The Phone Is For Setting Dates. Not Getting To Know Her

Coach Corey Wayne
16 min readJun 5, 2024

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Photo by iStock/KucherAV

Why the phone is for setting dates & not getting to know her.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work since 2015. He claims to have a good grasp of the fundamentals and can admit when he’s not following them. However, a few months ago he met a woman he really liked, they hooked up and she started texting him all the time. Instead of simply setting the next date, he became a robot and only set 1 date per week and then precedes to constantly talk to and text her. The only problem was she could never find the time to see him in person anymore. He says he’s really confused as to why. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

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Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “The Phone Is For Setting Dates. Not Getting To Know Her.”

Well, this particular emails from a guy. He claims he’s been following me since 2015, which that’s like nine years at this point. And so, when I go through this email, you’re going to look at this and go, “really? You’ve been following this guy for nine years?” So what’s kind of funny is in the very beginning he’s like, “changed my life and following since 2015, I really understand the fundamentals well and I can always tell when I’m not following them.” However, his whole email is just one big over pursuit of this girl and he has zero self awareness.

He cannot tell that he’s over pursuing her. And so, what happened was he just started talking and texting pretty much since the day they met and hooked up. Then she went out of town or, you know, a few weeks, I think it was comes back and never can seem to find a time to get together with him. Yet he’s talking and texting all the time with her. And then he’s surprised that it’s gone nowhere. And I think he’s in like ten days of No Contact at this point. He’s scratching his head. He’s like, “Ah, it’s really confusing, Coach.” But I mean, it’s pretty; this is a classic case of why the phone is for setting dates.

What happened here at some point after they had hooked up that first time, the power flipped and he just basically became another one of her fans. He treated her like a celebrity, always being available 24/7. “Oh, we’re constantly talking and texting. I thought it was fine because she did 100% of it.” It’s like you just met and you went out on one date, and then plus he’s being a little robotic if she’s calling and texting all the time, instead of just inviting her over or hanging out, he’s like, “I’ll see you next week.” And it’s just it’s a great email to learn from what not to do, and plus this guy just has no self-awareness.

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He claims that he knows when he’s not following the fundamentals. But I mean, he has to follow the fundamentals since he started with this girl and he’s been following me for nine years. So it’s like, bro, you got to do better. You got to really learn what’s in The Book and apply it, and not just cherry pick stuff that’s in videos. And so, when you tell me you’ve been following for nine years and you’re making these basic, I mean, this is like 101, if you ever took college classes, you know, like English 101, those kinds. It is like the basic class.

This is like the basic baseline fundamentals and why you don’t talk and text women all the time, especially when you just met them. It’s unnecessary. Your job is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun, hook up, meet up for a date. That’s it. And instead he’s trying to get to know her and crack jokes and stay in touch and all.

It looks pretty clear that somewhere along the line, like when she came back from her trip, she’s been hanging out with Chad Thunder Cock, and she really does like the attention that this guy gives her, but she jerks him around and blows him off because it’s clear she doesn’t respect him. Because he doesn’t respect himself, nor does he respect his time. And if you don’t respect yourself and you don’t respect your time, then no one else will either, especially women.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

I’ve been following you since 2015 and you’ve changed my life. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read the book.

But how many times have you applied it?

I have a good understanding of the fundamentals and can admit when I’m not following them.

Ah, not from my experience in this email.

Photo by iStock/Phynart Studio

So this situation is confusing me a bit. I met a girl on a dating app a couple of months ago and we hit it off immediately. The first date went amazing. I let her do most of the talking, kept it playful, and we hooked up. She was attracted to how confident and straightforward I was, how well I listened, and how I made her feel understood, and she enjoyed the sex.

So it sounds like he just hooked up one time. Puts her on a pedestal. “This is the one for me. This is the one, Coach.”

After this, we’d text everyday but she was doing 100% of the initiating. I know the phone is for setting dates, but I didn’t see a huge issue in responding and bantering with her because it was her idea.

The phone is for setting dates, not getting to know her, and so if she’s reaching out why aren’t you like, “Hey, come over. What are you doing later? We should get together. I want to see you.” But instead he’s like, “I’m going to set a date a week in the future.” And then constantly be on the phone with her. What happens is it’s boring, there’s nothing mysterious. And if you’re available 24/7, jumping through your butt and instantaneously responding to all of her texts because she initiated it, I mean it’s right out of The Book. I did the same exact thing.

I mean, you say you’ve read The Book so many times you lost count. But these are the exact mistakes I made. And I learned the hard way that you can’t behave this way. Make the date, get off the phone, or she’s sending you memes just like them back. But I mean, this is just such an easy to avoid situation, especially for guys who are following me for nine years.

I’d never really give up information about myself and was only a sounding board for her talking about her day.

Again. This is what you do in person, not over the phone. because what happens is you just become her gay male girlfriend and her emotional tampon, which is exactly what you did. You’re warned in The Book not to do this, but you don’t listen, thinking, “ah, I read The Book more times than I count.” It’s like The Book’s not going to help you if you do the opposite.

We set a date the following week and it went about the same. Then she went to Greece for a month to visit her family after that, but while she was there she’d text me all the time.

And of course he was available 24/7. So what happens is she gets bored.

Photo by iStock/LordHenriVoton

Lots of sexual innuendo, showering me with praise, telling me about her day, etc.

Yeah, but at the end of the day, you’re not getting together with her in person if she’s away for a month. Then I would just maybe once a week do like a FaceTime date, or Skype video or some other kind of zoom call or something, where you can stay in touch.

When she got home we set another date and after that was when everything changed.

Everything changed when you started talking and texting all the time and violating the principles in The Book. That’s what really happened. You just didn’t notice.

We hooked up on the 3rd date but she became evasive afterwards. She’d still reach out everyday but when I’d try to make plans.

And this is how I know that he was smothering her, despite what he’s trying to convince us that he was just following The Book.

but when I’d try to make plans she’d say things like “definite plans stress me out” or “work/life is too busy right now so I’ll have to let you know.”

Yeah, it just shows she likes the attention you get. You put her on a pedestal. You drooled all over her for all these months. In your mind, you’re in an exclusive, serious relationship with her and her mind. You’re just a guy she fucked a couple of times. That’s about it. He’s all focused on his interest in her not paying attention to the fact that they’re not getting together in person. And then when they do, she’s like, “ooh, look at the time. Ooh, I gotta go.”

I do the takeaway and tell her to reach out when her schedule frees up but she’d still want to text me all the time.

It’s like, well, you taught her this. The Book says, don’t do it, and you did it anyways. You’re like, “I’m really confused, Coach.” Well, you did the opposite of what The Book says. This is as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. You didn’t have anything else going on in your life. That’s what you communicated.

You communicated that she was the only girl that you were talking to. Meanwhile, you’re probably just one of the dudes that she’s getting attention and validation from. She’s looking for a man. A man that has a purpose and a mission that’s busy, not a digital pen pal that’s available 24/7 like one of her girls. Or one of her girlfriends, I should say.

Photo by iStock/RealPeopleGroup

I’d match and mirror her behavior and when she noticed my distance, she’d either pursue me more or ask me why I’ve been distant. After a few weeks of this, she completely opened her availability for me and we set a date.

Yeah, he’s like, “I must set a date. Official date. I must pick her up.” If you go out on a date and you hook up with a girl and she’s texting you constantly, it’s like, make the next date. Doesn’t have to be a week in the future. Make a date that week. But again, you trained her that you’re available 24/7 and you will jump through your butt in any time to be there for her.

I think because she thought I was with another girl when I didn’t respond to her text one night.

It’s like, just imagine if you’d have been a little bit more mysterious and intermittent with your calls and your texts, and stuck to the principles in The Book she’d been crazy for you by now.

She cancelled that date last minute to go into work.

Ha ha. Come on. She’d rather go to work than hang out with you. What does that tell you? Well. This, again, I did the same exact things. That’s why it’s in The Book. Don’t do this. And after nine years, you’re thinking this is a good idea. Come on, bro.

So I finally called her out on it.

I said although I understand she’s busy, it felt like she was jerking me around a little bit and that I can’t make plans unless they’re definite.

So you communicated that you were upset with her instead of recognizing and having some self-awareness that. Look what you did, dude. She doesn’t respect you or your time. That’s why she blew you off to go and work. Because she didn’t want to see you. That’s the bottom line. She likes the attention and validation, but it’s probably Chad Thunder Cock who’s beating up her pelvis.

I think I came across as butthurt but I was just fed up and wanted her to respect my time.

Well, getting angry is not going to do that.

She said she respects what I’m saying but my expectations made her feel a little pressured, which kind of felt like bullshit.

Photo by iStock/RgStudio

This is again, this is what happens in your mind. You’re having this relationship with her and in reality you’re just a dude that she talks to, that gives her attention and validation while she fucks Chad Thunder Cock, and just can’t find time because she’s so busy and so stressed out. Life is crazy, she doesn’t have time to see you, but she’s always got time to text. Because Chad Thunder Cock is not doing that. She’s like, “What’s he doing? Where is he at? I haven’t heard from him.”

After that conversation, we haven’t talked much. She texted me a few days later to check if I was safe during an earthquake, so I sent a few replies back.

The phone is for setting dates and he still can’t help but have verbal diarrhea on text. He keeps trying to turn it into a conversation and get her attention.

And asked when she was free.

She said she didn’t have any days off from work for a while.

“I’m so busy. I don’t have any days off any time soon.” Huh. Such a mystery. Oy. Oy, vey.

To which I replied “no problem, let me know when you figure it out. Have a good weekend.” We haven’t spoken since and it’s been about 10 days of no contact. She still watches all my stories but won’t reach out. I have her account muted so I haven’t watched a single one of her stories.

Yeah, at this point, when a girl cancels a date on you, you don’t keep asking for dates. Again. Nine years you’ve been fucking following me. You claim to have read The Book countless times, but you’re like, “oh, this doesn’t apply to me, Coach.” She cancels a date and you can’t wait to try to schedule another one after she wasted your time. Well, you should have done was been nice and a text reply here and back and say, “Hey, gotta run. Talk to you later.” Just be be bored and be unavailable. Be bored of the conversation.

And if you notice she’s not putting much effort so you shouldn’t put much effort. And once she cancels a date like that to say, “I’d rather go to work than fuck you.” That’s not good. You don’t say, “Oh, I can’t wait to make a date with that again.” So it’s clear you’re like a backup plan now, and she’s got to be fucking somebody else. Again, you treated her like a girlfriend and she just treated you like a guy she had fucked a couple of times. You got to pay attention to that, man. You cannot communicate that you’re way more into her, than she is into you. And when you’re available 24/7, you’re just like every other guy that doesn’t get any attention from women.

Photo by iStock/DMEPhotography

How do we go from texting every single day for two months and even her talking about how much she wants to have sex with me, to a day later wanting nothing to do with me?

Again, you violated every principle in The Book, dude. I mean, seriously. What do you think? It’s like, “Coach, I know when I’m not following the fundamentals.” Like. No, you don’t. You don’t have a clue. This went right over your head. The phone is for setting dates. That’s why you violated the principle from the beginning of The Book. And you never stopped. You couldn’t control yourself. You were drooling all over this girl.

You put her on a pedestal and she blew you off and went to fuck a guy that was actually mysterious, and behaved more masculine than you did. So now you’re just a backup plan. And what you do in this case, is you should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. You don’t go meet her out. You don’t go on a big grand gesture date. It’s like she has to bring up getting together.

And if she doesn’t, then again, you shouldn’t be calling or texting this girl for any reason, but it’s like she was using you for attention and validation while she was looking for a guy who actually acted like a man consistently. And then once she found one, that’s why she’s kind of disappeared. Because you’re just a backup plan and she knows she can blow you off, jerk you around, cancel dates, and you’ll still be like, “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Hoo. Hoo. Hoo. Hoo.” Like a dove. Come on Man.

The only thing I can think of is that texting too much killed the mystery.

Uh, yeah.

Or I showed that I was perturbed by standing up for myself.

It didn’t matter at that point.

Maybe another guy?

Yeah, probably.

Or is she just a Froot Loop?

It’s like, eh, I don’t think it’s a Froot Loop because there’s no weird behavior. She was really into you at first, and then you talked and texted her out of liking. You violated the principles in The Book. So it’s your fault. Again, you’re the guy that claims that you can always tell when you’re not following the fundamentals. And it’s like you haven’t followed the fundamentals since you met this girl, so you shouldn’t be surprised that it went sideways on you.

Photo by iStock/courtneyk

Either way, I know no contact, focusing on my purpose, revisiting the book, and dating other women is the only answer, but did I completely screw things up here?

Regards,

Bob

Well if you never hear from her again. Yeah, I mean, she may reach out in the future. And if she does, don’t bring up getting together or anything. Be nice, but make your text replies a little shorter. No enthusiasm, no emojis. It’s like, how would you talk and text her if you were tired of fucking her and some other girl was rocking your world? You’d be nice, you’d be polite, you’d be respectful, but you’d be like, “Hey, I got to run, talk to you later.”

And unless she brings up getting together, then you’re not going to ever going to bring it up again. And if she does bring it up, you invite her over to make dinner at your place. Simple as that. But when you’re bringing it up, she cancels a date on you. And then instead of ignoring that you’re trying to set another date, you’re ignoring the fact that she disrespected you and your time. I mean, that’s all on you, dude. Nine years and this is the best that you can do. Maybe, I don’t know, it’s like, maybe you’re bullshitting me or yourself.

Are you trying to paint a picture like one of those guys, “Oh, Coach, I’ve always been successful with women.” Like, no, you haven’t. Like, can you behave this way? You sound like a guy who just picked up The Book yesterday. You don’t sound like a guy who’s been following me for nine years. That’s pretty bad. So you got some thinking and some studying and some reading to do and actually apply what’s in The Book, not the opposite. Just because you read The Book a bunch of times doesn’t make you immune from the consequences of not following The Book.

It’s clear you were deluding yourself the whole way through it. So I would say the fact that she can’t make time for you is that she’s fucking somebody else. That’s pretty clear. Or maybe the sex really sucked. You know, if she came back and you had sex one time, and then she doesn’t want to get back together and she’s busy, she’d rather go to work than come over and fuck you. Well, then probably you suck in bed. Or maybe you weren’t very good in bed, so you need to reexamine that. You got to get some practice.

Photo by iStock/RealPeopleGroup

You got to get some experience. You got to know what you’re doing. You got to understand a woman’s anatomy and know how to get her off, dude. Got to do better. This whole email was just an absolute train wreck. It’s I mean, it literally tells you in the very beginning of The Book, don’t do these things, here’s why. Then he writes this long email you’ve been following for nine years, going, “I don’t understand record why she hasn’t been calling?” Got to do better.

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We’ve got the 3% Man Study Group with Caroline and the Girls. We’ve got Mastering Your Self Study Group, which is going to launch this week. We’ll have our first episode of that out. And then obviously we’ve got the Viewer Questions podcast with the girls. We have the whole film day, instead of breaking them up into individual videos for each question, because you guys have been requesting that for a long time. And plus we’ve got other videos that are Exclusive Members Only type videos that we’ve done.

We did one on Hamas and Israel. We spent a lot of time on that, but a lot of clips in there got really good feedback on that. For those of you guys that are interested in that topic as well. So again, the links are right underneath this video on the website. If you’re watching this on YouTube, it’ll take you to my Website or to sign up on YouTube or to sign up on Spotify for Members Only.

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Coach Corey Wayne

Life & Peak Performance Coach. I Teach Self-Reliance. Subscribe To My Newsletter To Read My eBooks “3% Man” & “Mastering Yourself” Free: http://bit.ly/CCWeBooks