Love People For Who They Are, Not Their Potential
Why you should love people for who they are and not for their potential.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares how my work and first book, How To Be A 3% Man, changed how he interacted with women for the better. He details how he met a woman who was very physically beautiful, but she was not living up to her potential.
Thanks to my work, he saw her for who she really was, instead of falling in love with her potential, and chose to move on when she wanted to be exclusive instead of settling. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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This guy got involved with a woman who was very physically beautiful, but who she was as a person, she just simply didn’t have the same goals and the same values. And this is something that’s tough for guys, especially guys that don’t have a lot of experience dating the caliber or the quality of woman that they’ve always wanted. They start dating those kind of women, and because the woman is so attractive, and they’re so into her, and they enjoy the sex that they just completely ignore all of the other things in her life that she’s not living up to her potential at.
The idea is, in all of the personal and professional relationships in your life, you want to have good teammates — people that are going to nurture you and support you, be your cheerleaders, be your fans, help and encourage you to become all that you’re capable of becoming, and vice versa. And most people are just simply average, mediocre people that are just not going to be on the same level as you, they’re not going to be able to keep up, and they’re, quite frankly, just not going to be willing to participate in their own rescue at the level that you’re going to need them to in order to reach your full potential.
And so, especially in this particular case where the guy was dating this woman, he’s looking at her as his intimate teammate, his intimate partner, and 95% of your happiness or your misery is going to come from that one decision. So, it’s super important that when you get serious, or even with the women you date on a casual basis, they have the same goals, they have the same values. Because if they don’t, they’re going to be dragging you in the direction that they want to go, instead of the two of you effortlessly working together as a team to get to where you both want to be.
It’s hard when your emotions are involved and you really like the person, you’re really attracted to them, but their goals and values just simply don’t line up with your own. And that’s where How To Be A 3% Man can really help you out, along with Mastering Yourself, because it’s a book about self-reliance, accomplishing your purpose and your mission in life.
If you haven’t gotten my third book, Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations, it’s available everywhere in audiobook, paperback and hardcover format, and what it does, it actually ties together How To Be A 3% Man and Mastering Yourself. The feedback I’ve gotten so far since it’s been out these last several months is everybody loves the fact that the concepts from both books are tied together.
I started following your work about 5 months ago after breaking up with my ex, (what a surprise!), who I now realize I should’ve broken up with even sooner because we had completely different values. She was too materialistic and superficial but had a smoking body that blinded me, Lol.
It happens. Us guys are visual creatures, but we’ve still got to think with the correct head.
Anyway, I’m on my 3rd read of 3% Man and watch at least 2 of your videos per day. I have a success story I wanted to share, actually multiple success stories thanks to you, but will detail one in particular.
You’ve always got to know your downside risk in everything. In your personal life, your professional life, especially when you get involved in business deals, or if you’re going to invest in the stock market, or you’re going to invest in crypto, you’ve got to know what your downside risk is.
In other words, what happens if your assumptions are wrong and everything goes sideways, or the person that you had invested in doesn’t do what they said they’re going to do? What’s your downside risk to you personally and professionally and financially, obviously, especially when it comes to investments? You’ve always got to think about that. Always know your downside.
I am a 30-year old Latino man, and I’ve always considered myself a very handsome looking guy. Even my male friends would constantly make comments about my “good looks.” I work out, do very well financially, nice car, nice apt., very into self-growth and had been relatively successful with women all my life. I say “relatively” because I now know I was not performing even close to my potential.
Well, that’s where “How To Be A 3% Man,” “Mastering Yourself,” and even now, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations” can give you the cheat codes to life. Because the idea is you want to not have to wait until you’re fifty-one years old, like the coach is, to learn these things. The idea is you want to learn them from other people when you’re younger, so you don’t have to go through all the trial and error that I had to go through to learn these things. Besides, with the internet, all the stuff is out there now.
I always felt I could do so much better but had no clue what I was doing or failing to do.
I think it was Confucius that said, “Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.”
But boy do I see things clearer now. In the past 5 months I have slept with 6 different women, all beautiful, and it was mostly effortless once the principles were applied. One of these women was 2 years older than me. We went on our first date to Top Golf.
Top golf is a great place to take a date. It’s a great physical activity, it’s a lot of fun, the food’s good, the drinks are good. It’s just got a great atmosphere. Plus, when it gets cool like it does in the winter in the Sunshine State, they have nice heaters out there. It’s just an awesome place. I totally support it and highly recommend it, because it gives you a reason to be interacting with each other physically. And if the woman starts bumping into you and touching you, well, you can wrap her up and kiss her passionately.
And as soon as I saw her I thought, “Wow, this woman is way out of my league, (blonde, bright big blue eyes, slim figure and perfect smile). I did my best to stick to the principles, got into my James Bond mentality and started asking questions and having a good time. At the end of the date, I walked her to her car and went for the kiss, (even though I wasn’t yet able to fully read if she was into me or not).
That’s what’s always nice about the kiss test. If you spent all this time, you spent some money on a nice girl and you’re not sure if she’s into you, you go for the kiss. Then you know if she kisses you back, she’s in you, and if she gives you the cheek, she’s structured or not that into you.
She kissed me back and seemed to enjoy it as we walked away and said goodnight. Coach, I’m not gonna lie, I was sooooo excited. I even yelled a “wooooo hoooo” as soon as I got to my car.
I’ve done that a few times too. It’s okay to celebrate your victories. Especially if you’re new to “How To Be A 3% Man,” and these are the kinds of things that are starting to happen to you now. It’s great for your ego. It’s great for your self-esteem, makes you a little cockier, it gives you a little bit more swagger, which are all good things, because the ladies like that.
I did not text her at all. The old me would’ve texted her immediately afterwards with the excuse of “Hey, had a great time. Let me know if you made it home okay,” or something like that so I can continue talking to her right after the date was over.
So, he used to talk a lot of women out of liking them.
She did not text me that night, and the next morning I was still wondering whether she would or not.
And this is why you just take your time and you wait, because if her interest is really super high, she’ll reach out. And the idea is you want to create the conditions where she starts to pursue you more and starts to chase you. Because if a woman is chasing you, she’s not getting rid of you.
Suddenly, around noon I got the “I had a great time last night” text, which I used to set up the next date.
This is the day after and she’s texting him, she’s reaching out. So in that case, you’d make a date. If she had texted the night before, “Hey, I had a great time. Have a good night,” then I would have just said, “Yeah, me too,” and I would have waited three or four days and then texted her again.
If she’s nice and she’s got a good attitude, she’ll be happy to hear from you. If she’s a lunatic, she’ll get mad and upset and pissed off that you didn’t text her soon enough. There was an email I did this past week, where that was the case. The guy was just taking his time and the girl was just losing her shit, getting angry and upset at him, and she disqualified herself, which is what you want.
The book works as intended. That’s what it’s supposed to do. It’s supposed to identify the lunatics and the whack jobs to get them out of your life as quickly as possible.
I did not text her at all throughout the week, and as we kept going on more dates, she would want to text often throughout the day and even have a phone call every other day, (of course I did not get into that habit).
Yeah, you’ve got to be unpredictable. Especially like when you start doing “good morning” texts and “good evening” texts, and then it doesn’t feel natural. You want to be able to just do those things because you feel like saying “good morning,” or you feel like saying “good night,” or whatever, not because you’re like a robot and go, “I must text you first.”
I am a busy guy, so I didn’t have to lie much, but the old me definitely would’ve handled it differently. So back to the second date, we went roller skating, which led to our first session of the indoor Olympics.
The indoor Olympics is always nice.
We continued having great sex, but I started noticing some red flags — she was on anti-depression medicine, had a negative outlook on life, hated her job, yet did nothing about it, and almost every time we talked, she would mention some of her problems, which were mostly self-inflicted.
You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. And if you’re a high achieving person like I am, you want somebody that’s also a high achiever, not somebody that wants to constantly complain about their problems and yet do nothing about it. You want a teammate, you want an equal, you want somebody that’s on your level, not somebody that’s bringing you down.
And somebody in this particular case, where she’s got a truckload of problems, and yet she’s doing nothing to help herself, she’s beautiful, she’s physically amazing, but who she is as a person, she’s just not on the same level that he is. Most guys would be hypnotized by her beauty thinking, “I’m going to fix her. I’m going to save her. I’m going to help her get a new job. I’m going to do all these things,” but ignoring the fact that she’s not doing these things herself.
She watched TV all day, so I would recommend great self-help books, to which she would reply, “I don’t read.”
That’s her story. So, “I don’t read” becomes “I can’t do anything to help myself, and I won’t do anything to help myself. It’s not my job.” You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. The longer a high achieving guy stays with a low achieving woman like this, the more he’s going to resent it. And then you’re going to start getting angry and irritable, and you don’t want that either.
I would tell her to do different activities and learn new things, but she would say she was scared. One day, she had a talk with me and told me she wants to be exclusive, to which I said that, although I like her, I cannot offer her the commitment she is seeking and it would be best if we were just friends.
So, he friendzoned her. I know it takes guts, but as he said, the old guy would have just been hypnotized by her body and looks, and he’d still be trying to fix her to this day, and that never works out. It’d be one thing if he had suggested a book and then she would read it and she would do something, but she’s not. He’s a guy who, when something’s not working, he figures it out. He takes corrective action. Her, she’s not.
Coach, the old me would have not turned down a woman that looked as fine as she did. But here I am, turning down beautiful women because I now believe that not only does the woman I choose have to be physically stunning, she also has to have a beautiful, positive soul.
Amen to that brother. They’re hard to find. Good friends are hard to find. Good women are hard to find. Good people who are good to you, good for you, good for your soul, man, they are rare. So when you find one, cherish them. Treat them well, and they’ll treat you right.
Although I was already a confident man, your book helped me reach a new level. As you always say, these principles will help any man, regardless of race, religious background, age, etc., and not just with women, but in life.
Well, you don’t get what you deserve in life, you only get what you negotiate.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge in your personal or your professional life and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
“You must love people for who they are and where they are. Not for their potential. The reality is that most people are living lives of quiet desperation and are unable or unwilling to participate in their own rescue to shape and change their lives for the better. If you love, value and appreciate yourself and your opportunities, then you should find personal and professional teammates who will help you strive for more and become better, so you can reach your full potential. We become like the people who we spend most of our time with. Choose wisely.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne