Why Men Get Jerked Around & Stood Up By Women

Photo by iStock/skynesher

Why men get jerked around and stood up by women, so you can avoid these common mistakes.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a guy who made what he thought was a definite date, but she jerked him around and blew him off at the last minute after asking him out.

The second email is from a guy who keeps getting stood up and blown off by women he is making dates with, despite the fact he believes he is following what my book How To Be A 3% Man, teaches. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.

*Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links. An affiliate link means I may earn referral fees if you make a purchase through my link, without any extra cost to you. Thank you for your support.

The first email is from a guy who’s known this woman for about a year or so. And so, what’s interesting about his email is that when you meet a woman, you start interacting with her, because you’ve known her for a while, she’s going to form an opinion of you. And at some point in the past year, he came across my work, started learning How To Be A 3% Man, and so, partially, what you’re going to see is he’s kind of trying to undo the impression he has given of himself to her. Then, at the very end, he sets a date, and then she ends up jerking him around and then not even following through with it.

And the second email is from a guy who says he’s been following me for a while, but he keeps getting stood up by women. He’s out, he meets girls when he’s hanging out, makes what he thinks are definite dates, and he either gets stood up, ghosted or totally jerked around. And he believes that he’s applying what’s in How To Be A 3% Man properly, but what you’ll see when we go through his email is he’s making dates with women he doesn’t have rapport with.

Especially if you’re out in the bars, you’re drinking and you’re making definite dates with women that have a few cocktails in them, and then they don’t show up for the date, you really shouldn’t be surprised. So, it really is a good email to illustrate the importance of having good rapport with a woman, but most importantly, making sure she actually is excited to meet you, to get to spend time with you, to make a date with you. And that’s something that he’s obviously missing here.

Photo by iStock/shironosov

The idea is you want a woman who really likes you and who will want to spend time with you. Because if she really likes you, she’ll be eager to converse with you and have fun on a date, versus somebody that has low to no interest. And then, trying to engage them in conversation is like pulling teeth. And that’s about as much fun as watching paint dry. But unfortunately, lots of guys do that anyway, hoping that they’re going to get her to like them.

I’m all about working smarter, not harder, and you know, both of these guys are making things way harder on themselves than it needs to be. And that’s what happens when you don’t have an abundance mentality. You’re just trying to make something out of nothing. And it just ends up being a very frustrating experience, which you’ll see.

First Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

I have been a student for 5 years and have read the book 12 times and I am about half done reading it again as we speak. My question is about a girl who lives in my neighborhood. We talked when I moved in and I mistakenly wanted to just remain friends and at an arm’s length. She then got a boyfriend and we stopped talking entirely.

Okay, so I was thinking that this guy had only been following me for a few months, but he’s been following me for five years, and he says he’s read “How To Be A 3% Man” twelve times. And so, you can see the vibe he’s giving out is a platonic vibe. He’s not interested in anything else, just wants to remain friends. And then at some point he decides he likes her.

He’s already interacted with her in a specific way, and now he’s trying to change that. So, it’s a difficult situation to come back from. Because more than likely, if he’s writing me about this girl, he probably liked her to begin with, and for whatever reason, he didn’t make a move, he didn’t try to make a date. Women can sense when you like them, and yet you didn’t have the confidence to do something about it.

Photo by iStock/martin-dm

And then if you later develop the confidence or the balls to go for it, it’s very hard to convert, because she’s already formed an opinion of you as either being a guy that she would date and sleep with, or a guy that’s strictly platonic. And in this case, everything he gave off was the friendship vibe. And guys don’t just all of a sudden go, “Oh, I like this girl.” Yeah, right.

All guys know within a few seconds of being a woman if you would sleep with her. And so, on some level, he was thinking he wanted to sleep with her, but he came up with a story that said he shouldn’t, for whatever the reason was. That was the vibe he gave off. But women can pick up on that. They can sense when you like them and you’re hiding your interest.

Six months later, they broke up after a couple months. I (perhaps mistakenly) reached out to her, and we started talking again. For the first several weeks I called once a week asking her out, and she would say she was busy.

