How To Cultivate Masculine Energy
How to cultivate your masculine energy and essence to be more confident and attractive.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work and wants to focus more on his life and becoming a better version of himself. He says he has some beta male habits and doesn’t like the fact he still has this societal idea of the one perfect person for him.
He wants to know what to focus on and what he can do to cultivate his masculine energy and essence to become more confident. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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Hello Coach Corey,
I want to thank you first for your book 3% Man. I just finished my first round of it and I plan to read it, not just 15 times, but aim to go 20 times and more.
Well, people who succeed at the highest level always go above and beyond. They’re willing to do things that most people are simply unwilling to do. So, when I say read the book 10 to 15 times, when you look over the years at all of the best success stories I’ve done from viewer emails, these guys are always at 15, 20, 30 times or more. They really immerse themselves in the work and applying it.
You could read my book a hundred times, but if you don’t apply it and get out there and get experiences with it, it’s just a mental concept. And repetition is the mother of skill. As Aristotle said, “Excellence is not a singular act, it’s a habit. You are what you do repeatedly.”
It has helped me with dating, and I will humbly admit, I should have read it more than once before one date. Yet I do feel somewhat confident since there’s more fish in the sea.
Well, as they say, pride cometh before the fall. And that’s the thing about life, the older you get, especially when things are going really well and you’re on easy street, that’s when life comes along and smacks you upside the head. Totally unexpectedly, something goes sideways. Just look at what’s happened in the last two years. Who could have imagined that the whole world would lock down for a virus? Did anybody see that coming?
I didn’t think anything like that would happen. But look how disruptive it’s been to society, and businesses, and families. Half of society wants to run around and tell everybody to put their masks on, do this, do that, comply, or else. The government should crush you. And unfortunately, millions and millions of people got crushed. They had their lifelong, sometimes generational, businesses that were totally destroyed.
How is it fair that the government says, “Well, your business is not essential, but that big box retailer, they’re essential because they sell food. And they can stay in business, but your little boutique, no. You’re not allowed to open. You’ve still got to pay your rent on time, but you can’t open your doors.” A really genius strategy that the politicians thought out.
And this is what happens in life. The older you get the more you see the ups and downs. The stock market crashes. You go through life and you get burned from things like that, and it teaches you to be a little more humble and also to not be flying by the seat of your pants and have reserves, in case something crashes. What’s interesting is 64% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck. So, you can imagine when something really dramatic happens in the economy or there’s a potential war going on.
There’s always something going on in life. No matter what you do, no matter how great things are going, when shit comes out of left field like that, you’ve got to adapt to it. Nobody cares about your problems or my problems, and they’re glad we have them. You’ve got to learn to adapt, and get better, and hopefully have more reserves the next time around, or have flexibility. And that’s just the way it is.
What I wanted to ask you though is on a different subject. For now, I’ve decided to focus on my life and become a better me. As I was reading your book 3% Man, you talked at different points about masculine energy/essence. What I want to ask is how can I or any guy cultivate and build our masculine energy/essence?
It does go back to that feeling of being somewhat confident, but I want to break some beta male habits and especially the idea of “The One.” Although, I would like to date, I think it would be better to learn and practice taking care of myself rather than repeat failed habits, yet I do know at some point I have to test the mettle so to speak. What do you think are practical ways to do this?
Thanks for all that you do, and I’ll start reading your book, Round 2!
Well, one of my favorite quotes by Dale Carnegie is, “Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage.” And so, if things are going sideways in your life and you’re just sitting around doing nothing, nothing’s happening. You’re not making any progress. Because success is making progress in life. You’ve got to feel like there’s some kind of incremental success, like you’re making progress. You’ve got a goal, you’ve got a dream, something that’s going to take many years or even decades to accomplish. You want to feel like you’re moving in that general direction. And even though it might be millimeter by millimeter, or inch by inch, you could see there is some progress. It might not be significant progress or big progress, but it’s small incremental progress, small incremental changes.
And so, when you’re applying a book like mine, you’re not only reading it, but going out and just observing people, sitting down and watching human beings interact. And you start to see the patterns that I talk about in the book. Something simple like that. You’re out, you’re amongst your fellow human beings, and you’re watching men and women interact. And then, you’re seeing the patterns that I talk about in the book. And just seeing that in real life builds your confidence just a little bit more.
Growing up, if you’ve always been a shy person, you’re striking up conversations, practicing your small talk. Doing something to get a little bit better. Asking, over the course of a week or two, ten different women out, or asking ten different women for their phone numbers, or just striking up conversations with ten different women. Or, if you’re looking for a job, calling ten different employers and talking to them. Sending your resume in, and then following up after you’ve sent that resume to make sure they’ve received it. Doing some kind of action and something that’s productive, not something that’s just busy.
You can sit and play video games and watch TV all day, and you’ll be busy, but you won’t be very productive. It’s not going to do anything to move your life forward. The key is to do things that you feel are going to help move your life in the right direction. So, when you lose yourself being busy, being productive, you don’t have time to be fearful or to worry about what may or may not be going right in your life. So, that’s the important thing, is to get busy being productive.
Remember, you’ve got to know what you want, then you’ve got to know why you want it. You’ve got to have an emotionally compelling reason why you want it. It’s because the “why” has to be strong enough to keep moving you forward, even when things go sideways. Even when society locks down for two years, or when the central bankers make a mistake and they screw the economy up because they raised the rates too fast or they pulled back too hard. I mean, at the end of the day, the older you get and the more you go through things like this, each time you you get a little better at coming through it, and then you start to kind of expect it.
It’s like, I didn’t see this lockdown thing coming, but because I’ve been through a lot of difficulty in my life, — and obviously I wrote about that in “Mastering Yourself,” which you can also read for free, for inspiration, at UnderstandingRelationships.com — you learn and you’ve kind of been through things, so you know how to cut back. You know how to make changes in your life to adapt. And that’s part of being a man is being able to adapt, improvise, overcome, compensate.
Find a way, not a way out. Because it’s easy to quit. It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to settle in every area of your life. Most people do it. We’re surrounded by people that are mediocre. They’re living lives of quiet desperation, and they’re not doing the things that they could be doing to help themselves. So, it’s finding a way to, every day when you get up, be excited about your life. Be excited about the projects that you’re working on. Be excited about your goals. Be excited about your mission, your purpose in life, the things you want to accomplish.
Success is making progress. And as you make slow, incremental progress, maybe you have a lot of little things that you’re working on in your life. Maybe you’re working on getting in better shape. Maybe you’re working on getting a better peer group. Maybe you’re working on improving the quality of the women that you’re meeting and dating. Maybe you’re just improving your skills. Maybe you’re trying to grow your business. Maybe you’re trying to get through college. Maybe you’re trying to get your business to a point where you can sell it and retire, or go do something else. The point being is that, as a man, cultivating masculine energy is doing what men do — purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, overcoming challenges.
And so, it doesn’t matter whether you’re an entrepreneur or you’re a professional athlete, you have a process that you have to go through on a daily basis. Like the professional athlete, on a weekly basis, they’re preparing for their next opponent, to highlight their strengths against the other team’s weaknesses. And so, when you get together on the field of competition and you compete, you’ve gone through the progression, you’ve gone through the process of preparing yourself. And then on game day everything’s done, and then it’s just a matter of executing on your plan.
Or, if it’s a business, it’s a matter of executing your business plan successfully. When you lose yourself in the process of busting your ass and doing the little things day in and day out, when you go to bed at night, you want to go to bed with peace of mind that you did everything you could do. And so, throughout the day, every day, 365 days a year, decade after decade, you should always be asking yourself, “What do I have to get done today? When I go to sleep tonight, what are the most important things that I need to get done, so when I lay my head on my pillow at night, I have peace of mind that I did everything I could, I was as productive as I could be?”
And we’ve all had this experience. When we lose ourselves in the process of achieving our grandest goals and dreams for the day, we’re busy, we’re productive, and we feel like we got a lot done. And then when we go to sleep at night, we feel like we did everything we could. Tomorrow’s a new day to get up and do it all over again. So, lose yourself in the process of doing the things you love and enjoy. Try to get better. You want to learn from your mistakes. If something’s not working in your life, you have to notice that it’s not working. And when something’s not working, then you’ve got to try something else. And if that doesn’t work, guess what? You try something else. And what if that new thing you tried doesn’t work? You try something else.
You’ve got to kind of think of yourself as Thomas Edison trying to invent the light bulb. You don’t know what you don’t know. But through process of elimination, through your attempts and your permutations and learning from your mistakes, eventually you refine your approach enough to where you get better. And that’s what I wrote about in “Mastering Yourself,” is all those little things I’ve learned along the way in life. I’m 52 now, and I’ve been doing these things since I was a kid, day in and day out, week after week, month after month, year after year.
Obviously, when I was young and inexperienced, I wasn’t very efficient at the things that I’ve done. And now, being 52, having done a lot and had a lot of careers, had a lot of businesses, interacted with lots of clients, lots of other human beings — I had lots of different relationships over the course of my life, I lived in a bunch of different cities, traveled all around the world, done different kinds of investments and continue to invest — it’s like, you kind of get a feel for what works and what doesn’t work.
And learning from other people that are more successful than you is extremely important, because when you model the success of other people and what they do successfully, you gain the knowledge. It’s like you gain what they struggled for easily, just by reading their works or learning from them, or working for them, or having them mentor you, because it reduces the amount of time you have to spend yourself learning these things.
For me, I put all this stuff down in writing, stuff that took me decades to acquire. That’s why I love seeing emails from guys that are in high school, or in college, or they’re really young, or they’re in their twenties, and they’re learning all of this stuff that took me decades to figure out when they’re very young. And so, they start out in life in a lot better of a place than I did. Therefore, their lives should be more efficient. They should get to the successes and the things that took me decades to get a lot quicker. They can climb even bigger mountains than I was able to climb. And that helps me achieve my purpose and my mission in life, to see other people learning from me and doing better, getting better results — quicker than I got them.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you would like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
“Masculine energy is about purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, overcoming challenges and breaking through barriers. As Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage.” Life takes on meaning and purpose when you have goals, dreams and projects you have a fire in your belly to accomplish. Lose yourself in the process of accomplishing your grandest goals and dreams. This will make your life exciting and fill you with enthusiasm that others will notice, and that will attract like-minded people into your life to help and co-create with you.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne