No Contact Worked After A Year, But Now My Life Is A Mess. What Should I Do?

Coach Corey Wayne
13 min readMay 16, 2024
Photo by iStock/Frazao Studio Latino

What you should do if no contact with your ex works, but now your life is a mess.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for over a year. He hadn’t heard from his ex during this time until she got back in touch a week before Valentine’s Day. They met in the park to talk since he is now jobless and is living with his aunt. He says he is broke and has no career focus. He chickened out at the end of their date at the park and shook her hand instead of going for the kiss.

He is now over pursuing her and she is cold and distant and not making much effort. He also is scared to hook up with her again because he had performance anxiety in the past and was addicted to porn. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

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This guy broke up with his ex. He says he dated her from like 2020 to 2022, and this year in 2020, for about a week before Valentine’s Day, she got back in touch with him, took a trip down memory lane. In between the time that they had broken up, and I guess she dated another guy for about a year after they broke up. So in 2023, she dated another guy, and then at some point into 2023, she broke up with that dude. Then about a week or so before Valentine’s Day, she got back in touch.

So they hung out at a park because since then he’s lost his job. He’s like, “I got no career focus.” He’s living with his aunt, so he doesn’t even have his own place. So he couldn’t even employ what was in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back because he was on hard times and obviously it had been this long, he’s probably figured he’s never going to hear from this chick again. So she reaches out, they hang out, but now as he feels so crappy about himself in his situation. Plus, he ends up going to a park, so there’s really no way for a seduction to happen. Instead of going for the kiss, you’re going to laugh what he ended up doing instead of going for the kiss.

Photo by iStock/bluegame

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

Thanks for all you do man. Been listening to you for over a year, maybe two at this point now, and very heavily this last month or so. Read the 3% Man twice now. My ex who I dated from 2020 to 2022 contacted me about a week before Valentine’s Day this year, saying, “Hey, I’m back from the dead LOL, can we talk if you’re up for it?” The only times we had talked before that in the last 12 months, almost to the day, were about 3–4 email exchanges where I sent her my short film she donated to, and I let her know thanks for her contribution.

Well we finally talked, it was a good 40 minute conversation where we kind of went into detail about things but not really, but it ended well. We then started texting for a couple weeks after, where I know I was doing it wrong, because the phone is for setting up dates.

She reaches out a week before Valentine’s Day. What do you think is going on? She’s lonely. She wants her pelvis beat up. She’s fantasizing about who she could call. She knows she’s kind of lonely. She called you because she liked you, but what happened?

So I finally listened to you even though I thought I was for the longest, and called her to set up an in person meeting. She excitedly agreed to it, and a couple more texts through the week we were set up to meet at the park on Saturday. I know I violated another principle of how to get your ex back

Well, the whole idea is if she dumped you and you still wanted a date, then you’re like, “Hey, call me if you change your mind.” Then a year later in this case, what was it, two years? A year later, I think. Well, he talked to her in the last 12 months, but she reaches out, so he should have been making a date. You should have told your aunt, “Hey, my ex-girlfriend’s coming over. Can you get the fuck out of the house? Can I pay you to go to a movie or go to your friend’s so I can make dinner with my ex and see where things are?” I mean, if you’re close with your aunt and you’re like, “Hey, can you do me a solid auntie? I don’t have anywhere to go, and she’s not gonna want to come over with you here, so I’d like a little privacy. That would be great if you could do that,” but he doesn’t have a job.

If I were you, I would definitely be reading Mastering Yourself and applying what’s in there about how to get any job you want so you can get a job and get some cash flow going, because there is no reason for somebody who’s a student of mine to have a hard time finding a job, because I teach a strategy that always worked for me. I got 100% of the jobs that I went after, and if you do the same thing, you get the same results. So there’s no excuse for that.

Photo by iStock/FG Trade

You got to participate in your own rescue. Your mommy doesn’t live here, your mommy doesn’t work here. Your mommy’s not going to solve your problems. You’re going to solve them yourself.

…Where I should have invited her over with a bottle of wine, but I don’t have the best living situation right now as I just moved into my aunt’s place while I figure out my next move.

Yeah, if you’re tight with your aunt, be like, “Hey, I got a date. My ex-girlfriend’s going to come over. It’d be great if I could send you to a double matinee movie or something for the evening. That’d be awesome.”