So, again, if he’s been following me for five years, has read this book twelve times, he’s calling her once a week to ask her out, and all she says is she’s busy, for the good students, what does that mean? Low to no interest. You’re looking for “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out. That’d be great.” But instead, she’s like, “I’m busy.” But yet, he persists. He’s like, “I’ve got this blue book. It’s going to change everything. It’s going to make her like me,” but he’s ignoring reality.

She then out of nowhere asked me “What is this?” and said she was trying to interpret what was going on between us.

Yeah, I’d say he’s probably leaving out some details. Because he’s trying to act like, oh, it’s not a big deal, but yet he was calling her once a week asking her out, and she was always busy. At some point she’s like, “What is this?” So, more than likely, he probably spent a lot of time chit-chatting on the phone. For a woman just to say, “What is this?” obviously, they’re doing a lot more talking than him calling her once a week to ask her out on a date, and she says she’s busy. So he’s thinking he can talk through the phone to raise her interest, which doesn’t work, and it’s what’s discussed in “How To Be A 3% Man,” but he’s not following the book.

Photo by iStock/SIphotography

Seeing as though we hadn’t even met up yet, I simply said I was interested in spending time together. After this, I decided to tell her “Get in touch with me when your schedule frees up, and we will make plans for the two of us.” Two weeks later, she called me three times. I didn’t have my phone on me, as I was at the gym. By the time I was done, it was midnight and decided not to call back. The next night she texted me, “Hey, I called last night to see if you’d like to go out for a drink sometime.”

So, it seems maybe she is a little interested.

I said, “Sure, that sounds good. When are you free?” She then called me and started talking about her day and what I was up to. Being in awareness of your work, within a couple minutes I said, “Lets hang out tomorrow and we can talk more then.” She said sure and that she had errands to run and she would touch base with me late afternoon.

So students, good students, as we know, what does the book say about that? You’re making a definite date, a definite appointment, and what is her response? She says, “I have errands to run” and that she would touch base in the afternoon. Does that sound like a definite date, or does that sound like a call to verify? So, that’s an up in the air date.

In other words, “If I have nothing better going on, yeah, maybe I’ll meet up with you for a drink.” That’s not a “Hell yeah, I’d love to see you. I’m clearing my schedule for you.” That’s, “Yeah, let’s touch base in the afternoon, and I’ll see if you’ll allow me to waste your time with a last minute date or cancellation.”

I said, “I don’t want to do any confirmation and lets plan on 7:00 pm.” She said, “Okay, that works.”

The proper response is, “Hey, well, if you’re not sure of your schedule, let’s make plans on a night or a day when you’re definitely available to get together.” He didn’t do that.

Photo by iStock/Prostock-Studio

The next day came, and of course at 6:00…

An hour before they’re supposed to get together.

…she texted me that her sister came into town early for the holidays.

Aw shucks. Boy, that totally sounds legit.

And they were going out to dinner, but she would be up to coming to my place later in the evening if it wasn’t too late.

In other words. “Yeah, if I’ve got nothing else going on and I need some amusement, yeah, maybe I’ll come over.” So, remember, he’s cleared his evening to go on a date with her, and he’s continuing to say, “Oh yeah, sure, Your Highness. Yhat sounds great. That’d be just wonderful. You just grace me with your presence.” He didn’t say that, but obviously he communicated that his time wasn’t very valuable.

I did not reply, (perhaps my mistake), but I thought to myself, “She did not actually ask me a question, and made more made a statement,” and I figured “She will get in touch with me later if she wants to come over.” But I never heard from her.

Oh, that’s a big shock. That’s what happens. He basically communicated his time wasn’t very valuable, and it’s totally okay if if you waste it. So what did she do? She wasted it.

Where did I go wrong, Coach?

You did the opposite of what the book teaches. It shouldn’t be shocking.

She asked me about going for a drink, and I made a definite date.

No, you didn’t. You made a call to verify date. And even though your response was like, “Oh, I only want to make definite plans,” when she tried to change the plans at the last minute, you went along with allowing her to waste your time. I would have just said, “Hey, well, if you’re going to be getting together with your sister, why don’t you just go do that, and we can get together some other time,” and do the takeaway.

