Using Dating Skills To Get A Job
How to use dating skills to get a job by creating rapport with potential employers and the fear someone else will hire you first.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares a success story of how he recently got a job after the lockdowns ended in his country by using the dating and rapport building skills I teach in my first book, How To Be A 3% Man.
He went to a job fair and was looking and feeling good. He created scarcity between the different potential employers who recognized that he was a sought after high achiever, and they became fearful that someone else would hire him first, as I discuss in my second book, Mastering Yourself. So, he quickly got hired and shares what he did and said to get a job effortlessly. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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If you’re looking for a job, or maybe you’re looking for investors in your startup or just people to be friends with, when you create the perception that you’re a highly sought after individual, whether it’s a romantic prospect or something that has to do with your professional life, other people will see you as being more high value than everybody else that you may be competing against. And so, I thought it was a great success story.
I’ve mentioned this in How To Be A 3% Man. The stuff that’s in here is not just about dating, pickup skills and relationship skills. It’s about being a man, being self-reliant and creating the conditions where you can make your life and lifestyle revolve around what you want to do for a living. And so, this guy did a great job of that.
Hope all is well! I’m writing in to tell you about a success story that is also interesting because of the parallels and overlaps between the dating and professional worlds. To start, I’m on my twelfth read of How To Be A 3% Man and my first read of Mastering Yourself. (You write books faster than I can read them! Looking forward to ordering your third book soon! Congratulations!)
What’s interesting is I first wrote “How To Be A 3% Man” back in 2006, that was the original first edition. And then in 2016 when I did the audiobook, I completely updated it to match the second edition that came out in 2013. Plus, I had a lot of content just on the fly in the studio and obviously that updated content made its way into the current edition of “How To Be A 3% Man.” And so, a lot of these techniques that he used are also going to be in “Mastering Yourself,” and you can read both these books for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter.
In “Mastering Yourself,” I talk about how you create the conditions where you’re perceived as being like the superstar free agent, whether it’s NBA basketball or Major League Baseball or football, where you have these wealthy billionaire guys that hop on their private planes, and they all go visit these sports stars after maybe their rookie deals are up, or maybe when their second or third deal is up and they’re thinking about changing franchises.
And because they’re so sought after and everybody wants to have the best players on their team, you’ve got these guys that are billionaires that will fly halfway around the country or the world, wherever these guys happen to be vacationing to meet with them, and it’s just because scarcity creates value. Because there’s only a handful these really great superstar free agent type athletes available in the off season every year.
And so, you can create that perception, even though you’re just a regular average guy, whether it’s women you want to date or friends that you want to hang out with you, or investors to invest in your startup or your company, or people to simply hire you for a job like this particular guy did. And when you’re perceived as being that superstar, everybody’s going to fight for your attention. In other words, they’ll offer you more money. They’ll offer you jobs on the spot, as opposed to the “Oh, we’ll get back to you” kind of thing.
And then my third book, Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations, which is now out on Audible, paperback and hardcover on Amazon. It’s kind of funny he says I write books faster than you can read them. I wrote “How To Be A 3% Man” originally back in 2006, and “Mastering Yourself” came out in 2018, and people kept complaining, “When are you going to write another book?” And then “Mastering Yourself” was almost 700 pages, and then people were complaining that it was too long.
So they’re complaining first that I didn’t have enough books out, and then I make a really long book with a lot of information in it, and they complain that it’s too long. Typically, the people who complain are the low achievers, the people that are looking to cherry pick, that aren’t really going to make the effort to reach their full potential. So anyway, I digress. Back to our regularly scheduled email.
So, I’m quite familiar with your dating discipline and thus have been focusing on the life purpose/professional realm lately. When I first came across your work two years ago, I was working with different philanthropic organizations as my degree is in the social sciences. I’m 30 years old, but in my late teens and early twenties I worked in different industries as an hourly worker. When the pandemic hit and hiring concentrated on “essential services,” I went back into the food industry to lend my community a helping hand, refusing to accept the fear mongering and succumb to house arrest, like the rest.
Yeah, it was a lot of fun being imprisoned in your own home. And if you guys have seen the Fauci emails that just came out, it’s amazing. Like, a year ago when you would mention that the virus came from a lab, you were called a racist, you were banned from social media, you were ostracized, a conspiracy theorist. And in some of these emails, it’s pretty obvious that the people around Fauci were like, “Hey, we looked at this virus, and this is not a natural thing.” But this guy went and testified in Congressional testimony that it was just something that came from a wet market. That dude should be locked up in prison for the rest of his life for crimes against humanity. But back to our email.
