Creating The Conditions To Attract The Perfect Girl For You

Coach Corey Wayne
20 min readJun 14, 2024

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Photo by iStock/Milan Markovic

How to create the conditions in your life to attract the perfect girl for you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 27 year old viewer who has read 3% Man, 20 times. He originally discovered my work after a bad breakup. Since then, he’s had a lot of success with women doing cold approaches instead of the dating apps. However, despite his success he hasn’t met anyone who really knocks his socks off and who he’d want to have a family with. He’s worried seeing his friends getting married and starting families that he will be left behind. He doesn’t want to wait forever and wants to know what he can do to find the right girl to have a family with. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

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Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “Creating The Conditions To Attract The Perfect Girl For You.”

Well, this particular email from a guy, he’s 27 years old and he’s read 3% Man 20 times. And like a lot of you, he discovered my work after a bad breakup, things went sideways. And so, for the period that he’s been following me, he’s been very successful. He’s had a lot of women he’s met. He’s dated. He has choice. He has options. The only problem is, is that he hasn’t found somebody that really knocks his socks off, and he feels he really clicks with. He’s 27. He sees his friends getting married, settling down, having kids, starting families, the whole nine yards.

So at 27 years old, he’s like, “oh, it’s over for me. I’m getting too old, it’s too late.” Which is just kind of silly because he’s so young. I didn’t even understand this stuff back when I was this guy’s age, and he has the benefit of knowing my work at 27. It’s like, shit, man. When I was his age, I was still wrestling with the fact if I should or shouldn’t be married to my first wife. Somebody that was a great girl. She was a great wife. I loved her, but, I didn’t want to be married. I was just not in a place. I was just going along with things.

And so, that’s what I was wrestling with when I was this particular guy’s age. And here, his problem is, is that he’s meeting and dating and hooking up with plenty of girls. He just hasn’t found the right one for him yet. So it’s a good email to go through. Because I talk about this in The Book. It’s like anything in self-help. First thing is you got to know what you want, and then you got to know why do you want it? And number three, you got to have emotionally compelling reasons why you want what it is.

And as I also talk about in 3% Man, you have to become what you want to attract. And so, if you want to become what you want to attract, like in this case, he wants to date a more family oriented type of girl. And first thing right off the bat that you should be looking for is a woman who has a good relationship with her dad, and dad did a good job. If dad did a good job, she tends to be calm. She tend to feel safe when she was growing up and she’s going to typically be easygoing, easy to get along with because dad provided a safe, stable, calm, peaceful environment for her to grow up in.

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The more chaos there was, the more dad provided a chaotic environment. The woman is going to be used to chaos and drama and that kind of environment. And so, that’s what she’s going to be used to. That’s what’s going to be normal for her, and that’s what she’s going to bring into your life. And so, the most important thing that a guy’s got to consider, like in this case, he wants a family oriented girl. But you’ve got to get to a place where you feel complete and happy and whole by yourself, where you really love being alone, you love spending your time alone.

You love hanging out by yourself, and you get to a place where your life is fun and fulfilling. And it’s full of the kind of like minded people who share similar goals and values that you do. Like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. So if you’re family oriented and you want a loyal girl, you probably shouldn’t be hanging out with friends or associating with people that are lying, that are cheating, that are screwing around on their significant others.

Or dating girls that are cheating on their boyfriends or cheating on their husbands, or girls that have one guy thinking he’s in a relationship with her while she’s basically like the 7-Eleven. She’s open 24/7 to any and all potential customers. You got to look at the value system and the character of the people that you’re hanging out with. Because if you’re tolerating disloyal people or people that aren’t family oriented, you want to be a family oriented guy.

The vibe that you’re putting out in the universe is that’s who you really are. And if you’re trying to attract somebody that’s family oriented and grew up in a good environment and has a good dad, that did a good job, and she really loves and respects and admires her father and respects his authority, then she’s just not going to vibe with people who are disloyal. Or who aren’t family oriented, or people that lie, or the people that don’t care, or keep their word or just people of low character.

