I Got Dumped, Moved On & Attracted A Hotter & Better Woman

Coach Corey Wayne
18 min readMar 10, 2023
Photo by iStock/g-stockstudio

How to move on after getting dumped, so you can attract a hotter and better quality woman.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email is from a 28-year-old viewer who got dumped 8 months ago and has wasted his time being stuck in a backup position, while his ex sleeps with a new guy. He still wants her back.

The 2nd email is from a guy who hit rock bottom after getting dumped by his ex-wife of 7 years. He found my work and took control of his professional and personal life. He got in shape, quit destructive habits, and attracted a much hotter and better quality woman for himself. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.

*Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links. An affiliate link means I may earn referral fees if you make a purchase through my link, without any extra cost to you. Thank you for your support.

As I often say, if you’ve had a breakup or you got dumped and you’re trying to get your ex back, one of two things is going to happen. If you read 3% Man 10 to 15 times, and you implement it, and you follow what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” you’ll either attract the ex back or you will attract somebody way hotter, way better, easier going, easier to get along with than your ex. So, either way, it’s a win win for you. The goal, as us guys are supposed to have in life, is that we’re always trying to get better. We’re trying to improve our lives. We’re trying to evolve to the next level, if you will, level up, as people like to say a lot these days.

First Viewer’s Email:

Good evening, Mr. Wayne,

Problem: My ex (my first relationship at 26, now 28) and I had a falling out in mid 2022. I hoped up until early this year, where there seemed like an opportunity to reconcile, she had lowered attraction. During a period of no intimacy, we said we still loved each other.

She may still love you, but at the end of the day, there’s no intimacy. So, at that point, you’re just platonic friends. And guys listen to the excuses and things like, “Oh, I’m not ready. I’m just not feeling it yet. I need time,” and in reality, what she’s doing is she’s put this guy in as her backup plan in case she doesn’t find anybody better or it doesn’t work out with the other guys that she’s talking to.

And guys think, “Oh, it sounds logical. She needs some time to re-establish her attraction, and her trust, and her feelings of intimacy, so I’ll be patient.” And the reality is he’s got him in time out, basically, but stirs the pot and dangles a carrot in front of his face, as if he’s going to get another chance, when in reality, she’s just trying to replace him with somebody else. And you’ll see how cold she is at the very end of this email.

Photo by iStock/Dejan Marjanovic

You’ve got to look at you’ve got to bottom line the actions, because it takes two people to make a relationship work. And if there’s a breakup that’s happened, it takes both of them making the effort to want to get back together. And in this case, obviously, he admits that he was making most of the effort and she was doing nothing. And you can’t just ignore that.

If she’s not trying to make a relationship work, just like in the initial phases, you meet a girl, you get her number, you’re trying to go out on dates, if she likes you, she’ll make time for you. And if she doesn’t, she’s going to have all kinds of excuses and things that get in the way. And the reality is, if you take a step back and you bottom line her actions, she just doesn’t want to be with you. But us guys, we project our fantasy of what we want or who we hope the person is going to be for us, and then we ignore the reality, like this guy does for the better part of about 7–8 months.

Mainly, I instigated by asking if she still loved me, because I wanted to see if she still felt the same way.

Well, if she still felt the same way, she’d be sleeping with you. Women don’t want to hurt your feelings. They may say they love you, but it doesn’t mean they’re in love with you and they want to have sex with you. The bottom line is no sex is happening, so there’s no intimacy. So you’re stuck in blue ball zone, being her friend.

In the lead up to March last year, I felt betrayed. In your recent video, you mentioned that if a relationship is being worked on, and then the partner engaged someone else, that it is cheating, or at least that’s how I interpreted it.

I’m not sure which video he’s referring to.

I realize that if she wanted to be with me, then she would have been.

Photo by iStock/stefanamer

Exactly, you bottom line the actions. And her actions show she’s not sleeping with you. She’s probably sleeping with somebody else. But I’m sure she enjoys the attention and the validation she gets from you continuing to call and text and try to reconcile things.

You never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. And if this guy is the one who got dumped, which I assume he is, then it’s up to her to fix it. And so, you should be following what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” But he made the mistake of continuing to pursue after he got dumped. He continued to try to keep somebody, his ex girlfriend, in his life, who really didn’t care to keep him around anymore.

We didn’t talk for a few days around NYE, and then on NYE she called crying and told me that she loved me and wanted me in her life, (secured support?).

“Oh, I want you in my life.” When a woman says “I want you in my life,” but not, “Hey, come over and spend the night” or “Let’s get together, let’s see one another,” what she’s really saying is, “I want to keep you around as a backup plan in case I can’t find anybody better.” That’s what’s really going on. It doesn’t matter what she says, her actions show that, “Hey, I just need you for attention and validation, in case it doesn’t work out with somebody else.”

