Why She Still Isn’t Chasing You
Why a woman who should be chasing you isn’t, and what to do instead so she does.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been dating his girlfriend for about eight weeks. He says he has been following my work for a little over a year and has read my book, “How To Be 3% Man” 3–4 times so far. He insists that her feelings are growing for him every time they get together, they have really great sex and he gives her lots of orgasms, yet she still isn’t chasing him.
He asks why she isn’t chasing him, despite his opinion that she is falling in love with him. I give him a dose of reality and point out his flawed approach and what he needs to do differently, so she chases him and actually falls head over heels in love with him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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Hey Coach,
College Undergrad here who’s been following your work for a little over a year now. After reading your book 3–4 times and getting rejected by 30 hot chicks, I met an insanely attractive girl at my school and made her my girlfriend.
Those are the numbers. At the end of the day, you need just one good one. No matter how much failure, rejection or setbacks you have, you never know what’s going to happen next. The reality is, if you give up, all you have to do is look at the people who have given up, and the results are not good.
We have been dating 7–8 weeks, and I made her my girlfriend 5 weeks in.
That’s the first hint of controlling behavior and trying to force things, because even though you’ve been following me for a year and you say you’ve read the book three or four times, you made her your girlfriend, so more than likely, you brought it up. Why would you bring it up? Because you’re worried that she’s not going to want to become your girlfriend. Therefore, you’re trying to force things.
The reality is, you haven’t completely overcome those bad behaviors that led you to my work in the first place. It’s not easy. Like I talk about in my book “How To Be A 3% Man,” I went through the same thing. It’s really hard to learn the balance between pursuing too much and then backing off and not pursuing enough. That’s why it’s important to have your purpose and mission in order and having a great life, a great social life, taking care of yourself, taking care of your body, really learning to enjoy your life, enjoy being single, and enjoy your time alone when nobody is around.
If you can have a great time by yourself, then a woman is a great complement to your life. She makes everything better in your life, especially when you’re with somebody you really dig, are really into and really attracted to and vice versa. It’s not going to happen with somebody that’s just mediocre and doesn’t stir anything inside you.
Even though I’m initiating most of the contact,
That’s the opposite of what I teach. As my book teaches, you should start out once a week, one date. If you’re a busy professional and she’s a busy professional, both of you are maybe going to have one or two days where your schedules line up and you can get together for a date, at least in the initial stages. So if you’re initiating most of the contact, that means you’re having a problem letting go, and you’re trying to force things, because deep down you’re obviously still driven by your fear that she’s not going to like you. That fear is actually causing you to manifest what you’re afraid of, which is her not falling. You’re reaching out because you recognize something’s wrong, but you’ve been following me for a year and read the book a few times, and you’re doing the opposite of what I teach.
If you’re 7–8 weeks down the road and you follow what the book teaches, she should be at the point right now where she’s head over heels in love with you, she’s calling and she’s texting you 2–3 times a day, and you’re usually together just about every night. But when you’re forcing it like this, it doesn’t give her time and space away from you to wonder and think about you. Now why are you behaving this way? It’s because you’re not focused on your mission and purpose in life. You’re life is out of balance. You’re looking to the woman to make yourself happy. You’re looking to her for validation that you’re a good buy. You’re trying too hard,
her feelings are growing for me every time we get together.
That’s the lie that you tell yourself. This is what guys tell themselves when the girl ghosts them, won’t call them back or friend-zones them. She just has low interest in you at this point.
Yesterday, we had sex multiple times and I gave her multiple orgasms. And she’s starting to get more cuddly and more open about her personal life.
Those are good signs.
After she left my house last night, I texted her goodnight and now it’s been 24 hours and she hasn’t replied.
If she was really falling for you, and you were on her mind 24/7, she wouldn’t have ignored your good night text. The reason she ignores it is because she knows you’ll probably call or text her again in a little while. Remember, you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. She doesn’t really feel free. She can feel that resistance. She can feel something is off with you, that your life is a little out of balance and you’re more invested in her emotionally than she is to you.
You’re trying too hard. What do I teach in the book? The phone is for setting dates, not chit-chatting, trying to have a relationship or trying to get somebody to like you through a text. You should sell yourself in person. If she was head over heels in love with you, she would have texted you later.
Why isn’t she chasing me if she seems to be falling for me?
Bob
The reason she isn’t chasing you is because you’re chasing her too much. As my book states, you should never be doing more than 20–30% of the calling, texting and pursuing. As you said earlier in your email, you’re doing most of the pursuing, and any time a guy does more than 20–30% of the calling, texting and pursuing, it’s simply a matter of time before he gets friend-zoned, ghosted, rejected, or he gets the “I’m confused,” “There’s a spark missing,” or “I don’t feel like we have great chemistry.” These are the kinds of things you’re going to hear if you don’t change your approach and back the fuck off.
You can see, after you gave her all those orgasms and she doesn’t say thank you, that means you should back the fuck off. You’re coming on way too hard, you’re turning this girl off, and if you don’t stop over-pursuing her, I promise you it’s just a matter of time before you get friend-zoned, ghosted or rejected outright.
If I were you, I would go back and re-read my book. You should have been through the book 10–15 times, easily. But you’ve been lazy and you’ve been cherry-picking things and you’re not making the kind of effort you could be. If you look at her actions, she’s not as into you as you think she is dude.
The ones who have the best success stories are the guys that have read my book 10–15–20 times or more. In a lot of cases here, you’re doing the opposite of what I teach. More than likely, you’ve changed enough of your bad behavior to get this girl attracted, but since you’re hooking up and having sex on a regular basis, you’re dismissing everything else and you’re telling yourself it’s going to be fine.
If you send her a good night text and she doesn’t reply, she doesn’t value it. Scarcity creates value. You’re doing way too much. What I would do is start backing off of your texting. Don’t do it all once, but start backing off to the point where in a week or two you get down to 20–30% of the contact initiation. Then you’ll see a real change in her attitude.
“Women fall in love slowly over time. They need time and space away from a man for their feelings to grow. Men who try too hard, over-pursue and try to force sex, romance and relationship end up getting rejected, friend-zoned or ghosted. Smart men let women come to them at their own pace and facilitate getting together for fun dates that can lead to sex and romance. Men who are balanced, happy, whole, complete and who are focused on their purpose and mission in life naturally exude the right amount of charm, humor, humility, action, pursuit and indifference that drives women wild. Unbalanced men mistakenly believe that women will make them happy and only succeed in driving women right out of their lives.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
