How to handle the initial stages of getting your ex back once she starts reaching out to see you again.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email is from a viewer who broke up with his ex of 3 years a few weeks ago. He’s trying to go from broken up to back together in one step, instead of letting her earn him back. She also is seeing another guy and trying to monkey branch from him to this new guy.
The 2nd email is from a guy who got dumped after not really taking the time to learn what my book, 3% Man, teaches. It wasn’t until he got dumped that he got serious about learning it. He’s also focused on locking her down to a commitment again, instead of letting her earn another chance with him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
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You’re going to see, with the first guy, apparently there’s another dude in the picture. And so, this is typically what happens. Guys display so much unattractive behavior, and it turns women off to the point that they’re not feeling the feelings they should be feeling to want to stay with the guy. The feeling is get to the point where it just kind of feels like platonic friendship. They don’t respect the guy, especially when he acts needy, and he’s smothering, and he becomes the woman in the relationship. And women don’t care about what a nice guy you are or what a good dude you are. They only care about how they feel about you. And when the feelings aren’t there that they should have, women instinctively are going to move away from you and want time apart, just because they’re not feeling it anymore.
And so, you’ve got to understand, if you’re in a position where you’re trying to attract an ex back who you may have chased out of your life, in essence, like these both of these guys have, you’ve got to have a mindset change. Like, both of these guys are focused on, how do I get her back? How do I get her to like me? How do I get her to choose me over any other guy she may have started talking to or some dude that’s trying to basically rip her off. And that’s the wrong mindset. The mindset should be, hey, she screwed it up. She wanted this space, therefore she’s got to earn another chance with me, not the other way around. She screwed it up, therefore she has to fix it.
When you’re in this position here, when a woman has asked you for space and pushed you away, you go into no contact, like I talk about in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” because she doesn’t want you there. Because you’ve smothered her so much, to the point that she’s trying to flee from you. And as Thich Nhat Hahn used to say, “you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” And so, what’s happened to both these women is they don’t feel free, they feel smothered. They feel like they were losing themselves in their relationship with these two guys.
And so, what you have to do is, they wanted the break, they wanted the space, they wanted the distance, so you give them all of that distance, and then you completely stop moving forward. And, therefore, since they have to earn another chance with you, they’ve got to fix it. They screwed it up, therefore, 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing has to be initiated by them. And then, when you hear from her, you assume she wants to see you and you make a date.
Now you don’t go to lunches, you don’t go to group dates. You don’t meet for coffee, you don’t go pick her up and take her out to a cafe. The first three dates after you’ve broken up, she must come to your place in the evening to make dinner together. Because when you invite a woman over to make dinner together in the evening, it prevents her from wasting your time if she’s not really sincere and not really feeling like she wants to be with you. Because women know that if they come over to your house in the evening to make dinner together, that sex and romance are on the table. And so, this prevents her from wasting your time, jerking you around, and giving you a really bad case of blue balls.
Because you don’t want to be stuck in limbo, wondering what’s going on. So, if you make a date in the evening to make dinner at your place, and she keeps it and she comes over, it basically means she’s going to have sex with you, as long as you don’t talk her out of it. If she tries to get you to go to lunch, or to meet for coffee, or to do group dates, or meet in a group of people, then what she’s typically trying to do is keep your attention and validation while she explores things with some other guy who is acting more masculine. And that’s why you refuse anything else. For at least three dates in a row, she has to come to your place after the breakup to make dinner together.
And as long as you hang out, and have fun, and hook up all three times, what it shows is she’s submitting to what you want and she’s yielding to you, which is what you want. You want to see that she’s going to go along with your agenda. Because, again, she’s the one supposedly trying to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. And the other thing, if she’s trying to get you to agree to go out for coffee and lunch, she’s trying to get you to agree to platonic things. Because both of these guys have said, “I’m not interested in being friends.” And if you displayed a lot of weakness, what she’s going to do is test that strength, test to see if you really mean it — test to see if you really have the balls to decline spending time with her in a platonic way, unless she wants to come over and make dinner together.
And this, oftentimes, is the difference between getting out of being friend zoned or stuck in blue ball zone and get back to sex and romance, which is where you want to be. Because a woman who’s not interested in sex and romance, when you tell her, “Hey, it’s been a long week. I’m just in the mood to hang at my place. If you don’t want to come over and make dinner together, give me a call in a couple of weeks and maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out for coffee or whatever, then,” if she just says okay and then refuses to make a date and come to your place, then that shows that, at least in that moment in time, she was not feeling it. She wasn’t feeling attracted enough to submit to you, and come over, and make dinner at your place.
And it also communicates that you’re standing up to her, you’re declining. Because with women, when you say no to friendship, what happens is they’re typically going to try multiple different ways to get you to agree to do platonic things. And that’s why a woman who’s trying to friend zone you will not agree to come over and make dinner together, because she thinks you’re weak, she feels you’re weak. And just you standing up to her and saying no oftentimes will either get her to change her mind and agree to come over to dinner, or she’ll decline the offer. And then a few days later, she’ll reach out, and then you try to make plans to make dinner together, and she’ll agree to it, she’ll keep it and she’ll come over. That’s what you want. You want to see that she’ll submit to you and go along with your agenda.
What you’re doing is basically putting yourself back in the driver’s seat. And that’s what she wants. She wants you to be the leader and to have the power in the relationship. Women don’t want the power or control in the relationship. Even when they say they do, they respond better if you’re the man. Because, at the end of the day, they’re the ones that submit to you, including in the bedroom. Having sex with a woman is a submissive act on her part, because she gets penetrated by you. So, it’s super important that you act hyper masculine. It doesn’t mean being a jerk or a dick, but you’re just going to understand that if she’s reaching back out to you after she broke it off that, just like in the book, you should assume she wants to see you and make a date at your place.
And again, this is strictly a special case where you’ve been dumped because you displayed a lot of unattractive behavior. So, as I’m going to go through these two emails here, I’m following the script that’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” because I know a lot of guys are in this situation when they first come to me.
First Viewer’s Email:
I hope you’re doing well. My ex and I were in a 3-year relationship before we broke up. Last March 5th, I was hit with a sudden “Let’s cool off” by my ex. She said that she was not feeling our relationship.
So, what she means by that, it doesn’t matter if you’re a great guy or you’ve been together three years, the important thing to her is the feelings are missing. Or at least they’re not there anymore. Typically, because you pursued too much, you’ve acted too soft, and you abdicated authority in the relationship. You basically made her the man in the relationship. And that causes a woman to become confused, because that’s not the natural place for a woman to be.
She doesn’t want to be the man. She doesn’t want to be in her masculine because it doesn’t feel natural to her. And that’s why she disappears. Because women instinctively know that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If they take space away from you, they’re typically hoping, deep down, that their feelings will come back. And guys make the mistake of trying to pursue when they start to come back or they start to hear from the girl again, and it interrupts her feelings growing on her own.
Again, the mindset at this point is, both of these girls have to earn another chance with these guys, not the other way around. But both of them, their mindset is, “I’ve got to get her back. I’ve got to get her to want to spend time with me. How do I get her to pay attention to me?” And that’s all feminine energy. They’re acting like chicks, so the sexual polarity is reversed, and that’s why the women don’t want to be with them right now.
I asked if there was a problem, and she gave the “it’s not you, it’s me” talk.
And the reality is, what that means, it is you’ve turned her off to the point where she just doesn’t want to be with you. She’s not feeling it. Therefore, she knows that she needs to spend time away from you, so her feelings can potentially return. And that’s why chasing and pursuing is going to do nothing but confirm that she made the right decision. And eventually, if you keep doing it, firmly plant you in friend zone, while she goes and hangs out with Chad Thundercock, who rearranges her insides.
Reaching no resolution, I decided to end the relationship. I said my thanks for the 3 years, and I’ll treasure it. I sent her off to Uber.
So, when she says, let’s cool off, I’d be like, “What do you mean mean by that?” Typically, what she’s saying is “we’re spending too much time together. I feel smothered.” So, when you hear something like that and you’re in a relationship, you’ve got to recognize, it’s like, “Well, just go hang out with your mom, or your friends, or whatever, and call me in a few days. But cool off. I’m not interested in a break, or a breakup, or you going out and dating other dudes to see what else is out there. It’s like, you either want to be with me, or you don’t. You’re either going to make the effort, or you’re not.”
And I’m assuming, he hopefully had a similar conversation with her, and she was adamant. But the most important thing is her feelings are not where they need to be. She doesn’t feel that she wants to be in a relationship with him, because her attraction has dropped so low.
The next day, I deleted her as a friend on Facebook, our pictures and everything that reminds me of her. A few hours after, I noticed I had a message request and it was from her, telling me that she hopes I don’t block her and asking me why I deleted her as a friend. I said I wanted to move on, and I would not tolerate being friends with her, because I want a romantic relationship. I set some ground rules, but she said that she might not be able to do some of them.
Again, she sensed so much weakness from you, she doesn’t trust your masculine core. And that’s why she’s saying that. “I might not be able to keep some of these rules.” In other words, “I’m going to test the boundaries, just like kids do.” I mean, all adults do this to each other. If somebody doesn’t take you seriously or think you’re serious, they’ll test the boundaries to see what they can get away with. Even employees, people that work for you, that you work with are going to try to see what they can get away with. They want to see what you’re made of. It doesn’t mean you turn into an asshole, but just be aware of it.
I was adamant that they’re non-negotiable, so I said my goodbye and I tried to go no contact with her.
So, when you go no contact, that means you’re never going to speak to her again as long as you live, unless she reaches out to you. But, you know, part of this guy’s problem is he’s been displaying weakness and he’s got a rubber spine. And even though he said, “I’m not interested in friendship,” he goes right back to pursuing her, he slips up. And you can’t do that. You can’t tell a woman, “I’m not going to do this,” and then a couple of days later, cave and go back on your word. Because you’re acting like a bitch, simple as that.
And if you act like a bitch, women are going to treat you like a bitch. And that’s the thing that the red pill guys have such a difficult time with. They like to focus on “hypergamy doesn’t care.” But at the end of the day, most of these dudes are acting like bitches. And women don’t respect them, or they’re acting angry, and they don’t feel safe around these guys, and they don’t have a clue.
A few days later, I slipped up and decided to message her.
You shouldn’t have done that, dude. This is the opposite. In other words, you’re displaying more unattractive behavior that got you dumped in the first place. And when you behave this way, you reaffirm to her that she did the right thing by breaking it off. Because, again, you’re acting like a bitch.
We talked on the phone for an hour.
The phone’s for setting dates, dude. You’re doing the opposite of what I teach. You’re trying to get this girl back. You’re doing the opposite. You’re literally chasing her further out of your life when you do this.
We agreed to meet last March 11. The day itself, she flaked on me…
…saying that she had a wax appointment, and decided that we should meet on March 14 instead.
Because she doesn’t respect you. She doesn’t respect and value your time. Because, again, you completely went back on your word. So, how can you possibly think this woman is going to feel safe and comfortable letting you lead her when you don’t even have the balls to be congruent with what you told her a few days before? It’s not going to happen, dude. You cannot do this if you’re trying to get your ex back.
A friend of ours saw her in the evening in some guy’s car, and I know for sure they did some things.
Probably slept with them. You probably drove her right into his arms by reaching out. And so, she blew you off to go hang out with some other guy. Why? Because once again, you acted like a bitch. And that’s why you got dumped, because you acted like a bitch. And I’m not talking about being a tough guy. I’m talking about you didn’t have the balls to stand up for who you are and what you believed in, and you were incongruent.
You said one thing and then you did another. Therefore, she went out with and probably slept with another guy who actually acted like a man. So, I hope you’re proud of yourself. I know it’s harsh, but I’m the only dude that’s going to give you that harsh lesson. Like Jack Daniel’s, it burns on the way down, but after a while, you’re like, I feel irie now.
By March 14, we went to a secluded café.
Again, instead of inviting her over to make dinner together, you’re meeting her out in a cafe. You’re meeting her on her terms, still making her the man in the relationship. And this is you basically begging for her to pay attention to you. This is the opposite of what I teach. So, you’re not going to succeed with this approach, dude.
I asked her what’s going on with her life. She was trying to hold back her tears while saying that she misses me, but she’s confused.
She’s confused because she knows you’re a great guy and she should feel something for you or feel the way she used to, but she’s not. Because, again, you keep acting like a bitch. You keep acting like a little insecure girl, and she wants a man. That’s why she’s out with some other dude, because he was probably acting like a man, and you weren’t. And here you are at a cafe when she’s in some other dude’s car, fooling around with him and who knows what else.
She wants me back in her life but wants to explore.
In other words, “I want you as my backup plan, in case it doesn’t work out with Chad Thundercock.” That’s what she’s really saying.
I said that I support her on what she wants, but just be safe. She was taken aback by what I said and asked me if I don’t love her anymore. I said I still do, but we’re no longer together.
Again, you should not be at a cafe. This is an absolute, complete waste of your time. She should be earning another chance with you, not the other way around. And if she wants to earn another chance with you, that’s why she comes to your house in the evening to make dinner together. But again, you didn’t listen. You didn’t follow instructions. My book’s not going to help you if you do the opposite of it. And the same thing with “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” This guy is doing the opposite of what it teaches. This is why he’s got blue balls and his now ex-girlfriend is hanging out with some other guy.
Again, like I said, if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. It has nothing to do with hypergamy and that red pilled nonsense that most of these idiots are pushing that don’t know their asshole from a hole in the ground when it comes to women.
I once again said my rules, and if she wants me back she must follow them.
You’re not following the rules you’re setting for her, dude. You’re telling her one thing and doing it. You’re at a cafe. You said no to friendship. And what do you do? You go to a cafe, agreeing to do something that a friend would do. She doesn’t respect you and she doesn’t take anything you say seriously. That’s why she jerks you around and changes plans at the last minute, because she knows she can get away with it. She knows you’re too much of a pussy to stand up to her.
For the rest of the night, we flirted and did some risky things. We ended up doing the indoor Olympics. She said that we should meet again on March 25 for my birthday celebration.
Well, if it’s your birthday and she’s broken it off with you, I’d probably be doing things with people who really want you in their life. Not the girl who dumped you and was hanging out with some other dude.
The next day, she messaged me that she had fun last night. I teased her that she might want more and asked her to meet this Sunday. She said she had a dentist appointment and that we should meet this March 25 instead. I for sure won’t contact her anymore until March 25.
You shouldn’t be contacting her at all. She should be coming to you on your terms. It’s like, what’s going on here is you’re cherry picking and you’re not exercising self-control.
I still love her and want her back. Am I doing the right things?
Well, of course not. But you’re able to get away with it because you did take a few days. But again, the problem is you’re constantly giving up all the leverage here. And there’s another guy in the picture.
What should I do more in the future?
Thanks Coach. I hope you could help me in this matter.
You should let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. And if I was you, I’d be exploring things with other women. Because she’s certainly doing this with other men, and having 2 or 3 other women that you like will make you a little cockier. It’ll give you a little bit more swagger and less inclined to jump through your butt to please her. Because again, you’re still making her the man in the relationship.
Follow what “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” says, and stop focusing on locking her down to a commitment. That’s feminine energy. She should be the one trying to lock you down to a commitment. That’s why it would be helpful in your situation if you had some other women in your life. Because she’s got other dudes in her life, and she’s probably sleeping with them, too. And if I was you, I’d be practicing safe sex with her because, you know, she’s been hanging out with another guy.
Second Viewer’s Email:
I’m 26. I’ve read your book, 3% Man, 6 times now, and I’ve watched a lot of your videos. Thank you for your work. I really, really thank you for providing us this content. I’m kind of stuck here, and I need your help.
Our relationship started effortlessly. We never had arguments, she heavily pursued me since the start, she carried the relationship in the beginning.
In other words, “I acted like a man in the beginning, until I got all up in my feelings, and then the power flipped.”
I stumbled upon your work when my girlfriend started losing interest. I had watched a few of your videos then.
He cherry picked and made the mistake of saying, “I don’t need to read this book. This girl is all over me. She’s in love me, just like the videos say.” You got some attainable success, but obviously you couldn’t sustain it.
I was available all the time. I was at her beck and call, had no center, and thus after around 5 months, she was ignoring my calls and texts…
“Because I was acting like a chick.”
…not calling me back and kept cutting dates off.
So, despite that, instead of matching and mirroring the behavior and backing off, he kept the hammer down and kept pursuing. And she ghosted him, she ignored him, she cut dates short. She just didn’t respect this guy at all, just like the last one.
We talked on the phone for maybe 5 minutes a day at that point. I kept making mistakes by over pursuing her and being a woman in the relationship. She dumped me but really, really wanted to stay friends.
No, she just wanted you as a backup in case she didn’t find anybody better. That’s why she wanted you as a friend. Plus, she liked the attention and validation. And most guys are so soft. They’ll go along with that.
We hugged, held hands, made out, and I dropped her home. We made a heart together with our hands when I dropped her home. This was a weird breakup. And this is when I started reading your work a little more seriously.