Photo by iStock/NeonShot

He didn’t do the takeaway, therefore, he communicated his time wasn’t very valuable, and so there’s no consequences of wasting his time, because it’s not valuable anyway. So, she can just waste some more of your time in a few days, or next week, or whatever.

Why did a day later she want to change plans?

Because, quite frankly, you acted weak, you acted like a bitch. If you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. It’s harsh, but that’s reality.

I just read in your book you made a statement that if a girl asks you for drinks it means she has a high interest.

Yeah, you’re claiming that you’ve been following me for five years and you read this book twelve times. These questions and your behavior don’t act like a guy that’s read the book twelve times. You act like a guy who’s maybe cherry picked a few videos here and there over the years and maybe thumbed through the book once, but you don’t sound like a guy that knows what’s in the book.

All I have to do is look at your actions, and it sounds like you’re trying to bullshit me. Well, you bullshitted yourself, and look what happened. This girl jerked you around.

But yet the next day she wanted to change plans, which is low interest, even though I made zero contact in between, like you suggest.

Thanks for your help!

Bob

As I went through in your email, you just communicated that your time wasn’t very valuable and it’s totally okay to waste it. As a matter of fact, you invited her to waste your time. Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment.

Photo by iStock/laflor

So, it’s the constant calling her to ask her out once a week, she keeps saying she’s busy. You should have taken the hint and just stopped moving forward once she said she was busy. Then, if she says, “Hey, I’m busy,” I’d say, “Alright, well, when your schedule frees up, I’d love to hang out and catch up. Give me a call.” That’s all you would have had to say.

But he kept pursuing once a week until eventually he recognized it wasn’t going anywhere. Then he backed off, but like I said, she formed an opinion when they first met, and he’s continued to basically act like his time’s not valuable. And so, women are going to match and mirror how you show up. You act like a man, they’re going to treat you with respect. You act like your time’s not worth anything, well, they’re going to waste it.

Second Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

Merry Christmas to you and all of your staff!

Well, ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum.

I found your work in 2019 and have been applying it ever since. I’ve read 3% Man twenty-plus times, Mastering Yourself 2 times, and your new book 9 times.

Which you can read for free in the Members area of my website.

I’ve interacted with about 200 women since discovering your work, and I’ve only had success with one-night stands with HB 7’s and 8’s.

To borrow from The Mystery Method, “HB” stands for “Hot Babe.”

Like you said in the book, the more I practice the material, the better the quality of woman I will run into.

Photo by iStock/Estradaanton

Well, as you become better, the quality that you attract becomes better. Because, quite frankly, you act like you deserve to be there, instead of “Oh, Your Highness, please spend time with me.”

In the past couple of months, I’ve been interacting with women in the HB 9’s and 10’s and making dates on the spot which I’m 100% confident with by now.

Well, if you’re going to make a date on the spot, you better have established enough rapport to where they’re excited to make a date.

However, I either get the no contact, or get stood up when I call them at the time of the date asking them if they are almost here.

So, that tells me he’s making dates with women that are just simply not excited about it, and they’re probably just being nice and hoping he’ll go away. Then eventually, they do go away because they ghost him.

Some of them would feel no remorse…

Obviously, that tells me you’re not able to recognize that they’re not that into you, dude.

…and tell me that they were buzzed and don’t remember making plans with me.

Dude, don’t be going out to bars and nightclubs on the weekends, and going up to drunk girls, making dates, and then be surprised four or five days later, or a week later, that they don’t show up for your date. I mean, that’s kind of common sense. But you did it to yourself

After I hear that, I just don’t even reply and delete the number right away.

Don’t make dates with drunk girls. It’s common sense, but obviously we have to remind you of that.

You mention in the book to give the woman a call the day of the date and adjust the time because you had “errands” to run.

Photo by iStock/EmirMemedovski

Actually, that’s not in the book. That’s part of your problem is you don’t actually know what’s in the book, because you haven’t been a very good student. That is something I’ve suggested in videos with guys that are going to make dates with women they have low rapport with.

