How to use the takeaway when women try to change plans at the last minute to see how soft and compliant you are.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares a success story of how he used the takeaway when he had a date set with a woman who lived an hour away, when she tried to change the plans at the last minute.
He shares what he did and said to make sure she really wanted to see him, instead of letting her jerk him around and potentially ruin her attraction for him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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He had much better results because, in essence, the woman is communicating her interest. And it’s always better if women start out pursuing you than the other way around. That’s why I think Bumble, at least right now at the time of this video, is a great dating app that totally lines up with what I teach in How To Be A 3% Man, because it puts women in the position where they are going to do the pursuing, which they naturally do anyway.
And so, what I like about this particular email is right before the date, she tried to change the plans and get him to meet her halfway, if you will. He’s thinking about the logistics of seduction, going to two or three different places with her in the evening and they’re all over each other. I mean, if he’s driven a half hour away, it’s a long drive to go from where they are all the way back to his place. But if they’re just a few minutes away, it just makes things easier to have a successful seduction.
As the man, as leader, as a guy who’s being direct and decisive and getting to the point, and making the plans, and the one who’s driving the fun bus, these are things that you’ve got to think about. So, the other thing to keep in mind is, as a man, you want to make sure that you’re going out on dates with women that really like you and really want to spend time with you. And you’ve got to also keep in mind that sometimes women will try to change the plans at the last minute just to see how compliant or soft you are.
Sometimes, they may suggest something that is just more fun to do or a better restaurant or some other fun activities in the area. That’s fine. But oftentimes, women will try to change the plan just to see if they can jerk you around a little bit, especially if they’ve got two or three guys and they’re trying to figure out which one is the most dominant, which one’s the most masculine, and she’s generally attracted to all of you at about the same level.
And so, how you respond to these compliance tests, or people sometimes call them shit tests, is going to determine whether or not you’re the one who gets the date and seduces her, or she chooses somebody else. He did a pretty good job of setting things up and sticking to his guns, and it’s obviously working out in his favor.
You want somebody who’s mutually choosing you. And if you’re used to having not only great friends choose you and want to spend time with you, but having great women choose you and want to spend time with you, you’re going to make sure that if you’re interacting with somebody that they’re going to make a mutual effort. Because you don’t want to be pushing the wet noodle, so to speak.
And you don’t want to be somebody’s entertainment if they’re just looking for a free meal, something that’s easy and convenient, it’s better than staying at home looking at the four walls. You want to spend your time with somebody who’s genuinely excited about spending time with you, not putting you off, because your time is valuable. Don’t let other people waste it.
I’ve been following your work for several months now and on at least my 17th go around with 3% Man.
So, what does that tell me right away? He’s been following me for several months, and he’s already been through the book 17 times. So, here’s a little cheat code. I think the audiobook’s around seven, eight hours, if I remember off the top of my head for “How To Be A 3% Man.” Get yourself a paperback or a hardcover version of it, along with the audio book. Put the audiobook on two-speed and follow along in the paperback or hardcover as you’re listening to it, and you’ll be able to get through it in three and a half hours. So, that’s a great way to do it.
Then you can highlight things, make notes as you go through it, so you learn it quicker, because it forces you to concentrate on the words of my amazing voice, obviously, as you’re listening to it, but also by reading along, you’re just going to retain it better and learn it quicker, versus just listening to it in the background in your car when you’re stuck in traffic, when you’re occasionally flipping through your phone, or somebody’s calling you, or you’re at the gym working out and occasionally distracted.
The idea is the more you concentrate on it, the quicker you get through it and the quicker you learn it, which is the important thing. Repetition is the mother of skill, so you want to be efficient. You want to be as productive as possible, and that’s the best way to do it. That’s what I do when I read audiobooks is I’ll put it on two-speed and I’ll follow along with the paperback, just because you can get through it a lot quicker and you do a really good job of retaining the information, versus just having it kind of playing in the background, which I know a lot of guys tend to do.
I just had an interesting thing happen that I wanted to share, might be good for a video newsletter where you discuss the takeaway strategy.
So, this is also really super important, because there’s going to be times where you’re going to encounter women that are like, “Eh,” they could take it or leave it. In other words, on a scale of one to ten in their eyes, you’re like a five or a six. So, you’re kind of just barely holding on by your fingernails, as far as her interest. And so, handling this properly will cause her to respect you more and feel attraction for you, provided you do it like this guy did.
I’m in a Facebook group for single hikers in the local area. The premise is members organize group hikes for singles. I’ve only been on one of those. There were three women total, and only one was attractive. Though she was chatty with me, there were three or four other dudes cockblocking me. Not a productive way to meet someone.
Ideally, the best situation is where you can set your life up with what you do socially where the women outnumber the men. Because if there’s more women than guys, you’re going to get approached more. Just work smarter, not harder.
However, the group also does “selfie Sunday” where everyone who wants to posts a selfie of themselves, presumably out in nature. At first, I would go through and like and comment on the women I liked like all the other guys, until I realized the real trick is to post a picture of myself, and from the handful of likes I get from women, pick and message the ones I like.
Simple cheat code, there, a completely different philosophy. Again, this is what I teach. If you’ve seen “How To Create The Ultimate Online Dating Profile,” it’s a completely different mindset than everybody else. Create a profile where women would approach you first and communicate their interests, instead of you DMing and messaging hundreds and hundreds of women who, quite frankly, are outnumbered by men on most of these dating apps. So, you’re going to do a lot more work for a lot less results, and the juice really ain’t worth the squeeze when you do that. But if you set it up to where they message you, it’s a lot better.
So, I have a date planned tonight with a girl I connected with this way. We actually chatted on messenger a few months ago, and the conversation fizzled out.
Yeah, maybe she was in a different headspace at the time. Maybe she had another guy she was talking to that she liked more, and she blew you off. It happens. But life is a circle.
Then she liked my picture again, and this time I asked her out quickly and decisively.
Probably with the help of my book, “How To Be A 3% Man.”
She lives an hour away. I asked if she was willing to drive down to me, and she immediately agreed.
Well, that shows a high level of interest.
We set the date and I shut up. She messaged this morning saying she’s looking forward to it.
So, this is the important thing about setting a date in the future, especially several days in the future. If a woman really likes you and really wants to see you, she’ll say something like, “Hey, are we still on for tonight?” or, “Hey, I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight.” And then a simple response back is like, “Hey, I’m looking forward to seeing you. It’s going to be great. We’re going to have a blast.”
Then, this afternoon, she messaged asking if we could change the plans. She said she just found out she has to work early tomorrow and was wondering if we could meet in the middle.
Why meet in the middle? You’ve got to think about the logistics of sex, like I was talking about earlier in the video.
So, a bit of a dilemma. I want the date to preferably be near my house, with being near her house as second best, and in the middle is the worst.
See, this is what happens when you read the book 17 times in a few months. Serious students pick up on these little subtle nuances that make the difference. Somebody just thumbing through it once or twice, or three or four times is not going to get the nuance of that. He’s not going to get what this woman is trying to do. She’s testing his strength. She squeezing his balls a little bit and seeing what he’s made of.
However, it is an hour drive, and if she legitimately has to work early in the morning, then it is a fair request.
Yeah, you’re not going be a dick about it. You want to approach this tactfully. But also, why would you want to drive and meet in the middle, unless you’re going to meet somewhere where near where she lives? But ideally, you’ve got to think of it from this perspective, she committed to drive an hour to see you. She was excited about that and it’s what she agreed to. And now, she wants you to meet in the middle.
So, if you have lots of choices and lots of options and you have girls that are in your city that are five or ten minutes away that want to spend time with you, versus when that’s an hour away, and now she’s wanting you to meet halfway in the middle, why would I want to do that?
So, I was wondering if I should do the takeaway, or be accommodating. I decided to do both. So, I messaged back and said I had already picked a place and like to have first dates in my town, because I know all the places we can go afterwards, and if there is a second date, then I’m happy to make the drive.
I like that response, because he’s basically saying, “I’m direct, I’m decisive, I’m a leader. I’ve got plans laid out, I’ve got great places where I’m going to take you to. We’re going to have fun.” In other words, he communicated with that statement that he knows what he’s doing and he’s got things planned out. And therefore, all she has to do is show up, look hot and have a good time. A man who knows how to be like a leader. I’m sure that’s refreshing to her, because she probably doesn’t encounter it very often.
But I followed it up with saying that of course that sticks her with the drive, so I’m happy to be flexible if it would be the difference in her being able to make it or cancel, then added that we could also reschedule.
So, in other words, it’s like, “Hey, we can do it another time if it doesn’t work for you.” Because when you say “we can do it another time” without offering a specific day or time, if she really wants to see you, she’ll be like, “No, no, I really want to have the date.” And again, this is why you read the book 17 times in a matter of a few months, because you pick up these little subtle nuances.
If you’re just half-assing it and being lazy, you’re going to miss that. And you miss that little subtle nuance, because you didn’t read the book 10 to 15 times, or 17 times in his case, because he’s actually a serious student, the type of guy that’ll get right into the 3% Club. You can get these sweet mugs at Teespring in the Coach Corey Wayne store — shameless plug there of the day.
So, a little bit of takeaway, while being flexible, but not too flexible. I’m calling it the hybrid takeaway.
So, keep in mind, when you read the books 17 times in a matter of months, you get to know the material pretty well, backwards and forwards. And like I’ve said, it’s not etched in stone. But if you only read it two or three times, you just don’t know the material, you don’t understand the nuances, you don’t understand the philosophy, you don’t understand the vibe, you don’t understand the right way to respond. You’re trying to game everything out, and that comes off as being inauthentic. So, what was her response?
She messaged right back and said she didn’t want to cancel or reschedule, and she’ll keep the original plans.
He was willing to not even have the date and just cancel it, because this is literally a few hours before they’re supposed to get together. And he just communicated, “Hey, I could take it or leave it,” not in a rude or disrespectful way. He’s like, “Oh, if it doesn’t work for you, then hey, we can do it some other time.”
If she’s like, “Yeah, we’ll just do it some other time,” then you don’t waste your time or your money hanging out with a girl that’s really not that into you. But the fact that she kept it and she’s driving an hour to see him, that’s a really good sign. And now she respects him because, again, men who have choice with women, that’s how they’re going to behave. They’re like, “Oh, we’ll just do it some other time. No big deal.”
Maybe it was a test, maybe it wasn’t.
All of life is a test, my man. It was a test. Maybe she didn’t realize it, or not. Maybe she did it on purpose. But she’s throwing it out there just because that’s how women are. They naturally, innately do these things, whether they’re consciously aware of it or not. Now, some women definitely do it on purpose to see what happens, and they will tell you this. But the average woman, it can be 50/50. But the point was her reaction, because he handled it properly, because he understood the philosophy.
I’m not sure, but either way I still have a cute girl driving an hour to come meet me tonight.
Thanks for all you do,
So, this is perfect. This is how you want to handle things when a woman tries to change plans at the last minute, because it shows you’re willing to walk away. Now, a desperate, needy guy is going, “Oh, I’ll drive to you. Oh, oh, if you have to get up early, I’ll drive an hour to you.” And more than likely, she might just be like, “Oh, you know what? I’m really tired. Let’s just do it another night.” And he probably would have even been halfway there and she might have canceled on him. That’s the kind of stuff that happens.
But you stand up for yourself and what you want. And at the end of the day, I like his explanation of the fact that, “Hey, I’d rather stay in my city, because I know the places to go and we’ll have a good time.” So, in other words, he’s a man with a plan. Women like men with plans. If you go to have dinner and you go someplace and they’re like, “Hey, it’s a twenty-minute wait,” instead of going, “What do you want to do? You want to stay here, or go somewhere else,” it’s like, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”
When they say, “Oh, there’s a twenty-minute wait,” it’s like “Great, we can go have some drinks, have a glass of wine at the bar until our table is ready,” and then you lead her over there. You put your name in, get your little buzzer, or whatever. That’s what a leader does. Women like that. They appreciate that, versus guys that are like, “What do you want to do?”
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
“Women want to know that men they are interested in romantically are more in their masculine than they are. Strong masculine men make women who may be in their masculine energy feel safe and comfortable enough to relax into their feminine energy and enjoy willfully submitting and letting men take the lead. Women often will try to change plans at the last minute or use small compliance tests to see how strong and confident men are if they are unsure about them. Unless women have a better date idea, men should suggest sticking to their original plans and offer to cancel or reschedule the date if women appear flakey or unsure about seeing them. Why? High value men only want to spend their time with women who are really into and excited to see them.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne