The Power Of Playing It Cool
The power of playing it cool to let women come and go, so their attraction for you increases dramatically.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who has been following my work for about three years now. He details how he met a woman who hit on him, but was more reserved on dates. She sometimes would leave him hanging through text, only to respond several days later.
He describes what he did to make her attraction grow so much, she stopped holding back and was all over him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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What’s interesting is that she was really enthusiastic, asked him out, and when he started texting her, she was a lot more reserved than she had been. There were times where she didn’t respond right away, but he was totally unperturbed, it didn’t bother him one way or another. And then by the third or fourth time they got together, she just was all over him.
It really shows the power of being unperturbed, taking your time, and going slightly slower than she is, because it allows that attraction to bubble up on her. Especially when she sees that you’re not getting upset, because most guys she behaves this way with are going to start to get upset and frustrated. And it’s super important, because women are trying to judge which guys have got their shit together, and which guys lose their shit, basically. So, it’s a good email to learn from. These are the little, subtle differences that make the difference between dramatic success and blue balls.
How’s it going, Coach?
It’s going swell. It’s Monday, got to get after it. The grind continues. Even if you’re having a rough day right now and you don’t feel like working, you’ve got to be asking yourself, “What can I do to be the most productive human being that I can be today, to help move myself from where I am to where I want to be in the future, as soon, and as quickly, and as efficiently as possible,” and then put your head down and plow through the work.
“The Way of the Superior Man” is an essential must read for every man. It’s a great, great book.
It’s a great pairing for anyone out there who hasn’t tried it. I got into pickup in my early 20s and started pursuing personal development soon after, but your work was really the missing piece of the puzzle I had always been looking for.
Well, I basically connect the dots between the pickup phase, the dating phase and the relationship phase. And, so far, I haven’t met anybody before or since that successfully ties all three of those together. And if you haven’t read “How To Be A 3% Man” yet, you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, just subscribe to the email newsletter.
I’m 33 now, and I can truly say you’ve helped me be able to have the kinds of relationships I’ve always wanted.
I met this girl about 4 weeks ago at my local watering hole. One of my buddies actually dipped out on me to hook up with a girl, so I was there alone. What happened to bros before hoes? Ha-ha!
Well, obviously your friend was more excited about the cunnilingus. A man does what he must, duty calls. But when things like that happen, you’re expecting to go out with a buddy, you should have the self-esteem of “Hey, I was planning on going out and having a good time tonight, and if my wingman is leaving me to go hang out with another girl, (which you never should leave your wingman, but he did), you’ve got to make the best of it. And at the end of the day, it’s the weekend, you want to go out, you want to have a good time, and the party is wherever you are and you decide it is.
There was a DJ and he started playing a EDM song I like to dance to, so I want out there, and when I walked off the dance floor she stopped me and asked if she could buy me a drink, ha-ha.
It shows a lot of confidence as a man that you’re willing to go out on the dance floor when you’re totally by yourself and make a fool of yourself. Whether you’re a good dancer or not, it doesn’t matter. It’s the fact that you have the confidence to do that, because the number one most important thing that women love in men is confidence. So obviously, that’s why that works so well.
She’s like, “Oh, that’s the only confident guy here. Let me talk to him.” Because confident women will approach a confident man and make her interest known. She even offers to buy him a drink. Isn’t that the way it should be? It’s a man’s world, after all.
If you guys haven’t seen, you should go to my TikTok account, @CoachCoreyWayne. A lot of people on there aren’t familiar with my work, and I have a few videos that we posted in the last week or so. One’s about red flags in women, and wow! If you just go there, look at the avatars, click on the profile picture of the nastiest comments and see the picture of the person, you’re like, “Oh, I see.” So, it obviously set them off. But the message had its intended consequence.
One thing led to another and I got her number. I messaged her a couple days later and we set a date for the following Saturday night. She really likes texting, but I always keep my responses light and humorous and very sparse.
Scarcity creates value. Because almost every guy she’s talking to is going to talk and text too much, try to be cute, try to make jokes through texts that don’t land, and generally talk them out of liking them — and bore them to death on top of that — instead of being direct, decisive and getting to the point. Because the phone is for setting dates. If you like her, she knows you like her, you know she likes you, make a date.
We met at a bar in her area, and to be honest, she didn’t seem very interested in me.
That’s why you should be unperturbed, “Well, all women want me.” I love the references I make sometimes from the James Bond movies, because there are several of them where he meets these women, and the women are like, “James, there’s no way I’m sleeping with you. It’s not going to happen tonight.” And he just smirks at her like, whatever, I’ve heard that a thousand times before. So you have to be unperturbed, unbothered. How would you act if you were kind of bored already?
She did 70–80% of the talking, but she didn’t ask me any questions.
Because when a woman is interested, she wants to know a lot about you. And when she doesn’t care, she doesn’t ask. These are all things covered in “How To Be A 3% Man” that you should know.
When I would playfully touch her, she never reciprocated. I was reading her attraction level at maybe just above a 5.
So, he was underrating it, or he was accurately reading it. The idea is it’s always better to underrate her interest than overrate it, because if you overrate it and you act on that, you’re going to fumble the football.
She seemed very closed off. She’s a pretty successful engineer, and pretty steeped in her masculine side, so it was difficult to try and get her into her feminine.
Yeah, she’s going to need to be with a really strong man in order for that to happen and her to feel safe and comfortable enough to do that, because she’s always the leader in her life, and she isn’t going to let you lead unless you are more masculine than she is.
But it’s obvious she won’t tolerate a weak man. The end of the date came, and we had just a simple kiss on the lips and that was that. She messaged me the next day saying she had fun and we should meet again. I agreed but didn’t set a date because, at the time, I honestly wasn’t feeling it.
Yeah, he was like, “I’m not really that excited.”
We joked a little bit back and forth and then she never responded to my last text.
Because, obviously, he wasn’t direct, decisive and didn’t get to the point and make a date. But, like you said, he was like, “Do I really even want to go out this girl again?” In other words, she’s not displaying enough enthusiasm, and he’s been on enough dates to know the difference between a woman who really likes him and one that’s like, “Ehh.” He wanted more enthusiasm, and she wasn’t displaying enough, so based on how she was showing up, he didn’t even ask her out. But there’s more.
I had all but written her off, but then a week later she messaged me again.
So, in other words, she had kind of talked him out of liking her.
And even through text, it was very apparent her attraction level went from about a 5 to a solid 7 without me doing anything besides being cool and not blowing up her phone.
Well, quite frankly, she didn’t really warrant more of his time, based upon the fact she wasn’t asking him anything about himself. These are all little facets, because you’re just looking for data, you’re trying to figure out in the vetting process, is this person good for me, or not?
This was the week of Christmas. I tried setting a date, but unfortunately our schedules didn’t jive, and we couldn’t make it happen. Christmas day came and that night I had felt like going out. About an hour before, I decided to invite her out. I like spontaneity to a point, and I like a woman who can do the same. And sure enough, she met me out. About 30 minutes in she literally couldn’t keep her hands off me.
You see what’s happened here? He’s going really slow, to the point where he’s like, “I don’t know if I want to go out with this girl again,” and then she really made the effort to let it be known that she was interested by being all over him.
We were making out on the dance floor, at the table. It was amazing to see how her attraction level had elevated.
And he did nothing. He just went way slower than she did.
I went back to her place, and fun things ensued, ha-ha.
Ooh, wonder what that could be.
The following Monday she texted me something stupid and I sent a dumb quip back, and then she never responded.
Dating is like tennis, you hit the ball over the net, she didn’t hit it back, it’s like whatever. Usually that’s the point where the guy that doesn’t know any better gets upset and mad, “What’s wrong? Why haven’t you responded? Why is it taking so long? Did I say something wrong?!” But he’s cool, calm, collected because he’s a 3% man.
I was going to set something up with her for New Year’s Eve, but I have a strict no double texting policy. And even though she had seemed super into me and this had me doubting myself, I trusted what you teach and didn’t chase her.
Yeah, you don’t ever double text. She has to make the effort to earn you as well. It’s not a one way street here.
I went out country dancing on New Year’s Eve with my buddies and had a great time and met probably one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, so it kind of worked out, ha-ha. I messaged her “Happy New Year, hun” at midnight because I felt it was rude not to, and she said the same.
So, does that mean he double texted her? It’s kind of hard to tell. Was it the new girl he texted? Maybe, I’m a little confused. The coach is a little confused he brought another chick into it.
New Year’s Day she messaged me again saying she really wants to see me again. Just like the previous time, not chasing her, and letting her set the pace has her even more into me, with me doing basically nothing. Now that the holidays are over, I set a date for next Friday. I know I should have set a definite date following our first date, which is why she probably kept disappearing on me and testing initially, but I’m not about spending time on someone who isn’t very into me…
Which is the correct response.
…which was the vibe I was getting at first. And with professional women, especially those who work in STEM, you really don’t have any room to slip up, I’ve found.
Yeah, because those women are going to be in their masculine, and the only way they’re going to loosen up and move into their feminine energy is you’ve got to be more masculine than they are.
Thanks to what you teach however, I have easily been able to pass her tests, not over pursue, even when I had slight doubts, and every time I followed through with that her attraction level has gone up. It’s going to be fun to see where things go from here, and I just want to say thanks for all of your work Coach.
Well, you’re welcome. And thanks for sharing this slightly confusing success story. I don’t know if he texted the new girl on New Year’s or it was the other one, because he said he doesn’t double text. But I’m not sure about that. Maybe he can clarify for us in the comments when he sees the video.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page and book a coaching session with yours truly.
“When it comes to romantic attraction and dating, indifference is the difference that makes the difference. Being unperturbed and unfazed by a woman’s high attraction, actions or signs of low attraction communicates over time that a man is masculine, emotionally centered and has emotional self-control. To remain calm, in order to respond effectively when everyone and everything around him is out of control. Being in control of oneself and one’s emotions without losing control attracts a woman effortlessly, as this makes her feel safe and comfortable to trust and follow his leadership.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne