Trying To Fix Women Who Can’t Be Fixed
Why it’s futile trying to fix women who can’t be fixed, because it’s not your job in a relationship to fix them.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is dating a woman he really loves, but he is trying to fix her. She’s a beautiful woman and a great girl according to him, but she’s also a liar who went out on a date with another man behind his back four weeks into their relationship and only admitted it when she got caught.
He thinks he can fix her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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I’m finally deciding to write this email, as I’ve been listening to your videos for quite some time.
Come on, man. You’ve got to read the book.
I just purchased your book, and I am in the process of reading it, so I have not learned everything you have to teach just yet.
Well, serious students read the book 10 to 15 times, so I can understand the mistakes. And you’ll see in the email here, he doesn’t know the material, doesn’t know “How To Be A 3% Man,” he’s been cherry picking and being lazy. Obviously, I like to roast people that are lazy, because I’m the coach and my classroom is teaching the fundamentals of the science of high achievement.
When somebody watches my videos for a long time and they’re just now getting around to reading the book? I talked to a guy the other day in a phone session. The dude’s been following me six years and he just got done going through the book for the second time. I was like, “Come on, man.” That’s just a half-assed, lazy effort.
I am in a relationship currently with a beautiful woman that I love.
Well, I would say I’m sure she’s probably beautiful in your mind, and the feelings of love you have, you’re actually in love with the fantasy of who you want her to be. But the reality is slightly different.
We’ve been together for five months, and throughout the course of our relationship I’ve noticed some red flags.
But, obviously, proceeded anyway.
I’ve come to realize that lying is very easy for her. She is able to lie about things that aren’t important.
Somebody that lies about all kinds of little things, that’s who they are. That is their character. They have a general lack of integrity. That’s reality. It’s not your fault, that sucks, but that’s their parents’ fault, that’s the family’s fault. That’s how they raise them. Your job is to be aware of it and go, “I can’t work with this.” Because if somebody is an adult, they’ve been doing this shit their whole life. This is how they survive.
Just for some reference, she dated a guy for four years that was abusive emotionally and physically, a narcissist, a manipulator, and a sociopath.
Like attracts like. She stayed. Why would she stay in something like that? She doesn’t have a high opinion of herself, her upbringing caused her to believe that that’s what she deserved, and she probably believes that everybody is like that. That’s why she lies, that’s how she survives. She learned to survive by lying.
So, you’re not going to stop her from doing that. No matter how good of a guy you are or how great you treat her or how good you are to her, you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. Once there’s a turd in the punch bowl, well, you’ve kind of got to dump the punch out and start over. And make sure you clean the bowl thoroughly.
After that relationship, she dated a man who tricked her and scammed her out of a lot of money.
Sounds like she’s a great judge of character.
She has trauma done to her, and she never had the time to heal.
I mean, it sucks. It’s tragic, we can be sad for her, but you didn’t do that to her, other people did. You’ve got to see the situation as it is, not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is — not project your La-La Land Disney fantasy onto her and ignore the fact that she’s a train wreck.
Everything in our relationship is going well and about three months into our relationship I started to notice strange behavior.
Well, if the relationship was going so well, there wouldn’t be strange behavior.
Such as when I got close to her, she would lock her phone, or I caught her retelling the story with slightly different details.
So, she’s got an honesty problem and an integrity problem. Those are her values. Her values are lying, and deviousness, and dishonesty. That’s what she values. You obviously don’t. That’s called not being compatible.
So, I had the urge to snoop through her phone. I did, and I found out that she went on a date with a guy about four weeks into our relationship which she never told me about.
Well, why would she? She’s a liar. This is who she is.
She admitted to everything once I confronted her asking who this guy was. They didn’t hook up.
She just went to dinner.
Just dinner. “You don’t have to worry about that guy. Oh, I didn’t really like him.”
She showed me a text that she had with her female friend saying “I went on a date with a guy” that wasn’t me and then she felt extremely guilty and she wasn’t into him at all, she didn’t touch him.
She was afraid to tell me because she doesn’t want to lose me.
Well, she’s a fucking liar. This ain’t the first time she’s done it. She hangs out with liars and sociopaths and people that rip her off. That’s her model of the world, that’s her worldview, that’s what she knows. It sucks, it’s tragic, I feel sad for her, but you didn’t do that to her, we didn’t do that to her. Her family did that to her.
She also lies about little things such as paying for vapes, which I told her I wouldn’t care if she did, but she continues to say that this guy gives it to her for free.
Oh, that’s not the only thing that he’s giving her for free.
I looked at her bank statement and realized that she does indeed pay him, but yet she lied to me about it.
A liar lied. Wow, amazing. That’s amazing. I’m shocked. I’m shocked, I tell you.
I’ve never given her a reason to not be able to be truthful with me, I’ve never overreacted, and I talk very calmly to her.
It doesn’t matter how much of a good guy you are or how much you love her. She’s a liar, she’s obviously a cheater, and she’s devious. Look at her history. You are who you associate with; look at who she associated with. She associated with losers? Guess what, she’s a loser. It sucks, but she’ll probably never going to do anything to help herself. And it’s a tragedy, but karma will deal with her, and ideally, you don’t want to be around for when that karma train comes rolling through.
I’ve never insulted her or yelled at her, not once.
It doesn’t matter how good of a guy you are.
I also snooped recently and found out that after her four-year relationship, she also was sleeping with another man when she told me that she didn’t sleep with him.
She lied about sleeping with somebody else. I’m so shocked. I can’t believe this. Wow!
So, she’s lying also about her past for whatever reason.
Hmm… maybe because she’s a fucking liar.
And I expressed to her that her past wouldn’t bother me, what she did before me is her past and what she does in the present will bother me.
Well, apparently not. Cheating on you and lying to you doesn’t bother you. “Hey, babe, no matter how much you dick me around or dick me down, I’m just going to keep coming back for a second helping and go, ‘That was swell. Thank you. May I have another please?’ This is so much fun, this is great.”
I believe that she lies because she had to lie so much in her four-year relationship.
Dude, she learned this in childhood. It’s a tragedy, it sucks. There’s a lot of shitty people in the world and a lot of shitty parents. It is what it is. Our job is to recognize somebody that comes from a good household, if we’re looking for a relationship, and somebody that doesn’t, they can be in the category of friends with benefits or sex playmate. Always wear a raincoat, of course. Otherwise you might get the gift that keeps on giving.
Her partner in the past would get mad when her family would call her or text her, so she had to mute all her conversations and notifications so that he wouldn’t blow up.
Again, what a great judge of character she is.
She lies because it’s so natural for her and she had to do it for so long, but I really despise how she can lie to my face and not tell me the truth.
Dude, this is as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. She’s a liar. Congratulate her parents, “Congratulations on raising a shitty adult.” It is what it is. It sucks, but it happens a lot.
Besides that, everything in our relationship is great.
Really? That’s great?
We love each other, and we have a special connection that I haven’t felt in the past.
You’re in love with your fantasy, bro. You’re projecting your feelings onto her.
She does tell me the truth a lot.
Well, that makes up for all of the other lies. “A lot”… 60% of the time, maybe? It doesn’t say.
She even shows me when she gets hit on through Instagram or Facebook. She would show me her responses, and I like that she does that.
Well, it really sucks that you’re even having to go through this exercise with her. “Hey, I’ll never screw you over, I’m a Christian. It’s only $19.95 for this amazing thing I’ve got to sell you.”
She also, in the beginning of the relationship, gave me her phone password and said if you ever want my Instagram or Facebook passwords let me know and I’ll give them to you.
But yet, when you got close to her, she’s hiding her phone. Why? Why would she do that? Because she’s a fucking liar.
So, I don’t understand why she lies to me when she tells me that I’ve been her best partner, the most loving, the most caring, and all around just a great guy.
This is why nice guys finish last. This is where it comes from, because you are a sucker, my friend. She lies to you because she’s a liar and a cheater.
I know you’re probably gonna say she belongs in the streets.
Yeah, I’d probably never ever do that in a video. Never.
But I really love this girl and I have such a big heart that I hope that she can change over time.
I’m sure you do, bro, but it doesn’t matter. She belongs to the streets! She ain’t going to change. You ain’t gonna change her!
I would love to hear your feedback on this Coach and make a video about it so the viewers can benefit from it.
Yeah, don’t do what this guy is doing, fellas and ladies.
She also told me her body count is only eight guys.
But she also mentioned that over the course of 10 years she’s been on hundreds of dates, so I doubt that her body count is that low.
Maybe because she’s a liar and is never going to tell you the truth.
I would imagine it’s somewhere around 25. I also had sex with her the first night I took her out.
Hmm… yep! Well, dude, it sucks that you’re in this. I know I’m pretty harsh, but hey, I’m not going to blow sunshine up your ass, dude. It’s like, you can’t fix her, you can’t change her. You’ve got to see her as she is. She’s a liar, she’s a cheater. She’s never going to be faithful. If you have kids with a woman like this, half of your kids might end up not even being yours.
And if I were you, I would go get checked, because you never know with somebody that treats yourself like that, you might get the gift that keeps on giving. You’ve got to be smart about this, and you’re being kind of delusional.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge that you would like to get my help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. And remember, liars and cheaters, they belong to the streets!
“It’s not your job to fix or save anyone in your intimate relationships. You only have control over how you show up. You are not responsible for other people’s opinions of you, nor are you responsible for fixing or saving them from themselves or their mistakes. Your job is to be the best teammate and partner that you can be and to set and enforce healthy boundaries to ensure you only allow like-minded people who share the same goals and values into your inner circle.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne