Failure To Vet Women Properly Leads To Heartbreak
The importance of vetting women properly to weed out the liars, cheaters and toxic women.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email is from a viewer who has been dating a woman he knew from childhood after his wife of 20 years died. She has an ex she keeps in her life, and he has caught her in multiple lies about him.
The 2nd email is a success story from a guy who dumped a toxic woman who tried to “me too” him with false accusations after he refused to give her another chance. He is now dating a woman he really likes, and it is going well. However, she may have cheated on a long-distance boyfriend with him before dumping the long-distance guy. It’s possible his high interest blinds him to acknowledging this fact. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
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If you want to be in a relationship and you want somebody to be loyal and monogamous, the number one most important thing to us guys in a relationship is we want somebody that’s loyal. And so, when you see disloyal behavior or toxic behavior, you’re constantly catching a woman in lies, she says she won’t do it, and yet she continues to do it, and yet you stay involved with them, then as the old saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” So, in other words, as Maya Angelou said, “When somebody shows you or tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”
And it’s hard when your emotions are involved, because us human beings, we make our purchasing decisions and we make our relationship decisions based on our emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify those, oftentimes overlooking flaws or red flags. And if you ignore those things and you get involved with a woman who has a character flaw, like a lot of the dudes in the red pill community have done, then the way they react to it, typically, is just to blame all women, “Oh, this is all modern women.” But the reality is their vetting process sucks. So, when you spot the character flaws, you’ve got to act upon it, even when it hurts.
Why I go through these kinds of emails is so we can all learn from it. And especially guys that are new to my work, maybe they’re new to 3% Man, you want to be able to use these emails to learn from it. So, if you encounter women that behave this way or exhibit these signs, you can just avoid them and dip out before you get too emotionally invested.
Because, at this point, both of these guys are totally emotionally invested with both of these women. They’re in relationships with them already. And they have obviously questionable character. Most men that get into a relationship with women like this, once they find out about the character flaws, they’re too far down the road and they’re just like, “Oh well, screw it. It’ll to be fine.” And they proceed, and then they end up getting burned later.
You know, the worst case scenario is when I’ve had dudes that have got 4, 5, 7 kids and turns out half the children aren’t even theirs, because they married somebody that just wasn’t loyal. They didn’t vet the girl properly. There were signs there, but they just ignored it. I mean, imagine that, being a father, you think you’ve got five, six kids, seven kids, whatever, and then you find out half of them aren’t even yours. It’s like, how emasculating is that? It’s not something where you’re like, “Alright, yeah. I feel great about my life.”
First Viewer’s Email:
I’m a 36-year-old male. I’m in a 6-month relationship with a woman that I grew up with from childhood. A little back story about myself. My wife died in October of 2021, and we were together for 20 years — true soulmates and one and only.
Well, I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t believe we have only one soulmate or there’s only one true, perfect person for us. That’s just a Disney fantasy that we’ve all been sold from the time we were born. It’s BS, and I’ve just found it to be simply not true. When one door closes, another one opens. There’s always another bus every 15 minutes. We’re spiritual beings having a human experience, and there are just certain people that you are destined to meet and become involved with.
I found your content about 5 months after my wife died, started having good results immediately, and went through about 5–6 women in about 8 months but wasn’t looking for anything serious.
Yeah, I have done countless phone sessions over the years, had countless emails from guys that married their their high school sweetheart, and they were only with 1 or 2 women their whole lives. Like, this guy is 36. Some guys are older, some guys are in their 40s, some guys are in their 50s and their wife dies on them. And you can imagine the last time they dated or were single, they were literally a teenager living with their parents.
Now, they’re in their late 30s, early 40s, or they’re middle aged guys, and now they’re single, and their last dating experience was decades ago. So, obviously they come across a book like mine because the world has changed in the last decades. The methods of communication have changed, and things are a little different than when they first started out.
Then I met my current girlfriend. It was an instant connection for both of us. She moved in with me about 3 months into our relationship because we couldn’t stand too be apart longer than a couple days.
“We” couldn’t stand it, “you” couldn’t stand it or “she” couldn’t stand it? That’s pretty quick. Three months into a relationship and you’re moving in. You should date somebody for a year or two before you move in with them like that.
My problem is she still talks too her ex constantly. I have told her that isn’t okay because he has caused her some serious legal problems in the past.
Obviously she has the same issue, her emotions override her judgment.
And I have no time for any that, as I’m a single father of a 5-year-old daughter.
Yeah, why would you want to bring that crap into your life and potentially jeopardize your child with an idiot? It’s just not worth it. Because if you’re involved with a woman and you’re thinking she’s going to be a stepmother to your little girl, you want to make sure she’s got high character and high integrity, not some chick that belongs to the streets. Because if she’s a liar and a cheater and devious, well, that’s the example she’s going to be setting for your daughter.
She told me from the beginning, 6 months ago, she wouldn’t speak to him, and obviously it’s a lie, as I have caught her in many ways still reaching out to him. What do I do, Corey?
Well, as Maya Angelou said, “When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” So, on multiple occasions, you’ve caught her lying about something that she promised you. The number one most important thing to us guys is loyalty. She said, “I’ll be loyal to only you. I won’t talk to my toxic ex anymore, who calls me all these legal problems.” Did she honor that? Did she keep her word?
That’s that’s the big tell of a person’s true integrity; do they say what they mean and mean what they say? And in this case, multiple times, she has shown you over and over and over that she’ll give you a lie, she won’t honor it. You catch her in another lie, she tells you another lie that it won’t happen again. And then she does it again. So, we have to assume, as Gerald Celente of the Trends Research Institute says, “current events form future trends.” So, if she’s lied from the get about the ex and keeping him out of her life, and yet she keeps him in her life, well, more than likely in the future, she’s going to continue to lie about him.
And all you’re doing by staying with her is enabling her behavior. You gave her six months, she’s still doing it. What she says is different than what she does. You can’t trust somebody like this. You can’t trust that she’s going to be loyal and faithful, especially hanging out with an ex that caused her all of these legal problems. So, I’d be telling her to hit the bricks.
Please give me some advice. I was a true alpha in the beginning but know I may have gotten a little upset lately, as I refuse to allow this, as his messages are very unacceptable.
This is who she is. This is who she was before you even met her. And it’s obvious that she’s not going to change. People don’t change. They may become a better version of who they are, but they don’t change. A liar is a liar. If somebody was raised in survival mode, they’re just going to lie. There’s nothing you can do about it.
And this woman’s an adult. You’ve known her since childhood, so obviously she’s in her 30s as well. You’re not going to fix that. You’re not going to change that. You’re not going to turn her into somebody who’s honest. She was dishonest. This is something her family did to her when they raised her. It’s not your fault. But what you have to do is you have to see reality as it is, instead of projecting your fantasy and ignoring the fact she’s constantly lying to you about this guy.
She has picked him up twice in my car because he doesn’t drive. She swears nothing happened and she only loves and wants me.
Well, it doesn’t matter. She said she wasn’t going to talk to this guy anymore, but yet she went and picked him up on multiple occasions in your car. Which is something she told you she wouldn’t do, but she did it anyways. So, when she says nothing happened, should we believe her? I wouldn’t believe her. She’s lying to you about this guy constantly, so you have to assume everything she tells you about him is a lie. That’s just who she is.
She even suggested having my child because she knows we would make beautiful babies.
Yeah, but do you want to have a child with a woman who is a liar? Of course not.
I’m not opposed to the idea, but that is way too soon.
Obviously. If a woman moves in and wants to be serious with you right away, it’s obvious she’s incredibly insecure. That’s not a balanced human being. And people that are incredibly insecure like this, that are liars, that are cheaters, you can’t trust anything you see. You can give her the benefit of the doubt, but you’ve already done that, and she’s continued to lie to your face. You’re not going to fix her. It’s not your responsibility anyway. You just have to see reality as it is, instead of better than it is.
We have such a amazing sex life, never go more than 2 days without very passionate love making. But I will not be with someone that needs the validation of a complete loser to get through life. And I try very hard to never control someone, because that is unacceptable, but after 6 months, enough is enough.
Exactly. You’re not going to change it. If if you’re going to stay with her, she’s going to continue to have this guy in her life, and she’s going to continue to spend time with him, and she’s going to continue to lie to you about it. And so, you don’t really know what the truth is. You just know that she’s not being honest and she’s incapable of telling the truth. Therefore, if you’re going to stay involved with her, you’re going to have to put up with constant lies and her hanging out with this dude. She ain’t going to change for you, bro. This is who she is.
So if you stay with her, she’s going to continue to lie to you and spend time with this guy. And if I was a betting man, I’d say probably she’s hooking up or sleeping with him. This guy stays in touch with her. Obviously, he’s still hoping to get back in her pants. He’s not deterred in any way that she lives with you and has a boyfriend. He doesn’t even mind driving around in your car, because you’re being a chump. You’re putting up with it. You’re enabling her behavior. You’re teaching her that it’s a totally acceptable way to live. Because her her ex puts up with her lying and you put up with her lying, so why should she change?
The only thing that potentially could change her is her losing enough good dudes like you, that eventually she’ll recognize every time she lies to a good guy like you, the guy finds out and he dips on her. But unfortunately, we’re in a world full of dudes that are extremely thirsty, and we’ll put up with this shit. And they’ll go forward and say, “Oh, well, if I get her pregnant, then she won’t leave me. Then she’ll be stuck with me. Then she’ll have to stay with me.” That’s how most guys are thinking.
And so, let some other chump deal with her. I’d be dipping out. I’d say, pack your shit and go. Order a taxi cab and send her ass on down the road. Let her go. Move in with the ex, because apparently she doesn’t have a car. Neither does this dude. You can’t fix that, dude. You can’t make good wine from bad grapes. It sucks, but you’ve got to see reality as it is.
Second Viewer’s Email:
I’ve been a convert to your teachings for about a year now and have listened to your audiobook about a dozen times now, almost to the point where I can quote it word for word. I also enjoyed your recommendations, particularly David Deida’s chapters on owning your dark side.
He wrote “The Way of the Superior Man,” which every man should read.
It’s transformed my dating life. I’m a recovered beta. I was always the chaser in relationships and often wake up in cold sweats at my former behavior knowing what I know now. I’ve still made many mistakes with my new found skills, and there’s still no substitute for real life experiences to hone your art.
Well, it’s the successes and the successful repetitions that help undo the old programming, the old wiring, your old mindset. And that’s why the book’s not going to help you if you read it 100 times, but don’t actually get out there and apply it. You have to read it, and be applying it, getting successes, getting failures and learning from it. That’s how you get better.
Your assertion that these methods bring out the best and worst in women very fast is so accurate. I’ve seen the full spectrum like never before. For a while, I was embracing the worst, as I’m partial to a bit of crazy.
A lot of guys like that.
But this crazy unfortunately doesn’t remain in the bedroom. I was sleeping with a fiery Latino girl, and she was getting progressively unhinged. She was a walking red flag from the get-go, and I ignored these warnings. After I cut things off, she tried to “me too” me, despite always heavily pursuing me. It was 1,000% lies, and she was exposed for this, but the experience shook me a little and taught me some lessons about these types of women that belong to the streets.
Yeah, you’re not going to fix that. When you recognize a girl’s crazy or nuts or doing ridiculous things, you’ve got to be strong enough to kick her to the curb, just like the first guy. He’s going to have a hard time kicking that woman out, because she lives with him, and it’s not going to be easy. But the chick’s obviously lying to him, and she’s not going to change. She’s not going to start being honest and truthful, and he’s not going to fix that. She promised to get rid of the ex-boyfriend, but yet she doesn’t. And on top of that, she’s taking his car to drive the dude around town, like his own personal taxi service.
But thankfully I’ve now met that type of woman that you said only comes along every 2–3 years. It was a slightly rocky start, as it was the first time in a long time, I really liked someone. Despite sleeping with many women in the past year, the added nerves when it really matters showed. She still said nobody shows bravery to ask her out in real life these days like I did. Instead, all men just act macho on her Instagram.
That’s why if you can take the time, develop your skills, develop your small talk skills and approach and meet women in person, especially these days, you’ll set yourself apart. Because most guys are too weak to ask a woman out in person. They’ll slide into her DMs on Facebook, or Instagram, or Snapchat, or some other social media app, or try to get the number from somebody else. And all it shows is you don’t have any balls.
