Holding Women Accountable
How romantic attraction is affected by holding women accountable to their words and commitments.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who has read my book three times so far. He shares how he met a woman he really liked, set a definite date but she stood him up and ghosted him.
They ran into each other a few weeks later and she acted like nothing ever happened. He called her out on her bad behavior, and she did a complete 180 and asked him out on a date. He shares what he did and said that made all the difference. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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This is extremely important if you want women to feel and continue to feeling attraction for you as a man. You’ve got to stand up for yourself, what you want and be brutally honest, especially in the context of a relationship or a woman that you just met and you’re trying to get to know well. If you start acting like a doormat and letting her push you around and jerk you around and you’re too much of a nice guy, what’s going to happen is she’s going to lose respect for you.
If you’re not willing to stand up for yourself and put her in her place, instead of tolerating little acts of disrespect, she’s never going to trust your masculine core to be authentic and real and give her trustworthy feedback. If you just sit there and take abuse and she knows it bothers you but you do nothing about it, she’s not going to trust you to be a man. Because if you won’t stand up to her, you obviously would never stand up if somebody was trying to harm her physically.
The reality is, when a woman is with you, whether it’s your girlfriend, or your date or your friend’s kids, or women that you know, or your buddies’ wives are with you in a group, women are under your protection. And if you allow a woman to push you around and disrespect you, if you keep putting up with it, she’s not going to respect you as a man and she’s not going to want to hear anything that you’ve got to say.
I’ve read your book three times so far.
I’m a mailman in my late 20’s. I just wanted to share my success story. I used to be a bouncer at a strip club. This one particular girl really took a liking to me. I miss that dynamic where I didn’t do any work and whatever girl was feeling me would talk to me.
Well, if you think about it from that particular perspective, here’s a guy working at a strip bar. All of the employees there, most of them are going to be women. There’ a handful of men there, especially a bouncer, somebody that they trust, literally depend on for their physical safety. And if you’re a handful of dudes and you work with dozens of women, then you’re hanging out at night after work or before work, the odds are in your favor.
Just having one of them talking to you and the others notice it, you become more attractive in their eyes. And so, in this particular guy’s case, it works to his advantage. Because when kitty cats compete, you win. That was a Doc Love line. It’s so true.
Anyway, I got her number and set a date. When I showed up to our date, she was nowhere to be found.
Well, that was nice of her. But then again, you are dating a stripper. And not all strippers are bad, they just have a really high likelihood of being total train wrecks.
I messaged her and never heard from her. Fast forward to around 2 weeks later when she works at the club again.
Another thing is you’ve got these women that get tons of attention and validation from other men, so they have lots of choices and lots of options.
She saw me and said I looked good. I kept it brief and walked away. I get a text from her after work saying she missed me and wondered why we stopped talking.
“Wondered why we stopped talking” — hilarious.
I said I hope you’re doing well, and we can still be work friends. Keep in touch.
He just wasn’t having it. She totally ghosted him, and then out of the blue acted like nothing happened. So, he’s putting no effort into this at all.
She sounded sad and asked what changed? I told her ghosting me shows you don’t respect me or my time.
He’s being brutally honest and holding her accountable. And notice what he says next.
I have no hard feelings towards you, but I’m not interested in wasting my time.
So, he’s just basically saying, “Hey I’m out of here. I’m not going to have my time wasted.” And he’s not even giving her an opportunity or anything to set a date with her. He’s like, “Hey, I’m not interested.”
After that, she was saying she will come to me and being overly accommodating. She actually set the date.
She asked him out after she stood him up, and ghosted him on top of that. So, she recognized right away, he’s not going to put up with her crap and was not interested in even giving her the chance, so she had to, which is perfect.
The day of the date she asked if we are still on and said she was shaving her legs and tanning for me.
What a big change, all because he acted like a man. Now, it doesn’t mean that this woman is his future wife or girlfriend. It just means, as a man, he’s creating an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. You’ve just got to understand the nature of the creature that you’re dealing with.
It’s just crazy how she can ghost me one day, then be super submissive the next.
Because you stood up to her and you acted like a man. She obviously misjudged you.
Having had a glow up, I was never used to having a girl act so into me before. I’ll attach a before and after photo of me. It’s nice to finally see the type of woman I deserve. I don’t settle for less.
So, these two pictures, in one he looks like a boy, just because of the way he’s got his hair and he’s clean-shaven. He looks like a nice boy. But in the other picture, he’s got a beard. You can tell he’s got an edge to him. He’s cocky, just a completely different kind of attitude, and you can see why women respond to him. He looks a little dangerous. He looks like a bit of a bad boy.
Good for you for holding this chick accountable. And like I said, the fact that she treated you this way, I wouldn’t be so enthusiastic about potentially considering this woman for a girlfriend — maybe a casual hookup, friends with benefits, open relationship. We don’t know. That’s a pretty huge act of disrespect to stand you up for the date, to blow you off.
You work together and yet she still mistreated you. But then again, when you stood up to her, she recognized that she totally misjudged you. It will be interesting to see what happens going forward, so it would be cool down the road to send us a follow-up email to let us know what happens with this particular woman.
If you’ve got a question or a challenge you’d like to get my help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
“Women become more attracted to men who stand up to them and hold them accountable to their words and commitments, versus men who allow women to jerk them around and treat them like a doormat. Being authentic and real means you are also willing to hurt someone’s feelings that you love because even though the truth is a nasty pill to swallow, brutal honesty is the hallmark of an honest and trustworthy person. Women don’t trust men who are too nice, because they can’t trust them to be real and honest.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne