the rules.

These are the principles, because the more you allow her to run things, you start going to lunches, coffee dates, group dates and things of that nature, you’re not going to get anywhere except stuck in friend zone with blue balls, and you’re going to waste weeks and months of your life this way. It prevents women from fucking you around and wasting your time, and women are open to being seduced and open for a rekindling of the romance will submit to you and they will come over and make dinner together. If she comes over, like it lays out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, you hang out, have fun and hook up three dates in a row. Then after that, you can meet her out. You can pick her up, you can go on normal dates. The caveat is she has to do 100% of the calling, texting, and pursuing.

A lot of guys make the mistake like this emailer has, is that when the woman starts reaching out and they start hooking up again, they start calling and texting to try to speed up the courtship. As soon as they do that, she starts backing off again and again. If she’s supposed to be earning another chance with you, you’re not going to call and text her and try to date her. You will let her come back to you at her pace, but you will not chase and pursue ever again because your pursuit is over forever. You already did that, and most guys that have gotten themselves into this position have called too much, have texted too much, and literally chased the women out of their lives and turned them off to the point where their feelings went from being romantic and sexual to totally platonic.

Photo by iStock/Koldunova_Anna

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

Been following you for quite sometime now. You quite often talk about courting a woman properly. Can you please elaborate on that as how to do it?

Read the fucking book 10 to 15 times, dude. You’ve got to read the book 10 to 15 times. There is no shortcuts to success. You’re not going to be able to cherry pick videos and be successful in it. So that’s your first problem.

By the way, before we go any further, I want to let you guys know if you haven’t already seen some of my other videos talking about it, about our exclusive Members Only content on YouTube, Spotify and my website UnderstandingRelationships.com. What we have for paying members is normally we do five video newsletters a week and I’m continuing to do those five free ones on YouTube, the website, Spotify, everywhere. In addition to that, for paying members, I’m doing an additional six video newsletters that are exclusive to paying members only, and those are on my website, which also has the email analysis. You can subscribe on Spotify if you prefer to be on Spotify, or you can subscribe on YouTube if you would prefer to consume the Members Only videos on YouTube.

We have the additional video newsletters. We have the 3% Man Study Group with myself, the girls and Chunky because the girls have all read the books and we’re going through it page by page, and we got a podcast specifically for that. It’s just a study group to really pick apart the book, and I think we’re going to probably end up we’re somewhere 35, 40 episodes that are each an hour, hour and a half. It’s a lot of content and a lot of really going through the book slowly just to give you guys additional resources to really help you learn the book.

Plus, we have the full podcast that I do with Caroline and the other girls, where we answer your viewer questions because you guys have requested that you were saying instead of us just putting out, one question and one video, you’d rather see the whole film day where we answered 10 to 15 questions in one video, so we have those on there for you.

We also have other exclusive Members Only content, especially stuff that I can’t really say publicly without the Karens at the different social media companies shadow banning my account or my videos, or hiding them, things of that nature. So those kinds of videos will also be in the paying Members Only videos. Right underneath, if you’re watching this video on YouTube in the description, if you look at the video description, there will be a link. If you want to subscribe on my website or you want to subscribe on YouTube or Spotify, so click whichever one you want and go follow us there and we appreciate all of the paying members. A lot of people are signing up more than I expected so quickly. So I really, really, really super appreciate that, because obviously I got to pay everybody to make all this additional content. So it’s a significant expense involved with that, but you get a lot of extra content.

Also once the woman has broke up and I went no contact and in return she also does the same and do it for long as eight months.

If you break up with a woman and she disappears for eight months, she was really over it when she left you, but she went out in the real world and realized you were pretty fucking awesome and she couldn’t find anybody better. It’s like the red pill guys have such loser fucking mindsets. They go, “Oh, you were her second choice.” That’s how a loser thinks. That’s how a guy that doesn’t have choice with women thinks.

Guys that have choice with women, you want to dare women to find somebody better than you. That’s your attitude. Like the old Tom Petty song, “If you think you can do better than me, then go. You’ll be back.” That’s the attitude you need to have. You don’t look at it and go, “Oh, she’s settled for me.” It’s like, what fucking loser is thinking that, “She’s settled for me?” No. “She went out and realized that there is nobody better than me out there.”

Photo by iStock/Andrii Iemelyanenko

But then starts to reach out and I let her do the persuasion but after her certain level of showering loving emotions on me when I start to persuade her in return…

I don’t know what you’re talking about persuading her to do.

…She starts to go cold on me after sometime even that it was her idea that I should persuade her.

I think he’s trying to say pursue her. In other words, she reached back out and says, “Oh, I want you to pursue me.” So you pursued a woman and chased her to the point where she became so disgusted and so turned off by you that you didn’t hear from her for eight months, and then she calls you back up and says, “Oh yeah, I want you to start pursuing me again.” No! What women say they want and what they think they want and what they actually emotionally respond to are two completely different things. If a woman is calling you up after eight months and she says, “I want you to start pursuing me again,” my attitude would be like, “I really had a great time. I was really sad when the breakup happened, but I haven’t heard from you in eight months. You were unwilling to work things out the last time we spoke, so I’m not going to pursue you. I am, however, open to giving you a chance to win me back over. In other words, I’m open to potentially dating and seeing you again, but you’re going to have to make an effort to show me that you’ve changed and you value and appreciate me and what we had, because I didn’t get that the last time we spoke. So if you want me to pursue you, show me that you’ve changed. You need to prove to me that you’ve changed. You need to prove to me that you deserve another chance.” That should be your attitude towards this.

Even though she says, “I want you to pursue me,” if a woman reaches out after eight months, what do you do? 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says you invite her over in the evening to make dinner together at your place. You don’t call, you don’t text her, ever. She has to do 100% of the pursuing. She fucked her relationship up, she unilaterally ended it, so you shouldn’t have the attitude of, “How do I get another chance with her?” You should have the attitude of, “Well, it’s not ideal, but maybe she’s changed. Maybe she’s remorseful. Maybe she did some work on herself and she realized what an absolute fucking jackass she was, and how stupid she was letting a guy like me get away from her. Now she’s coming back and she’s remorseful and she wants another chance, and I’m open to it, but things are going to change. She’s got to treat me good. She’s got to treat me better. She’s got to prove to me that she’s serious about wanting another chance with me.”

She shouldn’t be calling you and telling you to pursue her. I don’t think so. What happened was he obviously listened to her, he started pursuing her, and then she became cold and distant. The reason she became cold and distant is you did the opposite of what I teach. So it went from being her idea to potentially rekindle things and then you just picked back up the pursuit and started calling and texting her to pursue her, like she said, and what happened? You did what she said she wanted and she got turned off. You’re violating the principles in the book. You’re violating the principles in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. That’s why it’s not working for you. This is as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west.

I want the answer to two things basically:

  1. Should we court the woman after the no contact and getting back afterwards I.e. to start over the entire process of dating again or not?
Photo by iStock/Prostock-Studio

Absolutely not. As it says in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, this is a special case. She rejected you. She blew you off. I mean, you didn’t hear from her for eight fucking months, and your whole mindset is, “Oh, how do I get her attention?” No! How does she get your attention? How does she convince you that she’s worthy of another chance? Her actions and consistency. That means you let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. When you hear from her, you assume she wants to see you, and you invite her over to make dinner in the evening and hang out, you have fun and you hook up. She has to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from that point forward. When you hear from her, you make the date. That’s it.

2. How do we court the woman properly since you talk about that courting never ends even when you are in long term relationship.

Regards,

Bob

Well, you don’t go back from not speaking and being broken up for eight months to all of a sudden you’re back in a relationship. It’s a completely new courtship, is the way you need to look at it.

What’s different about this courtship is she’s fucked up the previous one. Therefore, she has to do the pursuing. You wait to hear from her and then you make the next date. The first three dates are all going to be at your house to make dinner in the evening. As long as you hang out, have fun and hook up, meaning have sex again and you do that all three dates in a row, then you can meet her out, you can pick her up, you can take her on normal dates, but she still has to do the contact initiation.

What happens is if you let her do all the contact initiation, and then you start doing contact initiation, trying to speed things up, or in this case, comply with her saying, “You need to pursue me,” what you’re going to notice is she’s going to back off and she’s going to be less interested, and then she’ll become less available, and it’ll be harder to get dates that she’ll agree to. Whereas if you just let her do 100% of the pursuing, and then you make dates that can lead to sex at your place or hers again, the first three have to be at your house because you want her to submit to you. You want her to go along with your agenda, not her agenda. You’re the one with the penis, so you’re the one who is supposed to lead.

It’s true that the courtship never ends, but you’re not in a long term relationship, you’re not back together until she brings it up. Until then, you’re just hanging out, having fun, and hooking up like you were when the initial courtship started, with the caveat being since this is attracting an ex back who ended the relationship unilaterally, she must do 100% of the pursuing. Then you just set dates.

Say three, four or five months down the road, you’re back together, everything’s lovey dovey, and she’s like, “How come you never call me? How come you never text me? Why do I always have to be the one?” She keeps bringing up and then she starts to get mad and says, “You need to call me. You need to text me from time to time,” then what you should do is once a week, call her out of the blue. The next week, maybe you FaceTime her out of the blue. The week after that, this is assuming when you’re back in a actual committed relationship, maybe the next week you write her a nice card and you mail it to her house, or on the way out in the morning, you write a little post-it note and stick it to the little visor mirror and the driver’s side, so when she pulls it down in the morning to go to work, it says, “I love you, babe. Have a great day. I’m thinking about you, Bob,” whatever. Just things like that.

Photo by iStock/PeopleImages

What happens sometimes, most women will let you get away with them doing 100% of their calling, texts and pursuing. If she’s calling, texting you and FaceTiming you two, three, four times a day, you don’t need to reach out at all, she’ll do 100% of it. You know, there are some women that get to be a little bit of a pain in the ass about it, then once a week, you’ll reach out in a different way of your time and your choosing. All she’s really saying is, “Hey, I just want to know that you care. It’d be nice if from time to time, you reached out to me in an unexpected way and let me know that you cared in some way.” It could be a phone call, it could be a FaceTime, maybe send her a nice email, maybe write her a card, maybe it’s a handwritten post-it note, maybe it’s a text, maybe it’s a cute meme, or a little video of the two of you doing something together that was fun, that you had, whatever.

The point being is that if she brings it up and she keeps going over it three, four or five times and getting mad and complaining how you never reach out, then once a week, different day, different time every week, you’ll reach out in a way where you initiate the contact, but under most circumstances, you’re never going to have to do that, especially in this, where you’re already in a relationship and she fucked it up. As her interest goes up, she calls and texts more and you spend more time together and that’ll ebb and flow. I promise you, if you start calling and texting her, her calls and her texts will drop off and taper off, and it’ll be harder to get her on a date and get her to agree to a date.

That’s why it says in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, she’s got to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. The only time you’ll ever resume any kind of pursuing is after you’re in a relationship again many months after you started dating again. If she’s complaining about it multiple times and you’re in a relationship, you’re committed, she asked for it, then you can reach out in a different way every week. Most women, you’re just not going to have to do it. They’ll do all the pursuing. They may occasionally complain about it and tease you about it.

Again, if a girl is calling you two or three times a day, texting you two or three times a day, you just don’t need to reach out. It’s counterproductive. You’ll notice the more you text and call her, the less she’ll call and text you and the less you’ll see her. That’s just a fact of life. Even women are like, “Nah, it should be 50/50.” Nope. When the calling, the texting and pursuing is 50/50, a woman feels platonic feelings for you and you definitely don’t want that. You want it to be her idea. If it’s her idea, if she’s chasing you, you don’t have to worry about getting dumped.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.

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Coach Corey Wayne

Life & Peak Performance Coach. I Teach Self-Reliance. Subscribe To My Newsletter To Read My eBooks “3% Man” & “Mastering Yourself” Free: http://bit.ly/CCWeBooks