Should Men Date Multiple Women?
Why it’s a good idea for men to date multiple women before becoming exclusive with anyone.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who has been dating 2 different women for about 2 months. He is sleeping with one of the women, and the other one is getting really close to sleeping with him. However, he feels guilty and doesn’t want to be a jerk and asks what he should do.
The 2nd email is from a 54-year-old guy who is dating and sleeping with multiple women who are more than half his age. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
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Should men date multiple women? Well, I would say, definitely yes, especially when you are reading my book, 3% Man, (my first book), implementing it and trying to get better. Because what we have to understand is that we’ve all seen the same movies and the same TV shows with the same themes, typically unnatural themes. Especially these days, when you compare movies from, say, the 1950s. Or you could go back to something like “It’s a Wonderful Life” with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed, and you look at how men and women interacted in the old days versus how they interact now, where the roles are reversed.
Now, we’re basically taught the opposite of the natural sexual polarity. Men have become, without realizing it, propagandized to be more effeminate and girly and unsure of themselves. And women have become more masculine and stoic. Therefore, when you have people, men and women both, acting unnatural and out of alignment with their natural essence, they’re going to repulse each other. And so, if you’ve grown up your whole life watching the same movies and TV shows that we all have, you can’t help but think the way you think. And then if you’re having problems attracting and keeping women attracted in your life, if you’re a guy, then you’re going to have to change your approach and change your behavior. And so, you have to learn a new way.
You have to get experiences living and being in the way that is natural to our essences, our dominant masculine or feminine essence, depending on whether you’re a man, or a woman, or a gay, lesbian, whatever happens to be. There’s always sexual polarity that creates attraction. Without it, or when it’s too similar, you become like roommates and uninterested in anything romantic. It just happens naturally. And so, the key is to have lots of choices and lots of options, and what I loved about the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life,” is that Donna Reed, the woman’s character, is trying to win over the most eligible bachelor in Bedford Falls, if you will.
And so, I’ve got two emails here. One is from a guy who’s dating two different women. One of them he’s been dating for about six weeks, the other one for about eight weeks. One of them he’s sleeping with, and the other one he’s on the verge of sleeping with but he feels really guilty, so you can tell he’s a recovering nice guy.
And then I’ve got a second email from a guy who’s about a year or two older than me, and just in the last week alone, he ended up hooking up with three different women. Two of them are more than half his age younger, which I think is wonderful. So, you get a good contrast here. You get a guy who’s wrestling with, “Oh, I’ve got to be a good guy, a nice guy.” And then, you’ve got the other guy who’s just taking advantage of the buffet and his masculinity.
It shouldn’t be a bad thing for a guy to have lots of different women that are attracted to him. It doesn’t mean you’ve got to date and sleep with them all. But it’s nice to have choices and options because, quite frankly, this is natural. This is the way it’s supposed to be. Just like I talk about in the book, you want the woman convincing you that you should be exclusive with her because she’s easygoing, she’s easy to get along with, she communicates well. She’s submissive, she’s feminine, she’s loyal, she’s a good teammate. And after she proves that to you — versus her being some woman that just sleeps with anybody, and belongs to the streets, and is not loyal to anybody — then you can agree to become exclusive.
First Viewer’s Email:
I’ve been dating two women, let’s call them Jessica and Amy, for 6 and 8 weeks now and am starting to feel guilty for how intimate I’m becoming with both of them.
Well, dude, what you’ve got to understand is that most women, especially attractive women, have lots of guys in their lives that want attention and want their time. And so, women pretty much have choice, because all day long they’ve got dudes chasing after them, throwing their dicks at them. It’s just the way it happens to be.
And if you really knew and understood women, because most of the time they don’t say anything, you’d be shocked at how many different dudes they’re dating and sleeping with, versus what they actually tell and reveal about themselves. So, don’t think that you’re dating two innocent, perfect women here. Maybe they are, but the likelihood is, especially if they’re really super attractive, they’re probably not so innocent.
I went to a Catholic high school, and some of the hottest, most innocent girls were the naughtiest. Especially if you get into a room full of women when there are no other guys around, if they feel comfortable with you, you would be shocked at the things that women say. I mean, all you have to do is go look at some of the videos that we’ve done. We did an Instagram story a couple of months ago and we asked our viewers to send us some of their funny and awkward sex stories. And those videos, especially on on Instagram and Facebook, are doing better than any of the videos. They get more views, more likes and engagement than anything else that we’ve done.
