When To Give Up On Romance
How you can know when it’s time to give up on a romance that’s not going anywhere.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a guy who broke up with his girlfriend of two and a half years because the connection was dimming, and she never made the effort to get to know his friends or invite him to get to know her friends and family. Two weeks after the breakup, she was already sleeping with another guy. He wonders if he made the right decision.
The second email is from a woman who was dating a guy for about seven months who never seemed to be serious about a relationship with her, even though that’s what she said she wanted when they met. Now she doubts herself and her looks and what she should do since she has caught him lying numerous times and has even found his profile on dating apps, which he also denies. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
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What’s interesting about both of these emails, I see this a lot in my phone sessions with people, is that when you really care about somebody, when you’re really into them and your emotions are really strong, you project your fantasy of what you want, and you tend to ignore what the reality is like. And so, both of them are kind of coming to realize what’s been going on here.
When you get involved with people like this — the first guy spent two years of his life with this woman that he was dating, and the woman whose email I got, she spent seven months and is still hung up on this particular guy — t he goal is you want to get good at applying the things that are in How To Be A 3% Man to help you weed out the people that are really into you, versus the people that you’re just kind of wasting your time with.
First Viewer’s Email:
Hope you’re doing well man. Your videos have truly helped me understand where I’m going wrong in being a man. Here’s my story.
I was in a relationship with this girl for 2 and a half years. We were really happy for a long time, then around the 2 year point the connection was beginning to dim. One of my biggest issues was that she never made an effort to meet my friends or invite me to her family dinners/friend’s birthday parties.
Well, you notice how she says, “We were really happy for a long time.” It’s like, how happy can you be when your girlfriend doesn’t want you to spend time with her friends or family, goes to birthday parties and stuff and you’re not invited, and you’re supposed to be her boyfriend? And she doesn’t want to hang out or get to know your friends, and I assume probably his family as well. That’s not a good sign.
I have done so many sessions over the years with guys, especially guys that have been married and divorced and they’ve gotten involved with women, and they date them for a couple of years, and these women want nothing to do with their kids. They didn’t even want to meet their kids. And yet, in their mind, these guys are thinking, “Hey, I’m thinking about marrying her.” It’s like, why would you want to have a stepmother to your children who wants nothing to do with them, doesn’t even want to meet them? But because these guys are in love and they’re in La La land, riding their wave of emotions, they completely ignore that.
And as a father, you want to have an example to show your kids of how good it can be, not dating or being married to somebody that wants nothing to do with your children. I mean, just think about the damage that can do, especially if you’ve got younger kids, and the stepmom doesn’t really want to be their stepmom or be involved with them. But it’s just amazing how people can just kind of ignore these things, because they’re in love with the ideal or the fantasy of what they think the person is, and they just ignore the reality.
She was generally just a shy person in meeting new people and very closed off when it came to her family.
Well, if you’re tight with your family and she’s not tight with hers or doesn’t involve you with them, it’s a major red flag. You’ve got to think long term, how would the two families even blend together? And it’s also important, ideally, you want to be with somebody whose family you like, and she likes your family, and the families like each other. Because otherwise, coming from a family where both sides did not like each other, it’s fucking nasty. And it really does have an impact on the kids and everybody involved — a lot of harshness and a lot of bad blood, a lot of bad feelings. It’s just, that can be really toxic. So you’ve got to think about these things.
For a time, I felt like it was fine to have our independence from each other, but after 2 years it really felt like we were just fuck buddies.
Maybe that’s all you really were to her.
I broke up with her on mutual ground.
Sure? Sure about that, dude?
We said we loved each other and gave a passionate kiss before parting ways. We agreed that we may end up together again in the future, “right person just wrong time.”
Well, I’m sure you probably heard that in a movie somewhere, and that’s a load of bullshit.
Two weeks later, I find out that she slept with a guy after going out drinking.
That really tells you a lot. She’s really broken up about it, obviously.
She’s really rubbing it in my face about how great her life is and how much I fucked up by walking away.
Well, the reality is she wasn’t treating you the way you wanted to be treated. She wasn’t treating you like a boyfriend. She didn’t want you involved in her life, and she didn’t want to be involved in yours. That’s kind of the end of the story right there. It really doesn’t matter.
You can’t make somebody want to be involved in your life and want to be involved with your family. You want them to enthusiastically want to do that. That’s what normal people would do. But it doesn’t sound like she’s too normal. Or maybe that’s all you were. Maybe you guys are just fuck buddies, like you said.
We met up after 4 weeks of being separated. I stated that I would like to try at it again and see where we can go.
Well, you had two years. What’s going to be different? You want her to want to get to know your family and want to invite you to know her friends and family, and she never did that. It’s like game over, bro. She belongs in the streets!
She declined and said she just wanted to be friends and that she wants to move on and see what else is out there. She believes just because I was her first love and sexual connection that I can’t be the only one.
I wouldn’t have wasted two weeks with somebody like this.
I’m trying to hold on and fight for her and pursue her…
Dude, don’t do that. You’ve got to have some self-respect. Never try to keep somebody in your life who doesn’t want to keep you in theirs. And the bottom line is, she didn’t want you involved in her life and she didn’t want to be involved in your life. And pursuing her just makes you look weak and pathetic. So come on, dude, you’ve got to have some self-respect.
…but it’s pushing her away instead.
Yeah, you’re you’re doing the opposite of what my book teaches.
I don’t know what I should do. Is there a way I can change her mind, or is it simply put? Block her on social media and move on.
I don’t know that I would necessarily block her on social media, but maybe you don’t follow her anymore, just because you don’t want to keep people in your inner circle that don’t deserve to be there. It’s a privilege to be in your life, and that also includes social media.
Now, obviously, in other cases where you’ve just screwed up and ruined the attraction and you want her to come back, that’s a different story. But when somebody really doesn’t want anything to do with you or your friends or your family and doesn’t want you to have anything to do with hers, it’s like, game over, delete, move on. Keep those people out of your life.
And if I were you, I’d be reading “How To Be A 3% Man” 10 to 15 times. Get out there and start meeting and dating new people, because obviously your “ex-girlfriend” is already doing that. There’s nothing to say, there’s no reason to try to change her mind. You want somebody who’s excited to be with you, who’s excited to meet your friends and family.
I’ve had girlfriends that were puking their guts out because they’re afraid to meet my parents, or not afraid, but they were nervous about it. I was like, “Really? You got sick this morning over that?” I was like, that’s somebody who’s worried about making a good impression and hoping that your close family likes her.
That’s what you want. Somebody that thinks so highly of you and what you have that she’s hoping she makes a good impression on your family, not some chick that doesn’t care and wants nothing to do with your family. And on top of that, doesn’t want you anywhere near hers. It’s like, check please, game over, goodbye. She belongs in the streets!
Second Viewer’s Email:
I (25 female) was talking to a guy (26) for over 7 months, and I made it clear I wanted an actual relationship from the start and not just a hook up.
So, if that’s your goal, if that’s your ideal and he says, “Yeah, cool. I’m down with that. Let’s see where it goes,” and then seven months later he’s still not wanting it, you’ve got to be strong enough to say, “He obviously doesn’t want the same thing.” You always look at what people do, not what they say.
We had been hanging out for months, so at that point I asked him where it was going, and he responded saying he couldn’t be in a relationship yet because he was going to play professional football in Europe.
Well, if you were a love of his life, he’d be like, “Come to Europe with me. That would be awesome.” But he wasn’t. He used that as the excuse. So, he likes having you as a booty call, but if you look at his actions, he’s not reciprocating. He’s not feeling the same thing you are, because you’re projecting your fantasy.
You want somebody, that’s like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to have you with me. That would be wonderful. It would be a great honor. That would be awesome. We’re a great team.” That’s what you want. But that’s not what’s happening. He’s just treating you like a fuck buddy he wants to keep on the sideline.
Well, that never happened, and he ended up going to his hometown for three weeks and then went to Dallas without me knowing for a week to party with his football friend.
If you were really important to him, you would know where he was. He’d want you to know. He might even want you to meet him there.
The only way I figured out was because on Instagram I saw one of my friends from Dallas had all her photos liked by him. I asked him how he knew her, and he says he doesn’t know her but yes, he’s in Dallas visiting a friend he played football with. He said I was making something out of nothing/it was just an Instagram like and meant nothing.
Sure, sure. If he’s liking all of her pictures, obviously he’s trying to get her attention.
He’d constantly go on about how he’s been cheated on by his ex and he would never do that to me.
Well, since I don’t have a “He Belongs To The Streets” mug, I’ll cover it up for you. He belongs to the streets! He’s a fucking liar. He’s a sub-human. He belongs in the sewer, flush him. He’s a turd in a punch bowl. Also, people that constantly talk about, “Oh, I’ve been cheated on, and I would never do that to you,” he’s a liar and a cheater. And this is confirmed later in the email, which you guys will see.
No one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. So, he’s projecting. “I would never do that to you.” It’s like, the people go, “I’ll never steal from you. I’ll never screw you over. I’m a Christian,” or whatever it happens to be. When you hear that, you know. Yeah, right, whatever.
Also, he would text me asking if I was with other guys all the time, made me delete every dating app and said I had to be exclusive with him, even though he didn’t want a relationship label yet.
Yeah. This guy is a fucking douche canoe, zero integrity.
Next thing I know, whenever he’s in the same city as me, my best friends sends me a screenshot of his dating profile on Bumble; I sent him this screenshot and he completely denied going on any dating apps and said this was due to the fact Bumble still displays profiles if you haven’t deleted your app.
The guy is full of shit. He belongs to the streets!
The last time we hung out was a week ago, and after this I mentioned where he thought our relationship was heading; he said now he wasn’t 100% sure he wanted a relationship with me and gave me two vague reasons.
Whatever those reasons are, he’s full of shit. This guy is a beta male posing as an alpha male. He has zero integrity. I have no respect for people like this. I’ve come across many of them in my life, and they’re not in my life anymore.
So, I told him I wasn’t wasting anymore of my time on him, (this was after 7 months). I think he never cared about me, because I went to his Instagram and he blocked me from viewing his stories, and I see he’s following all of these new girls he probably met on dating apps. How do I get over a guy who for 7 months told me he wanted a relationship but was just leading me on?
Well, in the future, this is the kind of thing that burns, and it stings, and it hurts, but you’ve got to recognize, “Okay, where did I go wrong?” His words and his actions didn’t match. It doesn’t matter what comes out of his mouth, his actions don’t match his words. So, you’ve got to determine quicker that he’s full of shit and move on from him.
I included a picture of myself and him because I wanted to ask if you think he’s out of my league in terms of looks? If you could please keep these pictures off any videos though I’d appreciate it.
Well, quite frankly, you’re pretty fucking cute, and he’s kind of like a ratchet looking trailer park guy, to be honest with you. So, sorry. I’m just going to be honest. And a guy that treats you this way, he acts like a guy that came from a fucking trailer park. No offense to people who came from a trailer park. And you know what I mean, because there are some people who live in a trailer park who are very nice — modular homes, as you call them. But there’s other people that are just ratchet, lowlife scum. And this guy is a ratchet lowlife scum.
So, you learned a tough lesson. You gave seven months of your life to this guy who didn’t deserve it. You did him a favor. He has no integrity. Eventually, he’s going to get burned so badly in his life that maybe at some point he’ll pause and reflect. But the guy has no integrity. He’s proven it to you over, and over, and over, and over again.
And for guys, if you have guy friends that behave this way and treat women this way, get them fuck out of your life. Don’t hang out with these kind of people. These are the kind of guys, when you’re not around and you think they’re your friends, they’re going to try to fuck your wife or your girlfriend. Get them the fuck out of your life. And if they work for you, they’ll try to steal money from you or steal clients or intellectual property. Get them the fuck out of your life. These people are pond scum. Don’t waste a second of your life with them.
So, if you haven’t got a sweet “She Belongs To The Streets” mug, go to Teespring.com in the Coach Corey Wayne store. And maybe you’re having a situation or a challenge you’d like to get my help with. You can go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top your screen, and book coaching session with yours truly.
“When it comes to relationships, many people project their fantasy of what they want onto romantic prospects, and due to their extreme attraction and strong emotions, they ignore all kinds of red flags, disrespect and incompatibility. This inclination to self-delude is heightened in people who don’t think very highly of themselves and those who are ruled by their fears. When you love and value yourself, you only stay involved with people who reciprocate high interest and who treat you the way you want to be treated. The only way to eventually get what you really want is to stick to your ideals and live a life of principle and integrity, discarding those who don’t measure up. The right people will help you achieve your grandest goals and dreams, and the wrong people will become obstacles and roadblocks to your success.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne