Why white knights come to the rescue of women who belong to the streets.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The 1st email is from a viewer who has been dating a woman he really likes, but she keeps talking about her problems and getting the impression she wants him to pay her bills and use him for money.
The 2nd email is from a viewer who met a woman who he says was love at first sight. However, she has a young daughter from a previous relationship. They have dated on and off several times over the past three years, because even though they really had a great connection, he just was not feeling like he wanted to potentially be a stepdad to her daughter. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
*Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links. An affiliate link means I may earn referral fees if you make a purchase through my link, without any extra cost to you. Thank you for your support.
Any normal human being, whether you’re a single dad or a single mom, if the person you’re dating is not really down or doesn’t like your kids or doesn’t really care to help you co-parent, it’s not a good idea to stay in a relationship with them.
First Viewer’s Email:
It really sunk in deeply recently that this is, in fact, a numbers game. I went through hundreds and hundreds (maybe a thousand) profiles and asked out and got numbers of at least a couple hundred girls within the last year. Out of all of those, roughly 10% met up in person, so about 10 to 20.
Of those, about half slept with me on the first or second date, so about eight. Of those, one or two were girlfriend material. The ones who were the best girlfriend material who were able to bond emotionally, and could continue an ongoing relationship and fall in love, either had no previous boyfriend or only had one brief dating experience prior. That’s how the data played out.
The other thing you got to keep in mind is you’re going to attract women that are on your level. If you’re a guy with not a lot of experience, it’s going to be probably easier with women that don’t have a lot of experience, because women that are a little older and have some experience, they want a competent man. They don’t want a little boy that’s still trying to figure life out and how to become a man or be a man. That’s something you got to keep in mind about.
Keeping that in mind, and how much effort and numbers I went through, I finally met what I call a 10 in my eyes anyways. I was amazed that even what a knockout she is she was down to earth, easy to talk with and get along with, and slept with me on the second date.
Most women are going to sleep with a guy by the second or third date. That’s just typically how it is.
But soon after that, I felt ambushed by hearing about all these social and economic difficulties in her life…
What you’re looking for a teammate, an equal. You want a woman that can hold down a job, that can pay your bills on time, pay your rent, pay your cell phone bill, pay your car bill, just basic things like that. I mean, if she can’t take care of herself, how is she going to run a household or take care of your kids? You got to keep that in mind.
(Bear in mind, I live and work in a Southeast Asian country where many people are flaky, late, don’t show up, lie, or they find ways to manipulate you to help them economically). They lie or find ways to manipulate you to help them economically.
I’m thinking maybe Thailand or somewhere like that? Maybe even South Korea.
At first, she said via texts she is too good to her friends family and clients helping them while they just take advantage of her, and how upset she was about that.
Well, the other thing you got to keep in mind, people always project what’s inside of them. No one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. Another one, it’s important, especially about a situation like this that we’re going to see here in a second. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do.
Guys that are desperate, guys that are naive, guys that are gullible, don’t have a lot of experience tend to attract people and women who will take advantage of them because weakness always invites aggression. That’s just true throughout all human history. It’s not just physical type of aggression. It might be economic aggression.
The next day, when we were supposed to meet up and I was waiting an hour, she finally replied back cancelling coming over saying she lost her wallet which just happened to contain her rent money.
Of course it did. Well, the important thing to recognize there is that she just blew you off for your date. What does that tell me? She doesn’t respect you as a man. She doesn’t really value you. She’s not emotionally bonded to you and she doesn’t really fear losing you. She did it because she knew she could get away with it.
On some level, you’re communicating that you’re a doormat. In other words, it’s easy to walk all over you and you’ll put up with it. That’s the vibe you’re getting out. When a woman just blows you off, you’re waiting on a date and she blows you off like that, “Oh, I lost my wallet and I had my rent money. Oh, shucks.” Most guys don’t know any better like, “Oh well, I’ll lend you money.”
It gets worse. Not only can’t she pay her rent, she also can’t pay for her college course, and she says she’ll have to sell her motorcycle… (How do I interpret this and why is she telling me this?)
Because she wants you to bail her out. That’s the reality. Did she really lose her wallet? We don’t know. The bottom line is, you had a date. You agreed. She didn’t keep her word. Her excuse was, “I lost my wallet.” She’s telling you these things because she thinks you’re a sucker and you’re gullible.
Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. Keep in mind, this is the same guy that was saying, “Well, it’s only the young, inexperienced girls that want me.” You’re just too soft. That’s the problem. You’re still exhibiting way too many beta male qualities. Therefore, this is what you’ve attracted into your life.