We were talking very brutally honest about life, and relationships, and sex and bodily fluids, and all that stuff, and you can tell the girls are very comfortable with this. And a lot of dudes get all butt-hurt and up in their feelings, and they get offended and upset at these things, but that’s why most of the time, with the average guy, women don’t ever disclose these things. They’ll present an image that they’re just this innocent little flower, but when the guys leave, the things that women say when guys aren’t around, you’d be shocked. And you kind of get a little window into that with the funny and awkward sex stories that we’ve been sharing.
So, the world isn’t exactly the way most guys think it is. We are sexual beings. We got here through sex, all of us. For most people, they think the thought of their parents getting it on kind of grosses them out. But we’re all sexual beings, so get over it.
On the one hand, I feel like dating multiple women has been a huge benefit for me.
Yeah, because if you just date one woman, especially after you’ve read the book, and you really like her, you’re going to tend to pedestalize her. When you start to pedestalize a woman, you start to be extra nice, extra compliant, a little soft. She pushes you around, you let her get away with it, and then she starts to perceive you as being weak and a pushover.
And this doesn’t make her feel safe to be in your presence. She doesn’t feel like she can trust your masculine core. And so, when you have multiple choices and multiple options, and you’re not in a rush to get serious with any of them, women will work harder to lock you down. And this is just, quite frankly, naturally the way they are. If you don’t like it, I don’t care. You can cry to the big man upstairs.
I have more confidence, less tunnel vision and one-itis, and can really take my time to evaluate whether each woman has what I want long-term.
Exactly. And you even saw this in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life,” because there were other pretty girls in Bedford Falls who were also trying to get George Bailey’s (Jimmy Stewart’s character’s) attention. And the reality is, if you’ve got multiple women competing for you, and women know that other women are interested in dating and sleeping with you and are sleeping with you, they will work harder to win you over. Because guys that get lots of attention from women are the most desired, and women are competitive like that.
If a woman finds out you’re popular, and you’ve got lots of girls that like you, and you date, and potentially you’re sleeping with them, they like you more, versus the dude that’s standing in the corner at the local bar with one hand in his pocket and his other arm in front of his chest with his beer or his cocktail in his hand. It’s like, when you can get one, you get them all.
Like the old saying… There were two bulls at the top of the hill. The young one says to his dad, “Hey Dad, let’s go down there and get ourselves a girl.” The dad says, “No.” He says, “Let’s run down there and get ourselves a girl.” And the dad says, “No, let’s walk down there and get them all.”
The problem is, at this point, I have started sleeping with Jessica consistently, and now Amy is wanting to sleep together as well.
That’s not a problem, I just wanted you to know. It’s a good thing. It’s a good issue to have. And who are you to decline Jessica and Amy from getting to enjoy your sexy body? As an old friend of mine used to always say, if the good Lord is willing to give it, I’m willing to take it.
For some reason, having sex is a line that I’m not comfortable crossing with two women at the same time.
Well, you’ve got to shake off that nice guy facade once and for all. You’re not committed to either one of them. Your test driving both cars. Do you feel guilty when you’re shopping for cars and you go to multiple car dealerships and test drive multiple cars? I wouldn’t think so. You’re looking to get the best deal for yourself. So, if you’ve got multiple women interested in you, and both want to date you and sleep with you, because you’re a good dude and you behave attractive most of the time, what’s the issue? It’s like you are perceiving that women perceive you in the same way that you perceive them, and it’s just simply not accurate, dude.
Like I said, case in point, go watch the videos, the funny and awkward sex stories with the girls. They’re hilarious. We had an absolute blast filming these, and that’s one of the reasons why they do so well. Because we’re talking about things that people think and they say in quiet and they don’t want to say out loud, and that’s just the way the ladies are. They’re just as dirty, actually dirtier than you are. That’s the reality.
Partly because I wonder if it is wrong and deceptive?
Women do it all the time, dude. Women will be dating and sleeping with two or three different guys at the same time. It’s like, all those beautiful, innocent girls you think are so innocent, man! Come on, man. You have no idea.
I haven’t had the exclusivity talk with either of them.
You’re not obligated to anything. Again, if you are familiar with the book, then they should be competing to get you to commit to one of them. Or maybe a third or fourth woman you haven’t even met yet. The goal is for you to get the best one that you can, and therefore you need to test drive all of them, and then pick the one that you love the best, and you want to spend the time with the most, and who treats you like I talked about in the beginning — easygoing, easy to get along with, all the different things that I discuss.
My ultimate goal is to find a long-term relationship and get married.
