No Contact & Walking Away: The Ultimate Attitude Adjuster
Why the no contact rule and walking away and never looking back is the ultimate attitude adjuster.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is a success story of how a guy divorced for five years after a twenty-year marriage used my work after his divorce to take his life and power back.
The second email is a success story of how a guy walked away from his girlfriend with a bad attitude and she came back with a new, flexible and submissive attitude a month later. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
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This is really tough to do, when you care about somebody, or when you really want a job but they’re not offering you the salary that they want. I wrote about a situation like that in Mastering Yourself. I really wanted this particular job, and I had three or four other companies that were willing to offer me a job and pay me more. I ended up taking this job for less because I wanted the job so badly, because I didn’t want to take a chance on missing out on it.
When you’re in a position like that, whether it’s with a woman or a deal that you’re trying to negotiate, from a leverage perspective, you’re in a weak position. Because we tend to make our decisions based upon emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify our decisions.
First Viewer’s Email:
Corey,
I just wanted to drop a big thank you on you. I am divorced 5 years after 20+ years of marriage. I was a total beta at home despite being an alpha at work. My wife had no respect for me as a husband, and my kids had no respect for me as a father.
Well, remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. And whatever you tolerate, you invite more of in your life.
Long story short, after years of misery I worked up the courage to divorce her.
Good for you, dude. No drama allowed.
She (and the kids, and her parents) were shocked and angry that I would “ruin her life,” but I knew it was the right decision.
It was. Who wants to spend their life being abused? It’s just not worth it. You had twenty years to know what that was going to be like. And if your wife turned herself into a tyrant, well, she got what she deserved.
Love is about giving. Relationships are about giving. You’re there to help each other grow and become more, not have somebody as your personal whipping post or whipping boy or girl. It’s just not worth it. You’ve got to have people in your life that treat you properly, that mean what they say, say what they mean and follow through on the things they commit to.
I discovered your work after my divorce. It took a long time, and a LOT of repetition of learning your material, to finally internalize the message. As a result, my life has improved dramatically. You can’t just read it or listen to your podcast, I had to internalize it.
That’s why I always say you’ve got to read the book 10 to 15 times, because when you read it that much, you get to know it so well, you could literally teach a class on it. Versus just reading in a handful of times, you’re cherry picking, you get into a pressure situation, a girl backs you into a corner, and you’re going to typically collapse like a house of cards.
I wrote your instructions down again, and again, and again.
Repetition is the mother of skill.
Your rules slowly crept into my being, and the results were fantastic. I have gone from being married to and dating at best 7’s, to being exclusively with 9’s and 10’s. I fully believe I deserve them now.
It’s your birthright. Who wants to be with average, mediocre people or put up a bullshit?
And what a difference in my life. As a man in his 50’s, I can easily get a woman in her 20’s in bed, and did, although dating them got old since we had nothing in common. I now stick to women 5–10 years younger than me that are stunning creatures.
I wanted to point out one rule that was VERY hard to accept, the no contact rule. It was exceptionally hard to implement.
Yeah, when your emotions are involved, that’s why I say it’s just like tennis. You hit the ball over the net, and then you wait for them to hit it back.
I understood it logically, but the beta in me didn’t like it. I found every excuse to double text, etc. Fortunately, my brother is also a follower and knew what had to be done. He was my coach, my mentor, really my drill sergeant, for your rules. Like an AA sponsor, I suppose, for Beta Males Anonymous. LMAO. But I’ll be damned if it doesn’t work. Not all, but a good percentage of the women I have broken up with, (even when they dumped me), reach back out for a booty call.
Well, the reality is the horses always return to the barn. And being fifty-one, because I’ve got so much life experience, it’s kind of cool, at least I think so. Other people are like, “What?” Because when you have really great soulful-type relationships, it’s cool, 8, 10, 12, 15 years later, for these women to reach back out and reconnect. It’s pretty neat.
I like it, but I know I’m kind of different. But if I wasn’t different like this, I would have never learned the things that I learned to be able to pass this stuff on. So, I live my truth. Just like Steve McQueen said, “I live for myself and I answer to nobody.”
Frankly, the no contact rule is one of the best getting laid strategies I’ve ever employed.
Yeah, because most guys just simply don’t have the strength, the inner testicular fortitude to walk away when they’re not being appreciated.
Top of the line methodology for booty calls, if that’s what you want. And what the heck, I’m single, so why not? Two previous sumptuous ladies are coming over next week to spend the night. For both it had been over 6 months. It seems that given time, they ALL circle back.
Cheers to you Master Wayne!
Bob
Well, typically they do, and they always come back with a better fucking attitude. Because it’s the ultimate show of strength when you’re able to walk away permanently from people that just don’t treat you the way you want to be treated. Because most people in their lives won’t do that.
Second Viewer’s Email:
Hi Coach Corey,
I just made a donation as a thanks to you for helping me get my girlfriend back.
Well, I always appreciate donations on my website, UnderstandingRelationships.com. There’s a little donate button at the toolbar at the bottom. If you’re so inclined, click that and make a one time donation or make a monthly recurring donation if you appreciate all the content that we put out.
I have been following your work for a few years and read 3% Man 5 times.
Come on, man. Five times in three years?
Yes, I can do better.
Yeah. Come on, man. Let’s go!
I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago. She was not talking to me in a respectful way and said I wasn’t very good at arguing. I am a highly successful lawyer, so I was not having that.
Yeah, probably not a good idea to say that to a successful lawyer, because that’s what they do is argue for a living. Not that you should be arguing with a woman, but in this particular case, you gave her an attitude adjustment.
I dropped her off at her car instead of inviting her up to my condo. When I didn’t get an apology in a couple of days, I walked away and meant it! In retrospect, I should have told her I didn’t like the way she was talking to me and discussed it. (I know, I’m cherry picking, 10–15 times).
But at the end of the day, you don’t reward bad behavior. You just don’t put up with a shitty attitude. It’s not worth it.
Over the next month, I dated several ladies. While I was not thrilled with the prospects, it kept me busy. Low and behold, I get a text (while I am texting one of three lovelies) from my ex about wanting to get a book back.
Sure. That’s why she called was because of the book.
My response: “Great to hear from you! Grab a bottle of wine and come over Wednesday. We can talk about whatever classic literature you favor!”
Perfect response.
She responded, “I guess I will see you then.” On Wednesday, she showed up with 2 bottles of wine!
Two! She exceeded your expectations.
We reminisced and spent the next day and half training for the indoor Olympics.
When I asked why she was so interested in East of Eden, she said “I didn’t care about that book. I just wanted to see you.”
Ding, ding! We have a winner.
I know you say don’t look for strategies, learn the fundamentals. But in this case, my own instincts would have totally screwed up this opportunity.
That’s why I say read it 10 to 15 times, bro.
Thanks again for helping me get my girlfriend back.
Bob
So, you can read all of my books, “How To Be A 3% Man,” “Mastering Yourself,” and the sweet new book of quotes, which has gotten great reviews so far, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” available in audio book, paperback, hardcover, and digital everywhere.
And if you’d like to book a coaching session with yours truly, maybe you’re getting the runaround in your personal or your professional life and your emotions are all over the place and you want my help to just cut through the bullshit and give you the bottom line on what you should and shouldn’t do to give you the best possible chance for success, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
“When people treat you like they don’t appreciate, value or want you or what you have to offer, you should give them the gift of missing you permanently. They will either contact you down the road with a different attitude or they will be gone from your life forever. Either way, you will get a better version of them in the future when they realize what they lost, or you will attract someone way better. You don’t get what you deserve in life. Only what you negotiate.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
