Alpha Female
What an alpha female finds attractive in an alpha male, and how to make an alpha female submit to your leadership willingly and enthusiastically.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from the alpha female who is the girlfriend of the alpha male featured in my video coaching newsletter titled, “I Brought Back My Alpha.” She discusses what attracted her to her boyfriend and what he did differently compared to other men she rejected who wanted to date and sleep with her.
She shares how it was hard to let her guard down to become comfortable letting go, letting him lead the relationship and submitting to him to the point that she feels safe and comfortable enough to let him completely take charge. She also talks about some of her insecurities, the work they’ve both done on themselves, and how they push each other to be better teammates and lovers. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
*Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links. An affiliate link means I may earn referral fees if you make a purchase through my link, without any extra cost to you. Thank you for your support.
Dear Corey Wayne,
At this point, I am not sure if I should thank you or hire you as a coach myself. I’ve been meaning to write to you for a while now as my new partner has shared your work with me.
A lot of guys get in a relationship and ask me, “should I hide your book from her?” meaning How To Be A 3% Man, and I’m like, absolutely not. If you’re in a relationship, especially the latter third of the book, which is all relationship topics, those are great things for the two of you to read together, because it will help you both.
He speaks super highly of the ways you have helped him become the man he is today. He is the one who you did a video on called “I Brought Back My Alpha.” I am the alpha female he talks about winning over.
That was a great success story. He was one of those guys who reads the book 10–15 times. Those are the ones who tend to have the best success stories. That’s the thing that’s interesting about successful people. Successful people just find a way to do what’s necessary. They stick with things way longer than the average person does, because most people are extremely impatient. When they don’t get the results they want in a matter of weeks, sometimes days, they just fucking quit and they give up.
That’s just the worst thing you can do, because achieving anything in life, whether it’s getting into shape, losing weight, building a business from scratch, climbing the corporate ladder in your career, becoming really great in the dating and relationship world and being able to attract the best quality people, it’s going to take time and repetition. The reality is, you’re not going to read a book like mine and the next day go out there and start dating multi-millionaire super models and really successful women that have their shit together if you haven’t been able to hold down a steady job.
It’s a lifestyle change. It’s a mindset change. And just like working out at a gym, it takes time and repetition becoming competent at my books and what I teach. That’s why I say read them 10–15 times. When you read them 10–15 times, you understand the philosophy and the fundamentals. Guys that don’t do that, that are trying to cherry pick information from videos and take shortcuts, become robotic. Everything becomes like a chess match. Everything is like a game of manipulation, because they don’t understand the philosophy. They’re too lazy to take the time.
Success takes a long time. It’s not an overnight thing. If you’re building a business or building a great career from scratch, you’ve got to understand you’re looking at a minimum of a decade to really make it exceptional and for things to really take off. If you look at any great success story, whether it’s Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, there was a minimum of a decade before they got to the point where they had the kind of success where everybody noticed their success.
You’ve got to put the time in. There are no shortcuts to success. If you try to cherry pick information from the videos, you’ll get better and it will help, but if you want to have the kind of success that this woman and her boyfriend are having, you have to embody it. You have to apply it every day. It’s a mindset. It’s a way of thinking, of being, of showing up. Because each time you apply a little bit more and see that it works, it builds your confidence. It’s a process you have to go through every day. Remember, success is a process. In order to feel successful, you’ve got to feel like you’re making progress.
The reality is, 99% of the people that we are going to encounter in life are simply just not willing to do that. They’ve settled, they’ve given up, and they’ve quit on their dreams. Quitting is easy, but when you look at people who have quit and given up on what they should be focusing on, the results suck. You have a limited amount of time on this earth, so doesn’t it make sense to spend your time working every day to get a little better than you were the day before, go to the gym a little bit more, eat a little healthier, spend a little bit more time with the kind of people that you want?
If you’re not good at approaching women, or you’re just scared to talk to people in general, just starting conversations with strangers in an elevator or people you encounter on the street is going to help you get a little bit better. If your job sucks, you might have to apply to 50 or 100 different places, and each time you go on a job interview or talk to the receptionist at a potential employer, you’re going to get better on the phone. It takes time, repetition, dedication, and years of practice.
If I would have met him before he read your book and watched your videos, I am not sure if we would have ever ended up together. The timing of our relationship was pretty perfect as he described in his original letter. Both of us were finally balanced in our own lives and were ready to take on a fulfilling relationship. I truly believe he and I were meant to be together.
Remember, like attracts like. People who like the same things tend to like each other. You were already in your own life and your own way, working on preparing yourself and getting better just like he was, and eventually the universe brought you both together, so you were both prepared and it happened. Confucius said, “Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation, there is sure to be failure.”
If you want something exceptional, if you want something great, you’ve got to become great yourself. Not because you’re doing it for somebody else, but because you’re doing it for yourself. Great, successful, exceptional people have high standards, therefore, they want somebody that’s on the same level, or at least relatively close, and willing to work their way up. You have to be motivated.
Don’t be a white knight who’s trying to save everybody you come across. Men and women both do it. They find somebody who’s got a truckload of problems and they think, “I’m going to fix them.” A fixer-upper has to be self-motivated. If somebody doesn’t have a compelling reason and they don’t give a fuck about taking care of their body, if they neglect themselves, eventually they’re going to neglect you.
Before I met him, I did a lot of work on myself to be better independently. I was never amazing at relationships, because most of the men I found were not relationship material, so I had no experience besides saying no to men who wanted to sleep with me. I was great at being independent and an alpha female on my own, but not inside of a relationship.
As you become more successful, you attract better quality women, and you become a better quality man, the pool of women candidates that you’re willing to date is going to shrink, because you’re just not willing to settle and not willing to put up with bullshit. The same thing with friends. Life’s too short to hang out with miserable people who aren’t adding value to your life.
Both he and I are alphas in real life, and for both of us, this is our first real serious relationship. As you can imagine, two independent alphas both want to be in charge.
Absolutely. That’s a double-edged sword. If you’re a really successful guy and you want to date successful women, especially a woman who’s an alpha female, she’s used to getting her way with everybody. Most people submit and go with what she wants. And if you want her to submit and go along with you, as long as she’s normal and healthy, she will do that. But you’ve got to have your fucking shit together. She isn’t going to tolerate a pussy or a bitch-ass man who can’t get his shit together.
It took a lot for me to let down my ego and let him take leadership. I had no choice, because he showed me how great of a leader he can be, and I find it super attractive that he takes control in the relationship. He makes me feel secure and more relaxed, because I completely trust his plans and ideas he has for us.
That’s important. If you want a woman to trust your masculine core, you’ve got to be congruent with thing things you say. You’ve got to say what you mean, and you’ve got to mean what you say. And if she gets a little flaky on you, or tells you she’s going to do something and tries to not do it or make excuses, call her out on it. If you have high standards, you don’t start tolerating low standards. You want teammates. You want equals in your life, not only with your lovers but also with your friends, your family and your peer group. If you start settling in one area of your life, it’s going to spill over into other areas of your life. It’s going to get in the way and hinder you from your potential
He has done a lot of work on himself to be a better man, and because of this, he also pushes me hard to be better too. This is where I don’t feel super secure, because I’ll be the first to admit that I am not an alpha at relationships. However, he makes me want to get on his level, because I only want to build him up and not bring him down.
I like that. You’re humble. Like Jocko Willink says, “Be humble or you will be humbled.” In other words, you’ve got a weak spot in your life, you’re aware of it, and you talk about it freely and openly and admit it. The first step to fixing anything in your life is to admit you’ve got a problem or something you need to pay more attention to, because most people don’t want to acknowledge the problems they’ve got. They’d rather just ignore them. People do more to avoid pain than they’ll do to gain pleasure.
Women who have a low self-esteem or narcissistic tendencies build you up in the beginning, and then after awhile they’ll start constantly tearing you down. People who tear you down to their level are trying to make themselves feel better. Don’t fucking let them. Check them in a loving way.
A lot of guys are dating women they really should not be dating, and they’re trying to make up for a lot of problems women are bringing to the table, because they’re attractive or they have fun together or the sex is amazing. Remember, we make our decisions based upon our emotions, and we use logic and reason to justify our decisions. If you’re emotionally wrapped up in someone or something, you’ll bullshit yourself. You’ll tell yourself that it’s better than it really is, or that’s not such a big deal.
It’s after the infatuation wears off and the honeymoon period, six months or a year later, that you actually start to see things as they are. And by that point, you might be living together, you might be engaged, or you might be pregnant. You’ve got to really fucking pay attention. You’ve got to exercise emotional self control, because people can hide who they really are for about the first ninety days of a relationship. Remember that.
We both keep in mind that we’re on the same team and we can do anything together. I wish there were more women role models for relationships that I could learn from. What are the best unbiased resources for women in relationships?
If you want to follow some really successful, high achieving alpha females, I talk about this couple a lot, Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen. A great thing to watch is the “Tom vs. Time” docuseries on Facebook. And if you’re familiar with my book, How To Be A 3% Man, you can see the things that I talk about. She’s his fan and biggest cheerleader, and she’s always got a positive word of encouragement. He’s the same way towards her, because she’s very successful in her own right.
I think another good one to watch is David and Victoria Beckham. They’ve been together for a long time, both really good looking people, very successful, both multi-millionaires, and they’ve got a tight family. Listen to any interview and see what they have to say.
And I know people are going to fucking bitch, but Melania Trump is also another good one to listen to, and Donald Trump is an alpha as well. They have a pretty good relationship. They’ve been together for 20-something years. She’s a good woman to listen to. She’s elegant, she’s very supportive of her husband, she speaks her mind, tells him what she thinks, and lets the chips fall where they may. But at the end of the day, she’s his fucking teammate. She’s in his corner. The reality is, she knew what he was like. He’s a fucking bad boy. He’s not perfect, but she loves him anyway.
Another couple I think is pretty good to watch is Jessie James Decker, who is married to Eric Decker. He’s a former NFL wide receiver. They’re pretty religious, they’ve got a tight family, and family is really important to her. I’ve seen her in interviews. She’s be a good woman for you to watch and pay attention to hear what she says. They’re great teammates too.
And another couple I think are great are Noelle and Mat Best. Noelle is beautiful, she’s in great shape, and she likes guns. Mat, her husband, is a retired Special Forces guy, he’s got Black Rifle coffee, and they do a lot of stuff on Instagram. They post a lot of videos, and you can tell they have a great fucking time together. They work out together, they play together, they both act like kids, even though they’re adults and they’re successful. They’re Type A, alpha male and alpha female, and they’re a good couple to watch as well.
Thank you for your time and all your future help. My man and I have a lot of growing to do together, but I truly believe he and I are meant to be. He treats me like gold, and I would do anything to make him happy. Thank you, Corey for helping shape my boyfriend into the alpha man of my dreams plus even more.
Jessica
Thanks for sharing that awesome success story. You’re two awesome people right here. We’ve got his email success story, and his perspective on why it works, and now we’ve got your perspective, as his girlfriend, on why it works.
“An alpha female is beautiful, confident, successful, takes care of herself and is used to leading in all areas of her personal and professional life. She is not going to tolerate half-ass effort, weakness, shy or timid men. She knows her worth, wants a true equal and will not settle for less than she knows she deserves. She has her choice with men and wants a man who has choice with women. The only way to attract an alpha female is to be at the top of your game in all areas of your personal and professional life. Not being intimidated by her beauty and sex appeal, her confidence and to continually pass her tests of your strength to demonstrate through your example, that you are worthy. Only then will you exude the vibe and certainty that will make her feel safe and comfortable enough to willingly submit to your leadership of the relationship.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