That’s why you guys know, the really good students, when you try to tell your friends about this book, they’re like, “Oh, I don’t have time for a book. I don’t want to listen to that guy. I’m busy.” But as soon as things go sideways, like this guy, it took him getting dumped and feeling the pain, they’re like, “Oh, I need to read that book now.” Now he’s serious, because now he has an emotionally compelling reason, which is he wants his girl back. Whereas before, he wasn’t willing to do what it takes to keep from losing her. But now, once he’s lost her, he’s in pain, and now he wants to get her back, So, now he’s got motivation.
I’ve read your book twice now. I told her I can’t stay just friends. I didn’t agree with her decision, but I respected it and told her to not contact me unless she wanted to get back together.
So, he went in no contact. Again, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. That means, when you go into no contact, you are at an impasse. What she wants and what you want is not a match. No deal is possible. Therefore, unless you hear from her, you’re never going to speak to each other as long as you live.
After around 14 days, she called me. I was busy then, so I completely forgot to make a definite date.
That’s just sloppy.
I called her the next morning, exchanged a few words and made a definite date. She tried changing the time the day before our date…
Again, if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. If you don’t value your time, nobody else will either. And so, at this point, she doesn’t have respect for him. Again, she broke it off with him, and so that’s why she goes into trying to change plans at the last minute. Just seeing what he’s made of, seeing if he’ll fold like a cheap deck chair.
and told me she should be dropping her brother to his baseball practice. I agreed to meet a little earlier the next day, (I shouldn’t have). She cancelled the date the next day at the last moment…
So, he agrees to change the plans, and what happens? I mean, this is right out of the book. She cancelled altogether. Why? Because he’s still soft.
…but told me she wanted to meet me the next day. I told her I will call her when my meeting will be over, (I couldn’t set a definite time, because these meetings go anywhere from 1 to 4 hours.).
Well, make a definite day and time when you’re both available. It’s pretty simple. Instead of trying to do all of these last minute plans, where you’re basically making maybe dates with her. And when you make a maybe date with a girl who already doesn’t respect you, nine times out of ten, she’s going to blow you off and cancel the last minute, just like she did. Because again, you don’t value your time, and you’re not being direct and decisive with her.
When I called her after the meeting, she cancelled the date, told me she was busy with work.
In other words, “I’d much rather work than see my former ex-boyfriend.” That’s what she’s communicating. She just doesn’t want to see you because, again, she doesn’t respect you. And you’ve taught her to be this way.
I lost my patience and later that night asked her if she was free tomorrow at 11.
You should be saying, “When are you free to get together?” Find days and times she’s definitely free. If she says, “Well, I may have a baseball game” just be like, “No. Tell me a day that you know your schedule is definitely free.” But again, he’s agreeing that these may be dates.
And when you agree to a maybe date with a girl that already doesn’t respect you, she’s going to jerk you around just because she can, because you’re too much of a bitch to stand up to her. It’s harsh, but again, masculinity grows through challenge. And so, I’m challenging both of these guys to step it up, because both of them are brokenhearted and have gotten dumped. And they’ve got plenty of people in their lives blowing sunshine up their ass going, “Oh, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Just tell her how you feel, and that’ll fix everything.”
She told me she wanted to see me, but she was too busy.
In other words, “I don’t really want to see you, because I know I can any time. I know you’ll jump through your butt at a moment’s notice.”
I told her, “No, let’s forget about it. Let’s not meet. I don’t want to force you to meet me.”
I wouldn’t have phrased it like that. I would have just said, “Let’s do it another time. Obviously, it sounds like your schedule is a little too complicated right now.”
She replied, “It’s not that I don’t want to, just that I’m lost and very busy.”
In other words, “lost” is her feelings. She lost her feelings and her respect for you. Because, again, you’re continually acting soft.
I replied, “Okay,” and she told me she would text me after 9 days when her construction work was over.
Three days went by. I was involved in the city politics by this time(she didn’t know this) where I saw her friends and exchanged a few words with them related to work. She called me that day and we talked for a few minutes, she told me that she wanted to see me the next day and we set a definite date. On the date I kept things light and didn’t talk about serious subjects for the most part but I slipped a few times.
Your game’s got to be tight, dude. You can’t be displaying weakness. You can’t be getting soft. She’s dumped you because you were too soft and too available. Again, he didn’t invite her over for dinner. He met her out somewhere, or picked her up or whatever, which again is the opposite of what I teach.
She hugged, was bumping into me at the sidewalk, was holding my hands and seemed to have a high interest rate. I kissed her gently and told her I had a nice time.