We lunched two weeks later…

Again, if you’re trying to attract a romantic partner back, you don’t go to lunch. You notice how he says “we” about everything? He probably asked her to lunch, because that’s all she would agree to do. And this is part of what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” why the only thing you would do, when you’re the one that got dumped and you want your ex back, is that the the farthest distance you’re going to be willing to travel to see her is the distance that it takes to go from wherever you are in your house, to your front door to let her in when she comes over in the evening to make dinner together.

Photo by iStock/Jun

Women that are trying to keep a guy stuck in friend zone will only want to do coffee dates, or meet out somewhere, or do lunches. They won’t want to do dates in the evening at your place. And when you’re the one that got dumped, she messed it up, therefore, she’s got to fix it. She has to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. And if she’s trying to earn another chance with you, and be on her best behavior, and prove why you should give her another chance, then she’s going to be flexible, and she’s going to agree to come over in the evening to make dinner together.

And so, this is where you separate the women that really want a chance with you, versus the ones that are just attention whores looking for validation, while they actually sleep with Chad Thundercock. And again, this is why you don’t agree to go to lunch, because this is how you stay stuck in friend zone. You say you don’t want friendship, but yet you go to lunch and you do things that a friend would do. So, by your actions, you’re acquiescing to her sticking you in friend zone.

…where she got annoyed because I didn’t engage her in conversation that much, (I sensed resistance from her and myself), though I did enjoy her company.

Again, you’re agreeing to do what she wanted to do, and not what you wanted to do. Women know if they’re coming over to your house in the evening to make dinner together, sex is on the table. And that’s why they resist it so strongly. If they don’t want to come over in the evening and make dinner together, then they’re not really serious about reconciling or creating the conditions where something romantic can happen. They’re just trying to use you for attention and validation. That’s a fact of life.

I spoke to her on the phone and sorted that problem out. Now, since December, I got a new job which I love. It’s the happiest I’ve been, though I thought that if I could get my ex back, I would have sufficient confidence.

Photo by iStock/shapecharge

Confidence comes from doing what you know how to do and doing it really well, to the point where you have to think about it, and you have competence. Confidence comes from competence. Repetition is the mother of skill. Everybody starts out as a novice. And when you practice something over and over and over and over again, you refine your approach, you notice what’s working, what’s not working, and you constantly try to get better and improve, that’s how you slowly build confidence and successful repetitions over time.

This is not the case since early February. She has seen and been intimate someone else and wants to explore this, (even though there’s potential for this new guy to move away). I asked if she had slept with him, she said yes. I told her I was very happy for her.

Again, you shouldn’t be calling and texting and chasing after somebody that dumped you and has stuck you in friend zone. It’s like you’re groveling for attention. At some point, you got to have some self respect, dude, and recognize she’s making no effort to keep you in her life.

I need to recognize my screw ups: being too available, engaged in arguments on a near daily basis since her engagement with her previous lover, because she kept bringing up her old partner, (annoyed me to hell).

Yeah, that’s another reason why she’ll continue to bring it up, because you keep losing your shit over it. If a woman keeps rubbing her ex in your face, you should say, “Hey, I think it’s great. If you’ve got something you want to tell me, I’m happy to listen, but every time we get together, you want to talk about your ex-fiance.”

And if she just continues to do it after, you say, “Hey, it doesn’t sound like you’re over your ex-fiance, so maybe you should go back to him. Maybe you should get in touch with him. And then, when you’re finally over him and you’ve resolved that, you don’t want to be with him anymore, give me a call. And if I’m still available, maybe we can go out for a date. But I don’t want to date you and see you if you’re still obsessed over your ex-fiance, because I just don’t want to hear it.”

She made constant complaints that she didn’t feel that I love or listened to her…

Photo by iStock/fizkes

So, she didn’t feel heard and understood. Because, obviously, he wasn’t familiar with my work. And the two biggest problems that men have in their long term relationships, is that the woman doesn’t feel heard and understood. In other words, they’re not communicating with her properly. And number two, they stop dating and courting her.

…even though I was always there for her when needed and even when she was hospitalized post breakup.

He’s equating being there for her, but if you don’t make her feel heard and understood, like you actually listen to her and understand her concerns, that’s why she’s going to say you never listen. And on top of that, he’s trying to argue with her and say, “I was there for her.” That’s why you’ve got to read the book, dude.

I essentially changed from whom she first met to the guy trying to put out fires for a whole year and failing at keeping my shit together.

Yeah, masculinity is calm. If you’re a constant jack in the box, she’s going to lose respect and attraction and interest in you when you constantly behave that way.

I told her that I care about her and that if things didn’t work out with this guy to call me.

So, that’s what he says. You’ve got to be congruent with things. You can’t tell a woman, “Oh, hey, call me if it doesn’t work out,” and then two days later, you’re on the phone with her, calling her.

I called her two days later and we spoke around late evening about how her day was.

You just told her to call if she changed her mind. You were walking away, and you held out for a whole two days. It’s like, come on, dude. You’ve got to be congruent with your words. A woman is not going to trust your masculine core if you say one thing and do the opposite.

Photo by iStock/EmirMemedovski

She asked if I was sleeping with anyone, and I untruthfully said yes and carried on as if I was and there’s potential there and mentioned it was recent. I felt that if I said no that I would look weak, and by having another person, I’d increase some chance in developing some reaction.

You’re still seeking her attention and validation. You told her, “have a nice life,” basically, “get in touch if it doesn’t work out with the other guy.” And then two days later you’re calling her going, “Hey, how’s your day going?” I mean, come on, dude.

But I realize I may have closed things if I had hurt her by this. It’s also petty.

How could you possibly hurt her by dating and sleeping with somebody else when she’s been keeping you as a backup plan for months and months on end, while Chad Thundercock beats up her pelvis? Seriously, dude, have some self-respect. This is why she doesn’t respect you and she’s not attracted to you, because you don’t act like a man.

She then called me back, saying she really wants to explore things with this guy and to do no contact with me for a while, and it’s inappropriate to be calling at those hours, out of respect to her new person. I agreed and acknowledged this.

Yeah, he’s calling her at midnight, basically. It’s like, what are you thinking, dude? “Oh, I’m happy that you’re sleeping with him. Oh, I hope she’s not hurt by the fact that I told her I was sleeping with somebody else.” It’s like, geez, what a double standard, dude. How can you not see that?

I’m going to do no contact…

No contact means no contact. It doesn’t mean “I didn’t call her for two days.” It’s not the same thing. No contact means we’re at an impasse, she’s sleeping with another guy now, she wants to explore things, and she says, “Don’t call me anymore.” So, that means you will never, ever speak to her again as long as you live. That includes birthdays, Thanksgiving, Groundhog Day, Christmas, whatever kind of holiday you’ve got, you’re not calling her, period, forever.

Photo by iStock/400tmax

If something happens, or you hear about something bad that happens, you’re still not calling her. Because what no contact means is that person’s dead to you. It means you’re never going to speak again unless they reach out, because that’s also what you told her. And she’s also told you, “don’t contact me again.” You told her if she changes her mind, if it doesn’t work out to get in touch. I personally wouldn’t give this chick another shot, but you do you, boo boo.

…and realize that she either comes back, and can we can rekindle and start again, or she doesn’t. What are your thoughts on this?

Well, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, you should be reading that article and watching the video that goes with it and actually employing it, instead of doing the opposite. You tried it your way for the past year, and where did that get you? Your ex girlfriend started a new relationship while she dangled the carrot that, “Oh, we may get back together again in the future.” You’ve been a sucker.

I’m also looking at how to become funny. It would be a great tool to have on dates, even with new women. You are a legend, and I’ve been on my 5th listening of How to Be a 3 % Man since I bought your audiobook in September.

Bob

Well, fifth time since September, and you’re trying to attract this girl back? Like, that’s barely once a month. I mean, if you put the book on 2-speed on the audiobook, while you’re following along with a digital or physical copy, you can get through it in under four hours. And so, that’s a pretty half-assed effort.

If you’re trying to attract somebody, you need to learn the material. And based on your actions and what you’ve done, it’s as if you never even read the book, because you’re literally doing the opposite of what it teaches and what “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” teaches. So, of course your attempts to get her back have totally failed, and now your girlfriend has rode off into the sunset with some other dude. You’ve got to read the book. You’ve got to apply it.

Photo by iStock/ra2studio

Second Viewer’s Email:

Dear Corey,

I need to tell you that I am extremely grateful for the work that you do. You saved my life and are one of the fathers of my success. Let me share it with you.

I’m a 35-year man from Poland. For most of my adult life, I lacked ambition and purpose, living paycheck to paycheck. I ate poorly, did not exercise much, drank alcohol, smoked pot and played video games. Now, I realize that I did those things to escape from my unfulfilling life. In 2020, my marriage of 7 years has ended. I was in the lowest place I’ve ever been in my life. I knew I had to do something to never let this happen again. There must’ve been something wrong with me, as to that point I did not have a single, happy, long-lasting relationship. I took full responsibility for my failures and kept looking for their root cause.

The first book that influenced me deeply was Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life. It helped me put my values in order. The second book that helped me tremendously is yours, How to Be a 3% Man.

Which, by the way, if you’re new to my work, you can read for free on my website, Understanding relationships.com. Just subscribe to the free email newsletter.

What’s invaluable about it is that you really teach how to be a high value man, not just few pickup artist tricks that wouldn’t get me through the first date. You taught me how male-female attraction works. They don’t teach that in schools, and parents rarely know this either. I had to change my programming, so I immersed myself in your knowledge. I lost count on how many times I read and listened to the book, but its way beyond 15. I also listen to your videos daily. One must not only ‘know’ the material but feel it to the core and live it. To achieve it, the knowledge has to be put into practice.

Photo by iStock/kupicoo

Which is something the first emailer was not doing. He claims to have been through my book five times, but yet when you look at what he’s actually done over the last 8 or 9 months since he got dumped, he’s done the opposite of it. The first guy became a supplicating, attention seeking beta male. And look where it got him. His girlfriend said, “Don’t contact me anymore.” Ex-girlfriend, I should say. So, he fully helped her get over him, because she knew she could always go back to him. Then she met somebody new and got into a relationship with him.

I got into shape, started working out, eating healthy, dressing well and I quit all habits that were making me lose my self-respect. I started challenging myself to gain confidence and self-reliance. I also started approaching girls to master the skills you taught me. Like you say, it is a numbers game. Most of these approaches led to nothing.

Yeah, that’s the other thing is that you’ve got to understand. I mean, if you’re going to approach 100 different women that at least make eye contact and smile at you, typically out of those, you might get 10 to 12 that are going to go out with you. And if you follow what’s in “3% Man,” 2 to 3, maybe 4 of them will end up sleeping with you. Those are the numbers. And you have to get through the nos in order to get to the yeses. Repetition is the mother of skill, and you’ve got to get better and more comfortable. But notice what he says here about this…

But I kept on grinding, and with each of them, I was getting more relaxed and natural.

That’s the important thing. Like I say, you want to do it so much, to the point where going up and starting a conversation, practicing small talk with a stranger or a pretty girl is no more intimidating or difficult than ordering a Big Mac or a Happy Meal at McDonald’s. It just becomes like breathing. You have to do it enough.

Photo by iStock/Obradovic

It seems I’m good at playful banter, and the ladies respond well to that. A few months ago, I met a cute girl at a bookstore. She was browsing through the same books that I’m interested in, so we started talking and immediately went for a coffee.

So, he made an instant date on the spot right out of the book textbook.

The attraction was felt immediately, and it turned out we have a lot in common. She is 15 years younger than me, which at first, I thought it was too much.

It’s definitely not, bro.

But it’s hard to overlook the benefits of that as well.

Of course, all us guys like younger women.

A week later, we had our first date. I did all that you teach: let her talk 80% of time, asked high value questions…

In other words, he asked the kind of questions she would enjoy answering.

…concentrated on positive emotions, making her laugh. I could literally see how she gets more comfortable and safe with me with each minute. Later, I took her bowling to make it even more fun and create opportunity for us to get physical. That’s where she started touching me each time we were making turns. It ended up at my place and yes, the indoor Olympics was also a part of the program.

See how easy and effortless that is? He meets a girl in a bookstore, and later that night, he’s beating up her pelvis. Pretty simple, pretty easy. Women want to be in a love story. The attraction’s already handled, because Mother Nature is handling that. And so, when he sees that, he acts upon it, and later on that evening, he’s bumping uglies.

To make this story short, we are currently a couple and she is crazy for me like no other woman ever was, and I’m for her as well. She’s a beautiful, ambitious, intelligent, loving and caring person — also, fantastic in bed. She just can’t get enough of me.

Photo by iStock/Primorac91

Corey, I’ve never been happier, and you take a lot of credit for it. Thanks to you, I also know that courtship never ends, and I can’t rest on my laurels. I still work on myself and am focused on my mission, and I see that her attraction towards me keeps on growing. I continue to read your book and listen to your videos. Now I can focus more on later chapters of your book. This is what sets you apart from other coaches: you teach how to maintain the relationship. Thank you, Corey. You are the man! I keep on recommending you to anyone I think could use your help.

Best regards,

Bob

Well, the highest compliment you can give me is to refer me to your friends, your family, your peer group, people that you know would find value in my work. So, I really appreciate that.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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Coach Corey Wayne

Life & Peak Performance Coach. I Teach Self-Reliance. Subscribe To My Newsletter To Read My eBooks “3% Man” & “Mastering Yourself” Free: http://bit.ly/CCWeBooks