Avoiding Friend Zone & Last Minute Plan Changes
How to avoid getting put into friend zone, platonic group dates and last minute plan changes.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer whose girlfriend dumped him in June of 2022 and tried to friend zone him. He told her no to friend zone and walked away. She came back and they started dating and sleeping with one another again. However, she constantly is trying to change their plans at the last minute from one-on-one dates between them to spending time with their group of friends.
He’s frustrated that she is making it difficult on purpose to not be alone together. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
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The reality is, as I say all of the time — I believe I mention it in 3% Man — women do not break up with men that they are head over heels in love with. That’s a fact of life. Because women do things based upon their emotions. I mean, all human beings, we make our decisions based upon emotions, especially when it comes to buying something. And then we use logic and reason to justify that decision. The important thing to understand, especially for guys in relationships, is that the only thing that really matters is how she feels about you.
What you’re going to see in this email is that there’s a power dynamic going on back and forth. For whatever reason, his ex-girlfriend got the point where she wasn’t feeling enough strong emotions and desired chemistry for him, but she cares for him and she still wanted him in her life, as most women typically say. She wanted him to be in friend zone, therefore, she could go back to him whenever she wanted if the feelings returned.
Any smart, self-respecting man is going to say, “I’m not interested in going from sex and romance to platonic friendship and blue balls, because you’re just going to move on and find somebody else.” Never try and keep somebody in your life that doesn’t want to keep you in theirs. If she wants to keep you in your life, but no longer have you sleeping in the same bed with her anymore, that’s just not going to fly. And men should refuse that at all costs. Because when you comply with it, you acquiesce to something platonic. You’re her little safety net, her backup plan, her break glass in case of emergency potential boyfriend if it doesn’t work out, with another guy she knows or is talking to, or if she just wants to go find a man who stimulates her emotions more than the ex does.
And so, you can see what’s happening here. I don’t know what happened prior to this, but the bottom line is she got to the point where she wasn’t feeling it. She broke up with him, tried to friendzone him. He correctly said no, thank you. But, as I’ve mentioned many times, even if you say no, women are going to try to get you to cave, because they’re going to test your strength.
On some level, he’s communicated weakness and unattractiveness way too many times. Therefore, by using the group of friends, she’s trying to use the friends as blockers to keep from any kind of seduction happening so she can keep him in friend zone. Women are clever like this. They’re going to try 100 different ways to get you to comply with them, trying to impose beta male behavior on you. And an alpha is just going to say, “No, thank you. You’re great, but I’m not interested in friends or something that’s only platonic. That doesn’t work for me. But I wish you all the best.”
This is a common thing. This happens to a lot of guys. Men that don’t know any better agree to this and go, “Okay, that sounds sensible. Well, then when things get better, when she gets her head together, or works on herself, or whatever it happens to be, then she’ll want to start seeing me again, because she’ll see what a great guy I am that I stuck around.” That’s just not how it works. Men of value, who love and value themselves, will just not stick around when a woman friendzones them. They won’t want to have anything to do with her, because it’s demeaning to them and it’s disrespectful. The reality is, it’s not what they want. You don’t get what you deserve in life, you only get what you negotiate.
Hi Coach Corey,
Hope you are doing well? I have been following your work for a while now and wanted to thank you for all that you teach, as it really does make the difference!
Well, you need to read “3% Man,” 10 to 15 times, because you just got dumped by your girlfriend. And so, you’ve got to fill in your knowledge gap. You can’t just cherry pick things from videos and think you’re going to turn this around. That’s just not how this works. And so, you’re already not following instructions. You can’t half ass this, dude. There’s no shortcuts to success. It’s easy just to go, “Oh, it’s women’s true nature. That’s the way they are. Oh, well, nothing I can do about it. All modern women suck.” But that’s what weak men do. As the late, great Don Shula said, “Strong men blame themselves. Weak men blame others.” Weak men blame women and say it’s all their fault.
On to my question… my ex-girlfriend broke up with me back in June and tried to friend zone me. I did as you advise by turning down the friendship and going no contact.
Nice job. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. And the reason you walk away and you go no contact, it’s not that going contact is a technique or a tool of manipulation. You’re at a negotiating table and she’s saying, “I’m no longer going to give you access to the box, and I expect you to be my platonic friend, my emotional tampon. And whenever I feel lonely or it doesn’t look like Chad Thundercock is going to come around anymore, then I’ll probably get in touch, so you can give me attention and validation.”
And he’s going to say, “That’s not the deal that I’m looking for. That’s not what I signed up for. That’s not how we started this. And I’m certainly not going to go from being your lover to being only your friend.” And if she says, “Well, that’s all I can offer you right now,” you say, “Well, I guess we’re at an impasse. I wish you all the best. I hope you find what you’re looking for. But I don’t want to hear from you unless you’re interested in sex and romance and working things out, because you have unilaterally changed the terms of our relationship. And I’m not interested in those terms that you’re offering, so I’m going to walk away, I’m never going to look back, and you’ll never see me or hear from me again. I wish you all the best. If you change your mind, I’d love to work things out. But if not, we’re through. Goodbye, good luck. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”
Not that you’re going to say all these things, but you get the drift. You’re walking away from the negotiating table, because a deal at the present time is not possible. You walk away and you never look back. If you’ve ever tried to buy a car, if you’re ever trying a negotiation, if you can’t get the terms you want, there’s no chance of a deal. This guy wants sex and romance. She’s saying, no, there’s no chance of a deal at the present time. That’s why you walk away and never look back. When you come back, when you do look back, you’re caving. If you said “I’m out of here forever,” and then you call her, she doesn’t take you seriously. She doesn’t trust your masculine core, because you weren’t congruent with what you told her. You weren’t strong enough to have her disappear from your life forever because she wasn’t willing to give you what you wanted.
As I began to date other women, she came back.
So, this is really interesting what she says…
In her words, she’s “not ready for a relationship right now.”
Well, all that really means is, “I’m not feeling like I want to have a relationship with you right now.” That’s what she’s really communicating. In other words, the feelings are not there.
But she “can’t stand to see me with anybody else.”
Isn’t that interesting? As the late, great Doc Love said, “When kitty cats compete, you win.” She said, “I don’t want you anymore.” And you said, “Well, that’s cool. There’s plenty of other fair maidens in the world. I’m going to go fish somewhere else, thank you very much.” He went and he did that, and it showed her that he’s not sitting around waiting on her. It showed her that he was serious about walking away and never looking back and politely declining her offer of platonic friendship and blue balls.
I focused on hanging out, having fun and hooking up. We’ve now slept together 3 or 4 times.
Well, that’s a man’s job in the courtship, create an opportunity for sex to happen. That’s it. The reality is, that’s what attracts us guys to the fair maidens in the first place is their beauty, and their sex appeal, and their femininity and their charm. We want to beat up their pelvises, plain and simple. But if they’re cool to hang out with, and fun to listen to, fun to be around, that makes it all much better. Then we want to keep hanging out, and having fun, and hooking up. And eventually, she’ll bring up having a relationship with you and want to lock you down. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.
This is the natural way of masculine and feminine energy work. It doesn’t matter what the feminists, or the Marxists, or the Communists, or the socialists, or the social justice warriors, or the elite, or the World Economic Forum, or the rest of these douchebags think. They can’t go against human nature. They can try to rewrite it and reprogram people with propaganda, but it’s not authentic. It doesn’t come from the soul. It doesn’t come from within, like masculine and feminine energy does.
That’s why, despite all of the propaganda, and all the bullshit, all the people on the right, and all the people on the left that follow me, when they act in line with their natural masculine or feminine essence, their sexual polarity, people come together. It happens in lesbian relationships, gay relationships, and obviously heterosexual relationships. There has to be sexual polarity. When you try to make people the same, or too similar, or too equal, there’s no sexual polarity. They view each other and they feel towards one another just platonic friendship. They don’t get sexually excited about one another. That is a fact of life and you can’t change it. That’s just how it is.
My issue is an old problem during the relationship is starting to come back.
The other thing you’ve got to keep in mind, she’s not your girlfriend anymore. She’s just somebody you’re casually hooking up with. And if you’re just casually hooking up and you’re not in a committed relationship, she does not get the pleasure of accompanying you on dates or events with your friends or your family or anybody else. If in essence right now, she’s a friends with benefits, that’s all she gets from you. She hasn’t earned anything else. Therefore, when she wants to do group things, just say, “Hey, we’re just working on us. I want to just spend time with you and I, one-on-one, without any interference with anybody else, and leave our friends out of it.”
You’ve got to politely decline, because what’s happening is she’s trying to see if she can get you to cave and go along with her friendship agenda. Because you told her no to platonic friendship. So, now you’re hanging out and having fun and hooking up, and maybe you’re displaying some of the same weaknesses — probably because you don’t know the material and you’re doing things that are exhibiting unattractive, unmasculine behavior, and it’s turning her off. That’s why she’s trying to now friendzone you using your peer group as cock blockers and clam slammers, so no seduction can happen.
Therefore, she gets you, without you realizing it, to acquiesce to her desire to try to put you back in platonic friend zone. And if she gets you to comply, then she realizes he really was a bitch after all, so he deserves blue balls and friendzone. Women have to know that if they push you too far, you’ll walk and never look back. Well, you walked and never looked back and she came back, but now she’s trying to do it in another indirect way by getting you to agree to platonic friendship dates with your group of friends.
Normal guys would go, “Oh yeah, it seems like a reasonable thing,” but what happens is you go out with the friends, then after you hang out with the friends, she’s like, “Oh, I’m really tired. I just want to go home. I’ve got to get ready for the week. I’ve got to get up early tomorrow. I’ve got to go grocery shopping. I’ve got to clean out my kitty litter box. I’m just so busy. It’s crazy. My schedule is crazy right now.”
“So, I’d love to spend the night with you, but I’m just so tired. It would be great if you’d just take me home.” And what will happen is, every time you do the group thing, that’s what will happen. She’ll always be too tired or have something else to do. That’s why you’re in or you’re out. You either want to do something one-on-one, or you don’t. Group dates are only for women that you’re in a relationship with. That’s a fact of life.
We share the same group of friends and have a group chat on social media. Whenever I make a date with her, she will often try to change the date to include our friends or she will want to be involved with what our friends are doing.
Because she wants to use them as cock blockers. I would just say, “Look, we just started seeing each other again, and the only way you and I are going to be doing group things with our mutual friends is if we’re boyfriend and girlfriend again. And if we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend, we’re just kind of hanging out, having fun and hooking up, we’re just friends with benefits. I’m not going to go show you to the world and say, ‘Oh, this used to be my girlfriend, but now we’re just friends with benefits.’ I don’t want the questions from other people. It’s none of their business.”
“We’re working through things right now, and I’m not going to do group things. I’m just not down with that. If that’s not cool with you, then maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore. I told you, I’m not interested in anything platonic. It’s not going to happen. I’m not that guy.”
I feel it is becoming harder to have one-on-one time, allowing the next opportunity for sex to happen. Do you have any advice?
Yes, absolutely. Never ever agree to do anything group date wise. If she tries to get you to change the plans or the group date things, say “No, absolutely not. I’m not going to do that.” And if she doesn’t like that idea, go there separately. You could always take a date to these group things. See how she likes that. Because, hey, she broke it off. And if she complains, it’s like, “You broke up with me. We’re just hooking up. We’re just friends with benefits. I don’t owe you anything. You don’t owe me anything. I want somebody that’s dying to be with me. I want a woman that wants to be on my arm, that she’s proud to be on my arm, and proud to show me off to all of her friends and family, and wants the world to know that I’m her man and she’s my girl.”
“Because it’s a privilege to be my girl. And you’ve communicated you don’t want to be my girl anymore. Therefore, I want somebody that would never talk to me that way, would never, ever even think about saying something like that to me. So, hey, I don’t owe you anything. I’m not committed to you, you’re not committed to me. I’m looking for a girl that’s going to fall head over heels in love with me and be proud to have me as her man. And until you get to that point, there’s a chance you’re going to lose me to somebody else. Just being honest.”
“Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but you should have thought about that before you unilaterally ended our relationship and just decided that you were not willing to work on us and make things better. So, if you’re upset about any of this, all you’ve got to do is, if you want to blame somebody, just look at the person that you see in the mirror every day, because she’s the one that caused all of this. So, if you’re upset about me dating other women, then you have to do something about that. If we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, we’re not hanging out with groups of our friends.”
Say you do hang out with this group of friends often and then maybe she goes separately from you. Like I said, bring a date. Bring another girl with you that you’re kind of seeing, or maybe bring two or three girls that you know, and hang out with them the whole time. And don’t really pay much attention to the ex-girlfriend, because she did all of this. She drove you away.
You’ve got to think about all of this from a position of leverage and negotiation. What she’s offering you is not what you wanted. Therefore, as a man, you always focus on your outcome. And your outcome is you want a great girl to love being with you, to be proud of being with you, and you’re not going to stop until you find her. Maybe the ex-girlfriend comes to her senses and convinces you to give her another chance at being your girlfriend. Or you find somebody better, hotter, more fun, younger that wants to be with you. Then, you’re like, “Hey, sorry. You lost me to somebody else.”
And then, every time you go out with your mutual group of friends with your new hot girlfriend, the ex will be there, and she’s not going to be feeling so good about that. She’ll learn a lesson. You shouldn’t take people for granted. You shouldn’t be treating people like shit. You shouldn’t try to stick a man in the friend zone, because men won’t tolerate being put in the friend zone. A beta male, a soy boy, they will, but not a man. Certainly not a 3% man. He won’t put up with that shit at all.
By the way, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations — Volume II” is out on audiobook, paperback, hardcover and digital. It’s available everywhere. I appreciate your support and you guys sticking with me all these years. And if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.