Some possible reasons why women keep ghosting you after 7–8 dates and you can’t figure out why.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been on 40 dates over the past 11 months. The past 2 women he has dated have both ghosted him after about 7–8 dates. The first of which I discussed in my previous email newsletter titled, “Low Interest, Low Effort & Eventually She Ghosted Me. Why?”
The latest woman he was dating ghosted him after he went with her to an engagement party for one of her friends. He doesn’t understand why he got ghosted again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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This particular email is from a guy who I’ve answered previous newsletters for, and the last one was a couple of months ago, “Low Interest, Low Effort & Eventually She Ghosted Me. Why?” So this guy then had a new woman since then that he went out with 7 or 8 times and same thing. She just ghosted him out of the blue. So he’s wondering, because this keeps happening, what is the reason?
Thanks again for all the work you do. You’ve helped me tremendously over the past year and a half. I have been tracking my dates over the past year of implementing your work and have gone on over 40 dates the last 11 months. The majority of which have been with high quality, 7–8 looking women.
In other words, on a scale of 1–10 to him, these women are sevens or eights.
Now to my dilemma.
The past two women I have dated (the first of which you dissected as the first story in, “Low Interest, Low Effort & Eventually She Ghosted Me. Why?“) have ghosted me after 7–8 dates, and I am trying to figure out where I have gone wrong.
Well, it’s super important. The one thing I know, because I’ve gone through this guy’s emails before and after having already read this one, is that the women he’s dating don’t seem to have super high interest. They seem to have mediocre interest in him at best, because it’s typically not normal to date somebody for two months and then get completely ghosted. What that means is instead of their interest going up, it’s either flat or it’s declining, because women don’t dump men that they’re emotionally bonded to, really into and have strong feelings of attraction for.
I suspect that he’s yet to go out with a girl that really has super high interest and who he has a lot in common with, where the conversations flow, she’s very easy to get along with. We’ve all had those conversations, and typically we have those kinds of connections with our closest friends.
Ideally, you want to have that same kind of deep connection with a woman, but when she’s really pretty and you really like her and you really want her, oftentimes what happens is guys ignore the fact that she’s just not that into you, because how many times have we all seen movies where there’s a girl in the movie and the guy’s like, “This is my dream girl. I got to have her,” yet she has no interest, doesn’t want anything to do with the guy?
Obviously by the end of the movie, she’s like, “Oh, I can’t believe the perfect man was in my life all along. Let’s live happily ever after.” It’s like a Disney movie, basically. In the real world, that’s not how things work.
This past girl I dated that I went out with a solid 6–7 times, each of which time ending with a session of the indoor Olympics and a sleepover.
Well, it’s important if you’re having the indoor Olympics, is she really enjoying it? Is she getting multiple orgasms? A lot of guys don’t think about those things. They just think, “Oh, we had sex for a while. She must have really enjoyed it,” but you can tell when a woman is orgasming and you can tell when she’s not.
Obviously younger guys that probably don’t have a lot of experience are not going to notice these things, but it’s important to understand and learn how a woman’s body functions and what it takes to stimulate her properly, because if you’re rocking her world, she’s going to definitely want to come back for seconds, thirds and fourths, especially if she’s more experienced, which quite frankly, most women are. Most women are way more experienced than the average guy is.
Around date 3–4 she started hinting at hanging out more, suggesting future plans such as going dancing/to concerts, and that I “train her,” as she gets back into working out.
So all that means is that whatever reason, that particular date, that particular moment in time, that’s what she was feeling. She was thinking about the future with you because the way she was feeling around date three or four, she was thinking and feeling, most importantly, that there’s going to be more in the future. That’s why she’s hinting at it. If she’s never talking about the future together or those kinds of things, it means she’s not feeling it.
What guys make the mistake of doing is a woman will say something like that and they assume that it applies months, or even weeks, in the future. When in reality, it’s just indicative of how she feels in the moment.
On our second to last date, she invited me to be her date to her friend’s engagement party, to which I joined her for.
Time out! In the book, we talk about group dates. You don’t go on group dates until she’s in love with you and she’s your girlfriend, until she’s emotionally bonded. The reason being, especially if you’re going out with a girl that’s not that into you and then you go to an engagement party and there’s other dudes there, there’s oftentimes going to be a chance that there’s other guys in the friend group that are wanting to date her, that hope to date her or that just for whatever reason, the boyfriend of one of her girlfriends doesn’t like you, she’s not emotionally bonded and not in love with you, and she really could just take it or leave it.
Then one of her girlfriends or multitude of her girlfriends, don’t like you. Now you’ve just totally cock-blocked yourself and you get no further. This is why it says in the book, don’t do group dates. Here this guy is going, “I got ghosted and I can’t understand why.” Yet he’s going on a group date after only going out with her six times.
We were both headed out of town the next day and I waited to text her until I got back into town a week later at which point, she ever responded.
So if you went out on a group date and that was the last time you saw her, obviously the group date did not go well. Since she wasn’t in love with you, whatever you said or whatever you did, it didn’t bounce off. In other words, if she had low interest at that point and then her girlfriends don’t like you for whatever reason, you’re out dude. You’re donesies.
I mean, it’s right out of the book, and you’re violating principles and you’re going, “Gee, I don’t understand why I got rejected.” Don’t go out on group dates. You’re not even that tight with her yet. Now you’re getting mixed in with all the friends? Bad, bad way to go dude.
This was about two weeks ago now and I am moving forward however, I can’t help but try and figure out where I am going wrong with these two women.
Well, if you’re violating the group date policy, it’s in the book for your own protection, then you’re probably violating a lot of the other principles and just kind of cherry picking and doing the things that you feel like you want to do.
I mean, this stuff has been perfected over two decades and tens of thousands of other men using it and applying it and all the coaching sessions I’ve had over the years. What it’s designed to do is to put you in the best possible position to where her attraction goes up over time instead of down. That’s what it’s looking like. It doesn’t look like the interest really went up. It just was kind of flat-lined.
Then you went on a group date when she already wasn’t that into you and you probably blew it. You maybe said some things or did some things in the group date. Maybe some people there didn’t like you. You got cock-blocked. That’s why you don’t go on group dates until you’re boyfriend/girlfriend and until she’s head over heels in love with you, but he didn’t listen. So if he’s not listening to one major thing like that, then there’s probably lots of other little things he’s doing and saying that are the opposite of what the book teaches.
I can definitely tell if you look at the previous newsletter, the one that he referenced with the first girl that ghosted him, and this one, it’s the same thing. These girls are not like, “Oh my God, I can’t wait to see you. I’m so excited to see you.” It’s like there’s none of that, “Oh, baby, I miss you. I want to see you. I been thinking about you. I can’t wait till you’re deep inside me again.”
It’s like when you’re not hearing that and you’re almost two months in, the girl’s just not that into you. He’s not picking up on that because he’s probably only paying attention to his own interest and assuming she feels the same way while ignoring the reality.
I’ve kept texting to a minimum and only to really set dates. Most of the dates have gotten physical and both of these women have started to hint at getting more serious around dates 3–4.
Well, suggesting to do things together in the future does not mean they’re getting serious with you. It just means that they like you and they’re giving you suggestions on things to do in the future together that she likes. It’s all it is.
It sounds like he’s overrating her interest in reading more into it than is actually there. So just her talking about doing other things in the future together doesn’t mean she wants you to be her boyfriend. So it looks like you’re also misinterpreting things and overrating her interest in you, which is the opposite of what the book teaches. The book says to always assume it’s lower than what you think it is
In both cases, I didn’t really reciprocate an interest in doing so (getting more serious).
Again, he gave the example of what he considered getting more serious, and all she was doing was talking about potentially working out with him in the future and doing some things that she likes to do. That’s it. That doesn’t mean she wants to be your girlfriend.
His problem is he’s seeing reality for way better than it is, not worse than it is or as it is, he’s seeing it better than it is. So he’s kind of living in a fantasy and ignoring the reality, and that is just never going to work out well.
Not sure if I am over pursuing, under pursuing, not getting them emotionally engaged enough, etc.
Well, you’re violating the principles in the book. You’re displaying unattractive behavior. You’re making assumptions. Like I said, a girl suggesting to do something together doesn’t mean she wants to be your girlfriend. It just means, “Hey, here’s some things I’d like to do in the future together.” That’s it. So I would say neither one of these girls is really that into this dude. Probably the sex wasn’t that great either.
This has been a massive improvement in my game as both of these girls are high quality 8’s in my book. However, I am still trying to crack the code on getting THEM chasing me.
Still a work in progress and would love and value any feedback you have.
Again, read the book 10–15 times and actually apply it, not do the opposite of it. Don’t go out on group dates. Your six dates should not be a group date, especially somebody’s engagement party. If you think about that and the emotions around an engagement party, this is two people getting married because they supposedly love one another and want to spend their lives together. Now you get invited into their friend group and it’s the first time any of them are going to see you.
The girlfriends are probably looking at her and can tell that she’s really not into this guy. That’s all it takes really to say, “Oh, I can tell you guys don’t really seem to click. You don’t really seem like you’re having a good time together.” That’s all it takes when her interest is low, and she’s like, “Yeah, you know, I was hoping there’d be more. Just not feeling it.” Then she completely ghosts you.
If she completely ghosts you like that after a month and a half and being intimate like that, she really was not feeling it and was not that into you. That just tells me that she was probably going along with it and not that into it, but he’s projecting his high interest onto her and ignoring that her interest was low.
On top of that, he’s not doing what the book teaches. So it’s not surprising that he got ghosted. It’s actually not surprising at all. That’s what should have happened anyways.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.