Romantic Rebounds & Determining If She’s Really Interested
How to determine if women you are seeing romantically or talking to are interested or wasting your time.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 3 different emails from 3 different viewers who are all trying to determine if they have a chance romantically with the women they are interested in. The 1st email is from a viewer seeing a woman who still lives with her ex-boyfriend. The 2nd email is from a guy who was seeing a girl from work who backed off but still seems to want his attention.
The 3rd email is from a guy who approached a girl at his gym and got a reaction and response that confused him, even though she gave him her number with a smile when he asked. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
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I’ve got three different emails, and all of these guys are kind of trying to figure out where they stand with these particular women. The first one is interesting. The guy started seeing this girl who’s actually still living with her boyfriend, but they’ve broken up and are going their separate ways. So, that’s kind of a sticky situation. He even goes over there and hangs out with her and hooks up with her, even though she’s living with the boyfriend.
I wrote about a girl like that in my book. I remember, I went to pick her up and she had kids, she lived with her ex-husband and they were on good terms. The girl was a mess. She was beautiful, but it’s kind of unusual when you go to pick a girl up for a first date and it’s like, “Oh, this is my ex-husband,” or “Oh, this is my ex boyfriend.” I think everybody should get to enjoy that at least once or twice in their life. But hey, some people can have a breakup and end on good terms. Look at Tom Brady and Gisele. They all looked like everything was happy, and then they split up. They had an amicable split in divorce, he signed off. I can just imagine what his DMs on Instagram look like right now.
I’ve got two other emails. One from a guy who started seeing a girl from work, then it kind of went sideways. And another one, a guy got a number from a girl at the gym and she kind of gave him a weird response, but she still gave it to him with a smile. And so, he’s texted her and he’s waiting to hear from her. He sent her the text and he’s like, “What does this mean?” So, these are some good emails because you just never know what you’re going to encounter in life — weird situations, or it seems like there’s something there but you’re not really sure.
First Viewer’s Email:
I started seeing a girl who still lives with her ex-boyfriend 3 months ago, (I know, drama, but honestly this was out of my comfort zone, so that’s actually why I entertained the relationship, because I wanted to grow and test my own insecurities).
She obviously was hot, so you were willing to look past that. But hey, you’re young, whatever. As long as there was no drama and the guy’s not angry or pissed off. I have not encountered that when I’ve gone to pick a girl up. I wouldn’t do that today, but when I was younger, going to pick a girl up and, “Oh, this is my ex-husband,” or “Oh, this is my ex-boyfriend, and we’re moving out ” and whatever, it happens. Hey, if the girl likes you and things are on good terms, that’s important. It’s got to be on good terms, not where there’s a nasty breakup. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I would never get involved but hey, this guy wanted to roll the dice.
We hung out, hooked up, and even started hanging out over there when he was there. After 2 months, she asked me out and I said no at first, not until her ex moves out, (who is planned to move out in a month). I eventually said, “alright we can be together,” but in my mind it was still just a casual hook up, just taking it for what it is.
The other night we were lying in bed and we started talking about me selling my house and moving in.
Come on, man. She’s still living with the ex boyfriend, and you’re like, “Oh yeah, let’s live together.” Come on, dude.
From what I understand in your work, that was a mistake, talking about the future.
You shouldn’t be talking about moving in when the girl is literally still living with her ex-boyfriend. The thirst is real. That’s what you could tell from these emails, the thirst is real. I personally wouldn’t want to get involved in this situation, but he is young. I did it when I was younger. Like I said, you’ve just got to be careful. As long as the dude is not a psycho.
We got in a very small disagreement and she asked me to leave.
Oh, that sounds fun.
I left and acted as if it didn’t even faze me. She texted me that night about going to restaurants and hanging out next weekend, and I responded casually. The next day, I waited for her to contact me, which she did. She texted me and said, “I hope you have a good night at work,” and then asked “are you sure you want me to be your girlfriend?” My reply was, “Yes, do you want to be my girlfriend?”
I would not have been agreeing to that, dude. She lives with her boyfriend, come on. But he’s new to my work, so maybe we give him a mulligan this time around.
I believe that was a mistake, and I should have just said “yes” and left it at that.
Well, I wouldn’t have gotten serious. I would have just said, “Yeah, maybe down the road once your ex-boyfriend has moved out and you’re kind of resettled.” I wouldn’t be entertaining moving in with her. I wouldn’t even be suggesting that, dude. That is just dumb. You can tell that he’s a young guy, no experience.
She hasn’t replied yet, a few hours, and I am wondering, why would she ask this?
She’s feeling you out. Because she’s probably monkey branching from living with the boyfriend to potentially living with you, because after all, he’s still about a month away, and that’s what it sounds like. She’s hoping you’ll be her new roommate. I would not move in with her, dude. Come on.
My thought is either she wants to break up, or she wanted reassurance that I will be there because her ex is moving out next week.
Oh, so it’s getting closer.
I am just going to play it cool either way. I am into her, but I won’t be fazed either way, even though I am very interested in her. I know there are lots of women still out there, but I would like to continue seeing her.
Well, you should continue seeing her and seeing other girls. You shouldn’t be committed to her. She lives with her ex-boyfriend.
My question is, why do you think she asked this?
Because she doesn’t like the idea of going it alone. She wants to make sure that you’re going to be there for her, because otherwise, if you say no, there will probably be other dudes.
And what do you think I should do? Just let her be and let the cat come back to me?
Yeah. In this case, when you’re dealing with a girl that lives with her boyfriend, you should be letting her do almost 100% of the pursuing. I wouldn’t be doing any. Because you should look at this as a low quality prospect. I mean, what she should have done is broken up with the boyfriend and moved on with her life. But, hey, life is messy. It didn’t happen in this case. That doesn’t mean 100% of the time it’s a bad deal. It just means the odds are that it’s probably not going to be a good deal.
I am not going to text and just play off her texting and reaching out to me, and my plan is to not bring up moving in together, get back on my own personal mission, and just play it cool.
Yeah, dude. I wouldn’t even be considering moving in with a girl like this for at least a couple of years of dating, and see how she is. Because you don’t know. You might date for a few months, and she might be monkey branching to another guy. You don’t know what her integrity level is like. You don’t know if she’s going to keep her word. You don’t know if she’s loyal and faithful. You have no idea. Right now, she’s living with the ex, and you’re assuming nothing is going on. You’re just trusting her word.
Second Viewer’s Email:
I’m on my 2nd read of your book and watching some videos. Great work. Wish I found you years ago… and before this situation. I had been seeing someone I work with who setup date #2 and #3 in one week, just like you describe, which I wish I knew at the time was a mistake. But at least I know now, thanks to you.
Well, if she’s reaching out to you, like I talk about in “3% Man,” say you go out, your first date goes well. A couple of days later she’s texting you, you make the next date, you go out. And then the next day, if she texts you again, you’re like, “Hey, come over.” So, there’s nothing wrong with that, because it’s her idea, especially if she’s bringing up getting together.
So, about 2 weeks ago, I ended things with her as she was stopping at physical intimacy and was canceling dates.
Yeah, outta here!
So, I said see ya. Her reasons were too much work and trying to work somewhere else due to the workload, so she was putting things off, but my take to her was “people will find time who want to.”
That’s true. If she likes you, she will help you. She will make it easy for you to get to her front door and inside her bedroom. Or your bedroom, for that matter. And the fact that she’s stopping at the intimacy and is saying, “Oh, well, it’s work. I’m just stressed,” that tells me her attraction dropped.
The day after we cut things off, she stood frozen with her head down, (leaving herself vulnerable to looking weird to people), as I walked right past her.
Well, just walk by and say, “Hey, you,” if you’re walking right by her. I wouldn’t go over to her or go out of your way to talk to her. You see her, you make eye contact, smile, wink at her, wave, and then just keep going about your business. Whatever you do, don’t go to her. Let her come to you.
Come to find out later, it wasn’t her feeling awkward about it, as later she stood an inch away from me at my desk talking sweetly, which is also risky because nobody knows and as our boss was just 6 feet away. The next day she put herself in my presence for no reason and dropped what she was pretending to be doing when I spoke to her. I then figured out the “frozen” bit was her wanting me to approach her, though she didn’t want to talk about it when I later brought it up. So, due to this effort/actions by her, I asked if she wanted to give this a second shot when she finds a different job.
I wouldn’t have done that. You’re at work, she’s coming up to you. Remember, she pushed you away, she stopped the intimacy, so she ended it. She’s got to pick things back up. It’s up to her to fix it since she messed it up. But you’re making it too easy for her.
She was all in, so we’re on a “hold,” and no, I don’t say that as a good thing.
Yeah, there’s nothing going on. What she’s wanting you to do is be her backup plan while she explores something with somebody else, potentially.
I’m curious of your take on this effort by her.
All she did was walk by you and you just lost it. “Oh, a second chance! Please? Please pay attention to me!”
Do you think she’s for real, or am I just an emotional tampon?
I think your thirst is real. I think you’re trying too hard, you’re making it too easy. This girl pushed you away, and now all she does is come over and stand next to you, and you’re like, “Oh, she wants a second try.” But if you take a step back, what happened? Nothing changed. She just said, “we can have a second try after I get a new job.”
