Being Indifferent & Flipping The Script On Women
Why being indifferent to her liking you or not & flipping the script can increase her interest.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who asks about a specific passage in my book 3% Man. He is getting stuck on 1 sentence and trying to interpret it too literally and acting like a robot when he gets playful pushback from women who are testing him, often because they have low interest. This is another reason why you should read it 10–15 times instead of trying to cherry pick and take shortcuts. My book teaches a mindset and philosophy on handling your interactions with women. It’s not a set of inflexible rules. I discuss how to not be so serious but playful and fun. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “Being Indifferent & Flipping The Script On Women.”
Well, this particular email is a really good email because it just shows the importance of why I say to read The Book 10 to 15 times. And because this particular guy, it’s like, especially when you’re trying to learn things that go against what you feel you should do, especially when you take into account the propaganda, the TV, the movies, and the false archetypes that are presented to us on how men are supposed to act in society and how women are supposed to act. And for us guys, we’re solution oriented. We’re logic thinking. In other words, we’re looking for the shortcut.
We’re looking for the lazy man’s way to make things that are difficult, really easy. And part of the problem with that, though, is especially when it comes to self help and around dealing with your emotions and having or adopting the proper mindset that you need to have in order to create and maintain attraction with women. And so, for a guy, it’s like, what’s the magic pickup line? What is the shortcut? What is the magic set of phrases I’ve got to say that solves all my problems so this can be easy? Because at the end of the day, we’re all seeking a sense of peace.
And a guy that doesn’t have success with women and doesn’t feel comfortable around them is not going to have a sense of peace, even though he desperately wants it. And so, he wants this journey of going from where he is and the lack of success that he has to, where he wants to be, and having the abundance that he wants to have. It’s a difficult journey.
And it’s not something that’s over, like flipping your fingers together and snapping them and everything magically, instantaneously gets better. Things get better in small increments. And so, it’s important, as you read The Book, that you go out and you apply it and you interact with women.
Not that you sit at home and read The Book 15, 20 times and never talk to a single girl, and then you wonder why you never really get any better. You have to practice it. You have to practice what’s in The Book so you get better. So when you, as Zan Perrion says, “when you enter the land of women, you’re welcomed.” They’re glad that you’re there. And you know things that most guys don’t know. And therefore women will share things with you that they don’t share with most men, but men that aren’t able to move freely in the land of women have a really difficult time, and they get angry and they get frustrated, and they just want the difficult journey to be over.
And if you want the difficult journey to be over. You’re too attached to a timeline or things being a certain way, and that’s going to get in the way of you doing what you need to do in order to master the progression so you can get to the place where you’re successful. And so, this particular guy, you can tell he’s kind of got a stick up his ass. He’s not really loose, he’s not fun, he’s not playful, and he’s being really anal retentive and getting stuck on specific sentences because, again, he wants this journey of self-help to be over.
He wants to get to the magic place of mastery without really having to do the hard work. And it’s understandable because us guys are naturally driven that way. But this is a process, and the process is different for everybody depending on where you’re starting out. Some guys, especially guys that are in sales and are used to interacting with other human beings and influencing them to do what they want to do. Guys in sales do really well with my Book, but guys that are going to be socially awkward and don’t interact with other human beings, maybe haven’t worked in any kind of customer service jobs, or waiting tables, or tending bar where you have to interact with a lot of people.
Their social skills are just simply not going to be as developed. And so, their road is going to be a little bit harder and a little bit longer. But at the end of the day, you got to start somewhere. Everybody starts out as a novice. One of the things that my parents did for me that was really great was making me go to work with them when I was in middle school and do customer service practice giving change. Talking to anybody and everybody. People that were happy people. People that were rude. People that were in a good mood.
People that are in a shitty mood. Women that were cute and nice and fun. Women that were kind of cute and nice and bitchy. It’s like, you get to see a good sample pool, if you will, of humanity, and how they are to help you get to the point where you’re just interacting with people naturally. And so, it’s a process. So your process is going to be different than everybody else’s. So you have to give yourself permission to be a beginner, go at your own pace. Maybe takes you 2 or 3 years to get it. Five years, ten years, six months, whatever happens to be. Everybody’s journey is different. So you have to be patient with yourself. So let’s go through his email.
Viewer’s Email:
Hey Corey,
In “How To Be A 3% Man” you mentioned: When a woman tells you:
And this is, he’s quoting this from The Book.
Let me do my girl voice.
“Well, I don’t date guys who are players.
You can ask her straight out: “Who said I wanted to date you?”
And you want to kind of deliver that in kind of a deadpan. If you ever saw the old movies with like Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, especially “Charade.” Where he delivers things with a straight face and she often looks at him like, “Is he being serious or is he fucking with me?” And he notices that she can’t figure it out and he lets her kind of twist in the wind a little bit for a few seconds, and then when he notices that she’s struggling with it, or maybe what he said kind of hurt her feelings a little bit.
Then he releases the tension and lets her know he was just messing with her. And so, this is an art. This is not something you snap your fingers and you become a master at it. You have to observe other people. And that’s one of the things I did when I was younger, is that I noticed all the popular kids, especially the popular guys. It’s like, what made them so funny? What made all the girls want to hang out with them? What made all the guys want to hang out and go party with them? What made the girls want to sleep with them?
Versus other guys like myself at the time that weren’t having very much success. And just observing how people tell jokes, especially people that are popular and funny. It’s like, you learn the cadence, you learn the spacing in the words, you learn the tonality of how things are delivered. So you have to watch and observe this stuff and see it in other people to become good at it, especially if you’re socially awkward and you never understood it. It’s like I grew up in a family where everybody was kind of cracking jokes and ripping on each other, and people say, “well, you got a great sense of humor.”
It’s like, “well, I grew up with that. And I always had friends that always had a great sense of humor and were always making jokes and cracking on each other.” And when you do that, you learn to not take yourself so seriously. Because there’s always somebody, usually one of your close friends who knows you really well, and they can cut right to the core of the issue and bring you and humble you appropriately when you get a little too full of yourself.
“Who said I wanted to date you?”Or: “When I meet someone who is worth my time, I will be exclusive with her. I haven’t determined whether I want to go out with you or not.” At that point start asking her: “Why should I go out with someone like you? Are you hitting on me? Are you fun?”
The idea is not to memorize these sayings and be a robot and deliver them one after another. Because over the years, I’ve seen guys send excerpts in, in their emails, and they literally copy and paste sentences from The Book into their conversations, and then it doesn’t land well. And they’re wondering why. It’s like you come off like a robot. It doesn’t come off as natural. It sounds like you’re just delivering a line that you don’t really even understand. And so, the whole idea is to be playful and fun and indifferent.
Because you’re looking for somebody who’s easygoing, easy to get along with. And the reality is that sometimes women who like you, they’re going to test you, they’re going to act like they don’t like you, and they’re going to break your balls a little bit. You know, why would they do that? Because masculinity is calm. Masculinity doesn’t get upset. It takes his time. It speaks when it wants to speak. Like I’m speaking now. And if a woman senses that you’re insecure, or you’re a little soft, or your ego is a little fragile, they’re going to say things to see if you lose your shit. Or you get upset, or you get mad or you get angry.
And so, the whole idea is that you should expect these things. And The Book that’s why the reason why I say read it 10 to 15 times. It’s not so you lock in on one specific sentence like this guy does and think that, “okay, once I figure this sentence out, then everything’s going to, you know, fall into place.” It doesn’t work that way. It’s understanding the philosophy, it’s understanding how women operate. Because they’re not going to say exactly the same things all the time to you that I talk about in The Book.
And so, you have to be prepared for things that come out of left field. You have to be prepared at times where women that seemingly are giving you signs and indicators that they’re interested in you, and then they do and say something that makes it look like they really don’t like you at all. And in that moment, you can’t get diminished. She’s probably just fucking with you, but if you get diminished, then she’s going to know you’re a bitch, and then she really is not going to be interested in.
And so, if you don’t understand those subtle nuances of communicating or interacting with women, it’s going to be difficult for you to move in the land of women, as Zan says, and have great results. So it’s a process. And so, it’s trial and error. I mean, I when I was young, I spent countless weekends going out with my friends and hanging out and interacting and hitting on women and talking to women and sometimes going home with them and sometimes failing miserably with them and looking like an ass. And you have to go through that.
That’s kind of the rite of passage of life. You know, all of us start out, we don’t come out of the womb and start walking around and run a marathon races. It takes us a long time to learn how to walk. We wobble and we fall down. And then mom or dad or a family member picks us back up and we start trying again. And eventually we kind of learn to walk. And it’s the same thing with flirting and talking to women. Eventually you get pretty good at it.
You get good at noticing when you kind of went over the line a little bit, and were a little mean, a little harsh and a little insulting, and you kind of hurt her feelings and then you know when to dial it back and use a little humor and let her know that you were just messing with her. And then you relieve the tension and then she’s like, oh, okay. But again, you can’t really learn the nuances of this until you actually do it.
And if you’re a guy that’s socially awkward or doesn’t have much of a social life, I highly recommend you go out and get a part time job waiting tables or tend bars, or some kind of customer service job where you have to interact with a lot of people, and so that can really help you develop your human interaction skills. And so, it continues on.
The whole point to these questions is that she may or may not be interested.
And as a man, you shouldn’t care one way or another if she’s interested. If she’s interested, that’s even better. And if she’s not, whatever, I’m still going to have fun. And I want her to walk away from our experience, even if she didn’t like me thinking, “that guy was pretty cool. He didn’t let me get under his skin.”
Because maybe she comes by later and introduces you to one of her girlfriends who does like you. But if you turn her off and piss her off, or you make her think that you’re a douche, she’s going to think you’re a douche and she’s not going to introduce you to anybody. So the idea is you want to have good interactions because you never know when you’re going to run into the same people.
The lower her attraction level, the more she will test you. Pay attention to her reactions. Don’t be offensive or angry, but show that you could care less whether she likes you or not. Have her try to prove to you why she is worth your time.
Because sometimes you will notice is that some women kind of have an attitude towards you. Like, “why’d you bother me? Why did you come over here?” They’re kind of in a bad mood, and you can’t let that get under your skin. Maybe she’s just having a bad day. But if you’ve decided ahead of time that you’re going to be happy no matter what. And if she’s in a cranky mood, well, this is her lucky day because you came along to brighten her day. Maybe make her laugh. Make her smile, change her attitude, change her state a little bit.
And then if she doesn’t like you, you can walk away and she feels uplifted. You feel uplifted because you went over and you talked to her. And so, if a woman has kind of got the attitude like of, “who are you? Who do you who do you think you are? Why should I like you?” Flip it around on her, say things to her to get her to start justifying; asking her questions. Remember, as I talked about in The Book, whoever’s asking the questions in a conversation is the one who’s running the conversation.
And so, if you find yourself where a woman is kind of backing you in a corner or kind of pressuring you a little bit, or acting kind of bitchy to you or kind of mean or whatever, how can you flip it around and tease her in a playful way that communicates you’re not bothered and you’re not diminished in any way by anything that she says. If you go out with the attitude of, “hey, I’m out to have a good time and laugh and joke around and not take things or life too seriously. Because again, I want to have fun.” Everybody works during the week for the most part, and on the weekends, or your days off or your time off, you want to have a good time. So here’s a sentence he latches on to.
Does the sentence “have her try to prove to you why she is worth your time” apply throughout the whole interaction of meeting a girl, or only during the specific context above. When should you apply this strategy? Since some girls will say “Why should I prove myself to you?”
I’d greatly appreciate the help,
Bob
Well, you always want to have a better, more playful comeback. It’s not that you copy and paste what’s in The Book and use it as a line, and throw it at her and assume that that’s going to fix everything. You have to understand the context of the interaction. If she’s breaking your balls and being difficult, what you’re trying to communicate is you’re not bothered one way or another. Again, you’re looking for a girl who’s easy going, easy to get along with, who’s fun, who’s playful, who gets your sense of humor, who’s happy to interact with you, who’s nice to you.
That’s what’s important, because there are plenty of women in the world that are just insufferable fucking cunts. They’re just miserable and they want anyone and everyone that they interact with to know that they’re in a bad mood that day, and they take it out on everybody. And those are not the girls you’re looking for. Those are the girls that you’re trying to identify, that they’re kind of cranky and bitchy and not fun and pleasant to be around.
So you can quickly move on to somebody else who is sweet, who is nice to you, because life is too hard to be with a chick who is constantly making your life difficult. And so, you shouldn’t look at it as a strategy. It’s a philosophy. So in other words, if you’re getting pushback from a woman and she’s breaking your balls. Smile more. Be more playful. You should take it as something, “Oh, I’m amused by this. This is kind of exciting. Oh, you’re a feisty one.” Or you can turn to her friend, and was like, “is she always like this? It’s like, why are you kind of cranky? Did you have a bad week or something?”
It’s just you’ve got to have that kind of attitude. In other words, you’re making light of her being in a bad mood, not by putting her down, but in a playful way. Like you would talking to a bratty little sister acknowledge that she’s being kind of cranky, or maybe abrasive or, “wow, your girlfriend’s really pleasant as she always this nice?” That’s the attitude you should have. And if she’s like, “oh, peace out!” I was like, “you’ll be back.” “Oh no I won’t.” “You’ll be back.” As she walks away.
You shouldn’t care one way or another if she comes back. And those things are going to happen sometimes you got a girl, “oh, peace out.” And then she’ll walk away. And then five minutes later you’ll be like, “you’re back.” “Well, there was nobody else here I wanted to talk to. But if you upset me, I’m going to walk away again.” It’s like, “well, I’ll see what I can do to piss you off as quickly as possible.” So you want to say things with a straight face. Like I said, a great movie to watch is a movie, “Charade” with Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant. It’s from the 1960’s.
It’s really good, really funny. And the whole movie, he’s kind of a cranky guy a little bit, but he also sometimes will smile. And he’s very charming. He’s very playful. He lets the woman know in a playful way that he’s interested. And as soon as she thinks that he’s interested and she starts moving closer, he kind of acts like he’s not really that interested or makes her question if he’s interested. And she kind of backs off and it’s like, “oh, you hurt my feelings.”
And then when he notices that, he kind of smiles. He’s like, “I’m just messing with you.” And so, that’s the art of what you want to get good at; is that playful banter. It’s like, when a girl’s putting you under pressure. Then again, if you decided ahead of time you’re going to have fun no matter what it’s like, shit’s going to roll off your back like water rolls off a duck’s back. And that’s the way you want to be. Because a woman who’s easygoing, easy to get along with and who’s nice to you is going to stick around and be pleasant.
But a girl who’s a bitch, she’s just going to be a bitch, and she’s going to be cranky. And it’s like, “you know what? I think you should, uh, maybe you guys should go make a few laps around the bar and come back when you’re in a better mood. Walk off your frustration and come back over when you’re ready to be sweet and nice to me.” You should have that kind of attitude. You should be willing to dismiss women that are just not nice.
Not in a dickish way or in a mean way, but just kind of the way I just said it. Because it’s like you could take it or leave it. You’re indifferent. You’re not being a jerk, but you’re letting her know that. Well, it’s like, “is she always as much fun as watching paint dry? Is she always this pleasant? Would you talk to your dad that way? Would you talk to your father that way?” That’s the attitude you should just have. A take it or leave it. You could care less one way or another.
And when you have that kind of an attitude, because how do most guys go out? “Oh, I hope this girl likes me. I hope I can get her, I hope I can get that one.” But if she’s a little feisty, especially if she’s hot and she gets approached a lot, she’s going to probably break your balls a little bit to see what you’re made of. And you shouldn’t let it bother you. Because if she was raised properly, then she’s got a dad who was the same way a dad that messed with her.
But he was her rock and her mountain, and he loved her. And so, she’s expecting that kind of playfulness. She’s looking for it, she’s seeking it out, and most guys just don’t have it. And when you learn it and you become good at it. Then you can move freely in the land of women, and you’ll see things, and you’ll get to experience things that most dudes just simply never get to experience.
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