If you’re not sure she’s going to keep the date, then maybe a few hours before say, “Hey, my meeting’s running late. How about we push our meeting back an hour,” or a half hour, or whatever, “Does that work for you?” That’s all you’ve got to do. And some will reply, “Sure.” Some will reply, “Oh, I forgot. I’m having a funeral for my parakeet in the backyard, and all my friends are coming over. It’s a really tough time for us.”

I personally, haven’t done this yet because I only want high interest prospects.

Well, you’re making dates with low interest prospects and you’re not realizing it, especially trying to make dates with drunk girls. I mean, that’s stupid.

And if a woman forgets our plans, then she is not worthy.

Well, it’s like, you obviously enjoy wasting your time and being stood up.

Is this just a stream of bad luck?

You don’t make dates of drunk girls, dude. You make dates with women in person, instant dates. An instant date means you typically have a date right then and there on the spot. It starts then. Or you have so much connection and rapport, you make a date for the next day or two after that. And she’s excited to see you, you’re excited to see her.

I have been stood up 4 times in a row now by women I thought had at least a level of 5 interest in me.

Don’t set dates with drunk girls.

Photo by iStock/freemixer

I just met two HB 9’s yesterday on a random night out. I did the usual stuff, make some rapport, make them laugh, get their numbers and get out of there.

If you’re going to meet total strangers like that, dude, you’ve got to have some level of rapport. I mean, think about it; Most people are going to meet somebody at work or through social functions with people they’re hanging out with from work. Or maybe they go to a friend’s barbecue on the weekend, and there’s a cute girl there, and then you end up spending a couple of hours talking. That girl, you’re going to get her address and you’re going to go pick her up, because you know several people at the party together, and you already have high rapport.

And so, getting together in person, she likes you, you like her, you’ve got social proof, because you have mutual friends in common, you’re not going to have to worry about getting stood up or the girl not being there when you go to pick her up. But a chick you talk to for two or three minutes at a club and who’s drunk or buzzed, as they say, you shouldn’t be surprised at all.

Now, I will just be applying the same method that I had always been. Again, these two women, I feel like their IL [Interest Level] in me is at least a 5. However, I’ve been wrong before, so I’m not so sure.

Thanks,

Bob

If it’s not easy going, easy to get along with in person, there’s no enthusiasm when you’re talking to them, you shouldn’t be making dates. So, you’re just not paying attention.

And I would have to say, both these guys, neither one of them really know my book that well. So, you guys have got to do better, man. You’re making unnecessary mistakes, and you’re spinning wheels and wasting your time on chicks that just simply have low to no interest in you.

So, if you’ve got a question or challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“Women make it easy for guys they like to get together to have fun dates and romance. Women make it difficult for guys they have low interest in, a lack of rapport with and men they do not respect to get together in person. Smart men only make dates with women that are easy going, easy to get along with and who are actually excited about an opportunity to spend time together. The lower a woman’s interest, respect and rapport is in a man, the more likely she is to jerk him around, change plans at the last minute or stand him up and ghost him.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

Photo by iStock/Victoria Gnatiuk

Click here to read this article on my website.

--

--

--

Life & Peak Performance Coach. I Teach Self-Reliance. Subscribe To My Newsletter To Read My eBooks “3% Man” & “Mastering Yourself” Free: http://bit.ly/CCWeBooks

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

Sweet release from New York Quarantine

3 Mistakes to Avoid While in a Relationship

BUSINESS ENGLISH FOR BUSY GERMANS — TIP OF THE WEEK

People often forget how fleeting love, as a feeling, truly is.

Unperturbable: Coach Corey Wayne Vs. A Pickup Artist?

4+1 (a love concept narrative)

Ultimatum Or The No Contact Rule?

A More Exciting Way to Say I Love You

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Coach Corey Wayne

Coach Corey Wayne

Life & Peak Performance Coach. I Teach Self-Reliance. Subscribe To My Newsletter To Read My eBooks “3% Man” & “Mastering Yourself” Free: http://bit.ly/CCWeBooks

More from Medium

How The Pandemic Changed Dating Forever

The Cold, Hard Truth

Why only losers complain about the game.

Men are not bad, women do not love”, men only need to master four skills!