When She Lacks Enthusiasm For You: My 12-Minute Date
What you should do when you have a date with a woman who lacks enthusiasm for you and treats you like an entertainment option instead of a priority.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met a woman at a singles event where it was mostly guys and very few women. He got three numbers and was able to make a definite date with one of the women. He made her a priority and spent $60 for an Uber ride to their date. When he got to the restaurant it was packed.
His date said she hoped they could find a table soon before she had to leave in ninety minutes to meet a girlfriend for dinner. It was then that he realized he was simply an entertainment option for her and not a priority. He cut the date short and walked her back to her hotel. It was a twelve-minute date in total. He shares some interesting perspectives on why he did what he did. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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Well, I’ve got an email here from a guy who actually ended up having a 12-minute date. So, this particular woman he met at a singles event, and obviously there were way more dudes at this event than there were women, but he was still able to successfully walk away with three numbers, despite the fact he had other dudes interrupting him when he was having conversations with these different women. Before he left, he made sure he got all three of their phone numbers and one of them ended up setting a date.
So, what’s interesting is he hops in an Uber, you know, a $60 Uber ride to where they’re at. I guess they were on South Beach. He wrote an interesting email, a play by play, because when he arrives there, he finds out or she tells him, “Oh, I hope we get seated soon before I have to leave to go meet my girlfriend for dinner.” And he’s thinking, you know, he got all dressed up, he had a date with this girl, he took an Uber down there, and then she’s like, “I’ve got an hour and a half, and I’m going to go have dinner with somebody else.”
So, what do you do in that case? It’s an interesting story of how he got thrown a curve ball. Obviously, he gets dressed up, his evening is cleared to spend time with her, and she’s kind of treating him like he’s an entertainment option for the evening. And I just like his attitude and the way he handled himself. And then after he walked her back to her hotel, what he did afterwards, which I thought was classic.
I have been following your work for about a year and a half, and I have listened to your book 7 times.
Obviously he’s talking about “How To Be A 3% Man,” the first one. You can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter. And you can read “Mastering Yourself” also for free. It’s a book on self-reliance.
You have not only changed my dating life, but your work has inspired me to change careers and focus on my mission in life as well.
Both of my books are definitely helpful for that.
I wanted to share a story about my 12-minute date with you that I think you would get a kick out of. I was at a singles event in south Florida, where I live. Since there were more guys than girls at this event, every time I tried to have a conversation with an attractive girl, 2 or 3 guys would interrupt.
Guys that didn’t know what they were doing. Helpful cock blockers, if you will.
Whenever that happened, I gave the girl a James Bond smirk and said, “Didn’t realize you were such a playa, I’ll circle back around later.” Then I would stroll off and concentrate on having fun and talking to as many people as possible. On my way out, I put my John Wayne pants on and approached 3 of the women I had done this to…
So, for those of you that don’t know, maybe you’re of the younger generation, John Wayne was a famous man’s man kind of actor. He passed away in the 1970s, did a ton of Westerns. He did things like put women, lay them across his lap when they got out of line and spanked them on camera and things of that nature, because what woman doesn’t deserve a good spanking every now and then?
…and said something to the effect of, “We didn’t have a chance to talk tonight, but I want to take you out this week. Let me get your number.” I got all three numbers and one literally said, “Wow, you are one confident man.”
So, just because you get the phone number doesn’t mean that they’re really super into you and want to date you. A lot of guys think, “Hey, she gave me her phone number. Obviously, she must be interested.” That’s just not the case. Again, I go into detail on that in “How To Be A 3% Man.”
I am not a particularly attractive guy, but I have been hitting the gym hard over the past year or so and working on my body language and confidence. Apparently, that and CCW is all you need.
Well, basically what I teach is a mindset and a strategy, a way of handling things in life, and especially your interactions with other people, not just in your personal life, but also your professional life. Because what you do is, just like the quote talked about in the beginning of the video, you cause people to reveal their true interests and intentions in you. There’s a lot of people in this world, actually, most of the people you’re going to encounter, who are happy to waste your time, because people who don’t value their time don’t value other people’s time, and that’s why they have no problem wasting it.
So, you don’t want to be spending your time with people who are happy to waste it and have you spend money on them so they can get whatever it is that they want from you — whether it’s entertainment, or a free meal, or free drinks, or validation for their ego or whatever it happens to be. You want to make sure you’re spending time with somebody that really digs you.
