How To Get Her To Support Your Purpose & Mission
How to get your wife or girlfriend onboard so she supports your new business, purpose and mission.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email update from the viewer who was about to cause a lot of problems in his relationship, family life and future that I addressed in my video newsletter titled, “My Wife Doesn’t Support My New Purpose & Mission.”
He shares how the real estate market just turned on a dime, and they decided to not sell their home and to build his new business together as a team on a shoestring budget with minimal risk. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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This guy wanted to start his own business, and the way he wanted to go about it wasn’t the most financially sound and balanced way to do it. He had a lot of downside risk. He wanted to sell the house that he has with his wife, which has a lot of equity in it. Obviously, they’re raising their kids there, and she wanted to keep the house because she really likes it.
He wanted to sell it to get access to the equity, quit his job, and then basically live off the savings and build this tea business. He does have a background in it, but his wife wasn’t very excited about that. His attitude was, “Hey, she can take it or leave it. This is what I want to do. This is my mission, my purpose, and she should be supporting me. And if she doesn’t, well, she’s free to make her own decisions.” In other words, “She can go on down the road if she doesn’t like my plan.”
And so, I basically picked apart his plan and explained to him why it wasn’t a good idea. Something I learned from a strategic planner a long time ago, about twenty years ago, is that there’s no such thing as a bad idea, only bad plans. And most businesses fail within the first five years of being started, typically, because they’re under-capitalized. And with the interest rates going up, we’re basically starting to move into another bust cycle.
Those of you who are familiar with what I talked about in Mastering Yourself, and what we discussed in the documentary we did, “Economic Prosperity For All,” you’ve got the boom and bust cycle. And so, we’re coming out of boom period, where a lot of money’s been printed, lent into the economy. Plus, we had the lockdowns, the government interference in the labor market, by paying people more to stay at home and stay on unemployment. So, you’ve got people who were making $8–10 an hour, and the government’s like, “Hey, we’ll give you $500–600 a week for unemployment.” They’re like, “I get paid more to do nothing, so I’m just going to stay unemployed.”
And so, companies, restaurants especially, and other businesses that wanted to open back up after the lockdown started lifting, had a hard time finding people, because people were being paid more to stay at home than to work. So, you get an artificial inflation in the labor market. Companies that want to hire people are having to pay more than they normally would. And so, if your labor costs go up, every business that has to pay more for labor, guess what? They’re going to have to pass that on to their customers.
And then, on top of that, we’ve got all of the policies of “Dementia Joe,” and the first thing he did in office was shutting down the Keystone pipeline. He started gumming up the works when it came to leases and drilling for oil on government lands, and just basically restricted the supply and the ability of the gas and oil companies to extract the stuff out of the ground. You know, the nickname for United States has always been “Saudi America,” meaning we’ve got the world’s largest reserves, but the government’s just basically saying, “Hey, you can’t take it out,” because that’s part of the World Economic Forum and the rest of those global elite jerk offs.
That’s what they want to do. They want to restrict and get the countries in the West away from oil, so they can force everybody to move towards electric or renewables — wind, solar, things of that nature. And so, you’ve got the cost of oil and gas doubling, basically, in the past year or so, and everything runs on oil and gas. Our economy, our energy, everything runs on that. So, everything you buy is shipped or flown around by oil and gas. Jet fuel, kerosene is all all made from petroleum products.
And so, you’ve got the government interfering in the labor market with the lockdowns. You’ve got all the money that they printed. And when you look at where the money went, a lot of it goes overseas. It didn’t stay in our economy. It left, it went overseas. And so, you’ve got a lot of the same conditions economically that we had in the 1970s. You get stagflation, which is basically, you’ve got inflation, but the economy is kind of stagnating. So, you get the money supply contracting, but the cost of everything is still really high. Obviously, that was when Jimmy Carter was in office. I was a little kid back then.
The economy crashed, and then Reagan came in. You had Paul Volcker, who was in charge of the Fed back then, so he increased interest rates really dramatically. You had the OPEC oil embargo in the 1970s. So, we had all of these big, gas guzzling cars that got 2 to 3 miles a gallon in gas, and that’s when Toyota and Nissan and all the smaller companies had these four cylinder engines that got a lot better gas mileage, so they started doing real well. We had all those things happening, and then Reagan came in saying he’s going to turn the things around.
Then, eventually, because inflation came down with the cost of gas going so high, people cut back, people stopped using as much of everything, supply and demand. When your supply exceeds the demand for something, the cost of that supply of goods or services drops. When your demand exceeds supply, the cost of those goods and services rise.
So, you’ve got tons of money chasing real estate with the low interest rates. I know in the area where I live, in the last year and a half, the cost of real estate has doubled. It’s just ridiculous. And so, because I typically go on the Realtor.com app every day, I look at the rentals and I look at the sales, and a month ago, everything was flying off the market. And now, stuff’s starting to sit and you’re seeing price decreases. And so, this is important for everybody to understand, how the economy works.
Ray Dalio did a video years ago, I think it was called “How the Economic Engine Really Works” or something like that, (I referenced it in Mastering Yourself), which is another good documentary to watch. I think it’s about 30 minutes long. Because these boom bust cycles, they last every 10 to 12 years. And when you’re younger, if you think about it, say you graduate, you’re in your mid-twenties, you start doing well, the economy is doing well. And then it starts to peak when you’re 30, 31, 32 and goes back the other way. Well, because you were young the last time that happened, you don’t really have any experience of that.
And me, being 52, I’ve seen the boom and bust cycle numerous times now, about four and a half times in my life, and then having gone through it when I got out of real estate. When you think about what caused the last bust cycle, remember 2007, 2008, 2009, where you had Lehman Brothers failing, you had the ‘too big to fail.’ You had the bailouts for the ‘too big to fails.’ Well, what started that was the real estate market got overheated. So, around 2005, 2006, the Fed starts jacking their rates up, just like they’re doing now. And so, what happens is it starts a series of dominoes. And once the dominoes start falling, even when the Fed lowers the rate, it doesn’t matter. The dominoes are falling.
I’ll explain it to you here how this is important, because everybody that’s watching this is going to be affected by this. And you can pay attention to me. I’m actually excited, because I’m going to be accumulating cash over the next several years because the real estate market is going to crash, the stock market is going to go down. It’s already been going down. The crypto market is just getting pummeled.
And so, what happens, take a look at the real estate industry. In the past month, month and a half, a lot of the big lenders that were doing a lot of refinances just laid off all their loan processors and loan officers that were mostly doing refinances, because now with the the interest rate going up, unless you’re going to save at least 1% in your interest rate, it’s not worth it to refinance your house. And so, with the rates jumping up like they are now, the refinance market has dried up. Because everybody that was going to refinance their property at low rate has pretty much already done that by now. And so, now you have all this capacity to handle refinances, and there are no more refinances, for the most part. And so, all those people are losing their jobs. They’re getting laid off.
And then what happens is it starts to slow the real estate market. I’m already seeing it. My friends who are in real estate are seeing it as well. And in this particular viewer, you’ll see it in his newsletter, just since I answered his email three or four weeks ago when he originally wrote it, the real estate market has just completely turned on a dime. It was booming, everything was flying off the market. Now, stuff is sitting and they’re getting price reductions. And so, what happens is, think about it as somebody can afford to buy a $300,000 house at a 3% interest rate. Now that the interest rate is basically double that, your payment is double that. So, you went from being able to afford a $300,000 house with those interest rates, and now you can only afford about $150,000.
It’s the same thing across the board. And so, now you’ve just reduced the buying power of pretty much everybody that is in the real estate market. So, you’re going to have less real estate sales. Well, every time somebody buys a house, what happens? They go to Home Depot, they buy garden hoses, they might buy a lawnmower. They buy stuff for the pool. They might buy tile. They might decide they want to replace the kitchen in there. And so, what happens is, those industries you start seeing the cutbacks.
New home builders go from, like what we saw in 2004 and 2005, you’d have these home communities that have 300 lots and they would have lotteries. They’d have 2,000 buyers for 300 lots. And so, the realtors in those communities that work for the home builders would be blowing us off. They didn’t want to talk to us, didn’t care, because they didn’t want to share their commission with us. Because, in real estate, when you have two realtors, the realtors split the real estate commission. But if the people are going directly to the home builder, then there is no real estate commission to split. And so, they basically were cutting us out.
They went from kissing our asses, “Please send bring your buyers in,” to “Screw you. We’ve got 2,000 people who want to buy our 300 lots, so we don’t need you.” And then what happens is, now when the new communities start to open up, it’s like there’s nobody buying, and then they’re begging us and kissing our ass, “Hey, let’s go to Happy Hour!” And after they’ve been dicks to us a year before, “Please bring your buyers in.” What happens is, then the builders start cutting back. The contractors that do work start cutting back. You see Home Depot, Lowe’s, other places like that, their sales start dropping. You’ve got inflation going up, so people are cutting back in their discretionary spending.
You’ve also got gas going up and people are basically driving less now, because it’s too expensive to do things. Across the board, people are cutting out discretionary spending, and so what’s happening is the demand for goods and services is starting to plummet. Then what happens is people start losing their jobs. You get all the contractors and people that are doing work. So, normally, if you buy a house, like “I want to put new tile in, hardwood floors, and I want to replace the carpet.” Well, all that business is not there anymore, because those properties aren’t changing hands.
Your loan processors or the administrative assistants that are processing the listings and the sales, the title agents, the attorneys that are involved in these things, as well, they’ve got less work. They start laying people off, cutting people’s hours back. People start losing their jobs, they go on unemployment. I was talking to a client the other day. He was making multiple six figures this time last year in a month. And when I talked to him just recently, now he’s he’s making about 60,000 a month. Whereas, just a year ago, he was making quadruple that. And that’s how that’s impacted his business. So, he cuts back, he’s spending less money.
What happens is, people’s businesses, especially the contractors, they start laying people off, then all these people that are now out of work or they’re making less money because everything’s more expensive, what happens? They start dipping into their savings, they start liquidating their 401 (k). Because now, they’re trying to make their mortgage payment that they can no longer afford, because gas is expensive, food is expensive.
And so, what happens over the next year or so, people will then run through their savings, and then they run through their retirement account, because they don’t want to give up their house. They don’t want to default on their car loan, or their home loan, or any or their credit card bills, whatever it happens to be, because they get too into debt. And then what happens is once they run out of money, then they start missing mortgage payments. And when they start missing mortgage payments, typically it’s about six months, on average, before the bank starts to foreclose on the property.
Then, by the time the bank gets the property back, lists it with a realtor, puts it on the market and kicks the person out of the property, you’re at a year and a half for that to happen. And so, the consequences of these rate increases, you’re really about one and a half to three years before you really start to see it and feel it. And then what happens is financial institutions blow up. Like Lehman Brothers, when they blew up in 2007, 2008, the dominoes started falling in 2004, 2005. So you’re about three years before the consequences of that happened.
And then, once the economy is contracting, the Fed lowers the rates again. But by then, the dominoes are already falling. Those people are defaulting on their loans. Those people have lost their jobs. They’ve ripped through their savings. I was just reading an article last night that from the beginning of this year until now, there’s been a significant drop in the amount of money people have in the bank, their savings, because what’s happening is everything is going up in cost. They’re starting to go through their savings, and so the consequences of what’s been done now, you’re not really going to see the worst of it for probably 2 to 3 years.
But I think it was the company Celsius, which is one of those companies where you give them your crypto, and then they pay you like 8–9% interest on it and they lend those loans out. Well, they just stopped people from taking any money out or moving their crypto around in that. And those are the indicators that probably some of those exchanges are going to blow up. You’re going to see things like that. There will probably be banks that’ll blow up.
I was eating lunch with a good friend of mine yesterday. He’s excited about it too, because he’s very wealthy and successful. It’s like, say the restaurant we’re in wants to put all new equipment in, and it’s $100,000 to do that, maybe it’s $200,000. Say we want to upgrade our equipment, but because the cost of financing just shot up, they look at how much their payment would be, their monthly payment on that, versus the fact that the restaurants are starting to slow down more. They are a lot slower now than they were last summer. Now, granted, we have a lot of people coming down here to get away from the lockdown states, but things are starting to slow down. People are eating out less.
And so, that company that was going to go buy all that new kitchen equipment just decides, “Well, we’re going to wait. We’re not going to spend that money. We can’t really afford the payment, because the interest is too expensive.” And so, the company that makes all the kitchen equipment, their orders drop. It’s a domino effect, and it takes months and years for the consequences to be seen every single fucking time this happens.
I’m 52 years old, so like I said, I’ve been watching this since the 1970s, and all these things are starting to happen now. And so, in 2 to 3 years, we’re going to probably see the same type of issues that we saw when the real estate market was completely stagnant in 2009, 2010, 2011. I’ll give you an example. One of my friends, there was a new condo that was built in downtown Orlando, and these condos were selling, I think, for $120,000-$150,000 on average. Well, he had a bunch of Saudi Arabian investors. They had like $500 million to invest. They come from wealthy families, so they know the boom bust cycle. And so, these guys came in and they bought all these condos for like $20,000 and $30,000 a piece, and they paid cash for them.
This is actually Andy, who you may have seen in some of the videos that we’ve done, the podcasts I’ve done with him. At the time, he was happy to have the business. You know, a $20,000-$30,000 sale is not a lot, but when you’re doing lots of them, these guys are buying dozens of them in the same building. And so, when the market peaked in the last year or so, they ended up liquidating most of these things for $200,000-$250,000. They paid like $25,000-$30,000 for these condos. They rented them out. They were all positive cash flow. So, they were making positive cash flow every month. It gets to the top of the market, and they liquidate everything. And now, they just sit back and wait for the next to 2 to 5 years, however long it takes for the real estate to crater.
So, you’re going to have same thing. You’re going to have short sales, you’re going to have people that bought a property at the top of the market, and now it’s worth less than what they paid for it. And then you’re going to have banks that are going to fail. I mean, the same thing is going to happen all over again. And so, if you know what you’re doing, and I’ve written about this extensively in Mastering Yourself, you can prepare to take advantage of that. And so, with that in mind, we’re going to go through this guy’s email now, and the name of the previous video is called “My Wife Doesn’t Support My New Purpose and Mission.”
I know it was a long explanation, but it’s probably one of the most important things that I’ve explained to people, for those that don’t know what’s coming down the road. So, if you wanted to sell your property at the top of the market, you’re going to probably be sitting in it for a lot of years. I know my dad just unloaded a property he had about three months ago that he bought in 2002. So, he literally had this thing 20 years. But he bought it at the top of the market back then, and then when things went down, he was totally underwater.
He was just now able to sell it a few months ago, because that’s how long it took to go back up to the value that he paid for it in like 2002–2003. Because, again, when everything crashed in 2007, 2008, 2009, he was underwater. He owed more on it than it was worth. And so, it became a rental property, since he and my stepmom moved to a bigger property. But, I mean, it took him a long time. It took him ten years to wait for the value to come back. And so now the same thing is happening all over again.
This is the boom bust cycle, and this is how it works. And everybody’s affected by it. It doesn’t matter where you are, because the central banks all over the world and the West, they’re all raising their rates, because everybody’s got the same problem. And so, by reducing or withdrawing liquidity in the system, they’re withdrawing and lowering the demand for goods and services. And that’s what’s going to cause everything to drop. That’s what causes oil to go back down in price. That’s what will cause labor to go back down in price, because there will be high unemployment. That’s what’s going to cause real estate to go back down in price, because the leverage is just not going to be there and the money’s not going to be there. People just can’t afford to buy those properties. On top of that, a lot of people are going to be out of work and will be taking jobs for less than what they were making, once they go to find a job after they get laid off, or whatever.
You were right about the real estate market, by the way. Homes in our neighborhood are up about 60% since the pandemic and were still going for up to $120k over asking as of last month. We listed, and our realtor told us the market turned on a dime.
The Fed just this past week raise the rates 75 basis points, three quarters of a percent. Last month it was a half a percent, 50 basis points.
Our home is the showpiece of the neighborhood, and we got one bad offer after close to 30 showings that all supposedly loved the house. It isn’t just our house either. Zillow has become a graveyard of “recently reduced” listings in our area that was booming this time a month ago.
That’s how quick it happens. And the people at the Fed, it doesn’t seem to click because there’s not an immediate change. They’re just trying to get inflation to come down. But they don’t really see the dominoes that are falling. You can watch video of Alan Greenspan when he was testifying back in the day. He was like, “we didn’t realize how much subprime money was out there.”
And so, they didn’t realize how big the risk was to the financial system, because all of those were adjustable rate mortgages. And when those things skyrocketed in payments, because the interest rate increased, they were trying to slow the economy, trying to slow inflation. What happened was those people couldn’t afford their mortgages anymore, so they just defaulted on them. And then once you get enough people defaulting, then the bank becomes insolvent that is holding those loans, and the bank blows up.
So, keep in mind what I explained to this guy to do. I said, if you’re going to sell the house, you need to sell it now and get your cash out, because they’re raising rates and things are going to turn around, and you’re going to get stuck in the property. But if you guys really like it and you want to stay there, because he wanted to quit his job, I said, you need to keep your job, and you need to think like a broke college student to fund this tea business. Build it out of your spare bedroom.
And then, eventually, once it gets to the point where you’re making enough money that’s equal to or pretty close to what you make in your current job, then you can either reduce the hours of your current job, or step away completely. Because it’s just reckless and financially unsound to quit and assume that you’re going be able to use what’s in your house as far as equity to pay all your existing bills and then be able to fund your new business. Plus, on top of that, his wife didn’t feel safe and comfortable with what he was doing, because she knew that was reckless.
So, keep in mind all those things I went through. I highly encourage you to go watch that video again. And it was called, “My Wife Doesn’t Support My New Purpose and Mission.”
When my wife asked me if we could pull it from the market, I told her that was a great plan and I’d take care of it.
Yeah, because at this point now, they don’t want to take less than they were expecting. And they’re not going to be able to get top equity for it, so they will probably sit in that house for eight or ten years.
From there, we started working on dinner together.
Now, keep in mind, she wanted to stay in the house all along, but he went to her and told her, “We’ll take the equity out. I’ll keep my job.” But she wants to feel safe and comfortable, because she’s a stay at home mom. Women want to know that you’re going to take care of things. And the way he was taking care of things was reckless. It didn’t make her feel safe, it didn’t make her feel comfortable.
She doesn’t want to worry or stress about bills, because they were in a good position financially. For him to just up and quit his job and assume or be overly optimistic that his tea business is just going to take off, it’s like, it always costs more money than you expect, and it always takes way longer than you expect to make a new business work. And again, these are all things that I detail in “Mastering Yourself.”
I grinned at her from across the kitchen, and said in a mischievous tone, “I figured you would be more hot and bothered that I took the house off the market. Should we argue for a few minutes before I call the realtor and break the news?”
Because, at the end of the day, he knows she really wanted to stay in the house.
She grinned back and said, “Don’t you dare move,” before running toward me and jumping into my arms. She threw her legs around me and kissed me furiously.
There you go. How beautiful is that?
She asked if that was more like it. I told her that her kisses definitely light me up like a firecracker, but there are still quite a few more hours until 2:00 am.
You guys are naughty.
I whispered in her ear that we aren’t done with each other yet, and that I’d give her an answer later that night. From there? A gentleman doesn’t always kiss and tell! It looks like I am starting my loose tea company on a true shoestring budget after all.
So, they’re not going to have the equity from the house to do that, and they won’t be renting. I mean, at the end of the day, this is the most sound plan. And the bottom line is the market’s changed, so you’ve got to adapt. And you don’t want to do things that are reckless, because they’ve got little kids.
But my wife is suddenly amped about being a part of what I am doing.
Because she’s going to feel heard and understood, and she’s going to feel safe and comfortable. She’s going to feel like this stable home will continue, and they’ll be building this business out of their spare bedroom.
She has brought some incredible ideas to the table and claimed a bridal marketing division of the company for herself.
Isn’t this much better than her being upset and him basically saying, “Well, you can go on down the road, I’ll do it on my own without you.” Now that he’s got a better plan, because he’s looked at the downside risks that I pointed out, (which was way too great in that previous newsletter), now she’s totally participating. Doesn’t it sound a whole lot better to have your wife or your girlfriend on board, instead of saying, “I don’t like that. It’s just reckless.” And him going, “Well, I’m going to do it anyway.” Who do you think is going to have more fun?
This isn’t the exact way I wanted to show up in my career ambitions, but this is a worthy trade-off for a life full of love and happiness that is worth envying.
It’s the better way to go, dude. In any deal, any business, no matter what it is, you’ve always got to know, “What is my downside risk? What happens if the economy turns around and does the opposite of what I expect? What happens if I think my new tea business that I’m overly optimistic about is going to take off in one year, but it takes five years or ten years to really take off? Then what?”
Because, when you’re starting a new business, you have to assume that most of your assumptions are wrong anyway. Anybody that’s an entrepreneur can attest to this. Most of your ideas, they don’t work. Most of them turn out to be wrong, and you’re going to spend way more money than you expected trying to get it off the ground and make it work.
Again, these are all things I’ve personally been through many times. I wrote about them in “Mastering Yourself,” so you guys can save yourself a lot of grief and a lot of headaches and a lot of money by reading the book. It’s free in the members area. All you’ve got to do is put down your name and your email and subscribe to the email newsletter, and you’ll be reading it instantly in your web browser.
Especially with what’s coming down the pike in the next 2 to 5 years, you can prepare for it and wait. I don’t know who it was, I know Warren Buffett says this a lot, but I don’t know if it was JP Morgan or old man Rockefeller who originally said, “You buy when there’s blood in the streets.” You buy when nobody wants things. You buy when nobody’s buying the stocks. You buy real estate when nobody wants the real estate. You buy the crypto when nobody wants the crypto, because it’s going to be the cheapest price.
Just like these sheiks from Saudi Arabia. They had $500 million to invest. They bought these condos at $25,000-$30,000 back in 2010, 2011. And in the last year or so, they liquidated most of them for around $225,000 to a quarter million. And on top of that, keep in mind they’ve been renting them out ever since for positive cash flow. So, you could do the math. I mean, that’s a great fucking return on their investments.
It’s the same thing with stock. At some point the stock market’s going to hit bottom. And so, the other thing you have to keep in mind is that people that have got their money in the market, usually it’s unfortunately the middle class people that don’t know any better, that don’t understand the boom bust cycle. They’re trying to keep their house. They’re trying to keep their car payment. What are they doing? They’re selling their stocks. They’re selling their crypto at a loss as the market goes down, because they’re trying to pay their bills.
And then the stuff craters, and all of those people are out of the market, and in come all the people with money, the rich people, if you will, that the leftists and the socialists always demonize because they understand this. And this wisdom gets passed on to their families, just like the Saudis that I mentioned did. I mean, their family’s been through this many times over the decades. And so, you just sit and you wait for it to crash, when nobody wants any of this stuff, and you get it for pennies on the dollar. Then you go and buy it and you just sit and you wait.
Then the Fed will lower the rates, and then slowly, over many years, the economy will start going back up. It’ll blow another bubble up, and then they’ll go, “Oh shit, we’ve got inflation again, we’ve got too much inflation.” And what happens? Just what’s going on right now. Then it goes down. And this cycle takes about 10 to 12 years.
In the early nineties you had the S&L crisis, which was from things that happened when Reagan was in office. And then Clinton came into office, things started recovering slowly. And then eventually you had Bush, and they continued blowing the bubble. And then they started pulling back in 2004, 2005, and 2006, which started the dominoes falling once again. And then you had the “too big to fails,” and you had all the short sales, and all those things.
And so, I’d say probably 3 to 5 years is where you’re going to be when the real estate market will finally crater and nobody’s going to want most of the properties, and you’ll be able to pick it up for pennies on the dollar. I’m excited about it because I know that industry, and so I’m excited about the opportunity that’s coming down the road. And you guys can profit from it too, but you’ve got to be smart.
What this guy is doing, he’s made the right choice. He’s looked at his downside risk, and now he’s also come up against reality. The reality is the market just changed in between that first email three or four weeks ago to now. And so, he’s just going to stay in the house, which is what his wife really originally wanted. And now he’s got his wife on board. He can do things on a shoestring budget and slowly over time build his business with his wife fully on board and now participating in co-creating and coming up with ideas with him, so it’s a team effort. Teamwork makes the dream work.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.