So it’s super important that you get your life in order first. You know what your goals and your values are. And you make sure the people that you spend your time with, and that are in your inner circle also share the same goals and values, because you’re going to attract how you act. If you’re hanging out with low character people, you’re going to attract low character women. If you’re hanging out with high character people, you’ll attract high character women.

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And so, you might have some housekeeping you have to do in your life. You might have some friends, or you might have some people in your life or maybe girls that you know or people that you’re associating with that just don’t share the same goals and values. And so, it’s part of being super crystal clear about what it is that you want and having some standards. Because whatever you tolerate in your life, you’re going to invite more of. So with that in mind, let’s go through his email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Coach,

I hope you’re doing well! My name is Bob and I’m 27 years old. I am a huge fan of your work, and I have read your book 20 times. I make it a point to revisit it at least twice a year to keep the concepts fresh and ensure I’ve mastered the fundamentals.

I discovered your work when I was going through a very challenging period of my life. I experienced a career-ending injury to my spinal cord as a Track and Field athlete. At the same time, the love of my life told me that “She couldn’t be with me when she was in love with someone else”, that other person being her ex.

Well, obviously, if at the time that girl is the love of your life, in other words, you’re totally in love with her. And again, this is prior to him coming to my work, but she’s in love with some other dude, and you didn’t notice that you couldn’t see that, it’s you have to understand how attraction works.

And especially if you’re in love with somebody that’s in love with somebody else and you didn’t know, you couldn’t tell. That’s not a good situation. That’s why it’s important; you got to understand how attraction works, what attracts a woman to a man, what causes a woman to choose one guy over another.

After 6 weeks of begging.

Never a good idea.

I discovered your work and went no contact. When things eventually didn’t work out with her ex again, she came back a couple months later. By that time, it was too late, and I didn’t feel the same way about her as I had before.

Well, as I often say, it’s you’ll either attract the ex back or you’ll attract somebody better. And being with a woman who’s in love with somebody else. That’s not a good situation. And then she leaves you for this other guy who had already didn’t work out with. And then she wants to come back to you. It’s not a good situation.

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But if he was soft and squishy and not manly enough, not masculine enough, didn’t stand up for himself, his goals, his values, his ideals. Well then the conditions are there where the low character person comes back. But obviously, since he had grown so much when she tried to come back, they no longer vibed. He wasn’t in the same place, he had grown. He was better and he wanted something better. And so, he booted her out.

Since then, I’ve experienced remarkable success in dating. I prefer meeting women through cold approaches and at various events rather than through dating apps. Despite numerous dates and relationship offers, I haven’t found someone who truly resonates with me, which brings me to the main reason for my email.

I’m genuinely looking to get married and start a family, but despite my efforts, I haven’t found a connection similar to what I felt with my ex.

Well, rejection breeds obsession and you were way more into that girl than she was, and you didn’t notice it. And the fact that she didn’t want you made you want her even more. And so, more than likely, I would say you’d have to look at your own childhood. Typically us guys, when we chase after somebody that’s not reciprocating, it’s because we didn’t get enough strokes from mom and dad. Mom and dad didn’t say, “I love you” enough, didn’t say, “I’m proud of you” enough. They didn’t hug us enough.

They didn’t fill our bucket full of self-esteem high enough. And so, what’s happened is the world has poked a bunch of holes in it and drained it dry. And so, we’ll put up with people who clearly aren’t reciprocating the same level of effort, especially when you don’t know how attraction works, when it just feels like everything is just kind of random and chance and luck, if you will. But in reality, it’s women are attracted to certain male strength characteristics. Masculinity; being calm and relaxed, being the mountain, if you will.

Being confident. Well, what is being confident? Confidence is doing what you know how to do, and doing it really well. And repetition comes from the or I should say the repetition is the mother of skill. And so, the more you practice something, especially things you’re not good at, like in this case, meeting, dating, vetting women, you shouldn’t be getting impatient. Because you got to look at the fact that every woman that comes into your life is helping prepare you. It’s helping smooth out your rough edges.

So when you meet somebody that you really do like, you’re going to resist the temptation to pedestal her. And I would say that’s why he hasn’t met this girl yet. He’s probably got more work to do on himself. He needs to get tougher. He needs to get a little stronger. He needs to get a little bit more swagger, get a little more of a cocky kind of attitude towards them. Not an arrogant attitude, but kind of cocky and playful and funny where he doesn’t take himself too seriously.

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Because if you’re dating a lot of mediocre women and then all of a sudden you meet a top tier ten type of woman and you haven’t practiced the stuff that’s in The Book enough. What’s going to happen is you’re going to tend to be extra nice to that girl you really like. You’re going to pedestal her. You’re going to kiss her ass a little bit more. You’re going to be extra nice. You’re going to be less willing to stand up for yourself. You’re going to be less willing to tell her, “No” because you fear losing her.

And then once a woman like that gets a sense that you’re kind of squishy and she can kind of push you around and treat you like a doormat, get you to change your opinions to match hers. She’s going to lose respect and attraction for you. And then as she starts to back away, what most guys do when they really like a girl is, they start to pursue more, they start to call more, they start to text more. They try to force themselves into her life more. And so, you can’t look at it as, “oh, I haven’t met the right person yet.”

That’s just like a guy that’s on a sports team. And like, now we’re in the Stanley Cup playoffs, right? Well, you haven’t won the Stanley Cup yet. Well, the goal is not winning the Stanley Cup. The goal is committing to the process of being the best player that you can be on and off the ice. So when you do play and you commit to the process of being the best player that you can be, when you go into your games, you win game after game after game.

Like one of the things that if you looked at the Bill Belichick, Tom Brady teams when they were always winning. And especially those close games. If you remember, the Super Bowl with Seattle. When it looked like Seattle was marching right down the field and was about to score right at the very end of the game. And it looked like the Patriots were going to lose because the last drive Tom Brady had marched the team down the field, scored a touchdown and took the lead. Well now it looks they’re like literally right on the goal Russell Wilson does a pass that they had, I think he burned Malcolm Butler once in the early part of the season with that same play.

And here they run that play again. And Belichick had spent time with them preparing him for that specific play. And so, instead of a run which would have been the natural thing to do, they decided to opt for the pass. Malcolm Butler read the play. He knew exactly what he was going to do, and he jumped in and stepped right in front of the receiver and intercepted the ball. And that was a difference. And that’s what you see great championship teams doing. It’s like, well did he win the Super Bowl or he just won the one single play? That’s what really happened.

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And so, that game difference, one difference making play, came from the fact that Malcolm Butler, as a player, didn’t commit to winning the Super Bowl. He committed to being the best player that he could be, and studying the tape and getting prepared as best he could. So when he’s in a game and he’s recognizes what patterns the receivers are in, he knew what the play was going to be. Because he prepared ahead of time. Why? Because he committed to the process of being the best football player that he could be.

And that’s why when he was on the field, he was able to recognize the pattern that Russell Wilson and the receiver, I forget the receiver’s name, was running and he jumped in front of it. He knew where the ball was going. He jumped right in front of him and got it. What if he hadn’t prepared? What if he’d been focused on, “Oh, I can’t wait to win the Super Bowl.” But he hadn’t committed to the process of being the best player that he could be. The Seattle Seahawks would have scored a touchdown and they would have lost the Super Bowl. But it’s the preparation met the right opportunity.

And because he was prepared, because he committed to the process, he was ready. And so, you got to look at yourself at 27 years old, you’re a fucking baby. I mean, I didn’t know the stuff that, you know, now at your age. So you’re way ahead of where I was at your age. And you have the benefit of all my life experience, and the 20 years of having done this and done thousands and thousands of phone sessions with men and women from all over the world, in every country, in every spiritual and religious and cultural background.

