She’s Totally Above Me. She’s Out Of My League.
Why you should never put women on a pedestal or view them as above you, out of your league or better than you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer from Slovenia. He has a history of being a doormat and attracting women who are toxic and treat him like dirt, because he invites and tolerates this bad behavior. He is now involved with yet another woman who he is putting on a pedestal because he is becoming hypnotized by her beauty and body.
It’s a good email example of what happens when a man views himself as being unworthy and beneath the women he desires. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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The problem was he started pedestalizing her and treating her like he wasn’t worthy. And of course, if you act like that, if you’ve read How To Be A 3% Man — which you can read for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com by subscribing to the newsletter — you know that when you put a woman on a pedestal, you’re basically communicating, “I don’t deserve you. I’m not good enough for you. I’m unworthy.”
Women love men that have confidence. And when you act that way, you basically communicate that you don’t have the number one most important quality that women are attracted to in men, which is confidence. It’s a bad way to go, and it never ends well when you behave this way.
I am Bob from Slovenia, Europe.
I think it’s a great country. I’ve been there and it’s beautiful. I enjoyed my time there, and I definitely enjoyed the frothy beverages.
First of all, English is not my first language, but listening to you was great for me on several different levels. Not that I know your 3% Man by heart, but also by listening to you, I improved my rusty English.
No extra charge for improving your English.
I must thank you soooooo much. You are my Hero, man. Well, I need your advice. I found your videos very helpful on many different life occasions, but still need advice from you. I think I kind of know what your response will be, but somehow, I’d like to hear it from you with examples of how you would manage my situation.
Well, as I always say, you must read “How To Be A 3% Man” 10 to 15 times, backwards and forwards, so you can learn the book. And I can tell, based on your questions, and obviously what you’re doing, you haven’t read it 10 to 15 times, so you don’t know the material.
And I also would encourage you to read “Mastering Yourself,” which is my second book, a book of self-reliance, as well. And then, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” my third book, which is also available everywhere you go.
There are no shortcuts to success. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue, and you’ve got to learn the material instead of trying to cherry pick from videos, because it never ends well for guys that cherry pick.
Let me introduce myself to you. I am 40 and had been in a bad relationship where a needy, toxic woman destroyed my masculine energy.
They didn’t destroy your masculine energy. You allowed and enabled their behavior, and then you chose to no longer display your masculine energy. It’s kind of like if you’ve read Jordan Peterson’s “12 Rules for Life” book, where he talks about lobsters and how when lobsters fight, the one that’s been defeated, literally it’s brain chemistry changes. It might go from being a dominant male lobster to a very weak lobster. And so, its perception of itself, it basically moves around the rest of its life and says, “I’m a worthless piece of garbage. I’m the lowly lobster on the lobster food chain.”
And so, you got involved with women that caused you to question yourself, that made you feel bad about yourself. But you were already predisposed to that, because your self-perception obviously was not a very empowering one. And if you don’t think you’re worthy, or worthy of love, or lovable, all of your words, your actions, the tone of your voice, how you interact with women is going to communicate that.
And so, if you don’t think you’re worthy and then a feminine woman comes into your life, especially if she’s toxic and she’s disrespectful and rude, and you never call her out on it, you’re inviting her to continue treating you that way. Therefore, the abuse will continue until the morale improves, until you stand up to her.
I became her servant, and she made me forget who I was.
No, you chose to forget who you were, because you were jumping through your butt trying to be what she wanted you to be, instead of being a man.
Listening to your books and videos, I now know exactly what I did wrong, and if I knew you before, I had done so many things differently. But I am grateful for that experience.
Well, without the pain of that experience, you would have never had a reason to go and read a book like mine.
I am a better person now. This life is now over for me, and I’m getting my shit together now. I’m back with my happy life, positive energy, will to live, my job and things I love.
Well, good for you, dude.
Girls really like me now, and I see that my energy attracts girls again. I follow your book and I’d say that I got my masculine back. The problem is that my alpha only comes out when I feel nothing special to these women.
So, in other words, you get around a woman you like, you put her on a pedestal and you treat her differently. So, you’re still, in essence, treating the women you like the way you used to treat them, which is that you’re not worthy. And a confident, beautiful woman is not going to like that. She’s not going to be attracted to a dude that doesn’t display confidence.
Recently, I met a girl that I want more than anything in the world. She is totally what I want now and following your words. She is very successful, intelligent, a few years older than me, and is surrounded by many successful men. She just dumped an overly narcissistic, dominant jerk. She said she lost the love for him.
Sounds a little White Knighty, “I’m going to save her. I’m going to show her what a great guy I can be, and she’ll never date a guy like that again.” But you’re ignoring the fact that maybe she’s not very good in relationships. Maybe she attracts toxic men. Maybe she’s toxic herself, and as you said, you’ve had a problem with attracting toxic women. The way the universe works is it keeps sending you toxic women until you transcend that weakness and are able to spot them and keep them moving right out of your life.
We were talking a lot. She was sending me messages. We went on 5 dates walking the dog, and it has been a blast for both of us. She really likes that I am a good guy…
Women don’t care how much of a good guy you are, or how nice you are, or how adventurous and interesting you are. They only care about how they feel about you.
…adventurous and interesting, and I live a carefree life, I live in the now. She likes that, but you know what, she likes good guys. But for making her follow me more, I will need to be a little dominant and show her my alpha a little bit, just enough that I don’t end up being a narcissist. I don’t know how to explain it, but being with her, as she is a very dominant girl, I unintentionally put myself in a lower position.
Well, if she’s displaying dominant characteristics and you act like a sheep that doesn’t belong around her, soon, she’s going to be kicking you in the ass and kicking you right out of her life. Or firmly sticking you in friendzone, so you can come over and unclog her toilet after her boyfriend clogs it with a giant turd. That’s pretty funny, actually.
Which is exactly what I should not do, I know. If I manage to do that, she will be jumping into my hands like crazy. We have not yet kissed.
Well, dude, if you go out on five dates with the woman and you don’t kiss her, she’s going to assume you’re either gay or you don’t have any confidence. And either way, this is going to slowly turn her off.
But I am afraid this relationship…
Bro, you’re not in a relationship, you went on on five dates, and you haven’t even kissed. Nothing’s happened.
…will end up in the friendzone quickly if I don’t do something now.
Well, if you don’t follow what’s in the book, and you don’t go for the kiss, and you continue dating her, again, once she gets whiff that you have no confidence, her pussy is going to become drier than the Sahara Desert. It’s just the way it is, my man.
I must say that she is at an 8–9 level of traction.
Come on, man. You’ve been on five dates, and she’s on an eight to nine level of attraction? It’s like, that is delusional. You haven’t even kissed her.
She touches my hand, smiles and laughs, but the problem is I freeze. I don’t know how to handle myself and turn the tables, so she will follow my lead.
If she holds your hand, dude, just turn to her and go for the fucking kiss, already. Come on, man.
I know, the best thing to do would be joking, trying to say something to tease her. She is a very skillful businesswoman, and she is always trying to put herself above me. And I let her do that, because I am weak, as I see her smile and her eyes. It is so frustrating.
Well, dude, you’re friendzoning yourself. You may already be stuck in friendzone at this point, because this “I’m not worthy” act is not attractive to women. So, if you want to attract women, you’ve got to knock this shit off, plain and simple. Or get used to having blue balls.
I know that I need to shift that energy around. When I do that, I will show her my lead. How would you do it, when she has that?
Well, I would actually follow what’s in the book and do what it instructs, which you’re doing the opposite of it. And as the book states, typically on the first date, at the end of the night, if you’re unsure, you’re going to go for the kiss. If she kisses you back, she likes you. And if she doesn’t, you’ll get the cheek.
But if she’s holding your hand and touching you, it’s just escalated, dude. Do what’s in the book. You can choose to do it, or you can choose to spin around in circles like a dog chasing its tail. And therefore, in that case, you deserve to get friendzoned.
I don’t know, maybe a little patronizing energy toward me.
Tease her back playfully. Because using humor communicates that number one, you don’t take yourself too seriously, and number two, that if you’re willing to make fun of her and tease her like the bratty little sister occasionally, that you don’t feel like she’s above you.
She thinks that I am a little weak.
If she thinks you’re weak, you say, “Well, I think you should kiss me, and you’ll see just how weak I am.”
How to treat a woman who is more educated, has greater power, but likes you and your spirit. We would be a perfect match, because so far, no man has ever treated her right.
Okay, Mr. White Knight. Dude, seriously, I think I’m going to puke after just reading that fucking paragraph. Jesus Christ, dude. There’s drool running down my computer screen because that was so pathetic, what I just read.
She is also very sensitive but wears that masculine mask that I don’t know how to break. How would you do it?
Simple, act like a fucking man. Jesus Christ, dude. Whatever you’re doing right now, wherever you are, I want you to stand up and jump up and down really hard, like 20, 30 times, and hopefully your balls will drop.
She is also texting me a lot every day, and following your book and videos. I am short on texts, not needy, and I always show her my interest, but not my neediness. It works like a charm. She is getting crazy. “Why is this guy not like everyone else?” Ha-ha! Thank you for that Corey.
Dude, I mean, seriously. This girl, it sounds like she’s serving herself on a silver platter to you. She’s touching you, and then you’re just going, “Oh, what do I do? Coach, what do I do? She’s touching me.” I don’t know, fucking kiss her?! Jesus Christ, dude.
But like I said, when I see her in person, she is totally above me.
You know what? You fucking deserve to get friendzoned. Maybe you need to get friendzoned again to get burned and cry in your beer over the next six months before you go, “You know what? I actually should start applying what’s in Corey’s book, because this is totally unnecessary.” Talk about unnecessarily cock blocking yourself, Jesus. Oh man, this is pathetic, dude. This is not masculine. This is not manly at all. You sound like an insecure little girl.
I don’t know how this happens, but it just does.
You choose to let it happen.
It’s not me, and I hated myself at that time. Yes, I am in love.
Dude, seriously, you’re not in love. You might have a little bit of infatuation, but you ain’t in love. Give me a break.
How would you shift that? What kind of jokes and teases would you do, to break that? And how do I get out of that uncomfortable position where I am in her presence?
I would kiss her. Five dates, she’s touching you, she’s holding your hand, she’s chasing you, fucking kiss her. Fucking kiss her, fucking kiss her! Hang out, have fun, hook up. Do what the book says. Follow the instructions, or not. These are basic questions that are answered in the book. It’s like, you’ve been through it, you said how it improved your English, but you’re not doing anything that the book teaches.
You must participate in your own rescue, and you’re just simply not doing that. So, if you’re unwilling to help yourself, there’s nothing I can do. You can read my book a thousand times, it doesn’t matter. If you don’t apply what’s in it, it’s not going to help you, it’s useless. Maybe you should just give the book to somebody else who will man up and kiss this woman. Come on, dude.
I somehow cannot just start telling jokes or anything, but she always turns the conversation into something that I seriously have no clue about.
Thank you, Corey. I know you have tons of emails like that on a daily basis. I hope this one finds a way to you.
Oh, geez, dude. That’s pretty pathetic. Come on, dude, you need a man to fuck up. This is one of the most pathetic emails I’ve gotten in a long time. It’s time to be a man and kiss this girl. Or maybe you should date men, or not date at all. It’s like, Come on, dude. Seriously, you’ve got to man up.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
“You should never put women on a pedestal and treat them like they are above you. Women love men with confidence and who act more masculine than they do. If you act like the women you desire are better than you and that you are unworthy of their love and romantic desire, eventually, even the women who are the most attracted to you will agree with your false perception of yourself and reject you. Instead of seeking a woman’s attention and validation and hoping that she likes you, adopt the mindset that most women have towards men, which is asking oneself, ‘Do I like them?’ and ‘Are they good for me?’” ~ Coach Corey Wayne