I’m no white knight. All my time living here and different girls I’ve dated, I don’t give money, except limited amounts of for transportation.
I wouldn’t be doing that, if a girl needs taxi fare? It’s like, you can’t even afford a taxi ride home? Really?
And believe me, in this part of the world, they will ask and boo hoo hoo about the cow sick in the hospital, etc.
I don’t know what that means, but OK.
But in this situation, because I thought I met the woman of my dreams…
This is why you take your time. You take measured steps like in the book, but it sounds like you got really dopey, really quick with this girl, and she picked up on that. What did she do? She went right into manipulation mode with you, and maybe you fell for it. Maybe you didn’t.
…It took a lot of emotional self control to not offer to help. Bear in mind, she didn’t ask, but she told me about all these needs and difficulties.
Usually because a beta male will happily, the White Knight Captain Savageau, will come in and write the check, give her cash, and you’ll never get it back.
Any guys out there in a similar situation, you’ve got to get yourself under control and not lose yourself. Don’t throw money on it. But the gaslighting, which I was surprised she knew that word. I go back and forth in my mind… Will she leave me because I didn’t rescue her? No.
She’ll leave you when she finds somebody who acts more masculine than you do, because it’s obvious in your short time interacting with her, she doesn’t respect you as a man. That’s why she blew you off. She doesn’t really value, she doesn’t fear losing you. Probably just looks at you as another marker or another sucker.
If she’s going to leave me, she’ll leave me no matter what.
That’s why you don’t pay her bills. Maybe she will stick around. Maybe that alone, standing up to her and just not offering to help her financially, is the kind of thing that will cause her respect to you and stick around. If she really doesn’t care and she’s manipulated you, as soon as she finds the next mark, she’ll be gone.
If I, “white knight to the rescue,” and pay for her apartment and classes, I think she’ll lose respect for me…
Well, she doesn’t have much respect for you anyways.
…And think I’m weak, that I can be used that way as an ATM.
That is absolutely a true statement. She will lose more respect for you. And then she’ll become belligerent and bitchy about it on top of that, because she doesn’t respect you.
That’s why, typically, women become bitchy and belligerent is because they think they can get away with it and it turns them on when you stand up to them and say, “Don’t talk to me that way. You’re being rude and condescending or disrespectful. Don’t talk to me in that tone.”
If she has real genuine interest, she’ll stay.
That is true.
That’s my thought and analysis on the situation Coach Corey. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.
Well, good on you. Pat yourself on the back for not giving her the money and being Mr. White Knight, but I would say just based on the fact that she’s jerking you around like she did, especially canceling that date, shows a total lack of respect for you. If I was you, I’d keep it moving. I’d keep dating. Don’t get all dopey over this girl, which obviously it sounds like you already have. That’s why you’ve gotten taken advantage of.
Second Viewer’s Email:
First of all, I wanna thank you for your work. I read your book for the first time back in 2018, and I have really got better with girls since then, to the point I met an amazing girl in early 2020. It was love at first sight for both of us. I asked her out, had a great time and kissed on the first night. We dated quite often for around six months and we then became boyfriend and girlfriend.
It was an amazing relationship, I was 24 back then and she was 26. It’s also very important to mention that she has a child (8 yo now). She told me she was not looking for a dad for her, as the kid has a dad, but she wanted me to get involved with the little girl.
Yeah, that’s understandable, but you shouldn’t date women that have kids if you’re not interested in co-parenting. That’s the bottom line.
Unfortunately, I never felt so eager to doing so, I was never mean, but was not euphoric to hang out as a family…
She broke up with me in early 2021, because I didn’t try to hang out as a family.
Yeah, it’s pretty obvious she picks up on that. They may hook up with you for a while, but at the end of the day, they’re looking for a guy they can co-parent with a good companion. If you’re not going to offer that, you’re on borrowed time.
I didn’t complain and moved on with my life. Six months later, we started talking again and we got back together as we really loved each other and had a wonderful time. We have this amazing connection in all aspects.
Well, I would wonder, who reached out to who? He didn’t mention that. A lot of times when guys say we started talking, it was they started it. “We decided to have a relationship.” In other words, he wanted a relationship.
“We decided to break up,” is usually she broke up with me and he agreed with it, because they don’t want to make themselves look bad. If you’re writing me for advice, it’s best to be brutally honest. Even the stuff that’s icky and you’re not proud of. At the end of the day, typically I could see through the BS. I’ve been doing this 20 years. Almost 20 years.
I tried to be more involved with the kid and we made some family plans. However, I didn’t feel the same way I felt compared to when it was only the two of us.
That tells you everything you need to know. You should not be with this girl. Hang out, have fun, hook up, friends with benefits, sex playmate. You don’t really want to co-parent. Typically, when women know this, they don’t bring you around the kid anyways.
You got to understand, if she’s looking for a teammate and somebody to co-parent with, like I said earlier, you’re on borrowed time and it’s not going to last usually unless the girl’s really insecure.
I got to the point that I would start thinking about breaking up with her although we loved each other. I did and it was so hard, we both were telling each other how much we loved and started crying, but I thought back then, it was the best.
Four weeks later, we met and I started thinking I had made a mistake, because I really enjoyed being with her.
Yeah, but the way you feel about her daughter, you don’t want to be her dad. You got to be honest with yourself and with her. It’s not fair to you. It’s not fair to her. It’s not fair to her daughter for you to live a lie.
I told her I had messed up and wanted to get back together. However, she said she was confused and didn’t really know what to do, because she had realized I had some cold attitudes with the kid when we were together.
Yeah, you shouldn’t be around a kid. You don’t want to be there anyways. What’s really going on here is you haven’t found anybody in the few months since you broke up. You’re desperate and you’re needy, you’re fearful of the future and you’re already ready to give up on finding somebody you connect with better. Dude, you’re in your 20s. Come on, life’s just starting out.
Three weeks later, we met again, we kissed like crazy and talked some more but I know I fucked up… I told her that I had realized that I didn’t want to get close to the kid, because I was afraid of her not liking me, and afraid of what people would say about me being a step father (I know. I really fucked up).
Yeah, but you can’t make your heart feel something it doesn’t feel. It’s just like working a job you hate. You can’t get excited about a job you hate.
You can be disciplined and you can do it with a smile on your face to the best of your ability, just because you should be a high character person. Even if you don’t like the job, you should do the best that you can at the job. When it comes to relationships, you shouldn’t be trying to lie to yourself and her and her daughter about being into something that you’re just not.
You got to create a space in your life for somebody new to come and fill. If you’re staying involved with this girl, you’re communicating to the universe that you’re not really open to meeting anybody new.
She said she loved me but didn’t feel the same way anymore about trying again. She said she had to think about it.
When a woman says, “I got to think about it,” it usually means no.
A week later, she called me and told me she didn’t think the same about me as she did before. She said she used to see me as a really “beautiful” person, but not anymore.
Just like I said.
I feel a lot of regret as we connected in all aspects. The relationship was really easy going and we didn’t have any issues as a couple, but as a family. It’s been two weeks already since then, and I’ve not tried to contact her again, but I feel (as per social media) that she may be hanging out with new guys.
Duh. She’s looking for somebody that wants to be there and you don’t. Can’t live a lie, dude.
I’ve been trying to move on, but I’m kind of feeling I lost the love of my life…
Well, this is because you’re young and you’re inexperienced. You don’t realize that really, there is another bus every 15 minutes.
…And feel bad about she not thinking the same about me due to what I said.
Yeah, rejection breeds obsession. Now all of a sudden, “Oh, I got to get her back.”
I currently don’t feel in the mood to meet new girls…
You need to force yourself to do it.
I’m trying to become a better person and know what I missed.
You didn’t miss anything, dude. Yeah, you had a connection with her, but you didn’t want to be a dad to the kid. That’s the honest truth. It’s all over your email, and you’re bullshitting yourself if you think otherwise.
How can I get passed this situation?
Meeting a hotter girl who knocks your socks off and who doesn’t have a kid.
It’s known that we meet a person like this every decade… I fucked up.
Thanks for reading Coach!
One, two, three a decade. Typically based on your life path, that’s my experience. Typically in your 20s, there will probably be at least two more girls like this that you connect with on this level. It’s only going to happen if you open yourself up to it instead of crying the blues. You’ve got to be honest and see reality as it is, not better than it is, which is what you’re doing, or worse than it is.
You got to see reality as it is. You don’t want to be a dad to the kid. The honorable thing, the manly thing, the masculine thing to do is have the balls to move on and not waste anybody’s time. Especially your own, because the sands are running through the hourglass. Time is running out on all of us.
Life is short, dude. Get your ass out there and start living. I know you don’t want to, but the one thing that will change your mind is, number one, being open to meeting a new girl. Number two, meeting a girl who takes your breath away. There’s nothing like it.
If you’ve got a question or a challenge in your personal or your professional life and you’d like to get my help with it, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.