I Made My Girlfriend My Mommy & Got Dumped
How to avoid making your girlfriend your mommy to prevent a breakup.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 27 year old viewer from Greece who has been following my work since high school, but only read 3% Man, 3 times so far. He details what happened in his latest relationship that led to him getting dumped after he made his girlfriend his mommy. She lost respect and attraction for him and broke things off. He’s hopeful that she may come back, but he’s moving on as if she won’t. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “I’ve Made My Girlfriend My Mommy & Got Dumped.”
Oh, it’s definitely a bad way to go. Your girlfriend is not your mommy. She’s not your therapist. She’s not your emotional support human. She’s your lover and your teammate. And you have to be more masculine than she is. And unfortunately, our 27 year old viewer from Greece who has Russian roots, he’s been following my work since high school. So maybe ten years, eight, ten years, something like that. And he’s read 3% Man three times.
But follow me 8 to 10 years and he’s been through The Book three times. So he’s going to probably have some attainable success, but he won’t be able to sustain it because he did not follow instructions. He’s been a crappy student. We have to admit that, you know, he’s probably a cherry picker in videos, and it’s just a bad way to go. But all I can do as a Coach is gently lead and suggest. And if somebody doesn’t want to listen, well.
Because a lot of guys focus on The Pickup and The Dating Skills and The Seduction Skills, and they don’t really pay any attention to The Relationship stuff. And then what happens is initially the first couple of months, girls all over him, they’re like, “Man, I got this. I’m a Jedi Master. I’m a Jedi Master of the Puswa. I got this girl wrapped around my finger. Fuck that shaved headed bastard on YouTube.
I don’t need to read his Book 10 or 15 times. I’m special. I’m smarter. I have more money.” Whatever it happens to be. And then they don’t follow instructions. And then they end up writing me an email about how things went sideways. And so he made his girlfriend, his mommy. She lost respect and attraction for him and broke things off.
He’s hopeful that she may come back, but he’s moving on as if she won’t. And again, I say it all the time if you if you’re a cherry picker, if you’re just kind of thumbing through The Book, you’ll get some attainable success, but you will not be able to sustain it. And that’s exactly where we are with our 27 year old hero from Greece, who hasn’t been a great student. So let’s see what we can learn.
Viewer Email:
Hi Corey,
My name is Bob, I’m 27, from Greece with Russian roots. I first came across your work in high school during a heartbreak, and I was also trying to help my parents with their relationship at the time.
Well, before you can teach, you must know. You got to master this stuff yourself first before you start trying to help everybody else. You can’t give away what you don’t have for yourself.
I’ve read How To Be A 3% Man three times, and it helped me land my first relationship, which lasted a year. It was long-distance, but we eventually broke up. Since then, I promised myself to find a like-minded woman who would love me unconditionally. I worked in seasonal hotels most of my life, and during one of those seasons, I met a woman who changed everything for me. I was her first, and after two months, we made things official.
So he’s got an inexperienced girl. Again, he’s getting laid. He’s like, “I don’t need to go back to The Book. I don’t need to listen to Corey. What does he know? It’s ridiculous reading a book. Who reads a book 10 to 15 times.”
But I messed up because I made her the center of my world.
Again. This is why you read it 10 to 15 times. So you don’t do these things. Because if you read it three times and that was many years ago, he’s probably forgotten most of what’s even in there. So he doesn’t even realize he’s doing things that are unattractive.
I even put college on hold to pursue a supervisor position in Spain, but that opportunity didn’t work out. We eventually came back and worked another seasonal job together. When we returned, I decided to restart my studies in business administration. I’ve always felt uncertain about that choice, but I went through with it anyway.
Well, I highly recommend that you read Mastering Yourself, because this book is all about how to align your life with your true calling and reach your full potential. And it’s in the Members Area for Free. So you got to learn the baseline fundamentals of the science of high achievement if you want to reach your full potential.
If you want to half-ass it and be a cherry picker, you’re going to be off and on writing me these emails where things just come apart because you couldn’t sustain it. But it’s your life, you do what you want. All I can do is gently suggest and lead.
At the time, I was living with my parents, and she had a car, so she would come to my place often. We traveled to Cyprus for my birthday, but after we returned, she started questioning things. She said she felt unsafe with me and asked if I would have chosen to go back to college if she wasn’t in my life. I said yes, but she seemed unconvinced.
Yeah, because your body language, the tone of your voice, the words you chose, did not express certainty. So in other words, you were just telling her what she wanted to hear and she could see through your bullshit.
I mean, even you said yourself, “I’ve always felt uncertain about that choice, but I went through with it anyway.” You’re not hiding things from women, women are way more intuitive and way more psychic and empathic than us guys. And so she’s unconvinced because you weren’t even convinced.
She also worried that in five years, I might regret my decision.
Because what’s bothering her is she could tell you’re not doing what you really want to be doing. She doesn’t want you to be there doing things for her. She wants you to be doing things for you, so she can follow your lead. And what’s happening is obviously, as we get further in this email, he’s made her his mommy, and his therapist. And his best friend, if you will. And that’s the quickest way to dry her up. Like a haunted house in the Sahara Desert.
Things got worse when I couldn’t land a job for four months.
Again, if you know it’s in Mastering Yourself, you’ll be able to get any job you want. I detail that in there. Again, all that stuff is Free to Read in the Members Area, but this guy’s been a lazy student.
My life had been in hospitality, not in my major. I felt lost and uncomfortable because we had talked about starting a family, and she emphasized I needed stability.
Yeah. No woman is going to feel safe and comfortable having kids with you if you’re working a bullshit job you don’t like. And then when she asks you about it, you try to BS her like, “Oh yeah, I’m really into it.” She’s like, “No you’re not.” She’s just not going to feel safe like you can provide because you’re acting like a child. You’re not being the leader. You’re not being somebody she can admire, respect and look up to.
I wasn’t sure how to make that shift. Then, she started noticing that I was acting differently. One day, she called after I didn’t let her know I was hanging out with friends, asking if I was okay. I reassured her, but she kept telling me she felt like she was dating a “5-year-old boy” who didn’t know what he wanted in life.
Yeah. Masculine energy is purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, overcoming challenges. And if you’re treating her like your mommy and you’re complaining, “I don’t know what I want to do. This is so hard.” Women want you just to handle it. They don’t want to be your coach. They want to be your cheerleader and cheer you on. But you’re the guy that’s going to be sharing your vision with your life for her and making things happen.
And from her perspective, you’re not making things happen. You’re talking about things, but you’re not really taking the amount of action or the level of action that you need to be in order to make things happen that you want to happen. Women can see right through this. They have that intuition and they need to have it.
Because at the end of the day, if they have a child, it’s a 20 year commitment. And if you don’t seem like you’re going to be around, if you can’t even take care of yourself, she’s certainly not going to feel comfortable leaning on you for two decades to co-parent with whether you’re together or not.
I promised to fix things, but I was deep in my feminine energy, constantly seeking her approval and confiding in her about all my insecurities.
So again, this is what happens. You follow me for 8, 10 years and you only get through The Book three times. And that was many years ago. And you’re trying to cherry pick videos. It’s like, you’re just not even going to see that what you’re doing is wrong and unattractive. Because again, you don’t know the fundamentals. You didn’t take the time to learn. And again, all of your problems would be solved.
Everything’s in these two books. You got to take the time. You can’t take a class and then not pay attention to The Books, because when the tests come, which these are real world tests in life, you’re going to fail. I was talking to a guy the other a couple of weeks ago who was a Professor, a very smart dude at a very prestigious university. He’s been following me for many years.
He barely got through The Book once. I was like, “Bro, all these kids come to you and you’re supposed to be the expert in the Professor, but quite frankly, you’re a shitty Student.” And we had a good laugh about it and he admitted it. And because he’s an extremely smart guy. It’s like, if you were taking a class and I was your Professor, you flunked.
So here you are teaching people something that you’re an expert in. But when it came to helping yourself and your own personal life, you didn’t take the materials seriously. You didn’t take the class seriously, and therefore it led to his getting rejected. Even though this guy is very successful.
One night, she told me she might not be able to continue in the relationship, and that hit me hard.
Yeah, again, it’s like, after you’re together for a long period of time, and when a woman says you’re like a five year old boy, that’s not a good sign. That’s a sign you need to pull your fucking head out of your ass. Because if you don’t, you’re going to get dumped. Because women, especially when it comes to children and a family, you know, it’s a little different when they’re younger and they don’t really have their life together.
And they see a cute guy, and he’s fit and in shape, and he’s popular and fun. They’re carried away on their feelings and their emotions. But as they start to get older and they get their heart broken a few times, and they have some relationships that don’t go anywhere, and they start really thinking about having kids and what it really takes from a partner, somebody that’s going to be committed.
You know, the fuckboy is not going to be a good baby daddy. He might be good in the sack, but as a long term partner and teammate to raise kids, it’s like, that dude ain’t up for the challenge. And so, it’s okay to be a fuckboy when you’re in college, but you get into your mid 20s, your late 20s, your early 30s, it’s like you got to fucking grow up. You can’t be acting like a spoiled little child that doesn’t know what to do, because a woman is not going to want to depend on you. She may sleep with you, but she ain’t going to have children and a family with you.
We didn’t even have sex that night, and she said she felt like she couldn’t be with me because of how I made her feel.
Remember, how many times have I said this? Women don’t give a shit about what a great guy you are, or how handsome you are, or how much money you have. They only care about how you make them feel. And if they don’t feel safe with you, if they don’t feel like you can lead them and they can follow you, and they can admire you and respect you and seek your counsel, they’re going to close their legs and not want to have children or a family with you. That’s just as inevitable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.
After my graduation, she left. We spoke on the phone, and she said she felt unsafe with me, but she didn’t want to break up.
Because at that time, she’s hoping you get the message and you turn things around. She told you why she didn’t feel safe. In other words, it’s because you’re not being a man. You’re not stepping up. You’re not being the leader. You’re making her your mommy. She doesn’t want a child, a five year old boy, in her words, to take care of. She wants a man she can respect and admire and who will dominate the shit out of her.
I made plans for us to hang out the next day, but when the time came, she called to say she wouldn’t stay over. We met up, and she told me we weren’t evolving together, that she was the one always making the effort to come to me, and I wasn’t showing up.
She didn’t mind coming to you because you didn’t have a car. What she didn’t like was the fact that you were a child, and she was basically taking care of you because you couldn’t take care of yourself and you wouldn’t take care of yourself.
She wanted to end things for good. I asked if she needed space, but she said no, with certainty.
Yeah, she’d made up her mind then, because nothing really had changed. And it wasn’t the first time that she brought this stuff up. It had been coming up for a while, and you continued to flail around and again, as women start to get older, especially, they get 25 and older, they start to really think about those things, who they’re going to spend their life with, potentially. Who would be good to have children with. And who’s just fun to hook up with.
I stood up and told her this wasn’t fair.
Well, life’s not fair. As John Wayne said, I can’t remember which movie it was. He said, “Life’s tough pilgrim and it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”
I told her she was the love of my life, but if she changed her mind, she knew where to find me. I walked away and never looked back. She offered me a ride while crying, but I refused.
I was like, I got it from here, babe. Thanks, but no thanks.
This breakup has devastated me. I realize now that I made her the “mommy” of my life and relied on her for solutions to my problems. I wasn’t in my masculine energy, and I paid the price. Now, I’m in no contact. I changed my photos and muted her on Instagram, but I still feel like I messed up badly. I wasn’t landing jobs.
Again. Mastering Yourself will help you get any job you want. It’s there, but you got to participate in your own rescue, bro. Nobody’s coming to save you. Your girlfriend can’t do this shit for you. You have to do it for yourself. You got to jump up and down until your balls drop. And you got to learn the fundamentals of what I teach if you want to reach your full potential. If you want to continue to act like a little boy, a little fuck boy that gets his noodle wet every now and then, that’s okay too.
I wasn’t landing jobs, didn’t have a car, and wasn’t clear about my path in life, which made me undesirable in her eyes.
Yeah, you were displaying that you were an incompetent and unconfident man. The number one male strength characteristic that women love in men is confidence. Confidence leads to competence. I should say that’s backwards. Competence leads to confidence. What is confidence? Doing what you know how to do and doing it really well. And so you’ve been following me all these years, a better part of a decade.
And you’ve been half-assing it the whole time, and now it’s cost you the latest relationship, as I’ve been saying, for I don’t know how long. Many years now is that you’ve got to apply what’s in The Books. You’ve got to take your life seriously because nobody is coming to save you. You have to do that yourself. That’s just life, Man. That’s called being a man.
And if you don’t fix this, you’re going to turn the next girl off for the same reason, because you’re displaying that you’re incompetent. You’re like a little boy, “a five year old boy”, as she said. And so how many times are you going to go through this with her and other women before you pull your head out of your ass and you decide, “You know what? Corey’s right. I got to listen to him. I got to learn what’s in The Book, and I got to take my life seriously.”
Because what’s happening is she took your success in life more seriously than you did. And eventually she recognized that as much as she wanted to. She couldn’t do it for you, and you were unwilling to do it yourself. And so therefore, you lost her. Because she’s at a place in life where she wants a guy that has his shit together. And you look like you’re, you know, still waiting for something to happen in your life, for you to grow up and start taking care of yourself to shape and change your destiny.
I believe everything happens for a reason, but this time, I feel like I pushed her away for good. I want to fix things, but I fear it’s too late. I want to better myself for whoever comes next.
Well, wanting ain’t going to do nothing. You got to participate in your own rescue. Life happens when you move. Stagnation happens when you die, and you’ve been stagnating.
Whether it’s her or someone new. I started off masculine but lost it at the end.
Yeah, because you didn’t have your purpose and mission set aside. You didn’t have that figured out.
Thank you for your work and guidance, Corey. I’m grateful for everything you’ve taught me and look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Kind regards,
Bob
Well, again, nobody’s coming to save you, Bro. You got to fix yourself. Because if you don’t change anything, the next girl is going to eventually dump you for exactly the same reasons that this girl did. You cannot make your woman your mommy and have her still respect you. If a woman doesn’t respect you, she cannot love you. That is just a fact of life.
They are not there to be your emotional support human. They’re there for your strength and your masculinity, and you failed in both of those. You chose not to do that. I mean, it’s as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. It’s like people don’t listen, they don’t follow the fundamentals, and then they write these sad stories of how they lost their relationship because they didn’t take me seriously when I told them what to do up front.
Because, again, the stuff I teach is that good, where you can get laid a lot and have a good time if you’re just cherry picking. But the stuff that really matters. The Relationship wisdom, having your shit together as a man, the stuff that’s in both of these two Books that are Free to Read, and, you’re not willing to take the time to do it.
How many rejections? How many breakups do you have to go through? How many lost job opportunities do you need to miss out on before you start taking this seriously and decide that you got to grow up? Because again, ain’t nobody coming to save you or fix you. You got to do that yourself. Life requires your participation. You must participate in your own rescue. It’s definitely something to think about.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.