I Used The Take Away Strategy & It Didn’t Work
The purpose of the take away strategy, how it keeps women accountable and weeds out the flakes and time wasters.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who got approached by a woman at a bar and they started chatting. He later got her number and contacted her to set a date about 4 days later.
On the day of the date, she told him she was walking to the venue and would arrive 20 minutes after their agreed upon time. Then he used the take away strategy and it didn’t go well. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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He said a few things in text that I would not have said, but it also kind of reveals, when you look at her responses, it seemed like she felt entitled to jerk him around and waste his time, agree on something and then provide something else. The idea is, when applying what’s in 3% Man, you’re looking for somebody that values you, that respects you, likes you and is excited to see you. Not somebody who, right away, is going to start jerking you around. It’ll be interesting to see as we get to the end of this.
I would have handled things differently. He probably still would have met up for the date, but just the way he handled it and what he said was enough to basically make her blow him off. He even admits that he made a date with this girl and he wasn’t thinking she was a candidate for a long-term relationship. It doesn’t sound like he was really into her. He was just happy to go out on a date and get a little practice.
It just shows the difference between a woman who’s really into you and one that’s just kind of take it or leave it. Because she basically blows him off at the end with her response, but he never replied back to her. So, I assume she never went to the venue and he didn’t either. It’s just the finer points of texting back and forth when setting a date and determining a woman’s true interest. Because, why go out and spend money and time with somebody who’s not excited to see you? And vice versa, why would you make a date with somebody that you’re not excited to see? Unless, of course, you’re young, you don’t have a lot of experience and you just want to practice.
Bob here. A woman approached me at the bar and we started chatting. I got her number and reached out to set a date 4 days later. Our text exchange went like this…
Bob: Hey Jessica, how’s your week going so far?
Jessica: Hiii, it’s going good how about you?
Bob: That’s good & my week is going well. I was wondering when you’re free to hang out this week?
Jessica: Well, I work every day, but I get off at 5:00.
Bob: Okay, how about we get together Friday at 8:00 pm. Does that work for you?
Jessica: That sounds goood. Where at? X bar? (same bar we met)
Bob: No, let’s go someplace different. How about X place for a couple drinks? I can pick you up, or you can meet me out. Whatever you’re more comfortable with. (Since it was the first date)
It really depends on how much rapport you have with her. He really didn’t go into detail whether they talked for five minutes or two hours. I mean, if you hang out a couple of hours chatting with a girl, you really like each other and you really click and get along well, and it feels like you’ve known each other, you’re going to want to get the address and go pick her up, and you shouldn’t have much of a problem. But if you only talked to her for a few minutes and got her number, and you don’t know her that well, I would definitely want to meet her there.
Because if you meet her and you talk to her for awhile, and then you realize you don’t really like her, you don’t have to deal with the awkward car ride taking her home. This way, you can just excuse yourself and dip out. She can go her separate way, as well. So, it really depends. If you really like the girl and you definitely know you want to spend time with her, and you spent a significant amount of time with her when you first met, then you absolutely want to pick her up. But in this case, he chose to meet her there.
Jessica: Okayyy, that works for me.
Bob: Great I’ll cya there.
Day of the date, 2 hours before date:
Jessica: Hey Bob, are we still meeting up tonight, oooor no?
So, obviously she’s interested, because if she wasn’t interested, she probably wouldn’t have texted him at all and may have just not shown up. That’s possible too. That’s the risk you run. It happens a lot if you’re doing online dating and you only send a few texts back and forth and agree to meet up for a drink.
If you don’t have a lot of rapport, and she’s on the dating apps and has lots of other dudes chasing after her, there’s a good chance she blows you off. It all depends upon interest. Because the idea is, you’re trying to figure out, is it worth your time to go and meet her and make a date with her and keep it? And the book gives you the tools to do that, to separate the tire kickers from the women that are really interested.
Bob: Yes, I am planning on leaving my place at 7:40 pm to arrive at 8:00 pm.
Jessica: (takes 30 mins to respond)
I mean, she could have been in the shower, you just never know. I mean, it is two hours before the date, so more than likely, she’s probably already starting to get ready, so she might have been in the shower.
Jessica: Okay, I’ll be walking so I’ll be there at 8:20 pm
Notice how she just conveniently says, “Oh yeah, I’m gonna be 20 minutes late.” Probably because she wants to be fashionably late for 20 minutes. She also doesn’t want to go to a bar by herself and wait on him if he’s going to end up being late. But it’s also possible she’s doing it on purpose just to see how he reacts or if he’s bothered by that.
Bob: We agreed on 8:00 pm. Also, why are you walking? I offered to pick you up.
I would not have said that, dude.
Jessica: Um okay? And because it’s a short walk…
Bob: It sounds like you’re running late. Can you still make 8:00 pm, or should we reschedule for another day?
So, I mean, that’s technically the takeaway strategy. Because if he’s telling her “I’m leaving at 7:40, and I’m going to be there at 8:00,” he’s a guy that when he says he’s going to be somewhere, he shows up. But her, she doesn’t seem like that kind of person.
Jessica: Lmao, I’m good! (Basically, saying screw you, dude)
Bob never replied back. Coach, did I screw up by using the takeaway strategy when she was running late or testing me by trying to jerk me around by changing the time of the date?
Well, I’m assuming the reason you didn’t pick her up is maybe you didn’t talk to her for that long, so you didn’t have a high enough level of rapport with her. So, that’s understandable that you would meet her there. But trying to use the takeaway, something like that, it’s like 2 hours before.
If it was me, if she’s saying, “Oh, I’m going to be there at 8:20,” I’d be like, alright, I’m showing up at 8:30. I’m not even going to tell her. I’ll just show up 10 minutes later than she says. And, more than likely, she’ll be rolling it at 8:30 anyway. If I was a betting man, I’d say that’s probably what’ll happen. You say, “Alright, I’ll see you there.” And she probably assumes you’re going to be there at 8:20. But like I said, I would show up at 8:30 then, just because, more than likely, she ain’t gonna be on time. That’s what she’s communicating. She probably doesn’t show up on time.
And it also shows that she doesn’t really care one way or another if she’s going to walk there. But the reason why she wanted to walk instead of having you pick her up is because that’s what she felt comfortable with. You did give her the choice. But the way he phrases it, he says, “We agreed on 8:00 p.m. Also, why are you walking? I offered to pick you up.” So, there’s a hint of irritation and maybe a little controlling, which it doesn’t take much. Because again, if this is a woman with low interest in you already, you might be a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10, something like this can make her just go, “Oh, fuck this guy.” And I think that’s what would happen.
This woman isn’t a women i would get into a long-term relationship with. Currently, I’m 25 and really looking for a woman to settle down with to start a family, but I’m not rushing into it. I need to find the right woman first!
Thanks for everything you do, Coach. I love you.
Well, my question is why did you even set a date with her? Other than maybe you don’t have a lot of experience or you want to get some practice. But, I mean, at the end of the day, if she was really super into you and she had integrity, she would have shown up on time. But the fact that she’s just like, “Oh, I’m going to take an extra 20 minutes,” maybe that’s the way she is. I mean, some people are like that. Personally, all of my closest friends, the women I wrote about in 3% Man, they always showed up on time. And that’s one of the things I really loved about them. And there were women that I wrote about in the book that were not ready. I would show up, and they’re not even ready. That’s kind of annoying. But hey, man, being late is a woman’s prerogative.
The reality is, interest cuts through everything. And if she’s super into you, she’ll show up in time. But if I take a step back and look at both of these people, neither one of them really seem to be into the other and, quite frankly, shouldn’t have even been on the date. But, at the end of the day, as a guy, it’s good practice. But it also is indicative of the fact that she doesn’t sound like she’s super into him. And he obviously wasn’t super into her, so he didn’t go out on a date with a girl he should have gone out on a date with in the first place.
Either way, the only big critique is I would not have said, “we agreed on 8:00.” Again, the way you phrased it, you’ve got to think about, how is it going to be received? “Why are you walking? I offered to pick you up.” It just sounds like a guy that’s already getting pissed off, kind of controlling, easy to get butt-hurt. And if she’s marginally interested in you, that’s enough for her to go “Screw this guy.” That’s why her response was one of surprise and probably an eye roll, like, “Lmao, I’m good,” and as he said, basically saying, “screw you.”
So, was it a bad thing to use the takeaway strategy? Well, I wouldn’t have phrased it that way, but what does it reveal to us? It reveals to us that she really wasn’t that into him either. And he wasn’t that into her, so is it really a loss? Is it something to feel bad about? Because at the end of day, your life should be an asshole free zone.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.