Masculinity & Alpha Male Energy
Why masculinity and alpha male energy is essential to attracting and keeping women interested and reaching your full potential.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who is struggling to find his more confident, masculine side, because he says it’s hindering him from really enjoying his life personally and professionally.
The second email is from a viewer who says he still struggles to be confident with women he perceives to be a nine or ten on a scale of one to ten. He feels like he has a mind block that is preventing him from having a breakthrough and feeling confident like he does with women he isn’t as interested in. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
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Both of these guys are wondering, “What can I do to stay in my masculinity?” especially when they start feeling fear, as all of us are going to experience. This is something that’s really super important to understand if you are interested in reaching your full potential in your personal and your professional life.
You have to focus on the process. This is something that all great coaches that coach in the NFL, NBA, and other sports leagues that are at the top of their game, focus on getting their players to do, which is living and operating in the present moment. In other words, losing yourself in the moment of the process of taking action.
I’m sure you’ve seen a star player who gets a bad call or makes a bad play, and for the next two or three plays after that, their head’s completely somewhere else. They’re mad, they’re upset, they’re continuing to argue with the referee. They’re really not in the game anymore. Instead of being an asset to their team, they’ve now become a liability.
As a coach, as a human being, and as a man who is concerned about being in your masculinity and exhibiting alpha male type energy, this is something you’re going to have to do in order to reach your full potential.
Whenever I talk about alpha males, there’s usually a few dudes that are bitching and complaining, “Oh, there’s no such thing as an alpha male.” Whenever I see these fucking beta males crying that there is no such thing as an alpha male, what that tells me is that person has not completely accepted responsibility for their own lives. Maybe in their personal life, but when it comes to earning money in their professional life, they haven’t embraced the concept of self-reliance. That’s relying upon themselves.
On some level, they’re still depending on other people or circumstances outside of themselves as being the reason for where they are in life. It’s not easy accepting personal responsibility and that everything that happens in your life is all your fault, one way or another, whether it’s your thoughts, your words, your deeds that manifested it in your life.
If you’re the type of person that wants to take control, and you believe you have the ability to take control and shape your destiny, then this is the kind of video that you’re going to get a lot out of, because I’m going to talk about the process.
That’s the important thing with anything, whether it’s with women, you’re negotiating a sale or a killer deal with a client you’re trying to land, or you’re negotiating for yourself when you’re trying to get a job.
If you take a step back, you look a the playing field and all of the moving parts, and all of the things that need to happen in order for things to work out the way you want it to, you’re going to get overwhelmed by fear, especially if you’re doing something that you’re not that good at.
In this case, one of these guys dates sevens or eights, and in his eyes, he’s pretty good. But when he gets around a nine or a ten, it’s really hard for him to stay in the present moment and not lose his shit. So, this is obviously about how to be a 3% man and join the 3% Club.
Every man needs to get good at mastering his personal mindset, the thoughts that are running around in his mind when he’s trying to do something, or should be doing something, and he’s not. If you can master this concept, it’s amazing what you can accomplish. It really is a process.
Succeeding and accomplishing your grandest goals and dreams is a process of action steps that you have to take. As a human being, things are going to happen, things are going to sideways, things aren’t going to go well. That’s going to cause you to take a step back and pause the actions that you’re taking temporarily.
And what happens? You tend to get filled with fear. You worry, and you have doubts about yourself and what you’re capable of. Then when that moment happens, you’re no longer taking action. You’re no longer focused on the process.
It’s kind of like rock climbing, when they say, “Don’t look down.” Then, you look down and think, “Oh my god, I could die!” That can overwhelm you emotionally. What do you do? Where do you put your hands? Where do you put your feet? Where are you looking to step to next? What are you going to grab next? It brings you right back into the present moment, right back into things that are most important, instead of looking at the ground like, “Oh my god!”
Focus on the details that you must do right now. That’s important. That’s where the juice of life is anyway, because that ‘s the beginning of how you lose yourself in the process of whatever it is that you’re doing.
If you think about an NFL quarterback, he doesn’t just drop back, look for an open guy, and throw the ball. He’s got a process he’s going through. He’s focused on his footwork, where his hands are, where his body is, he’s going through his reads, and this all happens within two or three seconds. He has to decide to run, or he’s going to get tackled, and also where is he going to run to? Where are the open holes?
There’s a lot of things going on, and you see the rookie quarterbacks coming in the NFL, and there’s so much happening. Everybody that plays at the NFL level is fast and talented. You’ve got to be fast on your feet, and mentally you’ve got to know what you’re doing. You’ve got to understand the process. You kind of want to have that same analogy towards everything, even on a date.
If you’re a guy that’s now starting to date women, and you’re not used to dating this quality of women, any fear, any limiting doubts, any worries that you have about yourself, those things are really going to overwhelm you. That’s why you take this mindset and apply it to a date.
If you only talk to this girl once a week, you had a date this week and you’re worried about what’s going to happen next week, just simple things like setting a definite date with a definite time and definite place to meet up or go to on the date, that builds confidence. It makes you feel content, versus saying, “We’ll get together Friday. I’ll call you Friday afternoon, and we’ll nail down the details.”
If you’re in a fearful state because you’re going out with a girl that hot, and you’re thinking about how now it’s Monday and you set a date, but you didn’t make definite plans with everything nailed down by being direct, decisive and getting right to the point, which is masculinity in the first place, you’re going to be feeling some fear.
You’re going to be thinking, “What if I call her Friday, and she doesn’t answer? What if she forgot about me? What if she made plans with somebody else?” That whole week, you’re going to be in a state of fear and panic, and you’re going to be worried. And what does that typically cause you to do? Call more, text more and do more. Whereas if you had just handled it properly the first time you called her, you would have been fine.
Worrying about being on a date and “What do I talk about? Oh my god, what do I do?” Well, knowing exactly where you’re going to go and where you’re going to take her, these are things you’ve got to think of ahead of time. That way, if you’ve done all of the little details, you just show up on the date and take the girl through the process.
These are all things I talk about in my book, “How To Be A 3% Man.” If you know the fundamentals backwards and forwards, and you read it 10–15 times, you know all the steps. The book is designed to help keep you in a peaceful and relaxed state.
Guys that don’t read the book 10–15 times and cherry-pick don’t know the fundamentals, so there are so many unknowns rolling around their head, it takes them out of the present moment. Then it’s kind of hard to listen to the girl, because they’re so freaked out about all of the little details.
If you read the book 10–15 times, and you know it so well you could teach a class on it, you’re going to be able to sit back in your chair, relax and feel comfortable and content. It’s the same thing I talk about in my second book, “Mastering Yourself.” How do you handle yourself in a job interview? How do you set yourself up to where you have multiple job interviews to go to, and you have multiple employers who want to hire you?
Everything that’s in my books is designed to help keep you in a peaceful and relaxed state, so you’re going to do the best things, moment by moment. But you’ve got to participate in your own rescue. Just watching videos and kind of half-assing it through the books, that’s not the level of effort that somebody that plays in the NFL would do.
If you want to look at competition, there are guys out there that you could potentially be competing against that know the books backwards and forwards, and they’re doing all the right things. If you are trying to date a girl that another guy that studies my work is trying to date, and they’re a better student because they actually took better instructions, just knowing those guys are out there can instill a little bit of fear.
But if you’re busy taking action, reading the books backwards and forwards in your free time, that’s the kind of thing that helps you build confidence. Why? Because you’re in the process. You’re focused on the process.
“What do I need to do right now?” Well, maybe it’s just listening to the audiobook. Maybe it’s going out and getting phone numbers. Maybe it’s nailing all the details down for your date, dinner reservations, maybe babysitters are involved.
What are the details you can take care of ahead of time, so when you’re on the date, in the job interview, meeting with those investors, trying to get them to invest in your company, whatever it happens to be, you can feel relaxed and peaceful, because you focused on the process.
Remember, as Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.” If you’re focused on the process and taking action, that’s going to make you feel content. That’s going to make you feel courageous. And you’re going to be busy taking action, so you’re not going to really be able to worry about what may or may not happen in the future, what you’re scared of, or what you’re afraid of.
First Viewer’s Email:
Corey,
I’m seeking to find a more confident, masculine side to me, but struggle finding it. Those two components are what I feel are the parts that have hindered me from really enjoying life both professionally and personally.
Do you have some good advice or resources that helped you get to where you are at now?
Bob
Well, obviously my two books, which I mentioned. Also, you should go through Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends and Influence People.”
When I see an email like this, you’re worried and you’re fearful, that tells me you’re not stacking the deck in your favor. What do I mean by that? Well, if you’re applying for a job, if you’ve got several different companies you’re talking to potentially about going to work for, now you’ve got choices. It makes you a little cockier, a little more confident, and a little more inclined to speak up for yourself and what you want.
If you ask somebody for a certain salary, and they tell you, “Well, that’s a little more than what we’re used to paying,” you can handle that better — like how I talk about answering and handling objections in my book “Mastering Yourself.” You have a good comeback for that. That makes you feel content. That makes you feel a little more confident.
Again, these are things that you can do ahead of time. If you’ve only got one company you’re interviewing with or you’ve only got one client you’re trying to land, only one prospect, you’re going to tend to be a little more desperate. You might try a little too hard with that prospect. Whereas, if you’ve got lots of prospects, things are a lot easier.
The same thing with dating. If you’ve got dates set up with multiple different women, especially if you’re really starting to learn this stuff, you’re just a social person and you’ve got a lot of options, that builds your confidence. That makes you feel better.
Also, reading the book. If you haven’t read the book 10–15 times, you’re going to be in a fearful state and you’re not going to confident if you’re going out with a nine or a ten for the first time. And that’s because you haven’t done the work.
Confidence comes from successful repetitions. If you lack confidence, it means you need more repetitions. It means you need to focus on the process. And that’s the important thing.
You’ve got to do more work, dude. You’ve got to practice more, you’ve got to rehearse more, and you’ve got to spend more time reading the book. I mean, when I say 10–15 times, I mean it. Guys that struggle — I see this all the time in my phone sessions — you’ve got to participate in your own rescue.
Second Viewer’s Email:
Hi Corey!
Thank you for work and dedication to it! It has help me past words! I’m working on reading “How To Be A 3% Man” for the 5th time this year, I’ve watched countless videos, cherry picked stuff and put the bones of what you teach to the test!
You shouldn’t be cherry-picking. The 3% Club guys, they don’t cherry-pick my friend.
My question is, I read the book, watch the videos and hear what you say, and it’s making a huge difference in my dating life. I’m getting confident in myself again.
That’s the important thing. That’s the statement of a guy who’s focused on the process of getting better. That’s a good thing. I like to see that.
And it shines through to people I’m interested in, finally with confidence, getting my 7 & 8s. I still get nervous around 9s and 10s, but it I just need more time with that.
So the sevens and eights, you’ve dated enough of those. There’s more of them out there, versus the nines, the tens, the unicorns, the girl you really like. These are the kind of girls when you come across them you’re like, “Wow! When was the last time I met a girl like this, that had this much in common with me?” It’s rare.
Those are the ones you don’t want to fuck up, because they don’t come along very often. And when you fuck up with one, you can’t stop thinking about them for several weeks, sometimes months later, because they’re so rare.
I always make sure I get a kiss at the end of a date or during it, but I struggle with taking it further on the second or third date.
Why would you struggle? Because you don’t have enough repetitions. That’s the simple reason. And if you’re still not sure of what to do on the second or the third date, it’s the same process — hang out, have fun and hook up.
Now, if you’ve been through the book 10–15 times… which you’re just now starting the fifth time, so you still haven’t been through the book enough. That’s the bottom line. So, you’re feeling fearful right now. That’s kind of natural. You should be feeling afraid.
You don’t know the material, because as you put it, you’ve been cherry-picking probably more than you should have. Every waking moment, you should be listening to the book.
That’s just because you haven’t been on enough second or third dates with the nines or the tens. It’s the same process. And just like we’ve been talking about the whole video, what is the process of the date?
What is the simple formula that a man is supposed to focus on? Hang out. In other words arrange a definite date, a definite time and you’ve got to know where you’re going to take her.
You’ve got to think about the logistics of seduction. You don’t want to drive an hour away. If you live relatively close to where you are, things are hot and heavy and you’re all over each other, you can say, “Hey, you want to go back to my house and grab a drink?” or “You want to go for a swim in my pool?” You’ve got to think about these things ahead of time.
So if you’ve thought about the logistics of sex, and you’ve thought about the process you’re going to take this girl through on a date to have a good time, then it’s just a matter of actually following your plan. Hang out, have fun when you’re hanging out, getting her to do 80% of the talking, getting her to laugh, finding out about her, what she’s all about, what she’s into, this helps you remain kind of mysterious.
And if she’s interested, she’ll start asking you questions and want to know about you. That’s what you want. You want mutual interest. If you’ve done these little things ahead of time, you’re going to feel a little bit more confident.
Something that’s going to help you mindset-wise when you’re on the date is, how would you treat this girl if you were already kind of bored with her or if you see a few red flags? How would you think, how would you be, how would you operate?
What would the tone of your voice be, what would your physiology be, what would your body language be? What kinds of things would you talk about? What kind of eye contact would you be making if you weren’t into this girl as much as you actually are right now? Think about it from that perspective.
These are the things that you have to think of, and if you know the book backwards and forwards, you think about them less. But because you haven’t been with enough nines and tens on dates, you’re still going to worry. What are you afraid of? Fear that you’re not enough, in other words you don’t have what it takes, or fear that you won’t be loved and accepted, obviously by her.
The worst thing you can do is take yourself out of the present moment, start talking too much, start acting weird, awkward, get in your head, look flustered, and look irritated, instead of being calm, playful and humorous and giving off the “all is well” vibe. That’s what you want to do.
The only reason you’re thinking of or seeking approval is because you’re telling yourself you’re not good enough. Well, how would you act if going out with women like this all the time was a normal thing to you? Imagine yourself, how you would act.
Maybe even before you go on dates, you can close your eyes and kind of visualize. Visualize yourself becoming overwhelmed with fear. Visualize yourself being fearful and running into an awkward moment where you can’t think of something to say. What’s the fallback?
“Okay, let me ask her a question that she might enjoy answering.” What would that be? What kind of question would you ask. How you would refocus yourself. Think about those pressure points and how you would handle it.
You can plan ahead for all of those things. It’s called visual motor rehearsal. It’s what all of the astronauts did. If you ever watch the Blue Angels or the Thunderbirds, those guys have meetings before they do their fights, and the Captain walks them through all of the moves ahead of time. You can use this to help yourself when you’re on a date.
I feel myself looking for approval, which isn’t the right thing to do, but I feel when I take it to that level, I’m lacking something in myself. It’s like a mind block or something.
You just need more repetition and to focus on the process like we’ve been talking about.
Can you help with some insight on getting over the second or third date hurdle?
Bob
Well, I’ve already answered that question with the things I pointed out in the last few minutes. Just focus on the process. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Visualize, visual motor rehearsal, what are some topics you’re probably going to think about ahead of time?
If you’re worried that you’re going to run out of things to talk about, come up with a list in your mind. What kind of subjects can you ask her about? What are some thinks you’d like to know about her?
Therefore, when you get challenged in those moments, and the conversation doesn’t flow as well, you can think back to that little mental list that you made earlier. You just pull one of those out of your hat, and you’re able to refocus the conversation where you want it to be.
If you focus on the process, it will work for you. I promise. But you’ve got to do your part. You’ve got to read the book 10–15 times. That’s when you don’t really have to think about things, and you won’t be in your head.
Confidence comes from time, repetition and self mastery. Everyone starts out as a novice. Nobody is born or starts out as an expert. Any time you step outside of your comfort zone to do or try things for the first time, or that you’re not very good at, you’re probably going to experience fear. What is fear really? Fear is worrying about the future and taking yourself out of living in the present moment. The solution to overwhelming fear is to focus on the process of what you must do right now to take action to move yourself closer to your grandest goals and dreams. This forces you back into living in the present moment, so you can focus on what you must do, instead of having downtime to worry about what may or may not happen in the future. Busying yourself with productive activities is always the solution to overwhelming fear and doubt, which results in a feeling of courage, confidence and contentment.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