We’re now together 3 months and it has gone absolutely to your book’s timeline. She’s happily doing about 90% of the pursuing, she makes life easy for me, and has so many healthy life habits. She initiated the relationship talk, said I love you first, and wants my attention 25 hours a day.
Well, there’s 24 hours in a day, so there’s that.
She honestly can’t get enough sex, even sometimes when I’m really tired, but I think back to the days where I almost was begging for sex, forget about my tiredness and give my woman what she deserves from me every time.
Well, a hot beef injection and a happy finish with multiple orgasms for your girl goes a long way towards her wanting to stay with you, even when you might act like an ordinary asshole at times.
Just thought I’d share these short tales about the importance of vetting women and actually having the discipline to filter the sweets from those who belong on the streets.
So, one thing I want to say about this, this email sounds all nice and everything, but in the middle of December, because today is March 9th, I got an email from this guy in December 14th, and he was talking about a girl that he had met in a coffee shop. But when he asked her out, she said, “Ask me again soon.” And he later found out she was in a long distance relationship with some other guy.
And in his email, he was in there, I guess, a few weeks after this had happened, and she brought up, “Hey, aren’t you going to ask me out again?” And he was teasing with her and being playful. He gave her his phone and she put her number in. And then they went out, and I think it was on the second date, if I’m not mistaken, they ended up sleeping together. And then he says that she was actually still involved in a long distance relationship, and that’s why she said to ask later.
So, from his email and maybe it’s off, but it looked like she started dating and sleeping with him, even though the guy who was long distance still thought that he was her boyfriend. So, it’s quite possible this guy is making another massive blunder by being in a relationship with a girl that came from cheating. And the stats are, 95% of the relationships that come from cheating end in cheating. Why? Because it’s character, and character is destiny.
If you’re with a liar and a cheater, if you get involved with somebody who’s lying and cheating on their long distance boyfriend, and then when things look good with you, then they finally get rid of the other guy, well, guess what she’s going to do to you when you’re slacking and she’s not happy with you. She’ll start a relationship with some other guy behind your back, start dating and sleeping with him. And when things look good with the new guy, and if you keep messing things up, then she’ll dump you. And then one day or the next, you’ll find out she’s already in a relationship with somebody else. And that’s typically what an incredibly insecure, dishonest, and disloyal woman is going to do.
So, this guy sent this email in, saying it’s a success story, but I got his other email, unless it’s a completely different girl. But it sure sounded like he this was the same girl he’s talking about. In this second email, he doesn’t mention anything about the fact that she had a long distance boyfriend. And so, when I look at the first email he sent, plus this one, it looks like this girl was cheating on her long distance boyfriend with this guy. And when things looked good, then she dumped him.
But she also told him initially, “ask me again soon.” You can look at that and say, well, she was thinking about breaking up with him. But in the previous email, he says she was still with this other long distance boyfriend. So, it looks like she was cheating on her long distance boyfriend with this guy. And so, even though the second guy is like, “Hey, it’s a great success story. I met a girl, the type you only meet every few years.” Because of his high interest, it could be that he’s just glossing right over the fact that his new relationship with his new love of his, he’s in a relationship with a woman who’s a liar and a cheater.
It’s their lives. They can do what they want. But if it was me, again, because I’ve been doing this a long time, done tens of thousands of phone sessions and tens of thousands, I don’t know how many emails I’ve gotten over the last 20 years I’ve been doing this, and you see the same patterns over and over and over and over again. And so, there’s a 95% chance that relationships that come from cheating end in cheating.
And in this case, if it is true that this woman was cheating on her boyfriend, then six months, a year or two down the road when he slacks off, he gets lazy, he gets complacent, she’ll just be giving out her number and talking to other guys. And when things look good with the new guy, she’ll dump him and then, boom, days later, she’ll be in a relationship with somebody new. If you’re okay with that, hey, go ahead. It’s your life. You do what you want. I personally would not be involved with either one of these women, especially the second one, if that’s what was really going on. If she was cheating on her long distance boyfriend with him.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.