The Truth About Male Orbiters
The truth about male orbiters who are really just back up guys waiting for their chance with your girl.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who broke up with his girlfriend who always had male orbiters who she insisted were just friends. Not 24 hours after they broke up she was already hooking up with one of them.
She contacted him and told him he was right and she was naive. He refused to take her back but the email is a good example of what typically happens as soon as you breakup with a woman who has many male orbiters.
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Well, I’ve got an email from a guy who’s been following me for a while, and he was inspired by a video newsletter that I did, I think it was last week or the week before about, “Is My Girlfriend Crossing the Line?” I think it was about a week and a half ago I did that video newsletter.
So in that particular one, this guy’s got a very social girl. She’s going out, she’s giving out her phone number. She’s young, early 20s, and obviously it’s making the guy feel uncomfortable. They’ve had some conversations about it, I obviously did the video newsletter about it. His girl is just naively thinking, or maybe she knew what she was doing, it’s possible she’s a liar as well, but at least the first time we want to give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she will respect the boundaries that we set. If she doesn’t, well then you end up with a tail like this.
This particular guy had been dating a girl for a while and he broke up with her for many other reasons, but she had a lot of guy friends, male orbiters, if you will, that she insisted were just friends, “Oh, those guys are not interested in me. That’s ridiculous. We’re strictly just friends.” Not even 24 hours later after he cut this off, one of the guys come over, brings a 12-pack, obviously cocaine and some other party favors and she ends up hooking up with the guy.
So it’s an interesting story. You get a picture of literally what happens when one of these girls who claims that, “He’s just a friend.” “You say he’s just a friend.” Well, it turns out, he was more than a friend. So it’s interesting what happens.
Viewer’s Email:
Hey Coach,
I was in an identical situation to the guy who wrote about “Is My Girlfriend Crossing the Line?“
I think he’d find value in reading this email, if you want to forward it to him.
Because obviously in the comments, a lot of guys are like, “Yeah right, dude. She’s not going to respect those boundaries.” Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. It all boils back down at the end of the day, what is her character like? Because character is destiny. If she’s a ratchet, obviously it’s not going to matter, she’s not happy and she’ll cheat. If she has integrity, then she’ll respect the boundaries that you set.
Long story short, I took the approach that you suggested (because I read your book 30 times) and cut off our relationship.
Not even 24 hours after officially cutting it off…
Cutting it off, meaning he broke up with her.
…One of her guy friends came over to her house and brought over a 12-pack, which led to shots and cocaine. He basically got her drunk and high enough for her to agree to sex.
I mean, it’s not surprising. Most women, especially if they’re attractive, have lots of dudes that are just dying to get their chance. As soon as she gets freed up, they’re like, “Hey girl.”
She described this situation to me as sexual assault but I told her that at the end of the day, “You were the one who put yourself in that situation, and I don’t want to be exclusive with someone who does that,” even if it’s on their own time.
So after this happens, she calls her now ex-boyfriend and go, “Can you believe he came over and brought a six pack of cocaine and I slept with him? He’s such a jerk. I can’t believe he did this to me.”
Remember, sex has got to be the guy’s fault. She doesn’t want to take any personal responsibility for the fact that obviously she probably called him. At the very least, she invited the guy over. Come on. Then she’s shocked that it happened. She’s shocked that he wanted to sleep with her.
Throughout the relationship, I shared the same guy-friend scenarios this guys did and she was coming from a place of being genuinely naive and to no surprise — She disrespected her dad in front of me throughout the relationship and her mom constantly berated him. They were divorced.
Yeah, that’s a really good tell. If the girl does not respect her father, if she’s abusive and berates her father, walks all over him and treats him like a doormat, she’s typically going to treat the men in her life the same exact way she treats her dad.
Even though making the decision was really hard, she came running back to me saying, “You were right, you were right.. I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid. I miss you, I want you… Need you… Guys and girls can’t be friends. I feel like I was raped…”
I can’t say it on YouTube because you get demonetized.
…”Oh my God this is the biggest mistake of my life.”
Fact of the matter is, dealing with her during the relationship was a headache…
Easygoing, easy to get along with. That’s what you’re looking for. A girl who’s got male orbiters and who is insisting naively, “Oh, he’s just the friend. That doesn’t mean anything,” obviously, case in point.
…And even after I briefly gave her a second chance, I couldn’t respect her and I didn’t feel like our love was ever peaceful.
Yeah, man needs some peace, because the world brings enough things into your life that is going to disturb your peace, and you don’t need a woman who is also bringing things into your life that’s disturbing your peace.
You want her to add to your peace. You want her to be easy going, easy to get along with, and you want her to be nice to you. It looks like he had multiple conversations with his girlfriend, and she was naive, “Oh, they’re just friends. It’s no big deal.” Of course, as soon as they break up, one of those friends is, not even 24 hours later, beating up her pelvis.
I’ve since worked on myself some more, put myself out there and am casually dating a couple of great girls that give me a sigh of relief.
Yes, that’s what you want. A sigh of relief. You want some peace. “I need peace.”
Best for this guy to move on and be a man, rather than let some immature girl live rent-free in his head all day. It’s just not worth it.
Bob
Like I said, you got to give her the benefit of the doubt. I mean, if she’s got a lack of character, she’ll slip up again. Then you can walk away and have peace of mind and say, “Hey, I gave her a chance. I told her what my boundaries were and she wasn’t willing to respect him.”
In this case, this girl didn’t respect her father. Obviously, she didn’t respect the boundaries that he set for her either. Now she’s single again. There you have it.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.