We Only Have Sex Once Per Month. How Do I Turn It Around?
How to rekindle your romance when you only have sex once per month.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 25 year old viewer whose been dating his girlfriend for about 2 years. He says she has rejected him so many times when he wanted sex that he gave up trying to seduce her. They only have sex once per month. She seems flirty with men in their mutual friends group, but keeps asking when will he propose. He’s unhappy and doesn’t know what to do to turn it around. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “We Only Have Sex Once Per Month. How Do I Turn It Around?”
Well, that’s also known as the dead bedroom. So this particular email this guy is 25 years old. He’s been dating his girlfriend for about two years, and he says that she’s rejected him so many times when he wanted to have sex with her that he just completely gave up on trying to seduce her. And he says, now, as it stands, they’re only having sex once per month. And so they have a mutual friend group. And apparently one of her close female friends is actually dating a guy that she used to hook up with.
And so one of the things that they do enjoy is going to music festivals together. And so he notices that she seems very flirtatious and friendly towards this guy who’s “just a friend.” He’s a little insecure about it. And so he’s basically in a situation here. I don’t know how long he’s been following me. He’s got the Audible Book. He says he’s listened to 3% Man twice. But when I read through his email, it doesn’t seem like any of his behavior has changed from what it was before. He also says he works about 50 hours a week.
His girlfriend comes home about two hours after he does, and they’re just so tired. He doesn’t have any time to date her. So the courtship ended some time ago. But it’s not dawning on him that he needs to get back to dating and courting her, because he’s been through The Book twice. There is a chapter in there that says, “The Courtship Never Ends.” And the big reason, there was a video we did, I think it was a reaction video. It was a psychologist or a therapist.
A woman went into this question. And I talk about this all the time. The reason why women stop sleeping with their boyfriends or their husbands is they don’t feel safe. And the reason they don’t feel safe is because the man is no longer being the leader, the head of the household. And you can kind of see with some of the interactions here with this guy, that she’s kind of the man in the relationship, and he’s kind of acting like the insecure chick that’s hoping to get her to pay attention, instead of being the guy that she fell in love with.
And even though he’s been through The Book twice, just like I was saying a second ago, he’s not really changing his approach at all. And he’s tried complaining about the lack of sex. But as The Book talks about and I’ve been saying for years, there’s three things that a guy focuses on. Number one, a man’s job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. So. The three H’s. Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and when the signs are there, that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, then you escalate things physically.
Women are not light switches. You don’t just decide, “Hey, I’m ready to have sex. Drop your pants and let me have my way with you.” It doesn’t work that way. It’s a process. And the hang out, have fun, hook up. The hookup part is always at the end. The hookup part comes at the end of a date. For those guys that are going on a first date with a girl, and they’re following what’s in The Book, and they take her to three different places. Typically, it’s going to be about 4 or 5 hours before the average woman in the West, “Western Women”, warm up to the point where they’re ready and potentially open to sleeping with a guy, because they spent enough time, and they feel safe and comfortable being alone with him.
And so what this guy has to do is, he has to get back to being the guy that he was before, but instead, it seems like he’s on the outside kind of looking in and trying to look for the right moment to just jump on his wife, and she’s just going to give it up. It’s amazing that he can go through this Book twice, and he still doesn’t have a clue what to do. So let’s go through his email, because partly the other thing is he probably feels so rejected and he’s so emotionally anchored to that that he really can’t see any other way to operate, because, again, he’s become emotionally locked in to this behavior that’s just simply not working.
And on top of that, again, his wife’s not sleeping with him because she doesn’t feel safe with him. She doesn’t feel like she’s with a man. She doesn’t feel like she’s with the guy that can lead her, that she can look up to and admire. It’s almost like in a lot of ways, she’s with a guy that’s kind of behaving like a child. Or like a man that she has to take care of, or tell what to do in order to be a man. And women just do not like that. You’re supposed to be more masculine than they are. You’re supposed to be the leader. You’re supposed to plan the dates. You’re supposed to get the babysitter. You’re supposed to make the dinner arrangements or reservations.
If you’re taking her away for the weekend, it’s up to you to plan the trip out and not say, “Hey, what do you want to do?” And so in a lot of ways, this guy is completely abdicated his leadership role and the relationship. And so she doesn’t feel safe with him anymore, and they’re roommates. And on top of that, what’s frustrating to him is she’s constantly asking him, “Hey, when are we going to get engaged? When are we going to get married?” And so no guy, whether he’s screwing up or not, wants to marry a woman that they barely have sex with once a month. It’s like, what’s the point of that? That’s mostly they’re glorified roommates at this point. So let’s go through his email.
Viewer Email:
Hey Coach,
My name is Bob and I’m 25 years old, my girlfriend is a couple months older. Just want thank you for your content on YouTube and your book, I have the audible version, which I’ve listened to twice, and kindle version that I’m working on right now.
Well, you can read The Book a thousand times, but if you don’t apply it and you keep doing your same failed approach, nothing’s going to change. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got.
I’ve been in a relationship with my girl for two years and due to circumstances, we’ve been living together for more than half of our relationship, which I understand is a big no no.
Well, if you’ve been living together and if you’ve been dating for a year and you move in after a year, year and a half, I don’t see a problem with that. I mean, I’ve always lived with my long term girlfriends, and it’s been wonderful. I know a lot of the dudes in the Red Pill community are, I mean, they’re just pretty much anti-women. They’re very nihilistic. So I don’t really pay attention to what they have to say. But I do see their influence on the guys that come to me because they’re not getting helped.
Because at the end of the day, this guy wants to date and seduce his girl, and especially if he’s consuming Red Pill content, he’s going to be angry. He’s going to be pissed off because this is a common thing that dudes in the Red Pill community complain about is, “Oh, my wife doesn’t want to sleep with my. My girlfriend doesn’t want to sleep with me.” Well, they don’t want to sleep with you because they don’t feel safe, because you’re not acting like a man. That’s the bottom line. If you don’t change that, you complaining about is not going to make them want to sleep with you. You’re consuming nonsensical Red Pill Content is not going to help your relationship.
However, at the beginning of our relationship, I’d say that her attraction level to me was 10. I was doing all the right things, we were going out on dates and I was courting her, we were having sex consistently, and now I’d say it’s a 5, we have sex once a month I’m at the point where I’ve stopped trying to have sex due to how many excuses she gives me.
Well, again, if you’re trying to seduce her and you’re getting rejected, you’re not applying what’s in The Book. Because if you’re applying what’s in The Book, your girl is going to be wanting sex more than you do. And so that tells me he’s been through The Book a couple of times, but he’s still begging and groveling for sex. In other words, he hasn’t changed his approach at all.
So The Book’s not going to help you until you actually start applying it and start acting like the man in the relationship. Because, again, the Red Pill stuff just kind of validates you doing nothing. It kind of validates you being cynical and nihilistic, because that’s how pretty much most of those dudes are. And when I see people come to my comments, they’re all the same way. It’s like they’re all kind of brainwashed. They all think the same way. “Oh, it’s not my fault I’m doing. It’s modern women.” Which is absurd.
However, at the beginning of our relationship, I’d say that her attraction level to me was 10.
He was doing everything right. And so, what you do to get her, is what you do to keep her. You have to date and court your wife. Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced. She’s playing with her hair. She’s twirling her hair around her fingers. She’s touching your arm. She’s bumping into you as you walk together. She’s standing so close to literally where she’s bumping into you. You can use “The Kiss Test.”
You look at her lips. It’s all detailed in The Book. You look at her lips, then into her eyes and to her lips again, and then back into her eyes. And if she looks at your lips, that means she’s ready to be kissed. So you kiss her. You’re not going to get rejected when you do that again. This guy’s been through The Book twice, and it still doesn’t dawn on him, but he’s still continuing to do the same things that aren’t working. Which is basically nothing.
He’s not dating her, and he’s complaining that she doesn’t want to sleep with him, because the courtship is over. So he stopped trying. Listen to this. This is absurd. This guy is 25 years old, doesn’t have kids or nothing. So this is part of his story. This is why he can’t do anything to change his relationship. Because now he’s made this story. Listen to this sentence. Remember, this guy’s 25 years old, doesn’t own his own business. He’s just 25 year old dude working for somebody else.
We don’t have time to go out because I work 50 hours.
Dude. 50 hours. Really? That’s it. Come on, man.
And she gets off work 2 hours after me.
You got the weekends. There’s always time. You’re working 50 hours a week. “Ah, I got no time.” You don’t have any kids. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Come on, dude. You’re a child. Throw some kids in there and some nieces and nephews and some dogs. It’s like, yeah, we’ll see what a man you are then. It’s like you can’t handle 50 hours a week, and you can’t ever find a time to take your girl out. Again, that’s part of your story.
That tells me Probably you’re so butthurt that you haven’t been getting any pussy that you’re refusing to take her out on dates, and then your excuse is, “Oh, I work 50 hours and she gets home two hours after me. Oh, well, we can’t do anything.” Well, you can make dinner together at night. You can play naked twister. You can play a board game. You can hang out and have a glass of wine.
And if you’re not a drinker, coffee, tea, espresso, macchiato, whatever it is you’re going to do, hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and hook up when she comes home. First thing you should say is, “Hey babe, how was your day?” From this day forward, every time she comes home. “Hey, babe, how was your day? Tell me about it. Oh, really? What happened? How’d work go?” Get her to talk.
That creates rapport. But she comes home, you’re pissed off because you ain’t getting any pussy. You won’t take her out on dates. You probably don’t want to talk to her very much. And so everything you’re doing probably makes her feel like you don’t give a shit. You’ve checked out. You’re roommates at this point.
However we’re big into music festivals and we go on trips to these festivals quite often.
Remember, he said he didn’t have any time to go out on dates, but he’s got time to go to a music festival. Again. That’s how absurd his story is. Again, his story when he says that, “Oh, we don’t have time. I work 50 hours a week. I don’t have time to take my girl on a dates.” Well, weren’t you working when you met her? You had time. Then you made time because you were getting pussy. Now you stop because you don’t get no pussy. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. That’s the formula. Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen.
If you were dating and courting her, and romancing her properly, and you came home and you were tired and you just wanted to bust a nut, you could go up to her, put your arms around her or her hands down her pants, pull them down, start rubbing her. Get her all wet and you could slide it right in. And she would love that. But because she doesn’t feel safe with you, she doesn’t want to be touched. So it’s a process. You got to commit to the process.
You did it in the beginning and then you stopped. This is the biggest complaint that all women have. Guys are romantic at first when we first started dating and then they stop. The courtship never ends. If you don’t date and court, your girlfriend or your wife, eventually some other guy is going to come along and do that for you. It’s just a fact of life. You don’t like it, don’t date women, don’t be in a relationship.
And I feel an increase in attraction from her for multiple reasons, we’re not stressed, we enjoy each others company.
Again. You could make dinner together at home at night and put some music on and just talk and hang out, maybe play a board game or something and just get her to do most of the talking, just like you would on the first date. “Hey babe, how was your day? What’s new? How’s work going? Are you still having problems with that person at work? Tell me about it. What’s new? You made any progress with that? Is she being any better? Is he being any better? Is your boss being nicer to you?” This is so easy.
And she notices that other women are attracted to me and want to talk to me.
Well, the reason she feels an attraction is you’re actually taking her out to do something fun that she enjoys doing. Hang out. Have fun. Are you having fun at home when you hang out? Probably not. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. It’s really simple. That’s why it works.
This is where it gets complicated. There’s this couple we usually go with and the girl is her best friend, and the guy she apparently used to have sexual relations with which I didn’t find out about until a year or so into our relationship, and now it’s one of the biggest things we fight about.
Why? What do you do about it? Just say, “I don’t want to go with them. I want to take you away for the festival. Let’s go get an Airbnb or let’s go get a cabin or let’s go stay at a bed and breakfast. Let’s go to get a nice hotel where all the action is. Where there’s fun stuff to do.” Figure it out, man. Instead of going with this couple, if it makes you insecure, you’re the one making the plans, but probably you’re abdicating that and your girlfriend’s one planning those and you’re just going along.
Like I said now her attraction level to me is a 5 and she claims she would never do anything to break my trust and she hasn’t.
Yeah. If you’re constantly accusing her of cheating or being disloyal, and you’re always going to these festivals with this couple then that tells me that you’re not making the plans. And if you’re not making the plans, that means you made your girlfriend the man. And no wonder she doesn’t want to have sex with you. You don’t act like a man. You act like a chick. You act like a roommate actually.
However we’re all friends in this group and subtle things she does makes me feel insecure.
You could be the best boyfriend in the world, and if you’re with a disloyal woman and she’s not happy or you slipped up, just go sleep with somebody else. It’s part of the vetting process. So you getting insecure is not helping you. It’s not making you look attractive. So stop fighting and arguing over that. And how about you be a man for a change. And next time there’s a music festival, you plan it out and you plan it out for you and her, and just say, “Oh, what about so-and-so?” And it’s like, “No, I don’t want to go with them. I want just you and I to go.” If she says, “But I want to go with them.” It’s like, “Well, I don’t. It’s like, I want this to be an US weekend.”
She’ll give him more attention then I think necessary.
Probably because she’s trolling you, because you act like a bitch so much about it.
She’ll keep looking back at him, she’ll laugh at everything he says.
Well, she doesn’t respect you because she doesn’t feel safe with you. Because you don’t act like a man and you never take her out on dates.
And then she won’t seem very interested in anything I have to say.
Well, that’s part of again you got there and things weren’t good. It’s like you’re thinking going to one of these festivals is going to solve your problem when just a nice evening at home, making dinner together or cooking something on the grill, having a few cocktails or having some coffee or whatever, or tea if you’re not drinkers. Figure it out, Dude. This is so simple to fix. And you’re not even trying. You’re just bitching.
I try to open with communication and let her know I see this and I’m uncomfortable with it.
“I try to open her up” and then complain. Where does it say hang out, complain about other dudes, and then you’re going to get laid? That’s not the formula. Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and then hook up.
And I’m uncomfortable with it, however I think this behavior is unconscious for her.
Yeah. She doesn’t respect you. She’s not attracted to you. You guys are barely sleeping together, and all you do is whine and complain. You don’t date her anymore. You don’t even try.
After I let her know what’s going it feels like she tries to give me more attention and put forth effort to make sure I don’t feel that way, but it seems obligatory.
Again, you’re talking her into treating you a certain way instead of acting attractive in ways that are consistent with what’s in The Book. Again, The Book’s not going to help you if you don’t change your approach at all. I mean, you’ve been trying it your way for a long time and it’s not working.
Especially since we’re not having sex. She doesn’t have many other friends besides that girl, and it doesn’t look like they’ll be breaking up anytime soon, meanwhile my girl is constantly asking me when I’m going to propose to her. When I think about this situation I have doubts.
Well, I definitely would not propose to a woman you’re only fucking once a month. That’s ridiculous. That’s not even, that doesn’t even qualify as a friends of benefits. That’s like an occasional bust a nut release. Maybe she’s just giving you a mercy fuck once a month to shut you up.
This isn’t all though. She’s a teacher, and there’s a child in her class that she loves. His parents are divorced and don’t seep each other and she says she wants be part of this kids life. Which has lead to the father having her number and sending her cute videos of her son and inviting her to his soccer games. He says I can come too, but as you can imagine I’m not interested, but I’ll go because I don’t want to leave her alone with him.
So your girlfriend completely is the dude in the relationship. You’re just like, along for the ride. You’re like an observer sitting on the outside looking in.
I see the texts and he his respectful, however I’m still uncomfortable with the situation and I personally feel the only child she should be involved with outside of the classroom is mine. I don’t know how to stop these situations from happening and effecting our relationship.
Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. You got to start dating and courting your girlfriend again, Dude. Because if you don’t, eventually one of these other guys is going to get freed up and then he’s going to start fucking your girl, and then she’s going to leave you and go be with him. That’s going to happen if you don’t start dating and courting her. And it’ll either happen before you get married or after you get married because again, I don’t see any change in any of your behavior. I just see a lot of bitching and a lot of complaining, and it’s all her fault and you’re not even dating her. The courtship never ends.
When I do phone sessions with guys that are long term relationships, they all do the same two things. Number one, they don’t date and court, their girlfriend or their wife anymore. The courtship stopped. And number two, they don’t make her feel heard and understood. And making her feel heard and understood does not mean bitching about other men that she’s talking to, or that she used to sleep with. Because all that does is make you look like a needy, insecure jackass and like you’re threatened by every other dude, instead of seeing yourself as a prize and a catch. You have to start dating and courting her dude, there’s no way around it. If you don’t want to date and court her, don’t be in a relationship.
Every time we argue about the first one, she constantly says that she doesn’t want to choose between her best friend and me.
Can you just imagine, how many times has this guy had this conversation about this other guy?
And if she had to she would choose me, but I think the way she says it is designed to make me feel guilty and implies she’ll resent me for it.
Again, you’re not acting like a man. You’re acting like a child. Like a needy, insecure little girl.
When I know our relationship would be that much easier if either situations were nonexistent.
Well, again, take her to go do something with you and her. Make the date. Plan it out. Figure it out. Go do something fun.
I love this girl, I just don’t know how I can move past these things without feeling resentment and if her behavior doesn’t change.
Again, the courtship never ends. And you ended the courtship, and it doesn’t seem like you’re interested in restarting it, other than going to these music festivals. And if you’re not going to change it. It’s like, you might as well tap out now because eventually your girl is going to leave you.
She does everything right on paper, however with body language it feels like she’s toeing the line, and I don’t want to feel this way in a relationship and it seems hard to leave, because we live together. Back to the big no no.
Again. Where you went wrong is you stopped dating her. It’s pretty simple and I don’t know why, but you still haven’t started dating her. And you complaining about not getting enough pussy is, again, you’re not dating and courting her. She doesn’t feel safe. You’re not being a man. You’re complaining about other dudes. There’s no intimacy. You’re not taking the time to make her feel heard and understood. You’re not even having fun together. You’re just roommates that are kind of pissed off at each other.
Please let me know what to do.
Well, that’s in The Book. Again if you’re just going to continue to ignore it. I don’t understand why you’re surprised nothing is changing. Reading The Book does not fix your relationship. You have to fix your relationship. You must participate in your own rescue. And you’re not. You’re not doing anything. You’re not even lifting a finger. It’s like you read The Book and whatever reason, you’re sitting on the sidelines waiting to do anything and then you’re complaining nothing’s changed. Again, life requires your participation. Your relationship requires your participation. And right now, you’re just like the gay male girlfriend that tags along, that she kind of resents.
Please let me know what to do, I know you get a lot of emails, I would love a direct response from you, because you’re one of my idols, but I guarantee I’ll be watching the video when you post it.
But again, Bro, if you don’t do what’s in The Book, if you don’t do what’s in the videos, it’s like you should not be surprised that nothing’s getting better.
And I’ll continue to read your book until I’ve read it 15 times and it’s a lifestyle.
Bob
It’s like, again, you got to do these things. You got to plan time with your girl. You got to plan time with your friends. You got to plan time with your family. And again, one of the most absurd things I read in a long time is telling me that you work 50 hours a week. You just don’t have time to date. It’s like, that’s ridiculous.
You guys live together. You could be having dates at home, making dinner together, just spending time together and having fun. Again. What is the formula? Hang out. Have fun while you’re hanging out. And hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced.
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