More than likely, after she gets a new job, you’ll probably never hear from her again. But she sure likes the attention. If I were you, I’d be talking to the other girls in the office. Even if you don’t like them, just give your attention to other women. Don’t give your attention to women that put you on hold. A woman that puts you on hold knows that she’s got you by the short hairs and that you’ll wait around like a little puppy dog. It’s not attractive.
A man of value is going to say, “Hey, if you want to get together, reach out.” I’d never call or text her for any reason. I wouldn’t put your life on hold. I’d be dating other women. I can’t believe you agreed to that. That was just dumb.
All of this was before finding your work, so she would be experiencing a slightly different “me” if it happens.
Again, she pushed you away, she messed it up, she’s got to fix it. Therefore, all of the pursuing needs to be done by her. And her coming over and standing next to you at work, the best thing to do is nothing at all in that particular case. Because, again, she pushed you away. She told you, because of work. “Oh, it’s because I work. I’m so stressed. I’ve got other things going on. I just can’t do it right now.”
What happened was you probably became dopey, and she saw that you were weak, and she friend zoned you, but she likes the attention. And she didn’t have to do much. All she had to do is come stand next to you, and you’re like, “Ooh, I get another chance!”
Read the book, dude. Apply it. Look at “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” I wouldn’t be doing the things that you’re doing. If you see her at work, smile, wave. Don’t go out of your way to talk to her. If she comes over to talk to you, that’s nice. But she’s got to call or text you outside of work, and then you can just invite her over. If she calls you after 10:00 at night, just say, “Hey, come on over.”
Third Viewer’s Email:
Love the material. I’m new to it, but I’ve already seen a self-confidence boost because of it. I’ve already scheduled how I’ll be reading the book 10 times before April to get everything sucked into my brain.
I have a question about body language and a girl giving me her number. I noticed this beautiful woman at the gym. I interacted with her for 3 days.
Well, you should have pulled the trigger the first time, if there’s chemistry there. If you hesitate, you’ll masturbate.
The first two was a simple introduction and then complimenting how much she was killing it in her workout. Day 3, I grabbed the treadmill next to hers. As I looked towards her, I said, “How’s the run going?” I saw her roll her eyes…
Not a good sign.
…as she took out her ear buds. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if it was an expression of “it sucks” or “why the hell are you here?”
I would say it’s the latter, “Why the hell are you here?” That’s not a good sign.
But then she instantly put on this big smile and said hi. We chatted for a few moments, the vibe felt right, and she was friendly and answering my quick questions. Then I said I’d love to take her out sometime. She said yes, and I got her number. Leaving it there, I finished my workout and went home. This was literally the day before Thanksgiving.
I texted her right after, getting her number, (no response to that), and then the Saturday after Thanksgiving, (today).
It’s a holiday weekend, dude.
I texted her a cute comment about what we talked about and a question, with the intention that when she answers I’ll set up a date.
You should have just gone right for the date, but I wouldn’t have been texting her on the weekend, man. Read the book, learn the material. If you’re getting a phone number and you get that kind of an eye roll, I’d be texting her Tuesday or Wednesday the following week, bro. That’s just a bad sign when you get that.
My real question is, how much can we read into body language in general before a woman gets friendly and chatty in this case? The eye roll is making me think, “Yeah, she’s just being nice giving me her number.” I guess we will see based on any response to my text, but it took me by surprise and made me wonder, if a girl is presenting such negative body language at the beginning of the interaction, is that a moment to just suppose she isn’t into it, like I’m a 4 or below on the scale of her attraction towards me, and it’s better to cut it now?
There’s nothing to cut. There’s nothing happening. And you’ve got her number and you texted her. So, I assume when he got the number, he just said, “Hey, this is Bob. Nice chatting with you in the gym,” and she ignored that. She could have liked it. If she really liked you, she would have at least liked that message or she would have engaged you, “Oh, hey. It was nice meeting you, too.” But the fact that she ignored you lines up with the eye roll.
And if you texted her on Saturday and she hasn’t responded, I wouldn’t text her again for any reason. I would just delete the number. If you see her at the gym, smile, wave to her. Don’t go out of your way. Go talk to the other girls in the gym. Don’t talk to her. Just act like she’s invisible, like you don’t see her. If you make eye contact, smile, wave. Just go about your business. Don’t go over and talk to her. Be talking to prettier girls in the gym than her. I would say it’s probably not going to go anywhere. She’s not into it, there’s no enthusiasm. But the eye roll, that was a bad, bad thing.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.