What it means and what you should do if a woman tries to change your date plans at the last minute.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had a first date with a woman he really wasn’t that into that went OK. He didn’t get any romance vibes at all from her. He decided a week later to give her another shot. They made plans and a few hours before the date she suggested they go to an outdoor festival with music, food and drinks. He arrives and she is not alone.
He ends up going on a group date with her and her friends and she treated him like a second class citizen the whole time. He asks if he should have trusted his gut and canceled as it was a total waste of his time. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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Obviously that’s less than ideal. Typically if you have a date set, like in this case, the girl, two hours before, offers to do something completely different, he goes, “Well, actually that sounds pretty cool. Why don’t we do that?” Then, just before I get into it, it’ll turn into a total train wreck.
What it typically means when a woman tries to change the plans, if her interest in you is marginal and she’s not sure if she even really wants to go out with you, maybe Chad Thunder Cock, who’s broken her heart a bunch of times, is called, wants to hang out, but she’s like, “Yeah, maybe I’ll give this guy a chance,” sometimes just testing you to see if they can jerk you around a little bit and then you agree to it and you acquiesce, communicates that you’re not strong enough to stand up to her, especially if she’s suggesting something that is not as fun as what you had in mind.
Like I talk about in 3% Man, if she genuinely has a better idea or something cooler or more fun and it sounds like it’d be better to do that instead, then go do that. Often times women are changing the plans at the last minute, whether you’re picking her up, “Oh, let’s meet out,” or you’re supposed to do something, she’s like, “Oh, I got something to do right after. Can we just make this real quick?” So it’s like trying to test to see if you’re going to allow somebody to waste your time or jerk you around. The reality is, you’re interested in sex and romance because that’s why you’re going out on a date.
A man’s job in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, to have fun, to hook up. In some cases, you’ve made plans in the evening, and she’s like, “Oh, I got to cut it short. I got to get up early. Can we just do this instead? Can I meet you there? Can we just go have some coffee?” What it means is when you hear those things, it’s typically a sign of low interest and low respect. If you acquiesce to it, the respect is lost and then you get stuck in friend zone or you get rejected outright. So it’s never a good sign. It’s always a sign of low romantic interest in you when a woman tries to change the plans. It shows she doesn’t respect you and doesn’t really care about you or your time. So we’ve got to consider those things.
What’s interesting is when he set this date with this girl, he really wasn’t even that into her to begin with. He went out on the date and he had one date with her previously, one-on-one. He was like, “It was OK.” He was ambivalent. He didn’t really care one way or another, but he didn’t get any kind of vibes that she was romantically interested.
You know, the things I talk about in 3% Man, he didn’t see any of that. Like a week went by, probably because he had nothing else going on. He’s like, “You know what? I’ll give this girl another shot. What the hell else am I going to do this weekend?” So he does that and then she changes the plans at the last minute, and it just turns into a train wreck.
This is what you want to avoid in this situation. This is why you don’t agree to last minute plan changes and this is where you do the takeaway. If you could tell she’s not super into getting together and you just be like, “Hey, if you’re jammed up, you got something else going on, we can just get together another time,” because you want to make sure that you’re spending time with a girl who actually wants to go out with you, not somebody that’s just like, “Well, it’s better than staying at home looking at the four walls. At least I’ll get a free meal out of it.”
You want a girl that’s excited to see you, and when you do the takeaway and you say, “Well, if you’re jammed up or you got something else that came up, we can just do it some other time. If she says, “Yeah sure, we’ll just do it some other time,” without any mention of a reschedule, then she doesn’t really care. It’s important to notice that.
It’s important to use the takeaway in these kinds of situations, because sometimes the takeaway, as I talk about my book, if the interest is low, especially if you’ve acted weak in the past and now you’re trying to turn things around by doing the takeaway, it shows that you’re willing to go do something else instead of hanging out with her.
I wanted to get your take on this awkward date situation I got suckered into.
I had a first date with a girl, it was OK. I was feeling a bit ambivalent towards her and couldn’t pick up any vibes from her side. After debating whether or not to reach out to her again, I thought, why not? (She is fairly attractive and a ginger, which intrigues me.)
I’ll have to say is, red haired girls are freaks. Freaks in the sheets!
A few days later, I reached out and we agreed on a second date for that Sunday. Riding beach cruisers at the beach, tacos and margaritas. It would have been a pretty fun date.
Remember, a date is an opportunity for sex to happen. That’s it. If it’s just you and her, there’s no variables, there’s no cock-blockers getting in the way, hopefully you’ve thought about the logistics of sex. In other words, what happens after you ride beach cruisers, you have tacos, you have a few margaritas and you’re all kissy-poo and all over each other. I assume you can ride your beach cruisers back to wherever you live because it’s hopefully close and then you can hook up at your place, but let’s see what actually happens.
Sunday comes around and a few hours before the date, she asks if we can change plans because she heard there was a street fair near her place. Several bands, lots of different kinds of food and drinks. It actually sounded fun to me, so I agreed.
See, he doesn’t know anything about this event it sounds like, but he knows about the beach cruisers, the margaritas and the places he’s going to take her.
Again, it’s like what he’s basically doing is putting this date, this girl, in control of driving the fun bus. Feminine energy is chaos, after all. So when you turn the fun bus over to chaos, Captain Chaos if you will, if you ever saw the Cannonball Run movies from the 80s, which are great movies. Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, those are great movies. He turns the date over to Captain Chaos and predictably, it doesn’t go well.
Either way I would be driving about 30 miles.
If you’re thinking about the logistics of sex, what’s your situation? Does she have roommates? Does she have her own place? Again, every little thing that can get in the way of cock-blocking you? You’re throwing a lot of undesirable variables in there.
I drove to the fair and spent 45 minutes looking for parking, then had to walk a mile to get to her location.
Oh boy, that sounds real fun. Forty-five minutes looking for parking.
I was having a hard time finding her so I called instead of texting. I could tell she was drunk (Red flag). She kept saying “we” are here. I asked her, “Are you with other people?” That’s when she told me she was with her friends (Another red flag).
See? You turn your date over to Captain Chaos, and what happens? Chaos happens. If we look back at the first date, there really wasn’t high mutual interest in either one of them. So that’s probably one of the reasons why she wanted to have her friends there, because she thought the date’s going to suck anyways, so at least she can have fun with her friends and avoid any kind of awkward romantic potentialities from happening, but these things are in the book for a reason. You deviate from the book and you turn your date over to Captain Chaos, because feminine energy is chaos. This is what happens.
At this point I was debating just going home. My gut was telling me to leave, however I stayed.
Yeah, especially if you call her and you find out she’s drunk with her friends, just say, “Hey look, there’s no parking. We’ll just have to get together some other time. Have a great weekend. I’m going to dip.” That’s what I would have said.
I wouldn’t have even gone there in the first place. You don’t know, “Oh, there’s this thing going on by me.” I’m sure she really scoped it out and knew everything that was going on. Meanwhile, 45 minutes to find a parking space, and then you’re walking a mile. So was that two hours before he’s even able to meet up with her? Brutal.
When I found her, she was very buzzed.
I’m shocked. Shocked, I tell you!
She paid very little attention to me and continued to talk to her friends.
There you go. She wasn’t that into going out with you. You caved. You acquiesced. As soon as you found out it was a group date, you should have dipped.
I was feeling very uncomfortable. Eventually I started talking to one of the guys there and had a few beers. I got a bit fed up with her so I pulled her aside and said, “Let’s go for a walk and check out the fair.” She agreed and for about an hour we walked around, danced, had a few drinks and talked. This part was actually really nice, even some touching and hugging (She initiated). She then wanted to find her friends again and figured out she had lost her phone.
Oh, that sounds so much fun. Captain Chaos strikes again!
Long story short we ended up getting in touch with the guy I was talking with using my phone and then we all got in his car and went to his place to use his laptop to try and find her phone.
Oh, boy. You just see this? Oh, what a way to spend a day! You’re hoping to get your balls drained dry, and then you’re doing this immature bullshit. Now you’re babysitting a bunch of drunks, trying to get your drunk date to figure out where she lost her phone at.
I wanted to leave but she asked me to stay. We ended up spending two hours at his place trying to find her phone which didn’t work and then eventually canceling her service on the lost phone.
They wanted to get some food after, but I asked them to drive me back to my car. The dude shook my hand and said some words and then goodbye. She just said, “Good night,” and made no effort to get out of the car for a hug or a real goodbye. I left.
It’s been about 5 days, I have not reached out (Don’t even know if she has a phone). She has not reached out to me. I probably won’t reach out, I’m not super interested in her but just upset I allowed myself to get into that awkward spot. What would you have done in my shoes?
I would have used a takeaway from the book. Especially when it sounded like dodgy plans and she wasn’t too sure of anything.
Should I have trusted my gut and left at the start?
Well, I’ve usually found that when you trust your gut, things work out. When you don’t, things go sideways.
Thanks so much! Love your work. So much better than Red Pill trash.
Well, they don’t really have solutions. They don’t teach how attraction works. All they do is complain, bunch of incels that are not good with women, that don’t understand women, that women don’t like, trying to give men advice. All it does is turn them into a bunch of assholes and they have even worse success with women. Or they keep dating the same kind of women they’ve always attracted and they just go, “Oh well, see, all modern women are trash.” Anyways, we all know this.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.