Two days later, I got a little lazy and instead of calling, I texted them. What can I say Coach. When you are in an abundance mindset you start slacking. I texted, “ Hey Jessica, it’s Bob. Let’s grab drinks. When are you available to get together this week?”
At the end of the day, like I talk about my book, it’s more masculine to pick up the phone and call and talk to somebody. It shows more risk, versus just sending a text. But again, it’s up to you, your personal preference. I like calling. I hate texting, it’s a pain in the ass, especially typing on a little screen, unless you’re using iMessage or something. So, I prefer phone calls.
I got 2 responses and 1 definite date. I will send you my back and forth with her. I am pretty sure Coach couldn’t do better.
So, let me pull up his text exchange and see what he said. This is his text to her when he tries to set up a date:
Him: “Hey Jessica, it’s Bob. I just got back to Miami. Let’s grab drinks. When are you available to get together this week?”
Her: “Hey! Tonight or tomorrow works, or early on Thursday.”
Him: “Great. Tomorrow night at 8:30 pm. Let’s meet at Yard House.”
Her: “Can we do Miami Beach or closer? That’s kind of far.”
Him: “Sure. How about Flanigan’s?”
Him: “On Second thought, where in Miami Beach are you staying? I know of a cool place down there.”
Her: “I’m staying at the Cadillac, like right past the Fountainbleu.”
Him: “Perfect. Let’s meet at the Faena Hotel.”
Her: “Yeah, that works — much easier to get to!”
So, keep in mind, he’s going out of his way to get to her and he’s making it really easy for her to get to him. That’s the only thing I’m kind of noticing. He’s willing to travel to see her. She’s like, “Oh, that’s kind of far.”
Him: “Perfect. See you then.”
Her: “Perfect! How does 6:30–6:45 sound?”
Him: “Hey good morning. I have a packed schedule today, so I won’t be able to get down to Miami Beach before 8:30.”
So, she’s trying to change the date around as well. Remember, I talk about women who try to change plans in “How To Be A 3% Man.” Because what you’re looking for is flexibility. Are they excited and enthusiastic to make plans with you, or not? So like in this case, she’s trying to get him to to change the time to get together. She wants him to come closer to her. And so, he basically is coming to where it’s a few minutes walk from her hotel. So, he obviously he says he can’t get down there until 8:30.
Her: “I totally get it! If I come up by Surfside/Aventura area, can you do earlier? My work schedule has been a little crazy, so I’ve been a bit all over.”
Him: “Good morning princess, I didn’t realize you were such a worker bee. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything before 8:00 pm. But sounds like you have a lot going on with work and all, and I wouldn’t want to add to your stress. Why don’t we get together another night when you are stress free and able to chill if tonight is not good for you.”
So, he’s doing the takeaway, which is smart. He’s sensing a lack of enthusiasm, and she’s not really willing to go out of her way to spend time with him. It’s kind of like, “Oh, I’ll spend time with you if I can fit you in.” That’s kind of her attitude. So it’s like, why would you want to take your evening, make it available for her, and his case, take an expensive Uber ride, just for somebody that’s like, “Meh.” And so, he’s doing the takeaway, because he’s smartly recognizing that there is an enthusiasm gap, and he’s thinking, “Why would I want to spend my time with this girl if she’s already behaving this way? I want to make sure she really wants to see me.”
So he does a takeaway and she says,
Her: “Ha-ha I am a busy bee — you just didn’t realize it! 8:00 pm works tonight and/or happy to go out when I come back from L.A. in a week or so.”
So, she says she’s willing to meet at the time that he agrees with, which is 8:00. He said he couldn’t get there before 8:30, and then he agrees to 8:00 pm. So, at that point I would have said, “Well I can’t get there before 8:30. Does 8:30 work for you?” I would have reiterated that. And you’ll see why as we go down on the email, the real reason why she wants to meet earlier.
Him: “Great. I’ll see you tonight, 8:00 pm at the Faena in Miami Beach.”
And then she arrives and says,
Him: “Hit a little traffic turning from 41st. Should be there in about 2–5 minutes.”
Him: “My apologies. A bunch of streets are closed down. Should be there in a few.”
Her: “No worries!”
Him: “Where are you?”
Her: “Sitting at the bar.”
So, we’ll pick back up in our email.
We made our date for 8 pm, but my Uber hit traffic and I arrived at 8:10. She’s is from L.A. but visits Miami a lot. For an L.A. and Miami girl, she was actually on time. The bar was packed, but I had a plan B. So, I started walking towards the outside restaurant in the bar when she told me that she hopes we find a seat soon, because she would really like to get to know me before she leaves at 9:30 to meet a friend at a restaurant.
So, oftentimes women will do things like that in case the date doesn’t go well, they can ditch the guy and say, “Oh, I have to meet somebody else.” But it just shows that he wasn’t a priority for her. And so, the one thing I will say after going through his text exchange, and then obviously knowing the email, is that he said he couldn’t be there before 8:30, but then he made plans to be there at 8:00. And doing the takeaway, she said she could do 8:00, but if he couldn’t get there until 8:30, I would have said, “Yeah, let’s just get together when you get back in town.” He obviously liked the girl, but this is what happens. He’s probably more more into her than she is into him. And plus, he’s driving to her. But I like how he handles this after.
I calmly and politely asked her how she got to the date. She said she walked the 5 blocks from her hotel. I did a mental calculation in my head and said, “What would Coach Corey do?”
At this point, it’s like, why? Why spend your time with somebody who has little to no enthusiasm and is just going to fit you in? Because you supposedly had a date, but she doesn’t tell you that she’s made plans to do something with somebody else. So, it just shows her interest is low. It’s like, why would you want to take up your valuable time. If you’ve only got one or two open evenings a week, why would you want to make a date with somebody that’s got this attitude?
Who cares how cute she is? If they’re not going to treat me like I’m a priority, if I’m making time on my schedule for you, and you’re like, “Oh, yeah, I could spend a few minutes with you.” No, go spend a few minutes with somebody else. Call one of those soy-lennial guys, I’m sure they’ll be happy to be a dancing monkey for you and entertain you.
Trust me, I know you probably would have ended the date right there, but I didn’t know how to do that without coming off butt hurt. I said to her, “Great, I will walk you back to your hotel.” She looked confused and said, “Wait, are you ending this date?” With a smile on my face, I said, “Yes, it seems like you are busy this evening, so I wouldn’t want you to be late for your other appointments. When I take out a girl, I like to get to know them and spend time with them without a schedule. But thank you for the hour you allotted me.” She said, “It’s an hour and 15 minutes we have.” I playfully thanked her majesty for the extra 15 minutes and said, “I am happy to walk you back to your hotel, unless you don’t feel comfortable and don’t want me to.”
I like this. It’s like, why not? Because I’m a low priority. I’ll walk you back to the hotel, and that’s all the time you’re going to get of mine.
She agreed, and I walked her there via the Miami boardwalk with the stars shining and the warm wind blowing. Of course, I had to turn the charm and cocky funny up to an 11. And by the time we got to the hotel, she was sad and said she wishes we had more time together. I told her the next time she is in town to call me, and we will schedule a real date.
So, I like how you recovered. Now, he’s saying, call me when you’re in town next. Because at the end of the day, he takes a step back and looks this and goes, “I’m going to do the best I can with the shit sandwich that I’ve been served here,” which I think he did a great job overall, other than the text exchange.
And that’s part of the problem. You’re a little too flexible to agreeing to her terms and you see why. You see why being that flexible really revealed that she wasn’t that into it. And so, you should have just said, “You know, it sounds like your schedule’s busy, so why don’t you call me when you get back from L.A., and we’ll plan something then,” and leave it at that.
Because if she calls when she gets back in town from L.A., it means her interest went up, and if she doesn’t, then it means she really wasn’t that into him. And so therefore, he saved himself the Uber ride and getting all dressed up and could easily spend his evening with somebody else — which the evening’s not over. So, it’s not the end of the story yet.
But like I said, in this case, he does a good job. He put the ball in her court and he says, “Hey, get in touch when you’re you’re back from L.A., and we’ll go on a real date.” And that may be enough to cause her to respect him for the fact that he stood up to her and wasn’t going to waste his time. And in a playful way, he ended the date. In other words, he didn’t sit there and go, “Well, I’ve got an hour, let me take advantage of it.” He was like, “Oh, well, you’re obviously busy. I’ll just walk you back to your hotel.” So in other words, he kind of treated her as a low priority.
He was being a gentleman, he walked her back to the hotel, he had some laughs along the way, but he’s like, “I’m not gonna spend any money on this girl. I’m not going to spend any time with her when she’s made me a low priority and she’s going to go do something with somebody else.” So I like the recovery. Because that may be enough to cause her to be thinking about him over the next few weeks. And then when she does get back in town, she’ll text him and probably apologize again for having something else lined up and then will have her schedule open.
Because at the end of the day, your job is to hang out, and have fun and hook up. That’s it, as a man. And so, obviously, with her having somebody else planned afterwards, she’s got the cock blocking thing all arranged. She’s meeting a “friend.” The friend could be the guy that she’s actually fucking. We don’t really know, but it’s probably a good assumption to assume that it’s some other dude that she’s meeting. Maybe it’s a girlfriend, but it also could just as easily be the guy she’s actually sleeping with.
And so, the next time, say she comes back in a couple of weeks and gets in touch, I would definitely make her drive up to where you are. And if it becomes an issue, she says, “Oh, why don’t you come this way,” I would just say, “Look, I drove down last time and you had a date, you had plans with somebody else. So it’s like, I’d love to see you, but I want to see you making a mutual effort to come see me, because I went out of my way to see you last time,” and see what she says.
If she’s flexible, which is what you want, she’ll agree to take a longer Uber ride to you to make up for the fact that she jerked you around the last time. And if she’s not willing to do that, then fuck her. She’s not worth your time. Don’t jump through your butt for a woman that jerks you around, because that just shows you have no self-respect, and that will cause her to lose respect for you. And women can never love a guy that they don’t respect, that will put up with their crap.
If she’s not going to treat you like a priority and she wants to treat you like as an entertainment option, somebody to entertain her for an hour and buy her free drinks until the guy that she’s fucking and wants to spend time with is available? I don’t think so. That’s why you make women go through these hoops when they treat you this way. You want to make sure if you’re going to spend time with her, she’s really into you and you have a chance at seducing her. It’s not some chick that’s trying to use you as filler material for her evening, so she has an active social life.
And so, by making her drive to near where you are, it’s close. A lot of times, I’ll just have women just come to my building, and then we can go somewhere that’s nearby. We can walk there. And then, that makes a successful seduction pretty easy. So, you’ve got to think about of all these things.
So, back to our story. He says, “I told her next time she’s in town to call me, and we’ll schedule a real date.” Don’t ever call or text her for any reason. Don’t reach out to her. You want to see that she makes the effort. Because if she makes the effort to reach out to you, it means her interest has gone up. And that’s what you want. And that means she’ll be more flexible the next time around.
She agreed, and we hugged and said good night. The entire date was from 8:10 to 8:22, a 12-minute date. Obviously, if she ever calls me I’m gonna tell her to come to my place and bring a bottle of wine. I spent $60 on an Uber that night and got all dressed up. That ain’t happening again.
On my way home I called one of my fuck buddies, (yeah I have one of those thanks to you Coach), and had an awesome rest of my night.
Thanks Coach, and keep up the good work.
So, I think it’s a great email. It’s a great recovery. You’re making the best of a bad situation, and you’re setting yourself up so if there’s some level of interest, to a five or six, as the next couple of weeks go by, her attitude might change. Maybe things get screwed up with the guy that she was actually fucking, and then she shows more enthusiasm. You just never know what’s going on on the other side.
But the important thing is you handle yourself like he did, like somebody that’s valuable and values this time and is not going to let anybody waste it. It doesn’t matter how pretty she is. And she got nothing free out of it. The only thing that cost him was his time and obviously the Uber ride.
But if she wants to ever see this guy again, she’s going to have to spend the money for an Uber ride to drive to see him. And then, that’ll make it much easier for a seduction, so you get it up to technically seducing her on the second date, if you call the 12-minute one an actual date. So good job, dude. Cheers to you.
If you’d like to get one of these Teespring mugs, go to Teespring.com at the Coach Corey Wayne store. And if you’re having a challenge in your personal and professional life and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab the top of your screen and book a session with yours truly.
“We all want to be loved by someone we love. However, most people that we will encounter won’t share the same level of enthusiasm for us that we do for them. People who are desperate for attention, validation and love will tolerate low interest and a lack of enthusiasm. People who love and value themselves will create the conditions where a person who demonstrates low enthusiasm for them either increases their effort in order to spend time together, or they will politely decline spending any time together at all. Never tolerate people who have low standards and low enthusiasm for what you have to offer. Having high standards means that you are happy to have nothing until the right people and circumstances manifest. Whatever you tolerate, you invite more of into your life.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne