Why red pill guys are delusional in their ideas about women and their ability to be loyal to men.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a 51-year-old viewer who has been married for 20 years with 3 kids. Back when they were dating, she was on a trip with her girlfriend and returned home with many photos of them and a group of guys. At the time, he asked her if anything happened and she said no. However, she did say that there was a guy in the group she really wanted to kiss but didn’t.
He’s tempted to ask her about it again to see if her answer changes and wants to know how to approach the subject. Either way, he says that he’s going to be mad at her if she did kiss the guy or mad at himself if she confirms that nothing happened. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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Well, the video that I did yesterday was about the guy who caught his wife sexting another dude. It’s always interesting how the dudes that are “red pill aware,” guys that are in the Red Pill community act. And the general mindset, especially around loyalty, and the issue with them is that they have an unreasonable standard. They expect to go through a period of their lives where they’re depressed, or they want to take a decade to get themselves together, and it should be okay to let yourself go and get fat and out of shape. It’s okay to not date and court your woman anymore, and not make her feel heard and understood, and totally neglect her, and make her constantly feel like you don’t care about her, and she’s just going to stick around forever and put up with that because you’re just such a swell guy. And that is just absolutely delusional thinking.
As I talk about in 3% Man, if you don’t date or court your wife, eventually some other guy will. I had an ex-girlfriend who, before we started dating, she’d been married for 10 years, and her ex-husband smoked pot, he played video games, he neglected their business. She was tired of being his mommy, she was tired of always kicking him in the butt, trying to motivate him to get him to take care of their clients and do things that they needed to do. She kept telling him she wasn’t happy.
For years this went on, and yet, he did nothing. He continued to smoke pot, and be lazy, and gain weight. And eventually, after 10 years, she finally had enough and she left him. She didn’t monkey branch to another guy, she didn’t line another dude up. She moved back in with her family and took a year or so to get her life in order, to get back in shape herself, get fit, take care of herself. And because she valued loyalty, she wasn’t going to go cheat or monkey branch from the guy she was with.
Now, that’s a rare exception. You’ve got other cases, take the guy from yesterday. For probably years at that point, he wasn’t dating and courting her. The romance stopped, he stopped courting her, so that makes a woman feel like you don’t care about her. Plus, he didn’t make her feel heard and understood, and on top of that, he was just letting himself go and get fat and not doing anything, and she eventually, at some point, had given up. And then some dude comes along and actually gives some attention to her, takes some time to listen to her, what do you think is going to happen?
And that’s part of the problem with these guys in the Red Pill community is they think that women just have to put up with that for years and years and years and years, stick around for a decade and live out of your car together, while you figure out your life or you figure out whether or not you want to get your life back in order. And women have a short window when it comes to raising kids and raising a family. They need a competent man that’s going to take care of things, especially if they’re going to submit, be married to them, not work, be a stay at home mom. The reality is you just can’t neglect your woman like that.
Every woman’s got their breaking point. They’re only going to put up with it for so long. They don’t want to be your mommy. And that was one of the complaints that the guy’s wife had from yesterday was that she felt like she was his mother. Just like my ex-girlfriend, same thing; she felt like she was his mother. She did it for years, and she got sick of it, but the guy wouldn’t do anything. Her threats of, “I’m going to leave you if you don’t change this, this and that,” didn’t matter. And then when she finally leaves him, then of course he wants her back. But he still never did the things that were necessary to get his life in order, and obviously the marriage didn’t work out.
And so, what you’re really looking for in the dating process is you’ve got to vet women properly. You’re trying to find out, is she a habitual liar? Does she keep her word? Because women who are liars, cheaters who have cheated on every guy they’ve been with, that say one thing and do another, and a guy makes excuses for that because he thinks he’s in love and thinks that is just going to be okay. You can’t marry a woman that belongs to the streets and think you’re going to turn her into an honest woman. That’s part of the vetting process. Does she keep her word? Is she loyal? Has she been loyal to people in the past? Does she come from a family where people are loyal?
And so, when guys come to me and, like I said in yesterday’s video newsletter — but still, a lot of these red pill guys all got butt-hurt over it — the guy is married. It’s easy for us sitting here on the sidelines to just go, “Oh yeah, just leave your wife. Just divorce your wife.” What if he’s in a blue state? What if he wants to avoid that? What if he admits to himself that, “Yeah, I’ve neglected her for years, and she’s been telling me what she wanted, and I haven’t done anything.” And so, for this guy, the wake up call was that she was texting things to another guy who supposedly was out of state.
Now, it’s easy for us to say, “Oh yeah, she belongs to the streets, you’re out of there,” but what about his part in it? red pill guys don’t want to look at that. That’s their whole problem, for the majority of them, is they can’t ever take any personal responsibility for their own actions. They want to just absolutely be derelicts in life, and they want women to love them the same way their mommy loves them. That’s not how it works in the real world. You have to take care of yourself and your life. Like Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me.”
And so, whether you’ve got a woman that has integrity or not, the one thing you have control over is how you show up and create attraction. But the reality is, if you went ahead and married or got into a relationship with a woman that’s a habitual liar, she has no integrity, she has no loyalty, as soon as you slip up, she’s going to be texting and talking to other guys.
Now, what about the majority of women who are loyal, but after they’ve been with their husband for several years, they haven’t had sex in a long time, because he’s gotten so obese he can’t even see his dick anymore. Or he lost his job, hasn’t got his act together, he’s not taking care of things around the house, he’s not spending time with the kids, whatever it happens to be. He’s not doing the little things that he’s supposed to be doing. I mean, at what point, how much is a woman supposed to put up with? The guys in the Red Pill community delusionally think it just should be forever. If you get married, the commitment should be forever, and she just has to put up with you, no matter how low you go. I mean, that’s delusional and it’s ridiculous.
I mean, they’re only going to stick around for so long. Typically, if you’re going to go through a rough patch, it shouldn’t last more than six months, because every woman has their breaking point. And based on her level of integrity, is going to determine whether or not she ups and leaves you, like my ex-girlfriend left her husband, or where she starts lining up guys to monkey branch to when she’s still in a relationship. At the end of the day, if you’re a man and you constantly display unattractive behavior and you neglect your woman, eventually some other dude’s going to come along and date her. Whether she leaves you first, becomes single for a while, and then goes off with another guy, or she does it while you’re still together, it is going to happen. It’s as inevitable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.
So, I got a new email today. This one is from a 51-year-old guy. He’s been with his wife for 20 years, they’ve got three kids, he loves his wife. But back when they were dating over 20 years ago, she went on a girl’s trip with one of her girlfriends. And when she came back, there were a lot of pictures with a group of dudes. And so, I don’t know how far along they were in the courtship, maybe they had been dating for a few weeks or a few months. I don’t know, he didn’t say, but the point being, he says, “Did you do anything with any of these guys?” Because they all looked like they were pretty friendly with each other.
And so, you’ve got two beautiful women, his wife and his wife’s girlfriend and a group of guys. So, in that case, the women have a good position of leverage, so they’re getting all of this attention from other dudes. And so, he asked her, “Did you do anything?” And she says, “There was a guy I liked and I wanted to kiss, but I didn’t.” And 20 years later he’s going, “I’m still bothered by that.” He says, “I want to ask her about it again to see if her story changes.” Because, obviously, his Spidey sense is telling him something, but he’s two decades down the road and he’s got three kids with her. So, he’s wondering, “How can I tactfully bring this up?”
He says, “If she just reiterates what she told me 20 years ago, then I’m going to feel like a jerk for carrying this around for these last few years and being bothered by it, and I didn’t trust my wife, basically.” And then obviously the flip side is, what if her story changes? What if she said, “Well, I just kissed him, but nothing else happened?” Whereas, 20 years ago she said, “I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t.” So, it’s like, what do you do in that situation?
So, we’re going to discuss a tactful way that he can bring it up, but either way, he acknowledges in his email, he’s like, “I’m not going to be happy with either response.” He’s going to be upset. He’s going to be mad at himself for doubting his wife, or obviously mad at her because she lied to him. We don’t know, so it’s like, what do you do in these kinds of situations?
I’ve been doing this for 20 years and I’ve done tens of thousands of phone sessions with guys, and like I said, the red pill guys, they want to ignore that. They want to have a hall pass to be a derelict for as long as they want to be a derelict and a loser, and the woman is just going to stick around and put up with it. That’s delusional. It’s not going to happen.
And they can be pissed off and post a lot of nasty comments, which we’re happy to block. Because it’s a privilege to be a part of my community, and I’m not going to argue with amateurs or idiots. I know what works and I know what doesn’t, and when you’ve done tens of thousands of phone sessions with dudes for 20 years, the patterns are the patterns. It doesn’t matter whether you like it or not, or you disagree with me or not. I’m not going to argue with an idiot who went and watched a video from some red pill guy and now he thinks he’s an expert.
I wanted to start off by letting you know what a positive impact you have had on my life the last few years. The first time I listened to 3% Man was difficult, as much of the behavior described me perfectly, and I kept thinking how my life would be different if I read your book when I was 18.
Well, the reality is the book didn’t exist. You’re almost two years younger than me, and when I was 18 I didn’t have a clue. So, I wouldn’t have been able to help you back then anyway. Maybe if you got a time machine and you were able to go back and bring a copy of this book to yourself, just imagine. I wish I would have had that book. But then again, that was my life path. If I hadn’t gone through what I went through, I wouldn’t have ever learned this stuff.
Anyway, I’m 51 now and have been married for 20 years with great 3 kids and love my wife very much. I’ve made some positive improvements in my marriage and life and continue to work on myself.
Again, I say this all the time, people don’t come to me when things are going well. Things are not going well in his marriage, more than likely. And based on what he said, his wife had lost attraction to him. He probably wasn’t dating and courting her properly, and he probably wasn’t making her feel heard and understood, so she probably didn’t want to sleep with him very much, and they didn’t have a very good relationship.
What he’s learned from me has helped him, but obviously he has this nagging issue in the back of his mind, and we want to see what we can do to get him some peace. Because you’re going to make your best decisions when you’re in a peaceful and relaxed state, and that’s what you want to do. If you’ve got your girl attracted to you and you’ve made a good choice, you’re not with some ratchet or some woman who’s a habitual liar and never keeps her word, then you can turn things around.
I’ve read your book about 9 times and viewed countless hours of videos, and although I’ve learned a lot, you are 100% correct about needing to read it 10–15 times…
I know I am, but a lot of guys still don’t listen. I’m doing phone sessions tonight and I’m sure a few of those guys will be like, “I’ve been following you for five years, and I just started reading your book. I know I should have listened.” I hear it all the time, but it is what it is.
…as I still slip up from time to time and revert to old behaviors. It’s very easy to become complacent when you experience a little success.
That’s what the guy from yesterday was experiencing. I think they were together for six years at that point, married for two. He’d gotten lazy, he let himself go, he gained a bunch of weight. He wasn’t dating and courting her properly. He wasn’t making her feel heard and understood. And on top of that, she said she basically felt like his mother. That’s not good.
If you don’t turn that around, I don’t care who you are or how good of a woman you are with, eventually she’s going to leave you. You cannot continue doing that for years and years on end and just expect her to put up with it. It’s ridiculous. And guys in the red pill community that think that way are just morons. They don’t know what they’re talking about, and they don’t have any life experience. They’ve got this delusional ideal that has been given to them that’s just not based on reality.
Anyway, I have been troubled by something that may have happened when my wife and I were dating. She went on a vacation with a girlfriend of hers, and when she returned had photos of a group of guys they had met.
Obviously, she felt affectionate towards that group of guys. That’s reality.
One of her other girlfriends asked her if she was afraid of me seeing them, and she said she wasn’t.
Well, if she had nothing to hide, she wouldn’t be afraid of that, so that’s a good sign.
I did ask her if anything had happened, and she told me no. She did tell me that there was a guy there that she wanted to kiss but didn’t.
Obviously, that’s not something you want to hear. And again, I don’t know how long they had been dating when this happened. It could have been a few months. Maybe it was a few years out. Just from what he says, my feel for it is that they weren’t together very long. But obviously, if you’ve been dating a girl for a couple of months and she’s telling you, “I really wanted to kiss this guy, but I didn’t”… but then again, us as guys, we see a hot girl like, ” Ooh, I’m thinking about sticking something in that, even though I’m in a relationship.”
From what I remember, she seemed forthcoming with information, and since she didn’t try to hide the photos from me, I felt I had no reason to doubt she was telling me the truth.
As Ronald Reagan said, “trust but verify.”
I’m not sure why this came up in my mind…
Well, obviously, your Spidey sense is tingling for some reason.
…but the last couple of years it has been bothering me.
The reason it’s probably been bothering you is what originally led you to my work. Things were not going well, and you were starting to doubt whether she was really committed and really into you. And then you’ve turned things around since, but then you’re wondering because you’ve been watching these videos like, “Was my wife faithful? Was she loyal to me? Did she do something she shouldn’t have been doing?”
She has been a good wife and mother to our children and has stuck it out with me through some tough financial times during the 2008 recession.
Yeah, the number one reason for couples getting divorced is financial stress. And in 2008, when Lehman Brothers and all of that blew up, that was a very stressful time for millions and millions of people around the world. And a lot of marriages and relationships failed because of the financial pressure that was brought on by that bust period in the boom-bust cycle.
And for those of you that aren’t familiar with the boom-bust cycle, I talk about this in “Mastering Yourself,” and I also talked about it in a documentary we did. What’s happening now, we’ve seen the same things happen all over the boom-bust cycles about every 12 to 15 years, and we’re heading into another bust cycle.
I did a documentary called “Economic Prosperity for All,” and if you’re not familiar with it, I highly recommend you read “Mastering Yourself,” and I highly recommend you watch that documentary. Because if you don’t know what’s going on, it’s going to cost you money. Good students will pay attention to what I just said to them. Dumb students will just go, “Oh yeah, whatever, Corey. I came here for dating advice. I don’t care to hear about the economy.”
It’s like, you will care eventually. When your stocks get crushed, you will care. When you lose your job, you will care. When you buy that house in a declining real estate market, you will care. You’ll learn one way or the or the other. You’ll learn the easy way or the hard way.
Here is my conundrum; if I ask her about it again and she affirms that nothing happened, I would be relieved but angry with myself for letting this weigh heavily on my mind the last couple of years. If I find out that something did happen, I would be crushed and worried that our marriage would never be the same after that.
Love cannot exist where there is no trust. It’d be hard to trust somebody that you found out lied to you 20 years ago. So, you could look at it and say, “Well, my marriage is based on a lie,” but what are you going to do? You’re 20 years down the road now. The red pill guys are, “Divorce her ass!” Like, what if he’s in a blue state? What then, smart guy.
Am I being a pussy for not addressing this with her, or insecure and crazy for wanting to bring up something that may have happened over 20 years ago?
Please keep up the good work, and I would love to see more content and videos for married guys.
So, a good way to bring it about. You could you could tell her a story. Say, “You know, I had a friend and he had a similar situation. They had just started dating, but they weren’t really serious yet. And come to find out, this girl that he was kind of seeing kissed some other guy that she was also seeing.” And you could say, “I remember you went on that trip 20 years ago, that guy you kissed in the trip,” or something like that. Or you just kind of give her some vague details, like you’re not really sure the recollection. And if she says, “Oh, well, it was just a kiss, honey. I just kissed him. And we weren’t really that serious at the time,” then you could catch her in the lie like, “Wait a minute. You told me that you wanted to kiss him, but you never did.”
You could pretend that your recollection of those events is foggy and come from the place of, “Yeah, didn’t you say when we first started dating, you met those dudes at that resort in Mexico and you kissed one guy? It never went any further than that, or something like that. Or maybe it was your girlfriend. Or was it you?” You could do it like that and just see what happens. See if she changes her story. And then, if she says that, “Well, wait a minute. Okay, I do remember actually. You said it was you. You said you liked this guy and wanted to kiss him, but you did not. Now, you’re telling me that you kissed him? What actually happened? Did you end up sleeping with him? I mean, that was 20 years ago.”
You know, think about it. How does a police officer act when they’re talking to you? They act like they’re your friend. “Hey, I’m on your side, you know. Tell me what happened.” But really, what they’re trying to do is gather evidence so they can put your ass in jail. And in this case, you can pretend that your recollection of the events is kind of foggy and fill in some blanks. Because, obviously, you think something happened. You feel like something. Maybe something did. Maybe something didn’t. Maybe you’re paranoid, but your Spidey sense is telling you something was off.
So you could “misremember” something, to borrow a phrase from Hillary Clinton, about the events and just matter of factly say, “Yeah, didn’t you kiss that guy on that trip? Or you hooked up with that guy on the trip. I don’t remember what really happened. I know we had just started dating at the time. We had only been seeing each other a few months. I don’t know if we were exclusive,” or whatever it happens to be. You could phrase it like that, and see if the story changes.
And if she tells you something that’s a little off, then can you say, “Well, wait a minute. You told me this,” and get her to explain herself and watch her body language. Does she get angry? Does she get upset? Does she tell you the truth? Does she come clean? Or she’s like, “No, I wanted to kiss this guy. This guy was really handsome and he liked me, but I was seeing you and I said, no.” Either way, you shouldn’t feel bad, because you need to get some peace.
And you went through a period of time where you realized you were displaying a lot of unattractive behavior, and your marriage obviously wasn’t in the greatest shape at the time, but you applied what you learned in “3% Man,” and things have been great ever since, but you’ve had this nagging thing. Wouldn’t it be nice to have some peace about it?
So, say your wife confirms that nothing happened. Even though you may have “misremembered” the events of it, and she sets you straight, you’re like “Oh, thanks. Okay. Man, I guess that cognitive decline happens a little early, babe. I am in my fifties now. Thanks for reminding me that. And I’m so grateful to have a loyal woman,” or whatever. There’s no reason to feel guilty about it. If you ask her questions and she confirms and there’s no changes in her story, then you’re going to feel good, you can feel vindicated, and you can relax a little bit. But if something more happened and she lied to you, then you’re going to be like, “What else has she lied to me about?” And then, that’s a whole other situation.
Like I said, the thing we got to keep in mind about this guy is that he went through a period of time after being together for a long time where his game was not tight for an extended period of time. And now, he’s looking back over the last 20 years, and he’s been watching these videos, and he’s heard a lot of stories like this, and it hasn’t turned out too well for some of the other stories, what else could you possibly think?
But it would be nice to have peace of mind about it, to know either way. That would be better than not knowing at all, because right now you’re all in your head about this and you don’t know what to think. So, if I was you, I would definitely get some clarity. “Misremember” some things on purpose, just to see if she changes her story. I wouldn’t let on to the fact that you’re doing that. Just be like, “Oh, it’s a little hazy. It’s been 20 years, babe.” That’s how I would handle that particular event.
But again, you’ve got to remember, especially for these red pill dunces that are hard headed and don’t want to listen, if you don’t date and court your wife or your girlfriend, eventually some other guy will come along and do that for you. You can’t get into a dark place and not pull yourself out of it. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. If you’re going through a tough time, you can’t wallow in your sorrow for more than six months. It’s not advisable, and I wouldn’t do it.
Suffer, go through the difficult period of time, whatever you’re going to do. But at the end of the day, as a man, you’ve got to take care of business, day in and day out, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade. That’s what men do. We’ve all got problems, but you’ve got to take care of your issues. You’ve got to take care of the little things in life. You’ve got to control the controllables, as I talk about in “Mastering Yourself,” the controllables being how you show up.
You can’t be in a relationship with a hot, fit, younger woman and then just become a fat slob and think she’s going to stick around and put up with it indefinitely. That’s delusional. That’s ridiculous. That’s absurd. That’s the kind of thinking of a beta male who doesn’t want to take any personal responsibility for his own shortcomings and his own actions and wants to point the finger.
As I said yesterday, many times in the video, and as the late great Don Shula said, “Strong men blame themselves, weak men blame others.” And that’s the thing that absolutely disgusts me with some of these red pill goofballs, is that they don’t want to take any personal responsibility. They’re doing everything they can to absolve themselves from any mistakes, any responsibility. If the girl left them, it was the girl’s fault. If the girl is a bad person, it’s the girl’s fault. But at the end of the day, that was your best thinking at the time. That’s reality.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.