Failed Kiss Test: She’s Very Affectionate, But Won’t Kiss Me. Why?
What you can do if a girl you are dating is affectionate, holds hands, sits in your lap, but won’t kiss you.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for a while but still hasn’t read 3% Man. He started spending time with a woman who shows signs that she really likes him, but every time he tries to kiss her he gets the cheek and she says she only wants to be friends.
He declines her friendship offer, tells her to contact him if she changes her mind, and a few days later she contacts him and the process starts all over again, ending with another kiss on the cheek. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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So this is an interesting story. This guy met this girl, I guess he likes to gamble a lot. He posts a lot of things on social media about his gambling, and this really beautiful model quality woman slid into his DM’s, wanted to learn about gambling from him, and so he invited her to hang out and she’s been showing a lot of signs that she’s attracted and interested, touching him, playing with her hair, holding his hand, sitting in his lap, but every time he’s gone for the kiss, she always turns her head and gives a cheek and says she just wants to be friends, but yet she’s still affectionate. So he says, “Hey, I’m not interested in friendship. Call me if you change your mind.”
Well, two or three days go by, they get together and they hang out. She’s all affectionate. He goes for the kiss. He gets the cheek again, and he says, “Don’t call me unless you’re interested in romance.” This has happened two or three times now.
So he’s like, “What do I do?” Because she’s giving away signs that she’s physically interested, but she keeps turning the cheek. Obviously, if you read 3% Man, a woman that’s turning the cheek and doing what she’s doing is obviously structured. Quite frankly, I personally would not be interested in dating somebody like this, but she’s obviously showing a lot of signs.
As I talk about the structured girl, you never do any pursuing with her. If she’s turning the cheek, in this case, she’s done it multiple occasions, you don’t ever call or text this girl for any reason. She’s going to do 100% of the pursuing, because especially when you’ve told her you’re, “Not interested in friendship. Call me if you change your mind,” and then she calls you, that’s why you don’t call her, because if you say, “Hey, I’m not interested in friendship, I don’t want to hear from you unless you’re interested in romance,” and then a few days later you call her, you’re basically acquiescing to agreeing to be in the friend zone with her. So that’s why you don’t do it, but if the structure girl calls you, you go out.
In this case, she’s turning the cheek. He’s like, what do you do? Because she keeps calling him. She keeps pursuing him. She keeps wanting to get together, and the signs are there that there’s physical attraction, but again, he always gets the cheek.
First, I just wanna say thank you for your time. Thank you for everything you’re doing. You are a bad ass. My biggest regret is not taking you seriously a long time ago…
Join the club. There’s a lot of people that have that attitude.
…But now I woke up, ordered your book and I’m gonna take you serious cause I’m tired of this bullshit. I’m tired of wasting time, not knowing your material, I’ve been watching your videos now and it makes me regret even more, but it’s never too late.
You’re right. It’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be.
There’s a beautiful model and actress that reached out to me on my social media for advice on how to win on slots. I’m a gambler and post all my wins. So I wrote her and told her how I win, etc., and asked, “If you like, I’ll go show you if you’re at the casino,” which she was at, and send me her contact. I texted her and she agreed to meet up, so I went and texted her, “Where are you?” She texted back, “I’m eating with family.” I said, “Okay, text me when you’re done. I’ll be playing.” No text or anything. I left after 45 minutes.
Yeah, so this girl’s rude.
I didn’t text her back or anything.
Next day she asked me why didn’t I look for her and expecting me to look for her. I said, “I don’t look for cats,” but that wasn’t right and I said, “You’re just a cat fish.”
I mean, she says she contacts you, wants to meet you, and then just never does? That’s rude. You don’t reward rude behavior with more of your attention, which is the mistake that this guy has been doing.
She said, “No, I was so shy,” and something else, I forgot her excuse. She asked me to come again and she will buy me a drink and give me half her winnings on slots. I said, “Call me at 9 p.m. If I’m close by, I’ll stop by.” She said “okay,” and even send me a picture of her in the casino.
So she called, I showed up, met her and the parents, then went straight to bar. She bought my drink and talked for a bit and I asked all the questions. Then I wasn’t really feeling her or anything so I said, “Enough talk. Let’s go play.”
That’s the other thing. Conversation’s not really flowing. She told you she was going to meet up with you and then didn’t. Yet he’s still engaging. Me personally, I don’t continue to engage with somebody when they behave that way, because you want to create the conditions where a woman can follow through on her plans or she can flake out and disappear from your life forever. Because when you have that kind of an attitude, if a woman says, “I’m going to call you. I’m going to do this. I’m going to do that,” and she doesn’t, well obviously she didn’t really mean what she says.
If she tells you how much she likes you, how interesting and fascinating you are and all this other crap, but yet she never follows through on what she says, she obviously didn’t mean what she said. She was just being nice. We’re not looking for a girl that’s just trying to be nice and blow sunshine up our ass. We want a girl that really likes us so we can bump uglies.
So we did play, won a couple hundred and noticed she keep bumping into me and laughing, looking at me all the time, so I said, “Let’s go chill in my car.” So we did. We went to the car, listened to music, I was holding her hand.
So it tells me you’re touching her before she’s ready to be touched. Granted, she’s bumping into you, but what happened when you got into her car? I would have not held her hand unless she touched me first.
I went for the kiss, but she gave me the cheek. After, we listened to music, I kept asking her questions, talking, she was there for like three hours and I said, “Well I got a run.” We walk to the back and that was it for the first day we met.
She called me two or three days later asking me if I was going back to the casino, I said, “No, I’m going to the mountains,” and she said, “Well, I want to go with more money,” and I said, “Send me your address. I’ll go pick you up.” She did. I picked her up, went to casino nearby and she asked me to put on a song that I think she’ll like. I put one, grabbed her hand…
Again, he’s touching her first. Remember, this dude hasn’t read the book. So he’s trying to convert a girl that’s got obviously low interest, but what it really seems like is she’s interested because women know how to manipulate men, especially the beautiful ones, and she can dangle just enough of touching him and bumping into him where he thinks, “I got a chance,” and it keeps him engaged. This is why you got to look at what a woman does, not what she says.
…And just started holding her the whole way again. I had a good time, but every time I try to kiss her, she’ll move away, but she’ll sit on my lap and hold me. We won big that night, but that’s when I started feeling things for her.
So again, I took her home. She gave me the cheek and I said, “Why are you turning your head now? Are you dating someone else?” She said, “No, we’re just friends,” and I said, “Well I’m not looking for friends and I would love to get to know you,” so I just said, “Call me if you want to see me,” and I said, “If not, don’t call me,” and she said, “Why? Are you gonna block me now?” And she just left mad.
Yeah, you’re roughing up your ego. Again, remember the reason why she slid into his DM’s is she just wanted to learn how to gamble, but there is some evidence that there’s physical attraction. Him driving to her house and picking her up, he’s doing things he shouldn’t be doing based on her level of effort.
If she says, “Oh, I want to meet you,” like, “Hey, I’m here.” “Oh, I don’t have a car.” It’s like, “Well, take a cab. Take an Uber. I’m busy gambling.”
Then she called me. She said she made an excuse and she wants to go back to the casino and I told her, “I’m busy,” so I left to the casino by myself and I guess she saw it and then she texted me a sad face that she’s up, and “I want to go with you. Pick me up the next day.” I didn’t respond and then she called me again and asked me to pick her up at 10 p.m. at her place. So I went at 10 p.m., and she made me wait a whole hour.
So he gets there at 10 when he’s supposed to, and she’s not ready. Women do this a lot, but just lots of little signs of disrespect, and he’s still trying to be Mr. White Knight chauffeur, “Let me drive you all around town,” like her butler.
If she’d have made out with you the first time you tried to kiss her, of course you go pick her up, but when she’s talking about friends, friend-zone, trying to friend-zone you and treating you this way, absolutely I would not be going to pick her up. Again, this guy hasn’t read the book, so he’s kind of clueless.
She said that she was on a conference call and I didn’t believe it, but it turned me off so bad that I felt disrespected, but we still went. I kept my distance and she kept asking me, “What’s going on?” I said, “Nothing. I just felt disrespected you made me wait,” but she said, “Just put the song on,” and she was holding me the whole time.
But she still turned her head and he got the cheek.
So we were hugging, kissing and drinking, and then I took her home. She gave me the cheek again. I said, “You know what? I’m done. I don’t want to be your friend, but I would love to see you and date romantically,” but now she blocked me, mad, left and said, “I thought you were going to help me win big.” So she just confused me because she gave me good signs, but I think I should just let her go.
What do you think I should do now? Is she just a waste of time? Because I was starting to like her, but now I feel like a waste of time. I’m reading your book and see what I did wrong. Just wanted to share this.
Well like I said, you’re making an effort when she’s consistently telling you that she’s only interested in friendship.
When a girl tells you she’s interested in friendship, you’ve gotten the cheek multiple times, you don’t keep driving to her house and picking her up because what happens? She’s disrespects you. She knows what time you’re coming over, and then she makes you wait for a whole hour? That’s just rude, but you’re inviting it because you’re basically volunteering to be a doormat for her.
In this case, if she does reach out in the future, because right now it seems like he’s blocked, but if she reaches out in the future, I’d take my time to return her message and she’s like, “Oh, I want to gamble with you.” It’s like, “The only way I’m going to gamble with you is if you come to meet me where I’m at. When you come and you see me, you madly kiss me passionately. If you’re not willing to kiss me passionately, I’m not gambling with you. If you come and you give me the cheek or you just give me a hug,” I’m going to say, “I’m not interested,” and I’m going to tell you to leave.
I wouldn’t go pick her up if she says, “Oh, come pick me up.” Like, “No, I’ve picked you up a bunch of times and you make me wait around an hour. You don’t respect me or my time. So if you really want one more chance, I will give you a chance. If you’re not interested in coming to the casino and kissing me and making out passionately with me when you first get there, then I don’t ever want to hear from you again. You’re just wasting my time.”
“I’ve showed you how to do well at the slots. You’re on your own. At this point, if you want to see me, I’d love to see you and I’d love to kiss you, but if you’re not down for that, then you need to move on and find somebody else to entertain you.” That’s how I would handle it.
Me personally, I would not be involved with this girl. If she does call you or contact you in the future, which probably more than likely she will, but again, she’s going to try to get you to cave. So don’t go pick her up. Don’t meet her out. If she wants to meet up with you where you’re at, say “You can come play the slots with me on one condition, and that’s you jumping into my arms and you kiss me passionately on the lips. If you’re not down for that, then you should delete my number and let’s never speak again.” Pretty simple.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.