And so, you have to commit to the process. So that’s why I say read The Book 10 to 15 times. Practice it. And so, even though you may be looking at this and going, “oh, all these girls that I mean, they’re great and they’re beautiful, but I don’t really feel like I connect on the deep level that I really want to.” It’s like each of them is preparing you. This is the process you have committed to the process of getting yourself ready for the perfect girl. You know what you want. You’ve got to live your values. You’ve got to live your goals.

And again, like I was saying earlier, you may have some people in your inner circle that maybe you kind of need to keep at a little bit of a longer distance from your inner circle. They don’t really belong in your life because they’re not vibing at the same level, but you’re only going to meet so many girls and be able to practice this stuff so much before, when you least expect it, you’re going to meet that girl that knocks your socks off. And so, the question that happens is like, what happens when you meet that girl that knocks your socks off? Are you going to be smooth as silk when you’re talking to her?

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Or are you become overwhelmed at what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling and totally blow it and talk her out of liking you because you didn’t prepare ahead of time? So even though you may think these women that you’ve met are not that big a deal, this is part of the process. You have committed to the process of becoming a 3% Man, if you will. So when your opportunity comes, like it did for Malcolm Butler and the Super Bowl, you make the right play. You get the interception, you meet the right girl and things flow effortlessly. Because if you’re not prepared, then your opportunity comes. You’ll fuck it up.

So you shouldn’t be looking at this like, “Oh, I haven’t met my person yet.” It’s like you’re getting prepared. Each girl you meet, each approach you do, each date you go on. Each successful seduction that you have, each woman that walks away from her interactions with you with a smile on her face and respecting you and admiring you means you’re getting closer. It means you’re mastering the process. And so, when you meet the right girl. It’s like I talked about in here. You can see my progression where things were sloppy and they were a mess.

And then you had my ex girlfriend that had the daughter and how that was like, such a mess. But about a year and a half in, I finally got things right. I learned to master the balance between pursuing too much and not enough, and then my relationship after that. You guys may have seen the videos that I’ve done that are in the Members Area with Katie to where when I met her, things were like, I didn’t have to think about it. I was totally on autopilot by that point, and all the work that I had done prior to that prepared me for it.

So when I met her, it’s like things were easy and they were effortless and the connection was there and I didn’t fuck it up. There was no hard times, there was no difficult times. It was just, it was easy and effortless because I committed to the process. And so, you can’t be getting upset at the time. Because when you get upset at how long things are taking, it’s like, that’s just life, man. Everything you want in life, business, the career.

If you’re starting a business, growing it to where you want it to be, building a house, being able to afford the kind of house you want or the car that you want. I mean, everything takes time. It always takes way longer than you think it’s going to take, and always also takes way more money than you think it’s going to take. So you have to commit, or I should say, in your case, recommit to the process of mastering what’s in The Book. So when the right girl comes along and you have your Super Bowl moment, it’s easy. It’s effortless.

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You’re not full of fear or worry or doubt because you did all the preparation ahead of time like Malcolm Butler did. And you know, after that, that season, Malcolm Butler got a really nice big contract. I think he played for a couple more years for the Patriots and then went on to another team with another nice contract because he committed to the process. He committed to the process of being the best player that he can be, and you have committed to the process of being the best man that you can be.

And so, instead of getting upset that these women aren’t exactly what you want, be grateful. Be excited that they’re in your life. Be glad that they’re there to teach you, to help prepare you. So when your opportunity, your Super Bowl moment comes along, you don’t fuck it up because the pain of fucking one of those up, it’s going to sting for years. Because like I’ve said many times, you get about 1 to 3 of those per decade. That’s it. With women, you really click with 1 to 3 a decade. And so, those are the ones you don’t want to fuck up.

So be glad you haven’t met the right girl yet. Just understand that you got to commit to the process. And when you’re ready, when you’ve become exactly what you want to attract and your inner circle and the people you hang out with have similar goals, similar values, or family oriented. They love being parents. They want to be parents or excited about being parents. It’ll happen. And it’ll be easy, and it’ll be effortless because you did the work ahead of time.

I recall you mentioning in your book that finding a compatible partner could take a decade or more, which makes me wonder if there’s something more I could be doing or if I simply haven’t met the right person yet.

I’m beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me or I’m not trying hard enough. It seems so easy for other people to meet a significant other they really like.

Well, your path is your own path. Don’t compare your journey to somebody else’s journey. Because they’ve got rough edges that they’re trying to smooth over of themselves, and you got your own rough edges that you’re trying to smooth over. So the process is the process. Maybe you meet her this year. Maybe you meet her when you’re 35. Maybe it happens when you’re 32. Maybe it happens when you’re 28. It’s going to happen when it happens. It’s going to happen at exactly the right time.

And 10 to 15 years later, after that does happen, then you’re able to look back at when you actually met her and then all the things that happened prior to you meeting her, you go, “wow, that’s beautiful. It was perfect. My life story, my life path was exactly the way that it needed to be. It was the perfect setup to get me where I needed to be.” Just like Malcolm Butler, to just jump in front of that ball. And take what is yours when the opportunity comes along.

While on my end it hasn’t happened yet.

Photo by iStock/Yelizaveta Tomashevska

Have I just not leveled up enough in my life yet to meet the woman I’m looking for?

I would greatly appreciate any advice or strategies you could share about attracting the ideal woman.

Thanks,

Bob

I’d say probably that’s a little bit of a true statement. Because as I say, God works in mysterious ways. And it’s going to happen when it happens. You getting upset about it not happening is not going to do anything to make it happen quicker. You have to get to a place where you’re calm and you’re super happy, and you love your life. You love being single, you love being alone, you love what you’re doing for fun because that’s when you’re most attractive.

When you’re content, you’re in a peaceful, relaxed place. A woman’s going to come along that’s going to challenge that. And if you’ve done the work, it’ll be easy and effortless. If you haven’t done the work and you’re impatient, you’ll fuck it up and then you’ll be in a lot more pain than you would have been otherwise, if you would have just taken the time to prepare. So that’s what I would do if I were you, my man.

Commit to the process of becoming a 3% Man and absolutely fucking mastering what’s in this Book, to the point where you don’t think about it anymore. You meet a girl. It’s just it’s just butter. And if your interactions are not going that way yet, it just means you got more growing to do. It means you’re not ready yet. So take the time to get ready. Because when that Super Bowl moment comes along, if you done the work, it’ll be easy. And if it’s not, there’s a good chance you’ll fuck it up. Something to think about.

So if you guys haven’t already joined our Members Only Content if you’re watching this video on YouTube in the video description, you can Subscribe to watch our paying Members Only Content on YouTube. You can Subscribe on Spotify if you want to Subscribe on the Website and you pay annually up front, you get a 25% discount. And so, I’m doing six additional paid Video Newsletters per week for the paying members, in addition to the normal five free ones that I do. Plus we’ve got 3% Man Study Group with the Girls.

And Mastering Yourself Study Group with the Girls. Where we literally go page by page in my Books and discuss things, obviously from the girls perspective and my perspective and why I teach what I teach. We’ve got Mastering Yourself, 3% Man. We do it with both those books. Plus we’ve got the Viewer Questions Podcast. We do those film days, we’ve got those uploaded, and sometimes obviously we’ll be doing other special paid Members Only Videos as well. Again, if you’re watching this on YouTube, in the description right underneath this video or all the links, so you can join on whatever platform you so choose.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.

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Coach Corey Wayne

Life & Peak Performance Coach. I Teach Self-Reliance. Subscribe To My Newsletter To Read My eBooks “3% Man” & “Mastering Yourself” Free: http://bit.ly/CCWeBooks