I realized during this time that I missed working with like-minded coworkers and did not miss (at all) the meritocratic college grads with Masters degrees whom I’d worked with since graduation. So now that things are “returning to normal,” I’ve decided I want to stick to customer service while I get certified as a physical therapist and do my own philanthropic projects on the side, without the annoying snowflakes.
A college education these days is a lot of un-educating you, instead of educating you. The reality with college, you should only go to college if it’s going to help you get a job that’s going to pay you well. There’s way too many people graduating with absolutely useless degrees. And then they’re six figures in debt and they end up waiting tables, because they can’t get a job, because they went and got a useless degree.
So, I decided to take advantage of the gigantic hiring sprees we’re seeing everywhere. It seems people aren’t motivated to get back to work, which only creates more opportunities for those like me who were one-hundred percent ready and prepared to get back out there.
Well, I know down here in South Florida, there are several restaurants that have been closed, because the employment benefits are paying them more than they would earn. And it’s good for them. You can understand, why would you go back to work when you’re going to be earning less money than you would on unemployment? But obviously, we’re seeing food appreciating and skyrocket, because employers are having to pay more.
You’ve got an artificial inflation in the labor market now, because you have fewer people willing to work and because, quite frankly, they make more money on unemployment than they do working the jobs that they once had. So, everybody’s talking about inflation, and it’s not across everything, but certain sectors of the economy. I’m sure everybody’s really loving the gas prices going through the roof. It doesn’t affect me personally, but all those middle class people that voted for Dementia Joe, that’s a pretty big tax. But hey, no refunds, you got what you voted for.
I went to a job fair at a local mall, as they’re exciting and fun places to work. Plus, as I am recently single, I also thought it’d be a great place to meet potential prospects!
Lots of women like to go to the malls.
So, I showed up to the job fair and found that the layout was similar to speed-dating — circular tables set up next to each other, they’ll call you later if they’re interested, etc. I first went to a sporting goods store, as I love the outdoors with a passion — camping, kayaking, hiking, love it all. I dressed well and I’ve been going to the gym, so I felt good and looked good, exemplifying alpha physiology.
Remember, think of yourself as that highly sought after sports free agent. You give off that vibe, people are going to sense that, they’re going to notice it. And it’ll make you stand out from all the other average people that you may be competing against, the 97 percenters, if you will.
The main interviewer, who was the store manager, was this beautiful bombshell — blonde highlights, blue eyes, light skin, thick but not fat, charismatic, confident; I could tell she was a total alpha female. The majority of time speaking was spent by her. I thought I’d use the principle of asking questions, as if we were on a date.
Well remember, in any conversation where you’re talking to investors, friends, romantic prospects, whoever is asking the questions is the person that is running and leading the conversation.
I got this girl talking so much, Coach, she was basically telling me her entire life story.
Because the reality is, we all love to talk about ourselves. Our favorite people in the world is us. We love to talk about us. And when we rarely encounter somebody who actually wants to know about us, it causes us to feel more rapport with them. Like, wow! Because when you ask personal questions about somebody, you’re not behaving as somebody who wants a job or wants their money or to date them. You’re giving off the vibe of somebody they already know and they feel close to.
That’s why it causes everybody to drop their guard and feel like, “Wow, I really like this person.” They like you because you’re getting them to talk about themselves. And when was the last time you met a total stranger who actually wanted to listen to something that you had to say? It’s something to think about? I highly recommend Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” I think we should be teaching that to kindergartners.
I did my best to keep a straight face, but in my mind, I was laughing my ass off because I couldn’t believe how effective it was working! A few times during the interview, she snapped out of it as if she realized, “Hey! I’m supposed to be asking the questions here!” We wrapped up, and she told me she’d call if they’re interested. So, I went along and spoke to two or three other companies.
So, when you’ve got multiple companies there, your whole mindset is going to be different because there’s a lot of prospects. You’re not begging somebody for a job. You have the vibe of, which is the best place for me? Who’s going to offer me the most.? And it puts you in a much more powerful position. It’s a lot easier to give off that alpha vibe that you’re a high achiever, you’re highly sought after.
As I was getting ready to leave, the other interviewer from the first store asked me if they could speak with me again. So, I went back and the hottie asked me to go in for a one-on-one interview a few days later. Long story short, I got the job and I’m excited to start!
See that? All he did was take the time to, instead of, “Hey, I want the job,” he’s asking this woman personal questions, getting to know her as a human being. That’s going to cause her or a guy, if it was a guy, to like him, because we all want to work with people that we like. And if somebody takes the time to just get to know you instead of begging for a job, or begging for a date, or begging for an investment in their company, they, in essence, will be trying to convince you why you should be with them, or choose them, choose their company, allow them to invest in your company, choose them to go on a date with. It completely flips the script.
Just like dating, if you make a good impression at a job interview and move along as if you have several options, it creates scarcity in the mind of the employer, as they don’t want to potentially lose you to someone else. Best luck to all the three percenters out there getting back into the force! Hope this helps!
So, I do a lot of coaching with a lot of high level executives, people in Silicon Valley, Fortune 500 companies. A lot of times people, especially in the corporate world, when they’re trying to climb the ladder, they run into the corporate bureaucracy and sometimes they get stuck there. And they’re told to be patient, wait for an opening, something will open up. One of the things I always coach these people, guys and girls both, to do when they’re in these situations is if you kind of hit the glass ceiling, stay at your job, stay busting your ass, but in the background, you should always be prospecting.
Because if somebody is not willing to give you what you want right now, and you’re hungry for it and you don’t want to wait — because time is going to pass regardless, and you want to get to where you want to be as quickly as possible — and you’re not satisfied with being stuck indefinitely, whether it’s months or years to where you can move up to the next rung on the ladder in the corporate world, you want to be out there prospecting and talking to other employers.
The goal is, as a man, you’re trying to achieve your outcome, which is to improve your income, to improve your working conditions and to improve your ability to grow and to learn and maximize your potential. And so, if your current employer is not willing to give you what you want and you’ve kind of hit the glass ceiling, maybe you’re running into a bureaucracy, maybe you’ve got people over you that have got seniority and they’re not as good as you, you’re not going to sit there and take that. You’re in charge of your career.
It’s just like people that complain, “Oh, I need the government to make my employer pay me $15 an hour or $20 dollars an hour.” It’s like, if you’re not happy with what you’re getting, it’s up to you. You are your own free agent representative. And therefore, if somebody’s not willing to give you what you want, in the background you should be looking in your spare time for somebody who will. And so, one of two things will happen. You’ll either find a better opportunity, or when you’re in the process of finding that better opportunity, maybe at your current employer, maybe something opens up.
Either way, success is making progress. If you’re just stuck there and nothing is moving in the company that you’re at, you’re not going to feel like you’re making progress. You’re not going to feel like you’re very successful. And so, the goal is to always be moving forward. “Hey, if these guys don’t recognize my value, if they’re not willing to pay me what I feel I’m worth, I’m going to find it from somewhere else. I’m not going to wait for a frickin’ handout or some lying jerk off politician to force my employer to pay me more or artificially change or influence the labor market. I’m just going to go find somebody who’s willing to pay me what I’m worth.” That’s what self-reliance high achievers do.
And obviously, I go into extensive detail on that in my second book, “Mastering Yourself.” So, I highly recommend you guys go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, subscribe to the email newsletter and get reading on those books, so you can make more money and you can get a better job with better working conditions and better potential for growth and expansion.
So, if you’ve got a challenge or maybe you need some help, maybe you’re in a similar situation, you feel kind of stuck in your current job or where you’re at and you’d like me to help you strategize on what to do — to move forward in that company and how to diplomatically go to your superiors and ask for what you’re looking for — go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab on the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
“Scarcity creates value. When potential employers, friends, investors and romantic prospects have the perception that you are highly desired and have lots of options, they will make more of an effort to convince you to choose them over all other prospects. High achievers are rare, as most people are average and settle for less than they are capable of having. Never get attached to anyone or anything that doesn’t appreciate, celebrate and recognize your value. If you seek, you will find. When you are in professional or personal situations that are not ideal, keep prospecting and looking for better opportunities to maximize your happiness and potential. Having choices and options always makes you feel better about yourself, and others feel better about choosing you.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne