How To Determine If She’s Trustworthy When You First Start Dating
How to determine if she’s trustworthy when you first start dating.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The first email is from a 53 year old guy who has been hooking up with a girl in a friends with benefits situation who is separated from her husband. They only see each other on the same 2 nights every week. He wonders if something is off. The 2nd email is from a viewer who has been dating a woman for 2 months who has cheated on every guy she has been with saying it was their fault and not hers. He’s caught her in some lies and wonders if she is simply untrustworthy to have a relationship with despite their goals and values appearing to be in alignment. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of their emails.
*Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links. An affiliate link means I may earn referral fees if you make a purchase through my link, without any extra cost to you. Thank you for your support.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How To Determine If She’s Trustworthy When You First Start Dating.”
This is really, really, really important. Because you’ve got to understand that character is destiny. And when you’re dating somebody, especially somebody that you really like and your emotions get involved, you got to understand that us human beings, we make our decisions based upon our emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify those decisions.
And so when you’re starting to date a girl in the beginning, just like when you meet a new guy and you start hanging out with and you become friends, you’re trying to determine, is this a person of high moral character?
Are they trustworthy? Or are they a dirtbag that will stab you in the back as soon as it’s advantageous or beneficial to them? And especially when it comes to pretty girls. Guys assume because she’s hot, that she’s a great wife, or she’s a great girlfriend, and they never really bothered to look at her character because all they’re focused on is their high attraction and interest and most importantly, their feelings for the girl.
And because if you don’t really pay attention to this and you get months down the road and then you start noticing these red flags, you find she’s lying to you, she’s hiding things from you.
You find out that she’s cheated on every single person she’s ever been with. And then when you’re two, three, four months down the road and you’re like, man, I got used to this relationship, things are pretty good. I could probably work with this. And then you talk yourself into it and you keep going along and you get six months, a year, year and a half down the road.
And then come to find out, there’s all kinds of shady things that have been going on. And it’s not until the infatuation wears off or you start having lots of problems that you really start to look at it objectively, and the idea smart men look at women objectively in the beginning.
Because when women go out with a guy, they’re like, is he a good for me? Do I like this guy? Is he good for me to date? Are we compatible? Is he right for me? Do I like him? These are the kinds of things that women have the attitude. They fall in love a lot slower than us guys do.
Since we’re visual creatures, we tend to look at our girl and go, oh, she’s hot, she’s perfect, I want her. And then everything else goes out the window. And it’s not until the guy starts having problems down the road that he starts to look at vetting her character. And the idea is, you want to do this in the very beginning.
So I got two different emails here. The first one, the guy is 53. He’s been hooking up with a girl kind of in a friends with benefits situation. And he says what’s unusual after a couple of months is she always comes over on the same two nights she separated from her husband and he’s like something just seems off.
And as I talk about in 3% Man, if you’re going to date somebody that’s in the middle of a divorce or is in the process of leaving their significant other or their spouse, you should expect that they’re going to be hot and cold.
So he says, it kind of feels like he’s compartmentalized. And it may be he’s just her side piece and she’s kind of dangling the carrot, communicating, oh yeah, we’re in the process of a divorce. In reality, maybe her husband is just away and she doesn’t have any intention of leaving him or divorcing him.
She’s just stringing this guy along because she likes the good sex. The second emails from a guy who’s been dating a woman for two months, and she was nice enough to reveal that she cheated on every single guy she’s ever been with.
She said it was all their fault, not hers. She’s innocent for cheating somehow, and he’s after about two months of dating. He’s caught her in a bunch of little lies. You know, things that she told them that weren’t true. There’s other dudes. There’s other male orbiters. He looked at her phone, saw the evidence.
Then he confronts her about it. She lies to his face and only admits the truth once. She knows that, he’s like, yeah, I went through your phone. So there’s two good emails. You know, these guys got a little too far down the road because they just got hypnotized by the pussy and they weren’t very objective.
First Viewer’s Email:
Hey Coach,
I’m a longtime fan of your work so I was compelled to seek your advice on my current situation. I’m a 53 year old guy who has been divorced for 9 years. I’ve been back in the dating scene for awhile now but my longest relationship has only been 5 months.
About four months ago, I met this beautiful woman on a dating app, and we hit it off. During our first date, she revealed that she is separated from her husband who lives and works overseas. They haven’t been together in nearly two years. This wasn’t a red flag for me but I knew I needed to proceed with caution.
Well, something you should have asked is like, “you’re separated? So you guys are getting divorced? Like, what’s up with that? Are you potentially reconciling?” Because if she separated and then she hasn’t really done anything, she still lives in his house. And so that means if he comes back home, that he’ll be living under the same roof as her. And you think that’s a good idea to date somebody like that? What are we looking for?
Ready, willing, able and open to dating. Because in this situation, he’s like, “oh, it wasn’t a red flag for me.” It’s like, well, they haven’t been together in two years. Did she even start her divorce proceedings? Because if not, what does that tell you? She’s either lazy or she doesn’t really plan to divorce her husband. And you’re just a side piece because. Let’s see what happens in the next paragraph.
I’ve been following your best advice since then — hang out, have fun and hook up!
Well, you’re supposed to also remain objective because again, you’re trying to determine whether or not she’s a good person to date.
Honestly some of the best sex of my life.
So there it is. So the sex is the best of his life is like he’s totally hypnotized by the pussy. Let’s be real.
This Asian beauty is so kind and giving. Most of the time I think I’ve got an ideal situation because she always comes over to my place twice a week usually with a six pack of beer.
So you’re basically a booty call. You’re not, like, really going out on dates. And I see a lot of guys do this. They get real lazy. They go out like first or second date, they take her out, and then after that they’re just constantly inviting her over. And then if you’re trying to date a woman and have a relationship, that’ll work for a few weeks or maybe a month or two.
But if she’s looking for something more serious and you never take her out on dates and you just simply have her come over for a booty call, eventually she’s going to figure out that that’s all it is, and then she’s going to start looking for a guy that wants something more. And when she finds him, she’ll tell you that she met somebody else, or she’ll just kind of disappear and become unavailable.
And give you excuses to why she can’t come over because she’s not completely sure the other guy yet, but she doesn’t want to blow things up with you, so she wants to dangle the carrot, tell you how busy and how crazy work is. She’s got this, she’s got that going on. But the bottom line is she’s not making time to come see you.
The red flag for me is, with few exceptions, it’s always the same two nights of the week. Is she compartmentalizing me?
I don’t know. Maybe it’s her job. Have you been hanging out with this girl for all these months? What does she do for a living? What is her schedule like? You should know this by now. And if you don’t know those things, that tells me there’s not really much intimacy or closeness between the two of you.
It’s just a booty call. If you never even bothered to ask what’s going on in her life. I mean, you shouldn’t look at somebody that’s a friend with benefits as a girlfriend, if that’s all you ever do.
We text every day but I don’t know what she does on nights we’re not together.
“Hey, what are you doing?” If she’s texting you at night, it’s like, “what are you doing?” If she texts you late at night, like 9 or 10:00, why don’t you just say, “come over?” It’s like, again, it’s like you’re kind of being a zombie. If you want to have a relationship, it’s not going to be treating a girl like this. Again it just looks like you’re her side piece while she’s away.
She belongs to a pickleball league and takes golf lessons, both of which she’s terrible at. So is it safe to assume she’s meeting and hooking up with other dudes?
Well, again, if you’ve been doing this for two months and you’re an avid fan of my work, like you claim, she should have been head over heels in love with you and wanting to be in a relationship with you. But that didn’t happen. It just looks like you’re one of the guys she’s fucking.
So maybe you’re the only dude she’s fucking. Maybe you’re the only guy she’s having sex with because the husband’s away and living and working overseas. But once he comes into town, she’s going to be completely with him. And then when he goes away, she’ll be back.
This is where my mind goes but I don’t want to sabotage my sex life with her if I’m wrong. Is this a “C’mon, man” scenario?
Thanks for your insight,
Bob
Well, you got to read The Book, dude. I mean, seriously, you got to read The Book. You got to learn the fundamentals because it’s clear you’re probably cherry picking and you’re getting laid. But all you really did was learn the getting laid stuff. You didn’t learn about having a relationship or dating or transitioning from hooking up, hanging out, having fun casually to, being in a relationship.
And if you’re to, I think you said he’s been seeing her for four months, if I’m not mistaken. Uh, let’s see here. He’s been seeing her for four months, so if he’s been seeing her for four months, she should be in love with him. And the fact that she’s not. And wanting a relationship and wanting to lock him down. And so that never happened. So I would have to assume his game is not tight.
She’s not in love with him. And if we look at the totality of how they’re behaving, it’s just a booty call. And on top of that, she’s married to another guy and it doesn’t appear or look like her, but he’s probably hasn’t even asked because he’s just all he cares about is that he’s getting laid. But if you want a real deep relationship, it’s probably not going to be with a woman who looks like she’s just cheating on her husband while he’s away with you.
Because if he’s back in town, you probably won’t hear from her and she’ll just be too busy to get together. So that’s what it looks like to me. It’s like you got some work to do, Man. I tell you guys all the time, you got to read The Book. And it’s like, I just still get a constant stream of guys that just don’t fucking listen. I see it in the emails and I see it all the time in the phone sessions. It’s like, you guys make this way harder on yourself than it needs to be, but it’s your life. You do what you want.
But if it was me and next time you’re laying naked in bed and she’s like, “well, what are you doing on the nights that we don’t see each other?” Again if she’s only coming over two nights a week and it’s the same two nights, it’s a booty call. That’s all I see here in this. You’re not taking her out on dates. She comes over, she brings beer. The sex is obviously good. She likes fucking you.
So if you want a girlfriend, somebody to have a real relationship with, with real intimacy, then read The Book and get 2 or 3 other girls like this. And let the best one win you over. Because the fact you’re dating this girl for four months and she’s not in love with you yet, you’re just, you’re half-assing it. You don’t really know what you’re doing. And that is going to come back to bite you in the ass eventually.
So let’s go through the second email.
Second Viewer’s Email:
Hello Coach Wayne,
I really need some help with my situation. I am 34 years old, and I have been dating a girl in the last two months. We are the same in many aspects, both want marriage and children.
Well, character is destiny. Does she value loyalty? Does she value monogamy? Has she been loyal and faithful to her boyfriends in the past? Are her parents loyal and faithful to one another? These are things that in casual conversation. Hey, what’s your relationship like with your parents? Are you guys close? Are you close to your dad? Do you love your dad? How well do you get along with your dad?
These are the kinds of things you want to ask. Oh, I hate my father. He’s a fucking narcissist. Probably not a good sign. Oh, my dad cheated on my mom all the time. He cheats on his current wife. He’s cheated on everybody. My mom cheated on my dad. She cheats on her boyfriends. You got to find these things out. Because whatever is modeled at home is typically what they’re going to grow up and demonstrate in the real world. So you should ask those questions and those things will come out. Again, you’re trying to vet for character.
The thing is that my level of trust is zero. She told me in the beginning she had cheated in all her previous relationships and always blamed the guys for that.
It’s all their fault. It’s all their fault for her going and fucking other men while she had a boyfriend. That seems totally legit, man. No problem. I’ll totally believe that. So when you hear something like that, every single boyfriend she’s cheated on. And it was their fault that she cheated. Oh, she’s just not loyal. She doesn’t value it.
In other words, what she’s telling you is, if she’s not happy, she’s going to fuck other guys. If she’s happy. If she’s in love, she’ll probably be loyal and faithful to you. Only as long as she’s happy. And when she’s not, you start fucking up. Then she’s going to be inviting attention from other men. That’s just how she operates.
Because women that have cheated on everybody they’ve ever been with, they always have the male orbiters. They’re always giving out their information. If they’re happy, they’re going to be spending their time with their main guy. But if they’re not, they’re going to be lining up backups, going out on dates, friendly dates. “Oh, it’s just a few drinks.”
I was suspicious, because of her weird behavior sometimes and went through her phone. Found out that she chatted with a guy who she slept with last year. He was asking her out, but she told him that she has plans with her ladies, even though she was going to see me.
So he noticed that she was lying to this other guy, not saying, oh, I’m going to go see this guy I’ve been fucking for the last couple of months. She’s like, oh, I’m going to hang out with my girlfriends. Cheated on everybody lies about who she’s with to a guy she used to sleep with. You’re not going to fix that. It’s not your job.
Don’t be Captain Save-A-Hoe, Mr. White Knight. This is a fuck buddy, friends with benefits. Just like the first girl. I wouldn’t be getting serious with that first girl. I mean, she hasn’t done anything to advance her divorce, it looks like. And plus, they’ve been dating for four or fucking for four months, and she’s good with that.
So that tells me he’s only paying attention to his interests. He likes the fact he’s getting laid, but he’s got to see the relationship as it is. It’s just a fuck buddy, friends with benefits. And same thing with this girl. I mean, already, this is a fuck buddy, friends with benefits definitely wear a raincoat because she ain’t loyal and faithful to anybody. She’s like the town bicycle. Everybody gets to ride her.
Then a few days later she told him to call her when she comes back to our country and the night figure something out. Few days later I saw she deleted these messages and asked her if she knows this guy. She kinda freaked out and kept asking why. I asked her if they chatted in the recent days and she denied it.
Oh, no. I haven’t talked to him in forever. No, it’s been a long time. A couple hours at least.
After I told her I know everything she said he does not mean anything to her and it was a mistake. She was lying all that time until I told her I know everything.
Yeah, this is it This. There you go. Character is destiny. You know she’s a liar. She cheated on everybody. This is how she operates. She ain’t loyal to nobody. This hoe ain’t loyal. Sorry, bro.
Few days ago I decided to dump her and she went insane. Begged me not to leave her and promised she would do anything to keep me.
Whatever. She’s been through this with every guy she’s ever been with. When she got caught. She’s just saying what she needs to say. Because most guys are gullible and she knows the pussy is going to make them pretty much do whatever she wants.
I gave her a second chance, but I think it was a mistake.
It was definitely a mistake. Again, you’re not going to fix this girl. This is the way she is. Your job as a man is to see reality as it is not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is. And you should definitely be wearing a raincoat. And the way you treat a woman like this, just like the first guy, you let them do all the calling, texting and pursuing and you just invite them over.
Fuck buddy, friends with benefits. You don’t take them out on dates. You compartmentalize it. You know, if you’re looking for a girlfriend, then you’re going to spend time with her because you care and you want to get to know her.
If she lies at such an early stage would she do it again if we stay together?
Yeah. Duh.
Please give me some advice. I am really into this girl, but I cannot stay calm most of the time, because I am not sure if she is doing things behind my back.
Bro. We already know she’s doing things behind your back. You went through her phone and you caught it, and you saw that she deleted the messages and tried to lie to you, and then you admitted that you’d already seen all the evidence.
She also has a rude behavior sometimes and treats me poorly in some situations.
Well, you got to set and enforce healthy boundaries. You say, don’t talk to me like that. That’s disrespectful.
Her father was drinking too much when she was young. Basically, she has a lot of red flags, but I am really in-loved and don’t know what to so.
Please give me some advice.
Regards,
Bob
Well, she’s a fuck buddy, friends with benefits. She ain’t loyal to anybody. She never been loyal to any man she’s ever been with. She’s clearly not loyal to you. I mean, you saw it in the text exchange. So we know that she deletes her text messages and her chat messages because there’s things in there that you wouldn’t like.
So if you’re going to keep hooking up with this girl, definitely wear a raincoat. Don’t be having unprotected sex with her. Don’t be raw dogging a girl like this because you slip one past the goalie. You won’t even know if it’s yours until the child’s born. It could be yours. It could be Chad Thunder Cock’s. Bob Thunder Cock’s. Don Thunder Cock’s. Ron Thunder Cock’s. You don’t know which Thunder Cock’s it is. We just don’t know.
Don’t try to turn a Hoe into a Housewife. You’re not going to fix it. It’s just the way it is. If you want a relationship. Read The Book. You got to learn the stuff that’s in here. So you can transition successfully from pickup to dating to relationships and you got to vet her character. You can’t just see shit like this and go, “oh yeah, I can work with this. This is great, Coach.” You’re not going to fix it.
So if you haven’t already signed up for our paying Members Only Content in the description of this particular video, there are links to where you can join on YouTube. Members Only Content you can join on Spotify paying Members Only Content. And obviously we would prefer that you join on our Website. UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab at the top of your screen on any page when you arrive, or click the link in the video description.
And so you get a seven day free trial so you can check out what content you get for free. And you can choose a monthly plan or an annual plan. If you choose an annual plan, you get a 25% discount for paying up front at the end of the seven day free trial. So what you get is you get typically about six additional paid Video Coaching Newsletters like this per week that only the paying members have access to.
We also do a weekly 3% Man Study Group Podcast. We do a Mastering Yourself weekly study group podcast, and we also have the Viewer Questions, podcast reactions, and other videos that we discuss, any special interviews. And also if you join on the Website, you get the Email Analysis that goes along with these particular Video Coaching Newsletters. So if you haven’t already signed up, you can do the free trial, seven day free trial. You can check out the monthly plan, the annual plan so you can see all the paying content for paying members that you get.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.