I was living in my own apartment for three years, but am currently job searching so while saving money I am staying with my aunt, and my room isn’t set up yet so I don’t want to bring a girl there yet.

Yeah dude, you got to figure that shit out. You’re an adult. You’re a man. If you got a girl and you got a date, fucking figure it out. What do you got to do? What has to be done in your room? “My room’s not set up yet.” Like, what does that mean? Is it just full of crap and boxes? It’s like, figure it out, dude. If you can’t figure it out, figure it out. You got to think about the logistics of sex. If you want to be an adult, you got to have a place for intimacy.

So we met at the park and had a really good conversation for 3+ hours. It ended with her dropping me off at my car, and me giving her a handshake like a pussy.

Well, that cracks me up because my aunt and my uncle, who I love dearly, it was funny. After he got divorced, they had both actually gotten divorced, and when they went on their first date at the end of the night, my uncle shook her hand. He still called her a week later and asked her out, but I thought that was funny. She loves the shit out of him. I saw the handshake that it reminded me of my aunt.

It’s been a week, and I haven’t reached back out and she hasn’t either, but I want her to do 70–80% of the reaching out…

Well, she dumped you. As it says in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, she’s got to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. You’re taking what’s in the book and thinking this is a normal courtship thing. No, she dumped you and didn’t want you back and went off and dated another guy for a year. She does 100% of that calling, texting, pursuing. That’s right out of 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

I know you’ve referenced it in here, but you can’t cherry pick things and think you’re going to be successful. There’s so many things that are just sloppy here that you’re making excuses for instead of just thinking ahead and getting your aunt to go out for the evening. Clean your fucking room, dude. Come on, how old are you? You can’t clean your room out to the point where you have a nice place to bring your ex-girlfriend back to?

…And I feel like it’s been the opposite since we’ve been back in contact.

Photo by iStock/kevron2001

So he’s doing 100% of the pursuing, which again bro, my work is not going to help you if every single thing you do, you read, you watch videos and then you do the opposite of what they teach.

Another reason I am scared to do anything physical with this girl in particular is because I had troubles finishing in the past with her, some due to mental blocks of being that close with a girl and others more so due to too much porn.

Well, stop beating off, stop jerking off. There is an article in the book called “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms.” So you should watch the article and video that it references. It’s on YouTube and you should watch that. You should, just once a week, if I were you, you would masturbate, like the video says, to get yourself ready.

If you’re beating off to porn all the time, you’re squeezing real hard. You’re over stimulating your dick when you actually put it in a wet, slimy pussy, you’re not going to feel much. You’re not going to feel the sensations because you’ve dulled your body’s senses, your dick specifically, to the point where it expects stimulation that you’re just not going to get with being having vaginal sex, dude. So keep your hands off your dick unless it is working out, if you will, to prepare yourself and teach your body how to have multiple orgasms and still stay hard.

Your problem is that you’re beating off so much to porn that your dick is so desensitized that when a girl touches it, it doesn’t feel like anything. So if you just stop touching it for a week or two, and then maybe once a week, you masturbate like I talk about in “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms,” then when you actually do have sex, even if you cum early, it’s not going to be an issue. If you’re watching porn all the time, it’s like, come on, dude, that stuff is not real life. They have fluffers and there’s so much shit that goes on behind the scenes to make a good porno. That’s not how sex works in the real world with real people. Turn that shit off.

I will also say she monkey branched into a long distance relationship within months after us breaking up, and she still talks to her ex who she broke up with back in September 2023, she says. We broke up in 2022, but stopped talking in February 2023. How should I play this?

You should actually follow what I teach. You’ve tried it your way. It hasn’t worked yet. You’ve been following me for like two years. Like I went through your email here and pretty much everything you’re doing is the opposite of what I teach, and you’re surprised that you’re not getting the results you want. If you’re not going to do the things I teach, like why are you even here? If you were happy with the results you were getting, you wouldn’t be watching my videos. So follow the instructions.

Follow what the book says. Follow what the videos say. Follow what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says. That means your pursuit of this woman is over forever. Let her do 100% of the calling, texting, pursuing and then you make a date in the evening at your aunt’s place or go get an AirBnB or get a bachelor studio apartment for $500 or $600 a month or rent a room from somebody. Fucking figure it out, get a part time job, go wait tables somewhere and a good, busy restaurant.

Photo by iStock/JLco — Julia Amaral

Figure it out. Dude, you’re a man. Figure it out. Read Mastering Yourself, it’s all laid out in there. You got to participate in your own rescue and just going, “Oh, my room is a mess and I live with my aunt. I don’t know what to do.” Come on, man. Grow the fuck up.

Wait till she reaches back out and set up a date to hang out, have fun and hook up?

Yeah, that’s what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says. That’s what the book says.

To be honest, my life is not where it should be as I am 28, broke, no job and no real career focus.

Well, pull your head out of your ass and get serious about it. During the day, you should be banging the phones, going by and dropping off resumes, going to meet people and following the strategy that’s outlined in Mastering Yourself so you can get a job and start earning some money.

I lost my dad in 2022, and that really has effected my trajectory…

Well, there’s nothing you can do about it. All you can do is accept it because you’re going to lose everybody you love. Even your aunt, you’re going to lose her too. Eventually you’re going to lose. Eventually your kids are going to die. Your wife’s going to die. Your great grand-kids are going to die. The house you build, eventually it’s going to get bulldozed and become a park or an office building or a bigger house or whatever. Nothing lasts forever in this world. Everything on a long enough timeline turns to dust. The only thing you can really do is find a way to enjoy your life. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue, because ain’t nobody coming to save you and be your fucking mommy.

…As that was the last time period I had a really good stable career and life where I was making $50,000 in six months working in the film industry. Should I even be worried about her?

If she reaches out, assumes she wants to see you and make a date, hang out and have fun and hook up at your aunt’s place. Send your aunt to go watch a movie or something. Get her out of the house so you can have a date and with your ex-girlfriend. I mean, she contacted you a week before Valentine’s Day. What do you think she’s doing that for? You think she wants to talk about cooking oatmeal and raisin cookie recipes or yoga routines? No, she wants to get fucked. So fuck her. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Don’t go to the park and shake her hand. Like, come on.

Or do I just need to focus on myself?

Thanks Corey! Any feedback helps.

Regards,

Bob

Photo by iStock/fizkes

You need to focus on building yourself up and getting a job. Again, during the day, your job should be finding a job. That means being on the phone, calling people, going to visit them, presenting yourself well, getting your ass in the gym, working out, taking care of yourself, being disciplined. Whenever this girl does call, hang out, have fun, hook up, beat up her pelvis, give her the meat missile. Give her the old flesh rocket. Give her the mighty missile. The mighty flesh rocket. The mighty meat missile! Give it all to her. Plow them strawberry fields. That’s what she wants. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Stop the fucking porn and all that other stuff, get your body ready to have sex with a woman vaginally and keep your hands off your dick.

Other than to masturbate once a week to get your body prepared and to teach it how to stay hard after you blow your wad and then you’ll have no problems, there will be no performance anxiety. If you’re beating yourself up real hard, it’s like, come on dude, you’re not going to feel anything. Have some common sense. Participate in your own rescue.

So I don’t know if you guys have seen, but before I go, we have Members Only content on YouTube, Spotify and on my website. I’m doing six additional paid members only video newsletters per week. We’ve got the 3% Man Study Group with Chunky and the girls where we go in depth, in detail, going through the book page-by-page, tearing it apart and discussing it. We’ve filmed four episodes so far and we’re only still at like page 40/44. So probably when is all said and done, we’re going to have 25, 30 different podcasts on just 3% Man and then obviously Mastering Yourself, we’re going to do a study group on that. Everybody’s read the book, made notes, highlighted things.

So we’re really spending a lot of time with that and looking at all the views and likes in the comments, you guys really like those. Then we also have the full podcast that I do with the girls where we answer viewer questions. We usually film one day a week answering viewer questions, so we got those podcasts as well there for you.

Again, if you’re watching this on YouTube or Spotify, in the video description, right underneath, there are links to join on my website, to join on Spotify and to join members only on YouTube.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.

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Coach Corey Wayne

Life & Peak Performance Coach. I Teach Self-Reliance. Subscribe To My Newsletter To Read My eBooks “3% Man” & “Mastering Yourself” Free: http://bit.ly/CCWeBooks