You should have made a date in the evening to make dinner together. So she comes over, and you could be doing this stuff in the kitchen, and then you could be seducing her. But instead you cave like a bitch and went and met her out. And you got a little kiss. “Oh, I had a nice time.” That’s not what you wanted. You wanted to plow her strawberry fields, but instead you got to go hang out with rosey palms and her five friends later. and hopefully some lubricant.
Later that day, she told me she missed being my girlfriend, it was so peaceful when she was with me, and everything felt just right when she was with me. I want to ask her out to be my girlfriend again…
No, you don’t. That’s not what you do. You should be following what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” You’re never going to ask her to be your girlfriend again. Your job, like I discussed in “3% Man,” which you should be reading 10 to 15 times, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun, to hook up. That’s why you don’t go out and meet her out. You went and met her out, but you didn’t get laid. You got one kiss and that was it. So lame.
That’s why making a date in the evening to make dinner together just cuts right through all the BS. She’ll either make the date and keep it, and come over, and you can seduce her ,as long as you follow what’s in the book. Or you can continue meeting her out and getting a bad case of blue balls. Meanwhile, after she leaves you, she goes and sleeps with some other guy who actually acts like a man.
…as she has dropped the hints, but is it the right thing to do?
No. This is why, again, you need to read the book 10 to 15 times. You don’t know the material and you’re making stupid, simple mistakes. Plus, the article “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” you should be watching the video ten times and you should be reading all of it. Everything’s laid out. It’s so simple, what to do.
Both of these cases are so easy to fix, but these guys just will not follow it. They just keep caving. Like the first guy, he said, “Don’t contact me.” And then he contacts her a few days later. Again, if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. It has nothing to do with hypergamy. Everybody wants to date up. Women don’t want to be with a guy who acts like a pussy. Simple as that.
I’m thinking of doing it when we meet next week on a date…
No. She should be coming to your house to make dinner.
…sticking to once a week dating rule for 60 days, as mentioned in the book.
Dude, this is your ex-girlfriend. You should be following what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” not treating her like somebody you just started dating.
Or should I just continue things without asking her to be my girlfriend?
You never ask her to be your girlfriend. That’s not in the book. It’s not up to you to ask her to be in a relationship. Your job is to just create the next opportunity for sex to happen, and all you’re doing is creating opportunities for blue balls to happen. And that’s on you, because you’re not following instructions.
At this point, I want to talk all day and night with her.
Again, this is what got you dumped, dude.
But I know that wouldn’t be the best thing to do and she will stop pursuing me again if I give all of the information on the phone.
The phone is for setting dates.
But I also feel like I will be pushing her away if I don’t talk on the phone often.
Bro, you’re basically saying, “Hey, I want to do more of what got me rejected and stuck with blue balls.” Oy vey!
Should I stick to going out on dates once a week as the book mentions?
You should stick to what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” says. That means she should be earning another chance with you, not the other way around. Therefore, 100% of the pursuing is done by her, three dates in a row, at your place, to make dinner together in the evening. And as long as you hook up all three times, then you can meet her out, you can pick her up, you can go to dinner or go bowling, or whatever it is you’re going to do.
Go miniature golf or go to Top Golf, whatever. Go do things like that after three dates, where she’s come over and you seduced her each time. But 100% of the pursuing from here on out needs to be initiated by her. When you hear from her, assume she wants to see you and make the next date. It’s really simple, dude.
I feel like I’ll push her away by sticking to this.
Dude, you already pushed her away by trying it your way. If you want to keep doing it, I 100% promise you you will get stuck in blue balls zone, no sex, while she’s sleeping with some other dude. Is that what you want? Hey, it’s your life. You do what you want, man.
I’m having a hard time trying to find a line between not being available and being available. How do I find a fine line where I don’t come off as being needy or being cold. What do I do from here?
You read the book 10 to 15 times and actually learn the material. If you’re trying to cherry pick, you might as well unsubscribe from my channel and go follow somebody else, because I can’t help you. I can’t help you unless you’re willing to change your behavior. If you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, you’re going to continue to get what you’ve always got.
Doing it your way, doing the opposite of what the book teaches, got you dumped. And this last paragraph is like, “Hey, Coach, what do you think about me just continuing with my failed approach? Do you think that’ll make her want me back?” Well, why don’t you try it. Why don’t you try it your way, and you’ll chase her out of your life to the point where she blocks you and just ghosts you completely. Because that’s where you’re headed. You’re doing the opposite of what I teach. But it’s your life, you do what you want. You do you, boo-boo.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.