Dating: When To Use The Takeaway or Reschedule
How to know when you should use the takeaway or reschedule dates when women try to cancel or change plans.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has read my first book, How To Be A 3% Man, five times. He made a definite date with a girl from his yoga class. However, she later then told him she couldn’t make the date as planned and asked to reschedule.
He rescheduled the date and she texted him her address to pick her up, but now he is second-guessing himself thinking he should have used the takeaway strategy and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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Viewer’s Email:
Hey Coach,
First, thank you for what you’ve brought to my life. I am currently reading the book for the 5th time and plan to read it 10–15 times like you suggested.
Obviously he’s tallking about, “How To Be A 3% Man,” and it’s free to read at UnderstandingRelationships.com, along with “Mastering Yourself,” a book of self-reliance. And my latest and greatest, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” is available everywhere. Everybody keeps telling me that “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations” ties together the concepts of both books really well, and that’s why they like it so much and why the reviews are so good. I appreciate all the good reviews, by the way. But if you’re unsure, you can read that for free in the members area as well.
So, I was able to get a definite date with a girl I met at yoga class for Saturday. However, she texted me on Friday…
Well, the important thing is she texted you the day ahead of time. Now, if she’s texting you like an hour before, that’s not a good sign. But the fact is she did it a day ahead of time, that shows that she’s being respectful of your time, and she’s not acting like a ratchet, which is a good sign.
…to say she had plans with her friend who had a babysitter for Friday night, and she tries to be flexible with her, so she moved their plans to Saturday.
Sometimes women will do that, because here’s what happens. Most guys, when a woman changes plans like that, they get upset and pissed off and perturbed. And so, it could also be that she’s just trying to see if you’re going to get perturbed or upset, or just be like, “Oh, hey, no problem. We’ll reschedule.” Because maybe that’s totally legit. Maybe the babysitter was only available on Saturday and she really wanted to see her girlfriend.
And besides, she doesn’t really know you. You’re brand new in her life. So, she has more time in with the friend, so it’s understandable. Now granted, if it was Brad Pitt or maybe Justin Bieber, it might be a little different. But you’re no Brad Pitt or Justin Bieber, and neither am I. We’re just regular dudes.
With that being said, she asked if we could reschedule our date?
So, this is right out of the book. She asked to reschedule. She brought it up. That’s the important thing. So, if she’s bringing up rescheduling, we should assume she wants to see you.
Part of me wanted to use the takeaway approach.
The takeaway approach in this, what he’s talking about, is that if a woman says, “Oh, hey, let’s do this instead,” or “Hey, can we meet at eight o’clock?” Or, “Hey, I’ve got to cut the evening short because I’ve got to meet so and so later,” and it’s a last minute thing. Or maybe the day of, if she had texted him a couple of hours before saying, “Hey, can we meet later? Can we only go for coffee, because I’ve got to meet my girlfriend?”
So, in other words, when you get to vibe it just sounds like you’re a low priority, and she doesn’t really care one way or another to go out with you, that’s when you go, “Well, it just sounds like your schedule’s kind of tight. Why don’t we just do it some other time when your schedule is more flexible.” The key is “some other time” without bringing up another another time.
What you’re doing is you’re giving her an out. You’re making it easy for her to cancel the date. Why? Because you don’t want to spend your money or your time with a girl that’s not into you. And so, if she’s looking for a way to just get out of the date and hope you figure it out and go away, you’re going to make it easy for her. Because again, you want somebody that’s like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you! Hell yeah, I’d love to see you!”
So, in this particular case? This girl texted him a day before the date and brought up rescheduling. So that’s a good sign. And so, he made the right decision, even though he’s doubting himself.
So he says “part of me wanted to use a takeaway approach.” It’s understandable, because he probably really likes this girl and maybe he is a little perturbed inside. He’s like, “She’d rather go hang out with her girlfriend than me on Saturday? Are you kidding me?” But the key is not to be perturbed. It’s like, you could take it or leave it. She did the right things.
Instead, I responded with, “What day are you free? I am thinking Sunday at 7:30pm.” She responded with, “Sunday works!” So, I set the date by having her text me her address so I could pick her up, like a gentlemen is supposed to.
So, here’s the other thing to keep in mind. He got her address, versus just some chick he met online that he talked to for five minutes. This is why he’s going to her house, because they know each other from yoga class. He’s not some strange dude. She’s probably seen him a few times, they’ve probably talked for a while, and so they have rapport.
Depending on your level of rapport, it’s going to determine whether you go pick them up or you meet them out. And the fact that she gave him the address shows she has a high level of comfort. So good for him for the fact that he made her feel safe and comfortable enough for her to give out her address and have him come pick her up.
My question is, did I err in not using the takeaway approach? Would love to get your insight.
Bob
Dude, you did exactly the right thing, so good job. It was textbook. Like I said, you did the right thing. She brought it up a day ahead of time on Friday. She was excited to reschedule, she brought up rescheduling. She gave you her address, so it’s like a check, check, check. Based on this data, it looks like you’re going to have a good date on Sunday at 7:30 p.m.
Hopefully, he’ll write back and tell us how the date went. Hopefully, she kept it. But still, something could go sideways here. But the point being is that based on all of the evidence that we have, because we can only go off of the evidence we have, she seems to be really into him, and the takeaway approach does not apply in this particular situation.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
“People who really care about you and want to see you will make definite plans to get together. If something comes up and they can’t make those plans, they will bring up rescheduling when they have to cancel. People with low to no interest will simply cancel the plans without any mention of rescheduling. Sometimes when a woman is unsure of a guy she has a date with, she will try to change the plans last minute just to see how he handles it. If you get the vibe someone isn’t that into you or may be trying to jerk you around, offer to get together some other time without any mention of rescheduling. If they really are interested, they will keep the plans or bring up rescheduling. If they aren’t interested, they will simply accept doing it some other time without bringing up rescheduling. Either way, you will know where you stand.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