Well, all relationships start out as casual love affairs. And so, if you’re dating and sleeping with multiple women, obviously, practicing safe sex, may the best girl win. That should be your attitude.
And both Jessica and Amy are potential candidates for that. I just haven’t gotten to know them enough for me to know that or to feel comfortable being exclusive. There are a few yellow/red flags that I need to make sure are resolved before committing to one or the other.
So, you got yourself into binary choice now. One is no choice, two is a dilemma. So, you have yourself a dilemma, here. Three is a choice. So, if I were you, I would be adding at least two or three more girls to your rotation and your dating prospects, instead of pedestalizing these two girls and saying, “Okay, it’s one or the other.” That’s not a choice, dude, that’s a dilemma. And you need to feel like you’ve seen everything that’s out there and you’ve kind of been around.
I haven’t brought up that I’m dating other women…
Well, it’s none of their business anyway. And I I’m sure they’re not telling you about the other guys that they’re talking to. There may be exes in the background you don’t know anything about.
…because I’ve just wanted to focus on hanging out, having fun and hooking up, as you put it.
Well, a man’s job in the courtship process is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, have fun and hook up. That’s it, not lock them down to a commitment. Remember, in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” you’ve got Mary trying to lock George Bailey down. She’s had a crush on him her whole life, and she shows herself to be the best, top prospect in town. And eventually, at the end of the movie, they live happily ever after.
However, now that I’ve been seeing both for almost two months, and now and both want to sleep with me, I feel like I’m being deceptive or doing something wrong.
Because you’re a nice guy. Because, again, you’ve been beta-maleized, if you will, by the propaganda and society. It makes you feel guilty but, quite frankly, women don’t feel guilty. They just don’t tell you about what they really do when you’re not around.
Jessica has told me from date #2 that she is only dating me, but I haven’t told her that I’m only dating her, (although maybe she assumes it).
Well, that’s on her.
Is it okay for me to still be seeing both women non-exclusively at this point?
And hooking up if I haven’t explicitly told them about each other?
Yes, and I’ll tell you another reason why. Because you’ve been with these women almost two months now, and only one of them you’re sleeping with. And if you had actually been applying what’s in “3% Man” properly, both of these women would be head over heels in love with you by now and trying to lock you down. And so, the fact that they’re not, tells me you’re probably not applying what’s in the book properly. You’re still too much of a soft, nice guy.
Should I initiate that conversation?
No. What part of hang out, have fun, hook up includes a relationship or locking them down? Nothing. It’s not your responsibility. Feminine energy is about bonding, connecting, opening up to receive love, dating, relationship labels, commitments.
How should I handle this situation?
Keep doing what you’re doing, and I would sleep with the other girl. And on top of that, I’d be talking to two or three others, because you’re new to this. For the first time in your life you’re like, “I’ve got two different women interested in me. Oh my God, what do I do?” You’ve got a dilemma. You don’t have enough information or enough prospects to make a decision on who should be the woman you marry. You’re just not experienced enough dude.
I really want to have integrity and treat these women with respect, and I’m afraid that if they find out about each other, I will come across as a douchebag.
No, you won’t. You’ll come across as a stud. Even if they complain and they get mad about it, you’re like, “Hey, what am I supposed to do?” It’s like, “What can I do about this sexiness?” It’s also possible if they find out, and you may lose one or both of them. You want a woman that accepts you for who you are. You want a woman that doesn’t get super mad and pissed off and give you a hard time, but she recognizes, “Wow, I am dating a high value man who has lots of choices and lots of options.” It’s right in the book. I mean, there are stories right out of the book, out of my own life, of what happens when a woman finds out that you’re dating and sleeping with other women. They like you even more.
That’s what typically happens, even if they get upset. Because they realize if they turn into an ass, all they’re going to do is drive you away into the arms of another woman. Let the best woman win, simple as that. You’re not obligated to her any more than she’s obligated to you. That tells me you’re still stuck in the old programming, and you shouldn’t feel guilty.
Look at divorce court and what happens to guys with kids and child custody, and alimony, and all that stuff. If you’re thinking about getting married, and especially if you live in a blue state, and you want to roll the dice with that legal system…? I mean, ask guys that have been through it, that have been raked over by the coals, and been through divorce court, and all those shenanigans with divorce lawyers. And expensive, unpleasant divorces, or guys that can’t even see their kids. Have them read your email, and they’ll be laughing in your face and telling you what an idiot you are for thinking this way. You need to take your time, dude. You need to make sure you get the best woman you can get.
I wonder if I should only be seeing one of the women, even if I’m not ready to be exclusive.
Thanks for all your help,
Absolutely not, you need more choices. And that’s part of your problem, you don’t have enough choices. You have a dilemma. That’s why you’re having a hard time and you’re vacillating back and forth, “I’ve got to choose one or the other.” No, you don’t. What about option three, four, five and six? I will guarantee you there are women out there that are hotter and better and more fun to be with than either one of the two girls that you’re dating. That’s just because you haven’t dated enough.
The idea is to get the “woman of your dreams,” not to lock down the first one or two girls that are willing to sleep with you when you start applying this book. Because the reality is attraction is not a choice. The women are already into you. The only difference now is that you’re not talking them out of dating and sleeping with you. Now, you’re acting more masculine and you’re acting more manly, so you’ve got all of these choices, and now you feel guilty about it.
Women don’t feel guilty about having dudes constantly throwing their dicks at them all day long. It’s good for their ego. It makes them feel good, grows their confidence. It makes them more selective. Women have to be more selective, because if they get pregnant, they’ve got multiple decades of raising that child and interacting with whoever slipped one past the goalie. Whether it’s a good choice or a bad choice doesn’t matter.
Second Viewer’s Email:
Air Force veteran, retired.
Well, thanks for your service.
WOW, 3 women in one week. I’m 54m they were 23, 26, and 35. A 19-year-old asked me out on a date, and I didn’t even approach. I read your book 18 times…
I would say, that’s the difference between the first emailer and this guy. This guy has read at 18 times, and he’s applying it relentlessly. And look at look at how he’s suffering. He’s suffering with a 23 year old, a 26 year old, a 35 year old, and now a 19 year old’s interested in him. It’s such a rough life to be him.
…and bought the audiobook and passed your book on to 3 other guys.
Well, I appreciate that. The highest compliment you can give me is to refer your friends and family to me.
I listen to the audiobook all the time. My first threesome was last year, a blonde and brunette, then a second threesome with the same brunette and a different blonde.
This is a man’s birthright. We’re sexual beings. Again, you guys should watch the videos I’ve done with the girls. Especially go check out the ones on Instagram. It will hopefully open your eyes a little bit more to their true nature and what they’re really like. Not what some of those red pill douchebags have to say.
My girlfriend knows I don’t want to be exclusive, but after every date, which is usually two times a week, we go back to my place and she gets undressed and climbs into my bed for sex with no effort on my part.
You should not say your “girlfriend,” but “one of your girlfriends,” because it’s obvious you have multiple girlfriends. She knows he’s got other women and he’s like, “I’m not ready to be exclusive.” And that’s all you have to say. The first emailer, same thing. But you have to understand, when you’re brutally honest like that, if it comes up, you’re like, “Yeah, I’m still dating and meeting other women. I’m just not ready to settle down yet. I like where things are going and I want to continue exploring that.”
And if she gets mad, you’ll say, “Well, I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me anymore, but I’m just not there yet. So, if you’re willing to be patient, great. If you want to tell me to pound sand and go on down the road, that’s okay too. I’ll miss you. If you change your mind, I’d love to hear from you, but it is what it is. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, and I’m going to do what’s right for me.”
One-night stands are plentiful, and they are starting to get boring, but if they throw themselves at me, I will have to accommodate.
Yes, and I’m sure you will suffer through that. But that’s what you want. This is where you get to. Because, as soon as you get one, it’s like they all start to come out of the woodwork, which is what’s happening to the first guy. He’s never had this much attention from different women before, so it’s a new thing. And so, his mind is probably going, “Oh, this is not normal. I’ve got to reject this. I’m having too much success,” because your mind is used to failure and a pussy embargo.
And obviously, for the second guy, the pussy embargo ended a couple of years ago and he’s enjoying it, but now he’s like, “Hey, the one-night stands, they’re great, but I really want a connection.” And that’s the best place to be. When you have lots of choices and lots of options, the best connection comes along and it becomes so obvious who you should be with that the other ones just eventually fade away. Except when she brings over her girlfriends for you to share, which is always delightful.
I started 4 new businesses I run myself. Life is good. My relationship with my only daughter is getting better.
Yeah, that’s the other thing, when you learn “3% Man,” all of your relationships with all the women in your life will get better.
I’ll send more info if you want it, but I know your inbox is stuffed to the brim. Thanks for helping me figure it out.
Well, this is a good success story. If you’ve got another one you want to send, please do send it in, and we can share with the rest of the class.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.